by K. F. Breene
“You won’t. But with war comes memories of destruction. With peace, and love, come memories of the good moments. They there, but when you cut off possibility of loving another, you also cut off memories. You are locking yourself up with worst your past has to offer, instead of allowing new experiences to help heal.”
Shanti let her gaze drift back to Tomous. To his strong arms and sturdy shoulders. His body would be warm and willing. Eager, as Rohnan said. As would hers. But that wasn’t what Rohnan was talking about. That was a physical distraction. The intimacy would evaporate come the morning. The feeling would dissipate as the sun and reality peeked through the windows.
“But a pleasant distraction,” she said as she pushed aside her pang of loss and focused on the moment. Her smile returned, if a little forced. “I don’t want to meet Master Wonderful with rotted equipment, after all.”
“There you go. Welcome back to body of my sister.”
Shanti laughed as Cayan stepped up with a straight face. A small crease formed between his eyebrows as he glanced at her. A moment later his gaze lifted to Tomous. “Ready?” he asked with a rough voice.
“Will we fit?” Shanti asked, starting forward.
“All of us, yes. Your furs are already there.”
Rohnan chuckled darkly. “Does the Captain not like to share? I hope that doesn’t extend to men…”
Shanti elbowed her brother as they made their way to the clearing. The answer was no, Cayan didn’t. Luckily, it wasn’t his decision to make. This time her choice wasn’t his to rule as Captain. He could do nothing to stand in her way.
Chapter Eighteen
The wood as a whole was dense, but there were plenty of small clearings with soft flowers and grasses underfoot to spread out. Many of them were largely undisturbed. Shanti took a deep breath, letting the natural environment soak into her Gift, rejuvenating. She felt Rohnan beside her, doing the same. Cayan walked to the far side of the clearing.
“Okay,” she said, opening her eyes. Cayan faced off with her, his large body loose and ready to move. “Looks like you’re ready to fight.”
“We’re fighting with mental power, correct?” Cayan clarified.
“He’s anxious. He’s holding his Gift with every ounce of his control. He’s suffocating it,” Rohnan murmured.
“He’s not going to tell me what he feels?” Cayan asked as he glanced at Rohnan.
“No. I’ve learned that telling you what you’re doing makes you do it even harder,” Shanti explained.
“Too bad you haven’t given in and had sex with him—I bet you’d tell him exactly what he was doing. Over and over again.”
“Death’s playground, Rohnan—you might visit two women tonight. Your mind is unraveling.” Shanti shook her head to try and dislodge the image of Cayan’s body over hers, as her imagination applied details she didn’t want to envision.
Rohnan started laughing and said, “I’m not the only one. You too busy feeling sorry for yourself.”
“Oh, shut up.”
“Are you two done with playtime?” Cayan asked, impatience radiating from him.
“See?” Shanti muttered to Rohnan. “You’ve gotten us in trouble.”
“You should be used to it by now,” Rohnan responded with a smile.
She felt like a kid again with Rohnan. Unfortunately, Cayan was not amused by that fact.
In a firm tone she didn’t necessarily feel, she said, “Cayan, you are already accessing your Gift, which is good. It’s more natural to you than it was, but you’re only working with a small portion of it. There are two milestones we have to cross. You need to work with all you have readily available. I do not mean all you are capable of working with, I mean what you are comfortable working with. Once you can do that, and I’m hoping we can do that quickly, you need to learn to access that deep well within you and use all you are capable of working with. Do you see the difference?”
“Understanding what you are saying, and accomplishing what you are saying, are two different things,” Cayan said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“He’s starting to feel helpless. He doesn’t understand something—probably this deep well you speak of.” Rohnan drifted toward the side of the clearing and sank down into a cross-legged, seated position. “It is tied to something highly personal. Something old, I’d wager. Something to do with insecurities.”
“I’d like to know what he’s saying.” Cayan said in an even voice, but Shanti could hear the tightness in the words.
“No, you wouldn’t,” Shanti replied. “He’s done this to me—he’s done it to all the advanced fighters. He’s pointing out weaknesses we hide from the world. I’m sparing you.”
“But he’s telling you.”
“Fight him, Chosen. Charge him. He doesn’t like admitting to weaknesses, let alone having others hear of them. Distract his mind and body, both. Hard and fast.”
“Shanti—”
Shanti cut Cayan off with a quick stab to his unprotected and unsuspecting mind. She ran at him, and twisted. She envisioned slapping his face then punching his stomach as she reached him and kicked out toward his head.
His shields went up as the kick landed, flinging his head back and making him step back a pace. Shanti backed up and stood in a ready pose, waiting.
“I wasn’t ready for that,” Cayan admitted with a furrowed brow.
“Is that why you let me kick you in the head? And here I thought you were being chivalrous.” Shanti gently poked his shield. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”
“Were you using full power?” he asked as he hesitantly dropped his shield. His shoulders were tight and his arms flexed. She’d unsettled him.
