by Jill Shalvis
“That’s incredibly generous of you,” Cora said and hugged her tight. “I knew I picked right when I found you,” she said softly. “You’re truly amazing, Lanie.”
Lanie did her best not to stiffen, instead patting her boss awkwardly on the arm. When Cora pulled back, still looking unbearably touched, Lanie smiled a smile that she hoped reached her eyes.
“It is incredibly generous,” River said, looking floored. “But I can’t take it. I can’t take a penny from you.”
“Then think of it as coming from Kyle.”
River was still shaking her head, her eyes lit with pride and a sheen of tears. “You’re a good person,” she said. “But it’s more than I deserve. You were his first wife, Lanie. You’re entitled to the money. I’m not.”
“Don’t be ridiculous—”
River’s chin came up. “I’m a lot of things,” she said. “Pregnant. Too trusting. Maybe not as smart as I should be. But one thing I’m not is ridiculous.”
Lanie nodded and then shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She headed to the door.
Mark caught her. His hands came up to her arms and he cocked his head to see into her eyes.
She’d been an actress exactly once. In her freshman year of high school she’d played the part of Rizzo in Grease. Her entire repertoire was fake smiling. She’d sucked balls in that play, but she’d gone for Oscar gold anyway.
And she did so now too, doing the fake smile, including teeth and everything.
Mark studied her for a beat and she knew by the look in his eyes that her acting was still bad, that he could tell she was full of crap, not forgiveness, that she wasn’t being nice at all, but self-serving. And he was going to have to be okay with that because this is all she had to work with. “Excuse me,” she whispered and hightailed it out of there.
MARK STARTED TO follow Lanie out, but his mom stopped him. When he looked at her, he knew he wasn’t going to like what she had to say.
“I’m worried about Lanie,” she said softly when she’d pulled him aside so neither River nor Holden could hear her. “I had no idea. No idea what she’d been through.”
That made two of them. Mark had known her marriage had been rough but he hadn’t known how rough.
“I’m afraid tonight will be the excuse Lanie needs to seal the deal on her not taking the contract extension.” His mom shook her head. “I figured I had time to persuade her, but now . . .”
Lanie was a lot of things—caring, loyal, sweet, kind, smart as hell, and amazing.
And also incredibly private.
She’d hate that they all knew what she most likely considered to be her deepest, most humiliating secret. He just hoped she wasn’t packing her bags even as he thought it. “I’m going to go talk to her. You got this?” he asked, meaning River.
His mom nodded. “Of course.”
In the hallway, Mark came across his favorite heathens and scooped them up. “What are you two doing? Thought you were with your great-grandma baking.”
Which they clearly had been, given the twin smears of chocolate across both of their mouths.
“Daddy! Great-Grandma made chocolate chip banana muffins,” Samantha said. “They’re for tomorrow.”
“So why are you wearing them tonight?”
They laughed and Sam explained. “See, Sierra here hadn’t ever tasted chocolate chip banana muffins and she wanted to know what they tasted like.”
Mark looked at Sierra, who shook her head.
“Okay,” Samantha said. “So I wanted to know.”
Sierra nodded her head.
“So we sneaked back into the kitchen for a taste, even though they were still cooling off. But it was a good thing,” Sam said. “Because Lanie has a sad. She needed a muffin too.”
“You saw her?”
“Yep. We just gave her a muffin. It’ll make her feel better.”
Sierra nodded.
“Did she tell you why she was sad?” Mark asked.
“No, she said she just needed hugs from her two favorite little girls in the whole wide world,” Samantha said. “So we gave her lots of hugs.”
Sierra tugged on Samantha’s hand.
“And kisses too,” Samantha added for Sierra.
Another nod from Sierra.
Mark brought the girls to their room and supervised a round of face-washing and teeth-brushing, trying not to get impatient, but the only thing slower than these two would’ve been a herd of elephants wading through peanut butter. When they were finally cleaned of all signs of chocolate, he set them up coloring in their favorite coloring books.
“Are you going to go give Lanie hugs and kisses too?” Sam asked. “’Cuz I think she needs ’em.”
Sierra nodded.
He stared down at the two sweetest, most loving beings in his life and wondered how the hell he’d gotten so lucky as to have them. “I was on my way to see her when I found two munchkins wandering the hallway.”
This caused some giggling, but then Samantha got serious. “She said she was fine, but Daddy, I think it was a fib. You know, the kind that you tell Nana sometimes when she wants to know if you’re okay and you’re not but you say you are anyway?”
“Samantha,” he said on a soft exhale. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re too smart for your own good?”
“You, Daddy. You tell me that all the time.”
He went to leave, but stopped when he saw a pink sparkly keychain on the nightstand. “What’s this?”
“It’s Lanie’s extra key.”
“I know that,” he said. “What I don’t know is why you have it.”
“She gave it to us a few days ago. Said as long as we weren’t running from doing something we were supposed to do, and as long as someone knew where we were, we could come in anytime.”
Mark’s chest tightened. Lanie’s protective layer was thick, but it was no match for his girls, who were like windows into her soul. It was through their eyes that he was slowly discovering just how deep he’d fallen for her. “Why?”
