“I’d have a problem with that as well,” Shelton acknowledged.
“I think we all would,” Prudence offered. “While my parents had their problems, they did love us and raise us well.”
Katherine sat back in her chair and thought on that for a moment. The Greenes did love their children. And that was more than she could say about her mother.
Prudence reached for Urias’s hand. He wrapped his fingers around hers. “Father knows he tricked us and used us. I don’t think he will ever ask for forgiveness, even though we gave it to him long ago.”
Katherine forked a piece of meat but couldn’t raise it to her mouth. “Forgiveness is one thing. But taking care of them? Hiram Greene is not so old that he can’t take care of himself.”
“Father’s gambling is like a sickness. He can’t seem to stop. And Mother shouldn’t suffer for his transgressions. So I will provide for them. In my mind it isn’t an option; it is an obligation I must fulfill to be an honorable man to God.”
Katherine nibbled her lower lip. “I guess it’s my own bitterness that can’t allow me to see why you feel so strongly about this. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over being owned by others.”
“If Hiram Greene hadn’t acquired your bond,” Urias interjected, “I wouldn’t have found you. I wouldn’t have found my beautiful wife either. And I wouldn’t have three of the most adorable children on the face of the earth. I wish things had been different for you, Katherine, but they weren’t. Even though you lived through harsh times, you need to accept the facts and move on with the blessings God has given you.”
“I guess,” she added with a sigh, “if it wasn’t for Hiram Greene, I wouldn’t have my freedom and a cherished family.”
Shelton smiled.
And I wouldn’t have Shelton in my life, she added silently. Was Grandma Mac right? Could she have a future with him? Katherine picked up her fork and ate the now-cold chunk of meat. “Forgive me for being so rude, Shelton.”
“You’re always free to speak your mind around me.”
She appreciated the freedom he gave her. But to live under the same roof as Hiram Greene again? That would take a double portion of God’s grace.
The conversation shifted to Grandma Mac. Prudence served a delicious apple pie for dessert.
Stuffed, Katherine pushed back from the table. “I’d better help you with these dishes and get on my way or Grandma Mac might wonder why I was gone so long.”
“Nonsense. Urias promised to help me in the kitchen.”
Urias’s eyebrows shot up. “Shelton, would you be so kind as to escort Katherine back to Grandma Mac’s?”
“Be my pleasure.” Shelton wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin and placed it neatly next to his dish.
He is such a gentleman, Katherine thought wistfully. “I can go by myself.”
“Indulge me,” Urias said. “I saw some bear tracks earlier this morning.”
“All right.” Katherine knew about Urias’s encounters with bears. His first had occurred when he was thirteen. A smile edged her lips as she remembered the tale of her frightened brother sitting backward on the horse while the bear made itself at home in Mac and Pamela’s wagon. Her smile disappeared when she remembered another occasion. Mac had barely survived the attack from the bear that killed his first wife.
“Should we secure the livestock?” Shelton asked.
“You might want to close up the hen house and bring Grandma Mac’s pig into the barn for the night,” Urias suggested.
“Absolutely. What about Mac and Pam’s place?”
“I secured it before dinner.” Urias got up and carried some dinnerware to the kitchen. “Good night, Katherine. It was nice having you at our table again.”
Katherine smiled. “It was good to be here.”
They said their good-byes and Shelton escorted Katherine out the front door.
Shelton placed his hand in the small of Katherine’s back as they walked down the porch stairs together. He felt a slight flinch from her, but she relaxed a moment later. It had been a forward move, but it felt right.
“Look at all those stars,” she declared with awe and wonder, gazing at the sky.
“God sure knows how to paint a pretty canvas, doesn’t He?”
“It’s magnificent.” Katherine tightened her coat a notch. “I’m sorry if I offended you tonight.”
“I love your straightforward honesty.”
They continued to walk in the direction of Grandma Mac’s house. “Shelton, there are things you don’t know about me.”
He weighed whether or not to ask, but decided to wait on her. “There are things you don’t know about me, too, Katherine.” Like how much I love you. How much I want to wrap you in my arms and protect you. And what happened when I was sent away from you.
“Name one thing,” she challenged.
He decided to change the mood. “When I was seven, I ran away from home.”
“How far did you get?”
“The neighbors’ house. I didn’t know how to get anywhere else.”
Katherine laughed. “What did your parents do?”
“My father tanned my hide. My mother hugged me until I thought I’d break in two. Personally, I preferred my father’s response. It was quick, and over in a minute. My mother kept hugging me for the next three days. At seven a boy doesn’t want to be hugged a lot.” Unlike the man now standing beside you.
“I have seen that same reaction in Mac and Pamela’s boys. Didn’t you appreciate the affection?”
“Of course. But I couldn’t let Mother see that.”
“Did you ever consider running away from home again?”
“No, not really.” He slowed the pace. “Remember when I was sent away, right before Urias found you?”
“Yes.” She stiffened. He kept his hand in the small of her back.