“No. Maybe half.” Pausing with a thought, she relaxed and glanced at Rohnan. “Those that had mated power in our village, did they—”
Her words cut off as a fist neared her eye. She jerked back, the punch barely missing her cheek. Without thinking, she blast out in a focused beam of mental ability. It hit Cayan’s mind like a shot from a bow. It then trickled down, covering his body in invisible acid.
He patted at his chest before realizing what was happening and, with effort, put his hands to his sides. Thick cords of muscle flexed down his body. His large shoulders rolled and his defined chest showed through his light training shirt. The strictly feminine part of her brain took in every detail. The receding warmth in her core roared back into life.
Flushed, Shanti cut off her Gift and ran her hand over her face. “Sorry.” She backed away with a shaking head. “You startled me.”
A crooked smile tickled his lips. His dimples made soft imprints in his cheeks. “Full power?”
“Full power would have killed you,” Rohnan said, staring at Cayan with squinted eyes. “You show pride in her ability.”
Cayan shrugged. “Of course. She’s on my side.”
Shanti looked at Cayan seriously. “Can I ask a question without you trying to take my head off?”
“If you make it quick.” He winked at her.
Unsettled, and having no idea why, she turned to Rohnan. Watching Cayan out of the corner of her eye, not sure why he was chuckling, she finished her question. “Did those with mated power connect to the higher power even when fighting each other? Or does that work against the training?”
Rohnan was still staring at Cayan. “It work against training. You might as well tell the other what you intend.”
“Oh, so it’s like fighting you, then.”
“Worse, because I do not know what mental assault you intend, I just know you intend something light or terrible, depending on level of frustration. If you were to connect with Captain, he would know more precisely what you intend. He would not get the practice of battling in real time with surprise encounters.”
Cayan held Rohnan’s stare, the smile dwindling from his face. He didn’t like being the subject of scrutiny. “He’s speaking well compared to a few days ago.”
“We both learned this language in our studies—h
e just needed to get the feel for it again. He learns extremely fast. He hasn’t really gotten a handle on the slang yet, though.”
“Unlike you, who embraced it before even knowing correct sentence structure?” Cayan’s playful smile was back.
The man was serious one moment, and lighthearted the next. She had no idea what prompted the mood swings. “Yes. Slang is more fun.”
“As are dirty words?” Cayan circled her. His eyes turned hungry.
“Naturally.” She remembered their sparring after the battle with the Inkna. Before he’d kissed her.
Her face burned red and a light sweat broke out on her brow. She remembered his playful teasing of her anatomy with his Gift and how good it had felt. It was not helping her already excited female anatomy.
“Fight him, Chosen,” Rohnan said with laughter in his voice. “He’s not only one who is trying to hide his weaknesses.”
“He’s irritating, isn’t he?” Shanti growled before she lunged. She hammered a fist into his stomach and blocked a punch to her side as she danced out of his grasp. He had more strength and a longer reach—she had to stay vigilant not to get caught inside.
She swept the ground with her foot. He jumped over and threw a fist down at her side. She rolled away, hopped up, and stabbed his mind. He accepted the pain as he stepped forward. His elbow smashed across her jaw.
She put more power into the next mental thrust. She took two quick steps into his arms, gave three solid punches as her mind hammered his, before throwing her fist upwards toward the underside of his chin.
His head snapped back and her fist sailed into the air as his arms came around her. Ripping her fist back down, she landed one solid punch before he brought her into a tight bear hug, holding her body against his. Her arms were caught against his hard chest while his encircled her like steel bands.
She tried to head-butt him. He straightened up and leaned back so she could only reach the top of his chest. She stomped on his foot, which did nothing, and then stomped on his inseam, which did little more.
A warm feeling started to run through her body and pooled in her core. Shanti gritted her teeth as that spicy feeling flared to life within her middle. Her power started to simmer. More heat filled her body. Her core throbbed. It felt like a warm, wet mouth was enveloping her tight nipple.
“Oh…” she moaned. It hadn’t been intentional.
Mortified, core pounding, desperation welled up. She leaned to the side until he had to step with her to hold her weight, and then shifted back with a thrust of her knee. At the same time, she focused most of her power into the form of needles. He wanted to fight with sex, she’d fight with pain.
Her knee struck his inner thigh, right next to his manhood. Millions of sharp, painful pricks pummeled his body. She reapplied the acid and coated that with fire.
His arms tightened around her in reflex. His body bent, as though trying to bring her in and shield her. His cheek glanced off hers, scratchy with stubble. Every muscle on his frame flexed, flush against her body. His grip tightened as his body wrapped around her protectively.
“His impulse is to lash out as he did earlier today when we were under attack, but he doesn’t want to hurt you,” Rohnan said in analysis. “He is trying to protect you from himself, and he is taking the pain to do so. The pain is torturing him, but he will not relent. He will die before he strikes out against you—all my fears were unfounded. You were right. We must subject him to this a little longer. Try to access that hidden place, now. He’s open to you. Do not uncover it; just assess it so you can find your way back to this willingness.”
Shanti sank into his body—not because it would help, but it was impossible not to. She closed her eyes as muscles flexed around her. Winding into his Gift, she connected with her power’s mate. Their power soared higher, amplifying her assault. She drew back on it at the hitch in his breath and the low groan.
