by KERRY BARNES
Jacob kept looking over at Ruby, smiling. He wanted to keep the flame still burning to ensure his much-earned shag. The only problem was where.
“So, Jesse, what are you up to this afternoon?” Jacob asked, trying to sound casual, but it didn’t fool Jesse. She looked up from her tomato dip and smirked.
“Oh yeah, I have to pop out, get some shopping,” she lied, instantly relieved she had an excuse to leave the house and score some serious drugs.
Jacob grinned from ear to ear. He had smoked his weed, filled his belly, and now was ready for his afters. Ruby was still eating her chips, trying not to look messy when she ate; it was a teenage thing, embarrassed to eat in front of her so-called boyfriend.
“So, will you two be all right if I’m gone for an hour or so? Only, I must get a few household bits before the shops close.”
Ruby wasn’t listening. All she heard was her mother saying she was going out. It gave her time to be alone with Jacob and listen to more romantic words being whispered in her ears.
Jesse grabbed her bag and slipped off out, still munching on a chip. The door slammed. Jacob slid his arms underneath Ruby and carried her into the bedroom.
“Jacob, we can’t go in here. What if Mum comes back?”
This was a clear message to him that she knew he was going to have sex with her. But Ruby didn’t mean that at all. She thought they’d enjoy more snogging and maybe touching – but that was all.
He laid her gently on the bed. The foul odour from the filthy sheets soured the mood, so she hoped her perfume sweetened the air. Jacob didn’t seem bothered. He lay on top of her and kissed her with a passion she had never experienced before. His mouth was hard, pressing against hers. His hands rummaged around under her blouse but Ruby was disappointed that the seductive compliments had vanished.
She pushed her face away to catch her breath – and then it dawned on her – he was going too fast.
“I’m sorry, my sweet thing, it’s just, you are so beautiful. I can’t seem to stop kissing you. I could eat you, you smell so good.” His voice was soft and she fell for it. Her body relaxed and she allowed him to touch her breasts and open her blouse to see. He buried his head between her bosoms, kissing and licking her smooth, young skin whilst he undid her buttons, trying to tug away her jeans.
As much as she was enjoying the kissing and kind words, her nerves got the better of her again so, when he ripped off her bottoms, she said, “No, not yet,” hoping he’d stop.
His kisses were rough on her neck, he was sucking so hard on her breast it was making her wince, and his hands were everywhere before she could stop him.
“Please, Jacob, no.” Her voice was a mere whisper. He ignored her.
She attempted to grab his wrists but he was far too fast. He threw her jeans and silk knickers onto the floor. Now, she was in a panic. Barely a stitch on her, she tried to get up but he was on top of her – his hands pawing every curve of her body.
“Please, Jacob, not yet!” Her voice grew louder, but he wasn’t listening. She searched his eyes: they looked wild, his pupils wide and scary.
“Jacob, no!” she screamed, as he touched between her legs. She was struggling – he thought she was playing games. With one hand he undid his belt and trousers, whilst holding her down with the other.
Her heart pounded. What had she got herself into? Surely, he wasn’t going to have sex with her? She was still a virgin – she was only fifteen, for fuck’s sake. Ruby just wasn’t ready – it shouldn’t be like this. Suddenly, she realised she had to stop this right now and, with all the strength she could muster, she slid from underneath him and turned over to get off the bed.
Jacob, though, in his stoned state, had other ideas: he saw the perfect, round backside and, within a split second, he was on her again. This time, his urge was too great. With one swift movement, he parted her legs and forced himself in.
Ruby screamed at the top of her voice: the pain was excruciating. But Jacob wasn’t listening to her as he was thrusting hard and fast. He had been looking forward to having sex with her. Her ample breasts and clean, soft skin got him so aroused he gripped her hips tightly, lifting her up to force his cock deeper inside, pummelling like a hammer drill. He had hoped that it would have lasted a little longer but the tightness made him come quicker. For Ruby, however, it seemed like hours of pain.
