Lexi had followed Brenda all the way out to her car as she spoke and felt that she was in the grip of something bigger and more powerful than herself. Where the words were coming from was a mystery, but as Brenda started her car she leaned over to speak through the open window. "From now on, every bad or disappointing thing that happens to you in your life will be your own fault. You'll deserve it. It's called karma, honey."
With a final glare, Brenda sped off and Lexi drew in a deep, sweetly scented breath. Turning, she found Jay and Freddie behind her with huge smiles. Jay clapped slowly and Freddie dropped to his knees to kiss her feet. She laughed shyly at their approval.
"Get up, Freddie. You're embarrassing me."
"You're my hero," he gushed.
Chapter Eleven
Lexi woke with a sense of excitement on Friday morning and by the time she finished her first cup of coffee she realized she was looking forward to seeing Zoe. Once she understood the source, the anticipation was almost unbearable. She became more and more distracted as the morning wore on and she finally decided she needed to hear Zoe's voice. In a spare moment, she called Zoe's machine like an addict in search of a fix. To her delight there was a new message.
"Hello. You have reached the Zoe Hansen Fan Club Information Line. If you would like to hear a reading of Zoe's likes and dislikes as printed in the latest issue of Baby Dyke Magazine, press one. For a schedule of Zoe's upcoming appearances in your area, press two. If you would like to hear Zoe's inspirational Thought-for-the-Day, press three now. For a personalized expression of love and support, please call back after 5:20 this evening to speak with the Fan Club's icon or request a call back after the tone. If you just want to hear this message again, please hang up and call back as often as you like. Thank you."
Lexi felt her heart swell with love and she thought she might implode. She hung up before the tone and stood with her hand on the phone. It wasn't enough to hear her voice. She needed to see her. She couldn't reach her next appointment on the telephone, but she was able to reschedule the rest of her day as if it were meant to be.
A short time later she was closing up the shop, something she had not done in longer than she could remember, and changing her clothes. She thought about calling ahead, but didn't want to waste any more time.
Zoe's boss was in his office as she walked up to the counter and she waited for him to come out. "Is Zoe in today?"
"Yeah," he said curtly.
"May I see her?"
He reached over to a stack of papers and pulled out a work order.
"No," she said. "It's not about my car. It's personal."
"She gets off at five just like every other day."
Lexi stood there with her mouth open as he shuffled back into his office. When he totally ignored her, she went outside and looked around uncertainly. Glancing back into the office to make sure that Merle wasn't looking, Lexi slipped around the corner of the building and through the gate. All of the big rolling doors were up and Lexi peered into each one in search of Zoe. A good looking Latino man asked her if he could help and directed her further down the row when she explained what she wanted.
She found Zoe's legs sticking out from under a Lincoln and forced her racing heart to act casual. She walked over and crouched down next to the long legs. "How's it coming?"
"This bolt is a bitch," Zoe grunted. "I wish people would take better care of…"
Lexi smiled at the silence.
"Please, Lord," Zoe whispered soft and low, "don't let it be Cantina messing with me again. I can't take it."
Lexi wanted to cry at the loneliness she heard in Zoe's voice. She reached down and slid her hand over Zoe's leg. "Come out where I can kiss you, babe." When nothing happened, Lexi reached under the car and seized Zoe by the belt to drag her out. Ignoring the arms crossed over Zoe's face, she grabbed her by the shirt and pulled her up to a sitting position. "Look at me, Zoe. I was an idiot when I let myself be convinced to give Brenda a second chance. I don't know why I was so afraid-well, maybe I do, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that…I love you." Zoe buried her face in Lexi's shoulder with a single sob and Lexi repeated herself, "I love you," until Zoe was laughing and they were kissing.
"I have the afternoon off," Lexi told her hopefully. "I really shouldn't be away from the house today, but I couldn't wait anymore. Will you come over after work?"
Zoe kissed her again, still careful not to touch her with her greasy hands. "I can be there in an hour. Maybe less."
