by D. L. Bogdan
“Pray for them, Lady Mirabella,” Father Alec urged her. “Pray for all involved. And you must be confident that whatever happens, even if it is beyond your understanding, even if you do not agree with it, is the will of God.”
Helped along by men, he added silently.
But it consoled Mirabella to the desired degree and she quit the room to indulge in her favorite pastime.
Father Alec excused himself to do likewise.
Unlike Mirabella, he did not pray for the preservation of the Church in England.
He prayed for continued change.
Cecily affected genuine cheer in Brey’s gentle presence. With him there were no complications. The rest of the household had sunken into general decline, save Father Alec, who scrambled to uphold a façade of normalcy in the hopes of preserving some semblance of happiness. Cecily did the same. She steered Brey away from unhappy introspection with games and smiles. They rode, they composed little songs and plays together, they lay awake in the nursery, talking and conspiring about the next day’s adventures till the sun began to filter through the bay window. Together they visited Lady Grace in her apartments, always an experience Cecily approached with a measure of dread and hope—dread that she must see the poor woman in such estate, hope that it had somehow improved. It never did. Though Brey was brave when he saw his mother, he cried in Cecily’s arms afterwards. Cecily always let him. She would never tell him not to cry. If Lady Grace were her mother, she’d have cried, too.
Lord Hal attempted to cheer them by taking them hawking and hunting. Cecily proved an archer unmatched in her abilities, earning admiration and praise by all. With Lord Hal the children also indulged in games of dice and cards. Brey challenged him to games of chess that the boy always won, while Cecily had the luck of beating Lord Hal at cards. Lord Hal, who made the effort to be in good cheer around the children, smiled and laughed. “Two little cheaters I’ve got!” he would exclaim at the close of each game he lost. He’d shake his finger at them. “I don’t know how, but wait till I have you figured out! Then we’ll see who emerges the victor!”
Cecily and Brey exchanged a triumphant glance. They would never let Lord Hal win if they could help it.
It went along like this, a little routine of emotional preservation and survival that the children had fallen into until the beginning of their early teens. And then one ordinary day, for a perfectly ordinary reason, everything changed.
Cecily woke up with her courses.
She knew what had happened. For weeks her tummy had been cramping, her back aching, and the two tiny swells that served as breasts hurt so much she could not even cross her arms. For a while she just lay there, contemplating her new status.
She was something resembling a woman. It was an overwhelming thought. She did not feel altogether grown-up. She had imagined that when a woman began her menses she received some kind of epiphany, as though with the ability to bear children came the innate knowledge of how to be everything woman. She was disappointed. There were no divine awakenings; she was, in fact, quite uninspired, hungry, and irritable.
Mirabella had been removed from the nursery years before for just this reason. This meant she, too, would be given her own chamber. Her nursery days were over. No more conspiring with Brey until the wee hours of the morning, no more behaving as the carefree child. Everything was going to change. She closed her eyes, squeezing back hot tears.
At last she called for Nurse Matilda, who cleaned her up and gave her instructions on how to care for her new plight.
“What’s happening?” Brey inquired upon hearing the commotion. “What’s going on? What’s wrong with Cecily?”
“Nothing!” Cecily and Matilda shouted at once.
The startled lad pouted and went back to bed.
Cecily, now cleansed and uncomfortable, quit the nursery.
She needed to be alone. She needed to think about womanhood.
“You will have to wear the proper corset now,” Mirabella told her after Cecily imparted the unhappy news of her ascendance to Venus. They were in Mirabella’s chamber, which was as unlike the nursery as a pup to a mule. There was a prie-dieu, of course, and several portraits of the Blessed Virgin, one of her holding baby Jesus to her breast, all surrounded in a halo of golden light, another of her alone with a sparkling rose. Cecily’s eyes were treated to an ensemble of saints and statues the like of which belonged at the chapel. She could not imagine why Mirabella needed the convent with all this about her.