As he pulled away and looked down at Ruby, with her head buried in the pillow, he saw the tears.
“Hey, what you crying for, sugar?”
His voice was somewhere in the distance. Was he really so heartless, did he not hear her screams, sense her dread, or did he just not give a shit? Slowly, she turned back over and grabbed the grubby sheets to cover her exposed body.
Jacob loved her naive shyness and tried to tease her, but her stiff expression remained.
“Fuck off me, Jacob!” Her anxiety had now turned to anger.
“Oh, Ruby, I love it when you’re cross,” he laughed as he bent down to kiss her again.
Her knee came up and met with his chest, just enough to wind him slightly. She scrambled to her feet and grabbed her clothes whilst Jacob lay there, clutching his ribs.
Before she zipped up her jeans, he was off the bed and holding her.
“Hey, my girly, what’s the matter?” His tone was so calm and sweet, as if he was talking to a five-year-old. Ruby looked into his eyes in disbelief. Was he really unaware he had just raped her, or was he playing one sick game?
“Why? Why did you do that to me?” Her voice was on the verge of sounding hysterical.
He exaggerated his frown, “What do you mean, babe…? You wanted it, didn’t you?” He inclined his head to the side.
Was she imagining it all? She knew she had asked him to stop, but had she been clear enough? “I screamed, Jacob… I fucking screamed!”
“Ruby, we were naked in the fucking bed! What did you think we were doing? Playing fucking monopoly?”
Ruby, shamefully, avoided eye contact, realising she had been a fool. She knew, then, she had let him go too far and whatever way she looked at it, she should never have been in the bed, naked with him.
“Baby, if I had known you didn’t want to do it, I would never have touched you. I thought you wanted it as much as me because you said you was worried about your mum coming back. If we were not getting up to anything, why would you be so concerned?” He ran his hand down her cheek. “I wished I had never met you and then I couldn’t have hurt you. I’m so sorry, angel.” His voice was a whisper as he turned away. Like Jesse, he was a good actor. All that was on his mind was the fear of Ruby screaming rape to the police. That was all he needed, another setback.
Ruby sat down on the bed and sobbed. She felt a fool, acting the grown-up and, when it came to it, she had bottled it and Jacob had got the wrong message.
He pulled his jeans on and slipped the sweatshirt over his head.
“I’m sorry, Jacob, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Her emotions were mixed. If she let him walk away, he might go forever.
Jacob grinned to himself – yet another silly slapper.
He sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “Now then, why was you so upset? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Ruby was still sore and bruised but shook her head, afraid he would see her as a kid. “No, Jacob, you didn’t hurt me. I wasn’t ready, that’s all.”
He picked her up and sat her on his lap like a child.
“Next time, I will take longer getting you in the mood and then it will be easier. Tell me how you prefer it and we can do it your way.”
Ruby’s eyes widened. He must have thought she had done it before. She couldn’t admit to him that she was a virgin, shit no. He would think she was a silly schoolgirl. She smiled and nodded.
*
Jesse was gone for hours, getting out of her tree on cocaine samples.
Jacob had his own business to attend to so he walked Ruby to the station and went home to his girlfriend.
&
nbsp; The journey back was the longest ever. All Ruby wanted was a hot bath and to feel the comfort of her warm, soft bed, which smelled of summer jasmine.
The train stopped at every station and seemed to linger for ages. She couldn’t get the incident out of her head: the disgusting, grey sheets that smelled of sweat and piss, the wallpaper peeling off the walls, the pain, and the awful way she had lost her virginity. Was it supposed to be like that – her face pushed into a pillow, and that horrendous pain which was so repetitive? A hot tear rolled aimlessly down her cheek. He was so rough. Was it like that with men? After all, compared to her, he was a grown man. She went over the event in her mind and decided that if she had been honest with him from the beginning he might have treated her differently. He would have been slower, more gentle and kind. He thought she had done it before and so of course he would be rough. She had seen a porno film and that was just how they did it. She was playing in the grown-ups’ world now. She could leave that world behind and go back to being Daddy’s little girl, safe in her big house, going to her posh school and playing hockey. But the idea seemed to suffocate her and so she decided to continue being a part of two worlds.