Lexi looked around quickly to see that they were alone and whispered, "I want to make love to you," as her hand closed over a breast. "If you're hungry, you'd better eat before you come over."
Zoe's eyes were closed and she was breathing shallowly. Lexi kissed her once more and ran back the way she had come.
~***~
Temporarily replete, Lexi lay with Zoe curled in behind her and talked. She explained everything that had happened and how she felt, then asked what Zoe thought about it all.
"You smell good," Zoe sighed. "And I love your hair."
"My hair is like a brillo pad, and that's not what I asked you."
"It's a halo of fire." Zoe slid her hand down to cup gently between Lexi's legs. "A veritable burning bush."
Lexi's nerves began to sing again. "You are avoiding me."
"On the contrary," Zoe said as she nuzzled the back of her neck. "I don't have an opinion yet. When I do, I'll let you know. In the meantime…"
Lexi persisted. "What about tomorrow? She's coming back."
"Do you want me to be here?"
"Yes, but I'm worried that there will be a scene."
"She's going to find out about us sooner or later," Zoe said. "It might as well happen in private. You know that she's going to spread the word, don't you? How do you feel about everyone knowing about us?"
Lexi lifted one leg and hooked it over Zoe's hip with a groan as two long, agile fingers slid inside of her. "I don't care who knows."
"All of the rumors about me will include you now," Zoe said as she rose up on an elbow. "You'll be my femme or they'll call you my bitch and we'll be having aberrant, politically incorrect sex. They'll think that the name of your shop means something more than it does. They'll say that I lied to you about my past and they'll feel sorry for you. Some will feel it necessary to clue you in before it's too late."
"Okay," Lexi breathed.
"You say that now, but it's hard when people avoid you because they think you're different or depraved. People will say things to your face that will take your breath away. How are you going to handle that?"
It was hard to think with Zoe's fingers stirring her insides like that. "I love you. I don't care what they believe." Lexi licked her dry lips. "That feels so good, just like that. Don't stop."
"There will be a lot of speculation about our sex life. They'll probably say that we're into S M and bondage."
Lexi brushed her hand over Zoe's mouth to stop her from talking as a steady, deep-seated pleasure coursed through her. "I don't care. Let them have their fun. We'll know the truth." Lexi had to stop for a breath between each sentence.
"You're so beautiful," Zoe said intently. "I can see how you feel and you're simply exquisite. You could stop now if you had to, but you're so close to needing it. I can make that happen," she offered. "I can hold you here for as long as you like or I can put you over the edge. Tell me what you want."
Lexi's entire being prepared itself for surrender. "Can you hold me…on the edge?" In moments she wasn't able to tell if it was Zoe's touch or her voice persistently crooning of love in her ear that made the feelings magnify so powerfully. She knew, in the far reaches of her mind that she was ultimately in control and Zoe would do whatever she asked, but she felt like a Stradivarius in the hands of a master. The more she relinquished volition, the sweeter the music played upon her body. When she heard Zoe's words, "Come for me, little one," it was the easiest thing in the world to comply.
"It must be you,
" Zoe said in wonder. "I know I've never been this good before."
"I find that hard to believe," Lexi said into her shoulder. "It's like you know what I need before I'm aware of it."
"You make it easy to know. The smallest thing makes you respond."
Lexi arched her back involuntarily as Zoe demonstrated. "Wait," she gasped. "Let me catch my breath first." Zoe obediently stopped and Lexi slid her own hand down to hold her there. "How long do you intend keep your hand here?"
"As long as you'll let me."
The phone by the bed rang and Lexi stretched out with her free hand to pick it up. "Hello?"
"Hey, pelliroja. Are you okay?"
"Sure, Freddie. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Your shop, it has been closed all day and not ten minutes ago I bruised my knuckles on your front door, but you didn't answer."
"You were knocking?" She looked up at Zoe's smiling face and knew it was true. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. I was…busy." Lexi slowly lifted her hips against Zoe's hand and was rewarded with a deep stroking.
