by Amber Kizer
None of the pieces glowed, even as I picked them up. Their magic was gone. Some were slick with dark blood. “What’s that?” I pointed to a piece of rope where he stood.
Memories of Perimo’s followers flooded me. Perimo’s Believers trashed Auntie’s porch and left mutilated animals as warnings.
Tens moved off it as I bent down. “Don’t pick it up—”
It was still warm, and I quickly realized it wasn’t a piece of trash.
The roughly haired tail was pink as I held it up to the porch light. “It’s a tail.” Where the tail once attached to a body was jagged and bloody. “Someone yanked it off.”
Dead rats often appeared at my doorstep, along with possum, bats, and feral cats. They, too, sought out my window to the Light. But none knocked, vandalized, or left bloody tails behind. My thoughts turned immediately to the Nocti. Is this a warning like the desecrated animals Perimo left for Auntie in Revelation? Is it starting again?
Tens reached for his knife. “Stay here.”
Custos yapped and took off galloping down the street. In the distance, a cat’s howl was abruptly silenced.
CHAPTER 6
Juliet
“Kirian, I can’t understand you. What did you say? No, wait! Come back!” I awoke soaking wet with stinking sweat, repeating the same phrases over and over. “Come back. Come back.” Please come back. Let me save you. My voice hoarse, my throat parched. Tangled in a nightshirt and sheets, I noticed the streetlights from Main shone brighter than a night-light. Tony’s condo was within walking distance of Meridian and Tens in one direction and the littlies from DG, Bodie and Sema, in the other. He’d picked the location for me without my asking him to. I wish he’d ask me what I want instead of assuming. Maybe I want to move to Sydney or Honolulu, nearer the turquoise water of my good dreams. Everything and everywhere here extends my nightmares.
This bedroom (calling it “mine” tasted foreign) was much bigger than the closet, with its toilet paper and cleaning supplies, under the stairs at Dunklebarger. But while that felt like a cave, a den I escaped into, this one felt almost too abundant, too much, with its high ceilings and bright colors. Who is the girl who lives here? She’s not me. Its saving grace, though, was all the food aromas drifting up from the restaurants on street level. The charred, grilling meat and the greasy coating of waffle-cut fries from the burger shop across the street. Or garlic and tomato, mixed with the baking crusts, of the pizza parlor downstairs. A doughnut and frozen custard place opened recently and woke me in the wee hours with the scent of hot coffee and frying dough. I knew hours, every day, based on the food whiffs in my room. There was a rhythm, a pattern. By four a.m. I should be inhaling java and sugary glazes. Food brought me comfort and did more to make me feel normal than any of Tony’s reassurances and soft words. Doesn’t he realize that every time I look at him I am reminded of my dead parents? My unknown history?
Tonight I woke confused and unsure of my surroundings. Kirian was in my dreams. Again. He was back, confiding secrets in this bedroom. A room starved of the usual smells of foodstuffs. Instead, clouds of cloying sandalwood and patchouli choked out any oxygen. Only its sickly spicy scent clogged my throat, making breathing nearly impossible.
Air. I need air. Clawing at the covers and tossing pretty pillows aside, I rolled to my feet and stumbled to the window. I threw it open with such force I expected the glass to shatter. My lungs and stomach heaved as I gasped, leaning out over Main Street. Empty. Not a single soul. Deserted. Even the last of the bar patrons were tucked in at home and sleeping. Not me. Sleep came hard and in spurts of exhaustion.
I threw a leg across the sill and braced my back against the wall, much like I sat in my tree in the middle of the creek. I’m fine. I’d adapted to this new place and the new people. Or not. Slanting much of my body into the night air, I inhaled greedily, trying to recognize and orient. My eyes tried to focus on the merciful glow from the windows of art galleries below, illuminating colors from paintings and sculptures displayed behind clear panes. Even the clothing boutiques lit their windows, with textures and rainbows of real life, at all hours. Sweat dried on my chest and broke goose bumps along my arms.
The air was thick and tugged at me. Muggy. Heavy. What are you doing, Juliet? Pretending to be normal? To have moved on? What a joke. Wait till they see who you really are.