Chapter Eleven
Ruby sat in the bath, contemplating her future. The house was empty when she arrived home which, in light of how she was feeling, was just as well. Try as she might, she could not get the incident out of her head. It was so humiliating – not how she had imagined her first time would be. And the pain, well, it just wasn’t supposed to be like that at all, was it?
Jacob was happy. He sat down to a good warm meal with his girlfriend and pretended the whole fiasco hadn’t happened. And he thought how lucky he had been she had not cried rape.
He did have a twinge of guilt, thinking that the way she had reacted she may well have been a virgin, but he soon consoled himself with the fact she had seriously led him on.
“This steak’s delicious, babe!”
Noreen, his on-off girlfriend for the past three years, smiled sarcastically.
“No, I mean it, this tastes fantastic.”
She stared for a while and then said, “I take it you have been on the pipe again and have a serious case of the munchies because, my darling, this ain’t fucking steak – it’s liver, you prick.”
Noreen jumped up from the table, snatched her plate and threw it in the sink.
He grabbed her arm as she walked by and spun her around to sit on his lap, and then he gave her a really long, passionate kiss. She softened instantly.
“All I can say, babe, is the liver tasted so good I thought it was steak.”
Noreen nodded, knowing only too well he was sucking up to her.
“If you think you can get around me that way, you are very much mistaken.”
He smiled and rubbed his hands over her tiny bump. It was time he settled down and prepared himself for fatherhood. There was to be no more messing with silly little lovesick teenagers.
Ruby was feeling sick with the thoughts flying around her head. She wanted to talk to someone about it, but who could she go to? Her father would go ballistic and kill Jacob. Jack would probably do the same. There was Aunt Francesca… She stopped to think. No, she couldn’t go to her, not now, not after she had been so horrible to her. Another wave of sickness crept over her – a deep gut-wrenching feeling of guilt. How could she have been so cruel to the one woman, apart from her nan, who she loved so much?
Jesse, her mother, would understand. She would be the perfect person to converse with. Besides, she wouldn’t judge her. She could talk to her mum about anything – even smoke a joint in front of her. Ruby was now under the illusion her mum would have the answers to this grown-up world she had unexpectedly become a part of.
The next day, she got up ready for school in her green and tartan uniform, white tights, and with her hair tied back in a ponytail. She felt a comfort in being a child for a while.
Sam was sipping tea and Jack was reading the newspaper.
“’Ello, Rubes, fancy a cuppa, babe?” smiled her dad.
Ruby, unsettled, shook her head.
“What’s up, love, you look pale and tired?”
“Nothing, Dad.” She rolled her eyes.
Sam put his cup down and grabbed his car keys. “I’ll run you to school today. You look like you still need to wake up.”
She didn’t argue. Instead, she decided just to go with the flow, try to get the school day over and done with, and then head to her mother’s.
The inside of the car still had that smell of new leather. Ruby took a deep breath.
“Dad, I’m going to Sophie’s after school, so I will be home late.” She needed to divert her father away from any notion she was sneaking over to Jesse’s. It was so much easier to keep it a secret.
“Oh, Rubes, I was hoping you’d be home early. Only, your aunt’s coming around for tea, and my guess is she will let you have the watch.”
Ruby looked at the floor. She felt guilty for lying and disgusted with herself for wanting to see her mother more than her aunt. Not that she disliked Francesca but she preferred the laid-back acceptance of her mother’s home more, and she really needed to talk about Jacob and the whole sex thing. Besides all that, she wouldn’t know what to say to Francesca to make up for all the heartless words which had come out of her mouth. The vision of her sad face was still on her mind. She had never before witnessed her aunt look so hurt. She would make up for it one day.