"You are not sick?"
"I'm fabulous," she said carefully as Zoe's lips came to her breast.
"You are not sounding so good to me," Freddie said. "I will come to see for myself."
"No!" Lexi protested to the dial tone. "Crap! Get dressed, Zoe. Freddie's on his way."
Zoe rolled away and began to collect their clothes from the floor. "How long does it take for him to get here?"
"Five minutes, when he's on a mission."
They were barely dressed and still laughing at each other's frantic efforts to sort out their clothing when he arrived. With Cricket jumping at her legs, Lexi opened the door as Zoe flung herself onto the couch. "Hi, Freddie."
"You do not look sick," he said as he breezed into the room and froze with his eyes on Zoe. For one long heartbeat he was still, then he flung his hands up. "But, of course! Why did you not tell me you were making love?"
"When did I have the chance?" Lexi laughed and Zoe buried her face in a cushion.
Freddie dropped down next to Zoe. "So, introduce me to your Tu nuevo amor."
Lexi pulled Zoe up and sat possessively in her lap. "Zoe, this is one of my dearest friends, Freddie Azevedo. Freddie, this is Zoe Hansen."
"I love your hair," he enthused. "Who does it?"
~***~
By the time Jay showed up an hour later with pizza, Freddie and Zoe were like old friends. Jay acted like seeing Zoe there was the most natural thing in the world, but once in the kitchen he hugged Lexi clean off the floor. "I'm so happy for you, Lexi."
"Thanks, Jay. I'm happy for me, too."
After a simply delightful meal, they started emptying out drawers and clearing bookshelves in preparation for the next day's activities. Lexi's own disquiet at the magnitude of change that was about to occur took a backseat when she found Zoe with her head bowed at a bookcase. "What's wrong, babe?"
"Is she taking everything?"
Lexi looked around. "No. The table and chairs belong to my grandmother and I bought the refrigerator from her yesterday for a song. The nightstands in the bedroom are mine and so is the stereo. Then there's the books and knick-knack stuff. And, of course, the house is mine."
"She's cleaning you out," Zoe protested.
"It's her stuff," Lexi said lightly. "Besides, when it's all gone I'll really be free of her. Freddie's already offered to help me redecorate. At first I was scared, but now I'm kind of excited about it."
Jay poked his head around the corner. "What's up?"
Lexi put her arms around Zoe before answering. "She's just a little upset at how thorough Brenda's animosity is."
"She should have been here yesterday when you invoked karma on her. I know I felt better after seeing that."
"Invoking karma?" Zoe asked.
"It's kind of like a curse," Jay explained, "but without a backlash. It was very impressive."
"It just sort of happened," Lexi said with embarrassment. "She really shouldn't have called Zoe a floozy."
Zoe threw her head back and laughed. "Floozy? I'm pretty sure no one's ever called me that before."
"She didn't know who you were," Lexi smiled. Zoe's hands were rubbing her back and she didn't know if she would be able to let go.
Jay seemed to understand her dilemma. "I'm going to grab Freddie and we'll be back here in the morning about 9:30. Brenda should be here sometime after 10."
Lexi stayed right where she was as the men said goodnight and locked the door behind themselves. As soon as they were alone, Zoe picked her up in strong arms and silently carried her into the bedroom.
~***~
Lexi woke up in the dark and could hear Zoe breathing next to her. Moving carefully, she slid out of bed and padded into the kitchen for a drink. Cricket came to see what she was doing and Lexi scooped him up for some loves. She felt a little anxious about the coming day and she sat in the dark allowing herself the luxury of feeling without thinking about it. She didn't try to work anything out or understand herself; she just stared out the back door at the moonlit yard and let her emotions simmer. The mix of joy, relief, uncertainty, heartache and fulfillment made for a poignant blend and Lexi let the sweet ache of it reign for a time.