“Because everyone needs a place to hide sometimes, Daddy. And sometimes, Lanie says, it’s not a place you run to, but a person. She said that she knew we had you and Nana and everyone else, but that she’s also our person. If we ever need her.”
He nodded, and speechless, he kissed them both on the forehead and left, pocketing Lanie’s key.
Everyone needed a place to hide sometimes. Lanie knew that better than anyone. Only . . . where did she go to hide when she needed to?
And who did she talk to?
He wanted to be that person. He hadn’t seen it coming—he hadn’t seen her coming—but that didn’t mean he couldn’t recognize a good thing when he saw it. A great thing. They were amazing together, and instead of complicating his life, she’d added to it. Improved it.
Already he couldn’t imagine what it was going to be like when she left.
The night was noisy. A light wind rustling the trees. Insects buzzed. Something howling in the distance. But luckily he ran into no other Capriottis between the big house and the cottages.
Lanie’s lights were off and the shade drawn, but that didn’t deter him. He knocked and when she didn’t answer, he let himself in. The bathroom light was on and the shower was running. He stood there a moment, taking in the pulse of the place, and knew without a single doubt in his heart that she was in trouble.
He shut and locked the door behind him and moved to the bathroom door, where he again knocked.
Nothing.
“Lanie.” He put a palm on the wood. “You okay?”
More nothing.
Shit. “I’m coming in.” He opened the door to a room shrouded in steam. He found Lanie in a ball in her shower, sobbing as if her heart had been broken all over again.
The dam had burst.
He stepped into the shower fully dressed and picked her up. “I’ve got you,” he said gruffly, feeling her sorrow to the depths of his soul as he wrapped her in his arms. He sat on the tub’s edge with he
r, rocking gently, running a hand up and down her back, waiting the storm out.
“I didn’t want you to know how pathetic I was, that my husband needed more wives than just me.”
Anger burned through him for her as he tightened his grip into a hug. “Lanie, I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t even know until they started showing up after he died.”
His heart broke for her. “Are you sure he’s dead? ’Cuz I could kill him for you.”
She choked out a soggy laugh. “I feel like an idiot.”
“You’re not. You’re one of the smartest, most amazing women I know.”
She lifted her head to meet his gaze and a few strands of her wet hair stuck to the stubble on his jaw, but neither of them moved. They sat there like that until the water started to chill. He reached forward and turned it off, then stood up with her still in his arms. Stepping out, he wrapped her in a towel the best he could without letting go of her.
“You’re wearing clothes,” she said.
“Yes.”
“You’re all wet.”
“Yes.”
She sighed and set her head back on his shoulder. “That was dumb.”
Yeah. He’d done a few dumb things as it pertained to her. He squeezed her tight and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She sniffled against him, clearly trying to stanch the flood of emotion.
When she had it together, he leaned back slightly. “Better?”
“I don’t know.” She leaned her head back against his shoulder. “I wasn’t planning on dealing with this until I ate the chocolate chip banana muffin the girls gave me.”
He let out a low laugh. “Proud of you,” he said softly and she looked up at him, her clear surprise causing a rush of affection to flow through him. “And I’ll steal you all the muffins you want.”
“Be still, my beating heart,” she said.
He set her on the bed and then stripped and dried himself off before coming back to her and drying her too. Then he tugged down the bedding and nudged her in.
“You going home in your birthday suit?” she asked.
He looked down at himself. “It is a dilemma.”
Their gazes met and held, and then she lifted the covers, silently inviting him in. She didn’t have to ask twice. He got in and pulled her chilled body into his. With a sigh, she cuddled close, pressing her face into his throat.
“Mark?”
“Yeah?”
“You once said you couldn’t be pushed where you didn’t want to go. But can you be seduced?”
She appeared to hold her breath on his answer, and that just about killed him. She’d had a shitty night, but more than that she’d had a shitty time of it in general, being with a dick of a husband who hadn’t appreciated what he’d had, and worse, he’d taught her to doubt herself.
“Don’t say I should be alone tonight,” she warned. “Because I thought that too at first, but . . .” She shook her head, her voice raw from crying, her eyes hollow and hurt. “From the moment you stepped into my shower like you did, I realized I didn’t want to be alone at all.”
“What do you want?”
“Honestly?”
“Always.”
“Oblivion,” she said without hesitation. “I want to be taken out of my own damn head. I want to be reminded that though I might not be the sort of woman anyone wants to keep long-term, I’m still desirable.”
“Lanie, you’re the most desirable woman I’ve ever met,” he said, never meaning anything more. “I—”
She put a finger to his lips and leaned over him, brushing her bare breasts across his chest, her hair floating around them as her mouth ran up his jaw, teasing the spot beneath his ear that got him every time.
Then she kissed him.
He let out a rough groan and fisted his hands in her hair. “I’m seduced by you when you’re not even trying,” he said huskily. “But tonight, Lanie, it’s all on me.” And with that, he kissed her hot and deep before gently sinking his teeth into her lower lip to tug lightly.