“If Father hadn’t sent me away, I might have run off then. I was so angry with him. He was being totally unreasonable. But looking back, I think I was being unreasonable as well. I was only sixteen at the time. That was pretty young to …”
“To what?”
“I told him I loved you and that I would marry you the next time the parson came around.”
Katherine stopped in her tracks. “You did what?”
He gazed at her face, bathed in the moonlight. The sight made his heart pound and his palms sweat. “You’re even more beautiful now than when you were seventeen.”
“Shelton, please don’t.”
“Don’t what? Tell you that I love you? That I’ve always loved you, from the first moment you came to my home?”
Tears ran down her cheeks. She trembled.
He stepped toward her, opening his arms, willing her to come to him. Katherine eased forward and leaned into his chest.
“My dear, sweet Katherine.” He held her gently in his arms. He inhaled the wonderful scent that was hers alone. Lord, give me strength.
“I’m damaged,” she sobbed.
He held her tighter. Lord, I wish I could take away her pain. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
She shook her head.
“That’s all right, sweetheart. Whenever you’re ready.” Shelton closed his eyes and held the woman he loved. For the first time, she’d come to him, willingly, openly. He would cherish this moment for as long as he lived. He kissed her gently on top of her red curls.
“I thought I was nearly free from the past,” she choked out. “But since you came back I’ve been having nightmares. I never completely stopped having them, but they’ve been more frequent since you arrived.”
“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I feel dirty for liking you,” she confessed.
He cradled her head in his hands and encouraged her to look at him. “My dear, sweet Katherine, I love you. What happened in the past couldn’t be your fault.”
Katherine pulled away. “You don’t understand.”
“Tell me so I will,” he pleaded.
/> “I can’t,” she cried, and bolted toward Grandma Mac’s farmhouse.
He ran after her. I pushed too hard. “Katherine, stop. Please!”
She stumbled. He caught her. He held her gently, fighting the desire to kiss her and hold on to her until she saw and felt how much he loved her. “Whenever you’re ready, you can come to me. I will not force you. I respect you too much to make you do something you don’t want to do.”
“You have no idea,” she mumbled.
Chapter 9
Katherine kept to herself for the next three days. Spending time with Shelton was dangerous to her soul. She desired to be in his arms. She ached to kiss him. But she couldn’t give in to such temptations, even if Grandma Mac did say God gave those desires for the holy purposes of marriage. She knew in her mind that was the truth. But she had no way to know whether she would respond positively to his kiss or if the ugly past would come back and taint the love she felt for Shelton. She didn’t want to soil something as precious as his love for her and hers for him.
Not that she’d confessed her feelings for him yet.
She sat in her bedroom, working on her sewing. She’d sold several shirts to the mercantile and had an order for a dozen more.
“Katherine,” Shelton’s voice called out from behind the door. “May I come in?”
She set aside her sewing and opened the door. “What can I do for you?”
“I could use a favor, if you don’t mind.”
“What is it?”
“I’m wondering if you can take care of Mrs. MacKenneth’s livestock for the next two days.”
“I could try.” She wanted to ask why he couldn’t do it, but didn’t feel she had the right to.
“Thank you. Can I show you where I keep everything?”
“Please.” She followed him out of the house.
In the barn, Shelton showed her the sacks of grain and instructed her in how Grandma Mac liked to mix her pig slop. “Any questions?” he asked.
“Nope. Looks pretty straightforward.”
“I appreciate this. I’ll be happy to pay you for your time.”
Katherine placed her hands on her hips.
Shelton laughed. “I didn’t think so, but I was duty bound to offer.”
“You have a strong sense of duty and honor, don’t you?”
“I get that from my father. I know it doesn’t make sense, with his gambling and all, but he wasn’t always irresponsible. He taught us that a man’s word isn’t worth anything if he doesn’t back it up with his actions. I know you’ve only known my father when he was gambling, but there is another side to him.”
“Urias made sense the other night when he said you and Prudence wouldn’t be the people you are today if not for how your parents raised you.”
Shelton opened his arms but she didn’t step into his embrace. “Katherine, I’ve missed you.”
She looked at the hay on the floorboards and brushed it aside with her foot. “I’ve missed you, too.”
“I apologize if confessing my love for you made you uncomfortable.”
“There’s precious little you can do that won’t make me uncomfortable. But it’s not you; it’s me. Eventually, I will not be as uneasy around you.”
Shelton’s smile sent her heart beating faster.
“So, where are you going that you need someone to help with the livestock?” she asked, eager to change the subject.
“Urias is taking me fur trapping. He’s going to show me how to set traps, how to maintain them, and how to skin and prepare the hides. He and Mac bring in a little extra income that way. Once I purchase my own land, I’ll need to know what I can hunt and what is marketable.”
“Any more signs of the bear?”
“Not that we’ve seen or heard about. Hopefully it went back to the woods.” Shelton leaned against a post supporting the upper loft and chewed on a piece of hay.
“You’re looking pretty relaxed today,” she observed.
“I am. I feel like my prayers are finally being answered. I should hear from the bank soon. I’ve been looking at some properties, but so far I haven’t found one I’m excited about.”