Eventually, her thoughts turned to the woman who slept in her bed. It was tempting to go in and wake her for more lovemaking, but she resisted the urge, opting instead to think of their future. There was no particular reason to believe that a relationship with Zoe would be more successful than the one she had shared with Brenda, especially since her judgment was currently impaired by passion, but there was a feeling about it that she couldn't explain.
Maybe it was the knowledge that Zoe had loved her and no other for most of her life. Lexi found it incredibly romantic to be loved so completely. She worried that she would fail to live up to Zoe's expectations, but that was to be anticipated in every relationship. Zoe probably worried the same thing about her. With a little frown, Lexi wondered what their first fight would be about and how they would treat each other. She hoped Zoe wasn't the type to say hurtful things only to apologize later, saying that she didn't mean them. She had known several people who fought dirty, including Brenda, and had never been able to believe that they did not mean every word they said. She herself was careful not to do the same as it hurt like the dickens when it was done to you.
Zoe's eating habits would take some getting used to as well. Lexi had watched her unobtrusively pick meat off the pizza Jay had brought earlier in the evening. She had shaken off the largest pieces as she picked up each slice and fed the rest to Cricket on the sly. She didn't have a problem with Cricket getting treats, but she wondered how much her own eating style would have to change. The idea of eating a steak or a hamburger in front of Zoe made her feel strangely ill at ease now. She knew that Zoe didn't want her to feel that way, but it wasn't something she had a handle on yet. She imagined it was probably how Zoe felt about smoking in front of her.
Lexi was very impressed with Zoe's determination to quit smoking. She made a point of not bringing it up since Zoe had explained that she didn't want Lexi to think of her as a smoker. Zoe had her own reasons for quitting that had nothing to do with her, but she still felt that Zoe was doing it for her. Consideration of her eating preferences seemed a small thing in comparison.
Feeling a little cold, Lexi poured herself the last cup of yesterday's coffee and put it in the microwave. While it was heating, she sneaked into the bedroom for her slippers. Moonlight angled across the bed and illuminated Zoe's back with quiet blue radiance. After a long and pleasurable look, Lexi carefully arranged the covers over her and pulled the door almost closed.
On her way back to the kitchen she picked up a shoebox full of photos from her life with Brenda and placed it on the dining table. With a small desk lamp and her coffee, Lexi went through the pictures with a mind to what she wanted to keep and what she was willing to let Brenda have.
Sorting through the pictures was a little like judgi
ng the contents of the ocean by the debris that washes up on the beach. A snapshot of Brenda with her broken foot up on a cushion seemed self-explanatory, but described none of the frustration she had suffered at not being able to finish out the year on the softball team. And the picture of Lexi dressed as a Teletubbie for Halloween disguised how incredibly angry she had been at Brenda for spending an hour on the phone with a psychic. Not to mention the picture at the park where they both looked bored almost to death, but was, in fact, taken less than twenty minutes after having made love in the back of a friend's pick-up truck in broad daylight.
Lexi stopped to get a napkin to dry her tears and started a fresh pot of coffee while she was up. Some of the pictures made her smile and some made her angry. Cricket's baby pictures were in the box and she set those aside for herself along with a number of shots of Jay and Freddie. Polaroid's she had thought destroyed long ago from a weekend in a Bed and Breakfast upstate she quickly cut into tiny pieces and threw away. She prayed that Brenda didn't have a stash hidden somewhere.
Christmas mornings, birthday parties, rainy days, cultural events, portraits, charity benefits and surprise shots-all found a place in one pile or another. Lexi put Brenda's pictures back in the shoebox and placed it with the rest of her things. The pictures she wanted to keep she put in a large envelope and placed with her books. Everything else went into the trash. Feeling as though she had finished grieving for what was good in her relationship with Brenda, Lexi poured herself another cup of coffee and went into the bedroom. Zoe had scarcely moved and Lexi sat down in the reading chair to watch her sleep. The covers had slid just far enough to let her see one shoulder and she used her mind's eye to draw in the rest.
Pride and Groom Page 16