She moaned and clutched at him and heat and desire seemed to flame them both. Wrapping his hands around her wrists, he slid her arms up over her head and then slowly made his way down her body, using his mouth and tongue to make her forget the past few hours.
When she was limp and boneless, he sat back on his heels and looked over the long, curvy body that he’d just worshipped every inch of. Glowing. Sated. Just how he wanted her. When he thrust into her, she cried out his name and wrapped herself around him.
He moved inside of her, his need for her consuming him as she arched her hips to meet each thrust, her body straining against him, taking everything he could give her. She was hot and tight, so tight he lost it, burying his face into the sweat-slicked crook of her neck as he let go, so lost in her he couldn’t remember his own name. Only hers . . .
Chapter 20
Just need a pinch of anxiety for flavor.
After Lanie had walked out, River wanted to go after her, but Cora had stopped her.
“Not now, honey.”
“But—”
Cora squeezed her hand. “She needs some time.” She turned to Holden. “Give us a moment?”
Holden nodded, but instead of leaving he looked at River. “I’ll wait right outside for you,” he said. “I’ll walk you back to your cottage.”
River, humiliated at all he’d heard, shook her head, but Holden held firm.
“You haven’t scared me off yet,” he said quietly.
Not willing to have this conversation in front of her boss—at least she hoped to God that Cora had meant what she said and that River still had a job here—River didn’t argue. She couldn’t. She was plum out of fight.
When they were alone, Cora took her hand. “You okay?”
River let out a mirthless laugh.
“Let’s start with physically. Anything wrong physically?”
River took stock. The baby was for once quiet and settled. “No. We’re okay.”
“Good.” She cupped River’s face. “It’s been quite a day, I know. I also know when I say I don’t want you to fret too much about this, that you still will—but the important thing is you came clean. The worst is over now.”
“No,” she said. “I still have to talk to Lanie and make her understand that I didn’t mean to hurt her. I wasn’t faking our friendship.”
“And you will talk to her,” Cora said. “But for now, she needs to think. She’s a thinker, our Lanie. You need to give her some time. Time and patience.”
“I’m not very good at either of those things.” River closed her eyes. “And I meant what I said. I won’t take a penny from her. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.”
“Then maybe you’ll apply for a scholarship from the winery and go to school on that.”
River’s eyes flew open. “What?”
“We give away three scholarships every year. If you were awarded one, you could go for your RN. It’d be a ticket out for you.”
River had to choke down the lump in her throat. “I can’t—I can’t think about that right now.”
“I understand,” Cora said in that voice she used when she intended to get her way and was willing to wait patiently for her moment to strike. “We’ll need to leave in thirty minutes to make it to the doctor for a quick check before our prenatal class.”
“What prenatal class?”
“The one I signed us up for at your last doctor appointment,” Cora said calmly. “Unless there’s someone else you’d rather have at your side when you’re in labor?”
River stared at her. “I . . . haven’t let myself think that far ahead. I’ve got to have someone with me?”
“No, you can do it alone if you’d rather.”
River’s gut sank to her toes. She hadn’t felt alone in the five weeks she’d been here. The thought of going into the hospital to have this baby on her own was paralyzing. “You’d really do this with me?”
“In a heartbeat. Come now.” Cora led her o
ut of the house. Holden was indeed waiting for her, leaning against the porch, his long denim-clad legs crossed. Cora gave him a long look and then moved off, giving them a moment.
Holden pushed off the railing. “You okay?”
River nodded yes, then thought about what she’d done and the look on Lanie’s face, and shook her head.
Holden took a step toward her but she held up a hand. “Here’s the thing,” she said slowly. “I’ve spent a lot of my life not being okay, letting other people rescue me. It’s not done me any favors. And I was rescued yet again. I need you to walk away from me, Holden. I need to learn how to upgrade from Kyle before I even think about moving on.”
He didn’t look happy. “River—”
“No, it’s time that I learn how to stand on my own two feet,” she said. “I have to, if I’m ever going to believe in a future for myself and this baby.” She met his deep blue eyes. “Can you understand that?”
“More than you know,” he said a little grimly.
She took a longer look at him, into his warm gaze, and knew there was a lot more to him than pretty eyes and broad shoulders. “How did you learn to do it?”
“The hard way.”
She nodded, then drew a deep breath and took the step between them, closing the distance. “Will you tell me?”
He held her gaze. “You know I was a homeless teen and that Cora took me in. What you don’t know is that it took her two years to convince me I was good enough.”
She closed her eyes. He did get it.
“And here’s something I shouldn’t tell you, as it doesn’t work in my favor,” he said and tipped her face up to his, waiting until she opened her eyes again. “You don’t always have to find someone else in order to upgrade from your ex. Sometimes just letting their ass go is a fuckin’ upgrade.” And then he did as she’d asked—he walked away.
She didn’t let herself think about that, or the loss of something that was really only the promise of what could be. She didn’t believe in promises, she reminded herself.
Cora took her to the doctor after a quick side trip to Target, where she bought her some baby things like onesies and diapers. River tried to talk her out of it, but Cora insisted.
