The man saved both of us in different ways. Giving us direction, a path to follow again. Justin has a lot of things going on with him, plus with all of us he’ll need a different type of counseling. Aaron can handle all of that. As a Dom himself he’ll understand, where others will only judge.
Thinking back on David’s struggle to pull himself back together, I’m so proud of the man David has become. I watched the confidence and strength come back as David learned control. Justin will do well in our little family. We just need to go slowly, and give him all the time in the world to deal with his trauma.
************* David I pull the laptop Simon brought closer to me. Still half covered by Justin, with Charlie smashed up to my left, that leaves just my right hand loose. Opening it up, I begin my search. You’d think the police department would have a good tech department to keep hackers out, but it’s just like any other government set up. Easy as pie.
Not knowing exactly what I’m looking for, I enter Justin's name in the victim search. I’m surprised when a case opens up. Reading through the basic case I can’t believe what I find. Justin was found as a child in the home of a known pedophile. They did a raid with information they got from a confidential informant. Knowing there were at least two children needing help in this man’s house, they were surprised by the conditions the children were kept in. Small closet like rooms with tiny beds and metal gates, you could see in but the children couldn’t get out of, lined the man’s basement. All locked with slide bolts and Master Padlocks just like the informant said. They used bolt cutters to open each door, not wanting to wait for keys. Going down the line they had ended up with a total of four children, and later reading through the Pedophile’s hard drive they realized the man wasn’t just keeping the kids for himself, he’d been renting them out. Justin had been in the very last door, scared and silent he couldn’t tell them anything, too traumatized to even know his name, if he even had one.
Reading through the case files, I just can’t believe some of the things this freak told the investigator. Apparently he purchased Justin from a child trafficker. He ordered a specific age range and coloring as if he were purchasing furniture. He paid up and Justin was delivered to him. He said he only had him for nine months but had gotten a lot of orders online.
As I read on I’m livid. How can someone do this? These men cared nothing about the children. They have no birth certificates or social security numbers. Nothing to say exactly how old they are, or even who they are. When Child Protective Services became involved, they had to guess how old they were, none of them older than five or six. They ended up giving them names, birth certificates and social security numbers. I have no idea what became of the other three, and don’t even want to know right now. Justin is my priority though, so I continue to read.
The detectives had other cases and photos attached to this report. The information the perp gave them helped close down several other set ups just like his. But they were continuing to try and find the trafficker. Apparently, because some of the children were taken out of state the FBI became involved. There’s more information to be concerned with, but I just can't read anymore. The ache I feel for Justin. A child sex slave for even a minute, much less nine months, is devastating. Who knew how long he’d been used like that. With tears tracking down my face, I close the laptop. I just don’t want to read any more. Later I’ll try to see just how far the detectives and FBI have gotten. With everything Justin has gone through today and the amount of information I’ve already gotten, I can only sit there and cry.
Feeling fingers brush away the tears I look down. Charlie’s awake and concerned. I smile, brushing my knuckles over Charlie’s cheek. “I got into the police records on Justin.”
“Well, he couldn’t have done too much, he’s just too sweet to really have done anything wrong.” Charlie puffs up, ready to protect his chick like a pissed off hen. Chuckling softly, I tap his nose. “Not those kind of records love. I found some devastating information on where they found him.” I shake my head, not wanting to tell him, but I know that if I don’t, Charlie will just pester me until I do.
“He was a child sex slave.” As soon as I say that Charlie’s face falls, about ready to cry with me. “They have no idea how old he is. He didn’t have a birth certificate or anything to even tell them who he is. No name and he was too traumatized to even speak. That whispering thing he does now comes from a truly awful place. The pedophile they found him with had three other children along with Justin. He wasn’t just using them, he was selling them, pimping them out to other freaks like him. I know I have to be strong for him, but this is so much more then I was thinking. He’s been through so much that I just want to squeeze him and hold him, and never let him go. How do we help him? I want to stand in front of him and growl at anyone who even comes close.”
I look down, feeling a little giggle come from Justin. I don’t know how long he’s been listening. “Is that what you want, Two?” Using my gentler Dom voice, knowing he still needs that strength to back him up with everything he’s been going through.
“I can’t help but picture that Master.” As Justin speaks I realize it isn’t his usual whisper. He’s talking . But the screaming has roughened his voice to a scratchy soft tone. Smiling at Charlie, I realize what’s happened. His meltdown opened the locked vault in his mind and he’s willing to accept that we’re here to help him. The feeling of his body, still draped like dead weight across my chest, is total submission. He’s placed himself in our care and is allowing us in.
“I’ll do it, Two. If you want me to. I’ll be there and growl my head off.” Growling, I kiss Justin's forehead, hearing the giggle that it brings from him. The warmth and hope that flows through me almost brings me to my knees. Well, figuratively speaking anyway.
“I can growl also, Two.” Charlie’s growl is more for effect, tickling Justin along his sides. Justin is wiggling and laughing, music to both our ears. Brushing away the long bangs falling in Justin’s eyes, I look at him; looking in his eyes and seeing him looking back at me warms my heart.