“What are you looking for?”
“Enough land for the horses to run and graze. Also enough to grow the grain for their feed. Hopefully a property with a house already built on it. Otherwise, my parents won’t be able to move out here until next spring. I’m not sure they’ll make it through the winter in Hazel Green.”
Katherine stiffened. A knot the size of a feed bucket tightened in her stomach. “I still find it hard to believe that your father squandered away all his money.”
“You’re not the only one. It’s so out of character that he’d get caught up in gambling. He taught Prudence and me to be wise with our money. I guess sin is an all-consuming thing.”
“How does one know the difference between sin and love?” Katherine covered her mouth with her hands. She hadn’t meant to say that.
“Are you ready to talk about the past?”
She shook her head.
“Then let’s not attempt to answer that question now. Later will be soon enough.”
“Shelton, it’s not you.”
“It’s not you either, Katherine. It’s sin that’s been done to you.”
Katherine balled her hands into fists. “Do you know?”
“I suspect—because of how afraid you are of men—that one or more … took liberties with you.”
Katherine nodded and choked back tears.
“When you’re ready to tell me about it, I’ll be here. In the meantime, know that I’m praying for you, that I love you, and that nothing that happened to you will change my love for you.”
“I don’t deserve you.” She sniffed.
Shelton opened his arms. She snuggled into his embrace. “You deserve better than me, Katherine. You’re sweet and precious and I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered into his chest.
Shelton didn’t want to let her go. However, Urias was waiting on him. He hated the thought of leaving, especially now that Katherine was opening up her heart to him. But he had no choice.
He pulled slightly away from her. “So, have you ever helped a horse deliver a foal?”
“No.” Her gentle curls brushed under his chin. She stepped out of his embrace. “Are you concerned about Kate?”
“She’s showing signs that she’s about to deliver. She’s done it before, so there shouldn’t be any problems. But if it happens while I’m off fur trapping …”
“Perhaps you should tell Urias you’d prefer to go another time. He’ll understand.”
“I’m certain he will. But I want to have enough money—”
Katherine finished his sentence. “—to purchase your land.”
He shrugged.
“What’s of more value to you, the foal or a few furs?”
“If you put it that way, the foal.” He looked out past the open doors of the barn.
“You need to be near Kate, just in case.”
He looked back at her. “You’re right.”
“Remain focused on the overall plan.”
Shelton smiled. “Besides being beautiful, you’re a smart woman. I like that.”
Katherine wagged her head back and forth. “You’re impossible.”
“Me?”
“And a real charmer. I bet all the ladies back in Hazel Green found you quite appealing.”
His own past flashed before his eyes. As much as he wanted to tell Katherine about it, the time wasn’t right. He decided to keep the moment light. “I can turn on the charm when I want to. But those women all bored me.” He winked. “I’ve been stuck on an Irish lass from my youth.”
Katherine blushed. “How can you be so certain about …” she whispered. “Us?”
She acknowledged with a nod.
“I wasn’t, until I saw you again. I’ve been praying for five years, Katherine. I didn’t know if my love was simply a child’s fantas
y or a real connection. Now that I’ve come to know you, I’m convinced this is real. However, I don’t believe we can rush into a courtship. As much as I’d love to take you in my arms and rush off to the parson, there is a time and place for us. I’m willing to wait. Are you?”
Katherine took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t know how to answer that. Until last week I honestly didn’t believe I was fit for marriage. Grandma Mac is challenging me to remember God’s redemption and His forgiveness. I’m trying to hold on to that. I’ve lived a long time thinking I was worthless.”
“My sweet Katherine, you are worth more than rubies or finely spun gold. You are precious in God’s eyes and in mine, and I cherish your wisdom. I like discussing my plans with you. No one has ever listened to me and my ideas the way you do.”
“I find your plans fascinating.”
“You’re the first person I wanted to tell about the bank coming through on the loan. Not my parents, not Urias and Prudence, but you. I want you to be a part of my future. Would you do me the honor of looking over the land and properties I’m most interested in? I’d very much like your opinion.”
“You want me to help you decide on your property?”
“I’m hoping eventually it will be our property. I’m not looking for a commitment right now. I am planning for you to be my wife one day. But I believe we have a lot of work ahead of us before that can happen.”
“What kind of work?”
“Things like my being able to take your hand without you pulling away from me. Time is the best healer, and you have to learn to trust me, slowly and surely.” In much the same way that I tame an unbroken horse. “I’m willing to wait. We have time. Just be honest with me, and share your heart when you’re ready to.”
“I’ve never met a man so honest about his feelings.”
“I’ve never been this honest before. You bring it out in me, Katherine. You’re good for me in so many ways. I just pray I’m helpful to you as well.”
A single tear fell from her eye. “You are.”
He opened his arms and waited for her to walk into his embrace. Slowly she leaned into him and he cradled her in his arms. He inhaled that fresh scent that was uniquely hers. One day he’d be able to reach out and capture her in his arms. But it would take time to earn Katherine’s trust. And with God’s grace, he could wait.
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