Where is Mini? She’d come to me less and less since my sixteenth birthday. As if she didn’t have a use for me anymore. As if I was supposed to figure this out myself. How? How do I keep going? Betray to protect? Save them to lose them forever? Panic gripped at my heart. At least they’d be alive to hate me.
My mind whirled in a million different directions. Breathe. Walk. Breathe. Think. DG is gone. Nothing worked to stave off anxiety. Eyes closed or open, I saw Kirian’s face tangled up in the ivy tendrils peering down at me. Haunting me. Why couldn’t he love me like he promised? What is wrong with me?
She was back. I sniffed the air, hoping for a scent of the familiar. No scents filled the air around me. Not a clove of garlic or a leaf of basil. Nothing. I swallowed bile as it crept up the back of my throat. I glanced at the clock. A few hours from dawn. I climbed back into my room. Dare I open the door to the rest of the condo? What if Ms. Asura’s out there? An irrational fear, maybe. Or not. She is everywhere I go.
I leaned my head against the slick white door; my hand hovered above the door handle. It moved. No, it didn’t. I gagged, tears slashing down my cheeks. Nononononononono!
Tony was helping at a shelter downtown. He’d told me to call him anytime. I’d said I was fine. A hollow laugh bubbled up. Fine? This is fine?
I picked up the phone. Started punching in the numbers to call him, confide my fears. I forced myself to press the first few: 3-1-7—
She’ll hurt him. She’ll hurt all of them. I can’t. I tossed the phone onto the bed and tugged on shorts over panties so new they didn’t feel like mine. A jacket went over my sleep shirt. I slipped into flip-flops. The messy bun on my head slipped low like it was trying to break free. I know the feeling. I yanked open my bedroom door and sprinted down the hallway, never slowing, flying down two flights of stairs. Grabbing the front door, I bounded down the outside steps without looking back. Made it. Now what? Run.
Main Street was quiet, except on weekends near the restaurants and bars. Tonight it was easy to slip between cars and duck onto the Monon Trail. I ran. My sandals slapped the pavement, sliding on my toes. I stopped to kick them off and ran barefoot. Go. Go. Go. Breaking out into a neighborhood, I cut between cars and driveways, across a road, then went the wrong way around a roundabout. Something sharp sliced my foot. Shit. Ouch! I didn’t stop moving. Pain equaled life. Mistress taught me many lessons at DG, but as long as I’d hurt, I’d known I was alive.
I galloped toward Rumi’s studio, the hanging Spirit Stones lighting up as if on a motion sensor. I’m a Fenestra. Special. I paused. Why me? Take it back. I don’t want it. Winded, I gasped to breathe past the sharp pain in my side. Rumi would pour me grape soda and tell me not to worry. Then he’ll die too. Leaves rustled and footsteps slithered in the darkness.
Someone’s behind me. Gaining on me. Rumi will get hurt too.
Move. Go! Go!
I stumbled back into a full run. Saw the twinkling lights of Helios and sped up. Skirting the empty tearoom and parking lot, I stumbled toward the guest cottage, where Meridian and Tens lived. The windows were dark. Where are the Spirit Stones? They were sleeping, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t care.
I heard Custos rumble a greeting as I tumbled against the front door. My throat burned; my muscles screamed in protest. Sweat from exertion and from fear dripped down my neck, my shins. I shivered. “It’s me, Custos. It’s me,” I whispered against the wood.
Tens opened the door, catching me as I fell against him. “Juliet?”
“Sorry. Sorry.” I sank to the floor, boneless, Tens unable to catch me completely.
Meridian grabbed my hand. “You’re
okay now. You’re okay. Catch your breath.”
Tens picked up a gun and moved toward the door. “Were you followed?”
“I don’t know where Mini is. I had a dream.” I puffed and tried to catch my breath. “I don’t know. I heard steps.” An army chased me.
Tens stepped away from the door and opened it farther. “Mini’s coming.”
Meridian pointed and I turned. Racing along the path toward the cottage was Mini, her long hair trailing behind her like wisps of moonlight. She sped past us into the house and leapt up on the kitchen table to sprawl. Her sides worked like a bellows as if she’d run a million miles to catch up to me.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” I whispered as Meridian pulled me into her arms. My Wildcat Creek felt too far.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Meridian tried to soothe me, but I couldn’t relax.