Cecily’s thoughts were drawn from the décor to her own estate. A corset. Her shoulders slumped. She had not been looking forward to that. “I won’t be able to breathe. How will I play with Brey wearing a corset?”
Mirabella laughed, but it was full of affection. “Poor girl, you can’t play with Brey anymore, not like you used to. No rough-and-tumble, no children’s pastimes. You are to be reared as a lady now and if my mother chooses to remain too incapacitated to guide you then I shall have to.”
Cecily’s throat went dry. Her timid smile reflected a mingling of gratitude and dread. “I thank you,” she said in small tones.
Mirabella rose and in a flurry of black skirts went to her wardrobe. “Now! Let me see what I have. You’re such a willowy girl ... but I think I have some things you can get by on until we have you measured.”
Mirabella smiled at the girl, pleased that she had come to her. She was happy to have someone to take under her wing. Now that Cecily was unable to be coddled as a child she would have a proper ally. Mirabella rifled through her wardrobe until she arrived at some corsets she had grown out of and had failed to give to the poor. God must have meant for her to save them for Cecily.
“Here,” she said. “We should put it on you.”
“Now?” Cecily asked, eyes wide. “Today? But I am not going anywhere today.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re going anywhere,” Mirabella explained patiently. “You must always be a lady, modest and goodly as God intends.”
Cecily grimaced as she allowed Mirabella to dress her. The stiff shafts of wood that would confine and shape her body could be felt through the linen and they dug into her hips. Her breathing was restricted and her cheeks flushed as she struggled to modulate it.
“You’re thinking about it too much,” Mirabella said, resting her hands on Cecily’s shoulders. “Just breathe. You will grow accustomed to it. If you think about it, though, you will swoon.”
Cecily closed her eyes. Specks of light danced against the backs of her eyelids, or wherever her eyes went when she closed them. In, out, in, out. “It’s too tight,” she told Mirabella.
“It certainly is not. You will get used to it,” said Mirabella. “Just as we all have to.”
Cecily took a step with caution. Everything was different, from sitting to walking—she could not imagine what it would be like to ride a horse. She wanted to slouch, but the corset held her upright. She regarded Mirabella, who seemed perfectly adapted to wearing this torture device. At eighteen, Mirabella filled out her gown with a figure Cecily had caught the male servants gawking at. What could be glimpsed of the breasts peeking out over the top of her neckline revealed a fullness Cecily envied; the Gypsy-toned skin was soft and flawless. Her black hair, though pinned up in an unflattering chignon under a stiff black gable hood, was shining and splendid when she let it fall down her shoulders. In addition to her figure, Mirabella’s face bore a full sensual mouth, small, straight nose, and intense green eyes that shone with determination. She could have any man she wanted and still she chose God, Cecily thought wistfully.
“I know what you are thinking. Stop looking at me,” Mirabella demanded.
“What are you about?” Cecily countered.
Mirabella bowed her head. “You are thinking, ‘What a waste, Mirabella going into the Church when she is so beautiful.’ ”
Cecily gaped at her. She hadn’t wanted to be so transparent.
“I hear the servants laughing at me, the piggish things the men say
,” Mirabella told her. “You are just like them. You do not understand. I will be the bride of Christ, someone who will not paw at me and gape at me like some starved animal. Someone who will respect and cherish me for what is inside, for what is eternal, not for the beauty that will pass.”
“But Jesus ... well, he is not exactly here, Mirabella,” Cecily dared observe. “He can never be to you what an earthly man can be.”
Mirabella clenched the material of her gown in frustration. “Oh, earthly men—such worthy creatures! Haven’t you witnessed enough marital bliss for you to see what it’s really about? Look to my parents. Look at my mother, shutting herself away that she might drink herself to death. Look at my blustering fool of a father, eking out what little pleasure he can find in his cards and dice while losing his fortune.” She shook her head. “And there are others even worse off. I will not be in their numbers, made the wife of someone who will be ungrateful for the children I give him, someone who will use mistresses and whores while I keep his house. Look what joy marriage brought poor Queen Catherine of Aragon. Now she is banished and made Princess Dowager, pushed aside so King Henry can elevate a common whore.” Mirabella sighed and shook her head. “I will not be put last for anyone and you can bet with a man that is just what you will be. Maybe that is a life for some.” Mirabella shook her head emphatically. “But not for me.”