“Dad, I need to get my science assignment done. Tell Aunt Sisco I’m sorry for the other week and I will see her soon,” she said, knowing that a second-hand apology was far from acceptable.
Sam sighed, but he was pleased his daughter was now bucking up her ideas and taking school a lot more seriously.
“All right, babe,” he replied.
The school was like a hive, with children buzzing around everywhere. Sam smiled as he watched the smart-looking children walk into the main gates. It was so different from the school he went to, where the uniform was a scruffy black blazer and grey trousers. The children at Ruby’s school even walked smartly: they carried bundles of books, violins, flutes and hockey sticks. A far cry from what he carried as a kid – a few oven-baked conkers, a homemade pea shooter and muddy football boots slung over his shoulder.
Ruby was met by two girls her age. They seemed excited to see her, as if she had a secret to tell. Sam, pleased his daughter was popular, smiled. Ruby wasn’t a model student, far from it. She was, however, intriguing in the eyes of the other kids; her father was a well-known nightclub owner and her brother an up-and-coming and extremely handsome boxer. She was trendy. Naturally, the children were drawn to her.
Ruby had bragged to her friends about her grown-up boyfriend and they wanted to hear more. He sounded cool, too, but today Ruby didn’t want to talk about him. She needed to get her head straight.
“So, did you meet Jacob this weekend, Ruby?” asked Lauren, dying to know more about the older guy she was dating.
“Well, no, I didn’t. I thought we should have a break. He was getting too intense,” she lied, hoping they would drop the topic.
Lauren was wide-eyed and curious. She loved to hear the tales of naughtiness but was clearly too well behaved to do any of it herself.
The first lesson was English with Mrs Russell. She was an extremely strict teacher and hard on any child who showed any form of rebellion. So, as soon as Ruby entered the classroom, her eyes made a beeline for this most recalcitrant of pupils. She made Ruby sit at the front of the class and kept a very close eye on her. Not that Ruby was bothered today. She was in a world of her own.
“For goodness sake, Ruby, will you pay attention? I have asked you all to look at page forty-three of Hamlet, and you haven’t even opened your book…”
Ruby tutted, and slowly lifted her bag onto her lap to find the book, but soon realised she had left the damn thing at home.
“Ruby, will you please have your book on the table and open to page forty-three?” screamed
Mrs Russell. Her high-pitched exaggeration of the words echoed in Ruby’s head.
“Mrs Russell, I need to go to Nurse. I feel ill,” said Ruby, knowing full well her missing book would give her detention. This was the last thing she wanted.
The teacher glared at her. “You look absolutely fine to me. Now, please, get your book on the desk!”
“Miss, I am ill, I have to go!” complained Ruby, who, by now, was ready to lose it.
“Well, what’s wrong with you then?”
Ruby stood up in defiance. “I am having a heavy period, all right?”
The class sniggered at Ruby’s cheek and Mrs Russell threw down the whiteboard pen in anger.
“How dare you speak that way! Now sit back down, this instant!”
Ruby picked up her bag and swung it over her shoulder. “I keep telling you I feel ill and need to go to the medical room, but you ain’t listening to me! You want to know what’s wrong and I told you. Now, I’m going, before I chuck up all over the floor and really piss you off!”
“Get out of my class and go to the headmistress’ office. I shall see you there at the end of break. I will not have my class disrupted!”
Ruby headed off, but with absolutely no intention of going to the headmistress. Instead, she went straight to the estate and the comfort of her mother. The school was just a short walk away from the station so she ran along the road, keeping an eye on passing cars, making sure her father wouldn’t spot her.
She reached her mother’s house at ten thirty and hoped she was in. She remembered her mother saying she would visit the doctor’s this week in order to make arrangements for her overseas operation. Ruby shivered as she gingerly knocked. Aware she was in her school uniform, she didn’t want to bump into Jacob.