Nothing’s okay.
Tens popped the tab of a soda and handed me an icy can. Without checking, I knew it was grape, which always tasted better than water and seemed as necessary to us. I sipped, then gulped the sugary fizz.
“Where’s Tony?” Tens asked.
“Downtown at the shelter.” I straightened, away from Meridian’s arms. It was too tempting to let her hug me.
Tens swore and I felt the need to defend Tony. “He doesn’t know about the nightmares. I don’t need a babysitter.”
“This has happened before?” Meridian asked, her expression concerned and confused.
I nodded. I could almost hear her thinking that I should have told them sooner. They want me to tell them everything. They didn’t understand that Kirian and Nicole were my only confidantes. And now I had neither. Easier to say nothing than risk saying too much.
“These dreams, are they always the same? Do they change?” Tens knelt down on the floor with us.
Mini meowed and rubbed her head along my shins.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about them. About Kirian’s death. Of the look in Ms. Asura’s eyes as she fled into the forest. The calculation in her voice yesterday. Cunning. Rage. Revenge.
“I’ll let Tony know where you are.” Tens moved away quickly, flipping on more lights. He picked up his cell phone.
“Do you want to talk about it? It might help?” Meridian pressed, leaning into me.
“No.” I dropped the empty soda can and wrapped my arms around my middle.
Meridian paused. “Juliet? What happened to your foot? Where are your shoes?” She gasped.
I saw bloody footprints on the porch, and my foot was smeared with drying red. “Sorry.”
Tens brought out a first-aid kit. He started wiping the jagged wound with a wet cloth. “We should go to the hospital. This might need stitches.”
I stiffened. “No hospital.”
He nodded. “I’ll do my best, but this is going to sting.”
Meridian reached for my hand and pressed her fingers tightly into mine. “Want to hear a story about a potential Fenestra Rumi found in Indiana’s history?” She held eye contact.
She is trying. So hard.
Anything. I nodded. I didn’t tell them the pain felt like a release. A relaxation of sorts. A reminder of who I was and where I came from. Mini draped across my lap as if trying to accept a part of my burden.
Meridian shifted so she blocked the view of Tens and my foot. “There once was a woman named Polly Barnett who owned a farm on the western side of Indianapolis. She had a daughter who disappeared the night before her sixteenth birthday. The town searched but nothing was found. People speculated she ran off with a beau. Others say she headed east to pursue her dream of being famous. Although personally, it was around 1854, so it’s not like there were reality shows or Broadway, so I don’t buy this explanation.”
I smiled on cue, knowing Meridian was trying to change my focus and leaven the mood.
“Anyway, no one knows what happened to her daughter, but Polly took to the dirt roads and fields of central and southern Indiana. She walked them, calling for her daughter, asking people if they’d seen her. She walked the rest of her life, searching—fifty-four thousand miles.” Meridian paused. “That’s a lot of walking.”
I nodded. “She’s a Fenestra?”
“We think so because at some point a black cat walked beside her. And when people would get her to stop and rest, to eat or cool off, all Polly could talk about was windows and light and an evil darkness that took her daughter. I guess it didn’t take much of this talk to get people to stay the hell away from her. Eventually, only a few people would leave food out for her, but they all watched her walk the roads thinking she was possessed or broken by grief.”
Intrigued, I asked, “What happened?”
“One day, when she was an old lady, they found her dead, sleeping under a tree in the local cemetery. The black cat was right there with her until they buried her. Then the cat disappeared too. They put a stone on her grave with a cat on the top of it. We think we should check it out. Rumi’s trying to find out exactly where her farm was. Because if there’s any truth to it, then there were Fenestra and Nocti battling in the state before the Civil War. Maybe there are more of us.”
I nodded. All the story made me think of was my mother. Where is she buried? Why is she disfigured and wounded when I see her on the other side? What is her connection to Ms. Asura? Was she a Fenestra? Where’s my father? Is he even alive? I gagged again over the knot in my throat.