“Of course not,” said Cecily. For the first time she began to understand Mirabella’s choice.
“Of course you will never have to worry about any of that,” Mirabella said in gentler tones. “You’re marrying Brey.”
Cecily smiled. “Yes ... Brey.” She bowed her head, then. “It will have to be different with Brey now, won’t it?”
Mirabella nodded gravely. “Yes, yes, it will.”
Cecily suppressed a sob. She did not want it to be different.
Brey did not understand Cecily’s withdrawal. She did not chase him in the woods anymore. They did not tumble down hills or hide in haystacks and she always rode sidesaddle, never astride as she used to. And she sat so despicably straight! Mirabella must be behind all of this; Cecily has been spending an inordinate amount of time with her of late. And now she didn’t even sleep in the nursery anymore! Nurse Matilda told him she was a lady now and ladies must keep their own chambers. What did she know? He had heard Cecily fart before—she was a champion, for love of God! Who could hear that and call her a lady?
“I just don’t understand it, Father,” he told Father Alec when the two were riding alone one February day. Cecily was indoors doing some stupid thing that no doubt “ladies” occupied themselves with, so Brey took this opportunity to pour out his troubles to the caring tutor. “And it is not just that she won’t play most of our old games; she’s moody, too. She snaps at me and gets quite huffy like Mirabella. She never used to be like that!”
Father Alec laughed. “Cecily is at a crossroads, Brey; you must be patient with her.” He turned toward Brey as they slowed their mounts. They were riding in the snow-covered fields today, which glistened against the noonday sun, bright and blinding. The air was crisp but pleasant enough to enjoy.
“What kind of crossroads?” he persisted, annoyed. If he were at a similar sort of crossroads he’d be scolded no doubt.
Father Alec shifted in the saddle a moment, then cleared his throat. He shifted again. “Well ... er ... I’m surprised your father hasn’t made you aware of this, Brey, but there comes a time in a girl’s life when—”
“Oh, no!” Brey smacked his forehead with a chapped hand. “You don’t mean she’s—that she’s ... oh, repulsive!”
“So you have heard about it.” Father Alec chuckled. “If it is repulsive to you imagine how it must be for them.”
“I don’t want to,” Brey said with a grimace. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it. I suppose I could not really imagine something like that happening to Cecily.” He turned to Father Alec, his face perfectly straight. “When do you suppose she’s going to have the baby?”
Father Alec sat stunned.
This was going to be a long ride.
“He did it!” cried Lord Hal as he rushed in from a day of visiting friends, no doubt his pockets much lighter than before. “The king has wed Anne Boleyn in secret!”
Father Alec and the children had been dining in the solar when he burst in, flushed from wine and excitement.
“What’s more, she’s with child!” Lord Hal cried. “They think it happened when she went to France with him to meet King Francois.”
“Then it is over?” asked Cecily. “All the trials to undo his marriage to Queen Catherine, everything? Lady Anne is queen now?”
“She will never be queen.” Mirabella glowered.
“She will be and you best respect it,” warned Lord Hal.
Cecily smiled. “My parents knew the Boleyns. They would be pleased at her ascension,” she said, her tone reminiscent as an image of her parents swirled before her mind’s eye. She could not quite latch on to it. Their forms evaded her, their faces no more than smudged paintings on miniatures. She smiled away the thought as she anticipated the reign of the young, witty Anne Boleyn.
“Support who the king supports is what I always say,” said Lord Hal.
Mirabella shook her head as she quit the room.
Cecily surveyed the faces in the room, one a bright-eyed, golden-haired boy, the other a handsome courtier, the other a humble tutor, all of them so dear to her. As she looked at them she thought of another, the forgotten one, lying alone in her chambers.