“Too much, Chosen,” Rohnan warned.
He welcomed her into his mind, wide open to her presence, as Rohnan had said. She sank in deep, and then felt a moment of fear as he wound her within his mind so deeply, so tight, she felt like she was a part of him. The world dropped away as she felt the pain she was causing him; needles dug into her body, causing flashes of excruciating agony. Clenching her teeth against it, she let him suck her so deep she felt like she was drowning. Emotions stolen from him flitted around her—fear that they were headed to their death, passion and desire for the body held close, compassion for her and Rohnan’s plight, and a deep, resounding love for his city and people.
Taking a deep breath, she focused on that block, so obvious now that he was allowing her full access to himself. She felt the raw pain around it and the intense, soul-crushing suffering of losing his mother. His father’s death scarred him, plunging him into isolation. She felt the effects of his constant struggle with loneliness, having no equal in position or physical ability. He’d taken his position so young—before he was even a man—and still felt the burn when people pointed out his mistakes. His inexperience. His inadequacies.
He never thought he’d be good enough.
Understanding and compassion welled up inside her. The physical pain she felt dropped away. It no longer mattered because she understood his suffering. She’d struggled with it constantly, herself. And when she reached one milestone, it seemed there was always another so far away. Another title she was burdened with. Another problem she had no idea how to solve.
She cut off her attack. Mentally, she wrapped herself around him protectively and tried to settle her power on that ache, so old. She tried to cover his fears and his loneliness with herself—to soothe it away.
The blockage vanished. The world went dark. A surge of power so pure, so intense, rose up around them like a flood.
“Oh no,” she heard herself mutter. It sounded like a distant echo.
“Control it, Chosen. Control it!” Rohnan’s panicked voice drifted through her conscious.
Cayan shifted as his power boiled in him and spilled over into her through their connection. Like flame to paper, his power flared within her, singeing her awareness and turning that spicy simmer into a pleasure-filled burn. Still the power rose. Engulfing them. He shifted again, releasing her hands. Instead of fighting, though, she held on. She clutched onto his back, squeezed her eyes tighter, and feeling the deep undertow of power that sucked at her consciousness. It moved in slow but strong currents. Like a huge beast, it crouched between them, its depths cavernous.
She tried to work it like her own, shaping and directing, bending it to her will, but its mass was too great. Too cumbersome. And still it built. Using its mate, the power merged and brewed, rising up. Overrunning Cayan. Pulling at Shanti.
This power wasn’t made for dexterity. His wasn’t the same as her Gift, maybe no two Gifts were the same. It certainly didn’t work the same.
Fear tingled up her spine as the power kept growing. It poured out of him, into her in an ever-faster flowing torrent. They weren’t ready to work with this—and it would have to be they. It was too big for Cayan’s limited skill alone. Too extensive. This power could only be used to destroy. To demolish. There was no picking out an individual, he could only choose a direction and expel the shock-wave. She was the lightning, he was the thunder. Together they were a force of nature itself, so beautiful, yet full of unpardonable destruction.
The burning sensation within her amplified as she held onto his power with everything she had. Tears dripped down her face from stinging eyes. She clutched onto his shirt. Fire licked her skin.
The power was eating them up. Without release, it would kill them both.
Desperate, her mind racing, she pictured their surroundings. If she tried to throw it upward, it would mushroom out and hit everyone around them. Rohnan would surely die, and so might some of the others. Instead, clutching onto her last resources of control, she tried to smother the rolling, churning power of Cayan with her Gift and seek out an area without human life. Min
ds flared into a crystal clear mental image. The power boiled. Her skin felt like it was melting off. Her mouth went dry as her vision went black.
She picked a direction and EXPLODED.
A hurricane of power tore from her and Cayan and rumbled the ground. It blasted through the trees, singed the air, and killed any animal life in its path. The torrent sucked out of her middle and extinguished like a candle in a windstorm.
Their panting breath sounded through the silence. They stood in an absence.
Shanti still clutched onto Cayan, shaking. Staring with wide eyes at the green around them, her hard inhalations rang in her ears.
She felt movement from the warm body pressed tightly against her. Hardly able to think, she watched his chest get further away and felt fingertips on her jaw. Pressure had her lifting her face and blinking up at the soft blue eyes of Cayan. His high cheekbones and straight nose lent a beauty to his features that was made more masculine by his strong jaw and the small cleft in his chin.
She had one second to marvel at how much more handsome he was than Tomous when his shapely lips came down and connected with hers. Her eyes drifted closed as he opened her mouth with his. His tongue flicked and played before he tilted his head and deepened the kiss.
What started light and engaging turned deep and passionate. Her heart hammered and butterflies swarmed her belly. Fear lurked two steps behind, though. The feelings he called up—deep and consuming—reminded her of all she’d lost. Of how much more she had to lose.
And the guilt…
Shanti put her hand to Cayan’s chest and pushed. He resisted for one moment, before relenting. He broke their kiss with a lingering parting of lips before stepping back. His pupils were dilated and eyes so deep they reached right down into that place where she’d found all his pain. The place he didn’t admit entry to anyone, save her.