“I need to know my mother’s story,” I whispered. “Do you think Nelli would let me help go through the DG papers? Maybe there’s a clue there?”
“I don’t see why not. I’m sure she’d love the help. But we don’t know for sure your mother was at DG, do we?”
I shook my head. No, all we know is that she’s dead and stuck at the window.
“We’ll keep looking. I promise. We’ll figure it out.” Meridian sounded so sure.
“Done.” Tens finished wrapping gauze and a bandage around my foot and ankle.
“Thanks,” I said.
“No problem. Why don’t you sleep with Meridian tonight? I’ll take the couch,” Tens suggested.
Jealousy bit my cheek. “Where’s my Protector?” The words slipped out before I could stop them. I didn’t want Tens; if anything, he was an annoying older brother. But I wanted my own person for the middle of the night. Meridian didn’t face waking up from nightmares five times a night, alone. I slumped forward, dropping her hand and bending my leg back toward me.
Tens frowned. “I don’t know. I wish I did. I’m trying to remember everything I can that my grandfather told me.”
Meridian touched my back. “Auntie said not everyone has—”
“Do you smell that?” I asked. The sickly cloying perfume came in on the wind.
“What?” Meridian frowned.
Tens shook his head. “Meridian had a candle burning earlier.”
“Vanilla.” She nodded.
Nothing as nice as vanilla. I didn’t smell a candle. “I need to use the bathroom.” You’re not good enough for a Protector. That’s what they’re not saying. I couldn’t hear that I’d be alone. Alone for a lifetime? I simply couldn’t handle that tonight. Not with Kirian’s face hovering in my peripheral vision and my nose not working. Even here I smell nothing edible. Only that familiar perfume that stuck to everything in my past.
Meridian lifted her hand. “Okay, through there.”
They helped me to my feet and I limped over. I stopped at the door. “Thank you.” The words tasted of sawdust. I didn’t have words beyond thank you, which felt both awkward to say and inadequate. I wondered what my life would be like if they’d never found me.
“We know.” Meridian’s concern was blatant.
I tried to close the bathroom door, but Mini and Custos barged in. I splashed water on my face and drank mouthfuls, trying to rehydrate my throat. Not even the grape soda had slaked my thirst. Tears dripped down my cheeks. I didn’t bother to check them. I merely crawled into the bathtub; I yank
ed a towel from the rack to use as a pillow. I left the lights on. Nowhere is safe. She’s still watching. Waiting.
Custos carefully climbed in and lay down half at my back and half on top of me. Her breath whispered along my neck. Her weight and warmth loosened my muscles. Mini positioned herself like she used to, under my chin and between my arms, as if she were a living teddy bear snuggling me to sleep.
Someone cracked the door. “Juliet?” Meridian whispered.
I pretended I was already sleeping. She turned on a night-light and crept back out, flicking off the main fixture.
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, thinking about DG. About my task, my choices. Are there more kids out there? Anyone who escaped and made it out of her grasp? Can I shield those around me? No matter what I do, nothing good comes to people who spend time with me. My parents. The patients at DG. Kirian. No one and nothing. I don’t know what to do. “Tell me what to do,” I whispered against Mini’s throat, but she stayed silent.
CHAPTER 7
I watched Juliet and Tony pull away. Worry gnawed. She and I connected as Fenestra, but we kept missing each other’s hearts. “I don’t know what she needs,” I said to Tens. She slept in the bathtub instead of with me. Does she not trust me, even in sleep? It was hard not to take that rejection personally.
He shook his head. “She keeps everything so close I don’t know either. I wish her Protector would show up.” He smacked his fist on his palm.
I frowned. “You know that might not happen. If they weren’t together when she opened fully …” I let it hang. I’d hoped and prayed, beseeching Auntie, the Creators. Yet we’d been on our own during her birthday. I lifted up on tiptoe and kissed Tens lightly. His lips tasted of chocolate and peanut butter. He’d been with me for my change, and I wasn’t sure I’d have survived without him.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“For being here. For being you.” I smiled and traced his jaw as his face reddened. I’d learned he blushed with any mushy talk. Every time. Like the tickling, I will exploit those points at every opportunity.