And went to her.
“Lady Grace, I thought you would like to know the news,” she told her, ignoring the stench of the room as she sat at Lady Grace’s bedside. As discreetly as possible she averted her eyes so she did not have to look at the withered, yellow figure that lay under the covers.
“News?” asked the raspy voice.
“The king has married the Lady Pembroke—Anne Boleyn—in secret!” she cried, forcing cheer into her voice. “Isn’t it exciting?”
“I should be scandalized,” said Lady Grace with a weak smile.
“Mirabella is scandalized enough for everyone,” Cecily told her with a slight giggle. “But Lord Hal doesn’t seem to mind. Neither does Father Alec.”
“Father Alec has taken all of this quite in stride, hasn’t he?” Lady Grace inquired. “The break with Rome. Now this. It is interesting.”
“Interesting, how, my lady?” asked Cecily, who could not see anything unusual in it. Father Alec’s nature always seemed so affable and accepting of whatever fate doled out that it did not seem peculiar to her.
“A man of the Church accepting the will of a mortal king ... and such a peculiar will it is.” Lady Grace smiled. “He is a reformer.”
Cecily’s heart pounded. She knew the Church of England only differed from the Church of Rome in one way. It deferred to the king rather than the Pope. The Pope was referred to as the Bishop of Rome. Otherwise England was a Catholic kingdom; masses commenced as they had before the split. Anything else was considered heresy. Henry VIII, once called Defender of the Faith by the Pope, was a son of the Catholic Church. That matters of doctrine should cause this separation was said to have devastated him. Cecily began to shudder. England was not a safe place for reformers. The Church, under the king’s direction, was reformed enough. Those who opposed it fled or were executed.
“But, Lady Grace, it could be dangerous—”
Lady Grace nodded. “Which is why I won’t say a word. Who do I talk to besides? And why would I betray him whom I hold so dear?” She reached for her decanter, taking a gulp. Her chin was slick with liquid. Cecily retrieved her handkerchief and wiped it away, ashamed to be doing so, not for her own sake but for Lady Grace, that she had been reduced to this, that Lord Hal let her, and that there was nothing anyone could or would do about it.
“Maybe all these changes in the kingdom are a sign for all of us,” Cecily ventured with a nervous laugh. “Maybe ... maybe we all need
to change a bit. I know I have. Getting used to all these new undergarments—this corset!” She placed a slender hand to her belly and tried to laugh. “I swooned three times the first day I wore it!”
Lady Grace’s eyes closed.
At once Cecily was seized by an overpowering bravado she did not express save in the presence of Brey. She could not fight the words that came forth next. “Lady Grace, you must come out of your apartments now.” Her girlish voice was taut with urgency. She did not understand what emboldened her. Perhaps she was inspired by Anne Boleyn, a woman who got just what she wanted no matter if the world had to be set on its back for her to get it. Maybe it was being in the presence of the steely Mirabella. She did not know. All she knew was that if she did not intervene somehow, Lady Grace would die. She could not let her die.
Lady Grace’s eyes fluttered open. A lazy smile. “What on earth are you going on about, girl?”
Cecily took her hand. “You’ve punished yourself enough for your sins. You must come out now. You still do not have to leave your home, but at least come out of here. See Mirabella, what a beauty she has become. I know she does not visit you often—perhaps she is afraid.” Cecily drew in a breath, saddened that she must say it aloud. “It is frightening seeing you. Brey cries afterwards. Every single time.”
Lady Grace averted her eyes.
“Lord Hal is lost without you,” Cecily went on, hoping she was reaching her somewhere. “He probably does not know what to say or how to say it, but it shows in everything he does, in everything he does not say. It is not for me to know how it is between you and if you cannot come out for him alone I understand. Thus you must come out for us. I need you, too, Lady Grace. I am so overwhelmed with all of these changes. Soon I imagine we will want to begin planning my wedding to Brey. I know it will not happen for at least three or four years yet, but we should start planning my gown and I know you want to be a part of that—”