“Maybe we should go see how well Simon can growl.” I smile, loving the sound of Justin’s laughter. “He just told me that Molly’s gone into labor. It won’t be too long before we have wiggly puppies to look after. Do you want to go visit with Molly? She could probably use some encouragement from you.”
With brightly shining eyes Justin nods fiercely, actually smiling and hopeful. I know there’ll be tougher times ahead for Justin, but it seems like he let go of at least some of the weight he’s been carrying by himself for so long. We haven’t magically fixed everything, we’ve only opened his eyes to the fact that we’re here for him. We’ll help him carry any load, and help him let go of some of the things that are hurting him so much.
Untangling ourselves with lots of giggles and tickling, we make our way to the kitchen. Charlie huffs a little when he sees Simon in his kitchen. He’s been too busy with everything going on that he hasn’t said anything about Simon taking over kitchen duty. I watch as he walks toward the island and pushes Simon out of the way.
“Well, seeing as I’ve been dismissed from the kitc hen so swiftly...Justin, would you like to help me clean the puppies? We have to be very careful not to move too fast, or scare Molly. But I bet she could use a bit of help.”
The light glows in Justin’s eyes as he nods; he seems to wiggle just like the puppies will be doing. I know that Simon is using the puppies as a type of therapy. Something else to think about, something to love, other than his own emotional baggage.
Watching Simon and Justin walk into the mudroom a sense of peace comes over me. We aren’t out of the woods yet, but the first major hurdle has been jumped. It’s all up to Justin. There’s hope for him yet.
CHAPTER 8 JUSTIN
I feel almost euphoric. I feel so light I almost expect to find myself floating! I follow Simon with the damp towel he gave me, I can’t believe how much better I feel. The fight battling inside me has been
overcome. I let go of my doubts and fears of David, Charlie, and Simon for the moment. Sure, they’re still there. But the trust I feel for these men seems to make those doubts quieter. Walking softly, I look into the closet and see Molly. She’s been cleaning the puppies herself. Still visibly straining, but licking and loving the tiny, wiggling babies.
“Come and kneel here, Justin. Move slowly, make sure she c an always see what you're doing to the puppies. She needs love and reassurance. Here watch me.” Watching this giant of a man so calmly and gently pick up a little gray puppy is amazing. He’s so gentle it brings tears to my eyes.
“Now you do it, just like I showed you.” I reach for the other little gray puppy. This one has a small patch of white over its eye, making him look a little like a pirate. Smiling, I start to gently rub the towel over the puppy. There isn’t much cleaning to do, Molly has been doing just fine without us, but you can see she’s already tired.
“How do you know if it’s a boy or girl. I’ve never really been around dogs. The only ones I’m used to are strays, and it was better not to go near them.” I ask, gently rubbing the crying baby. I look to Simon for instructions. The smile on his face is joyous, and I can’t figure out why.
“You spoke to me Justin! Thank you so much!” Feeling embarrassed, I smile shyly, dropping my gaze back toward the puppy in my hand. Going by the cries of this little one it obviously wants its Mamma, and Molly is getting restless, wanting her puppy, while straining to bring the next one into the world.
“It’s pr etty simple. Turn it over on its back and…see, this one's equipment is on the outside, so it’s a boy. What about yours? We’re going to have to put these two back down with Molly, they need to start nursing. What most people don’t know, or care to know really, is that even with humans, the sooner the baby starts nursing the better for the Mamma.”
Slowly turning the puppy in my hands, I look at its tummy. Nothing there, so I look at Simon. “I think it’s a girl. It’s funny, with that white eye patch I was thinking it looked like a pirate,” I giggle, putting the puppy down next to the other. I watch them wiggle like little grubs, until finally they’re able to latch on and nurse.
“Oh, here comes another one.” We both watch Molly lick at the newest puppy. Watching her tear the sack it’s in and eat it. The look on my face makes Simon laugh.
“Dogs do that for th e protein. It helps her to be able to give the puppies more nutrition. It’s gross but it’s good for her.” By the time Simon looks back, another puppy is slipping out. With Molly now more concerned with the next one, Simon nods encouragingly at me. “You take that one. They’re coming a bit quicker. The first is always the hardest.”
Picking up the puppy, I start cleaning it. This one has more yucky stuff on it. Turning it over, I see it’s another boy. So far that’s two boys, to one girl. I can’t wait to see what they all are. “It’s another boy, but why aren’t their eyes open? I got that stuff off his face but his eyes look weird. Are they okay?”
Simon smiles and pats my shoulder. “Puppies are born blind. It takes a while for them to open, but don’t worry. They’ll be just fine.” As Simon picks up the fourth to clean, I see yet another puppy coming. Laying the brother next to the already nursing puppy it wiggles and cries until it latches on, just like the others.
Waiting for Molly to get done cleaning the fifth puppy, I watch the wiggling little grubs, lined up like little piggies. Smiling, I look at Simon. “They're so little. Another girl here, so it’s even again. But what’s yours?”
“Girl. So far the girls outnumber the boys, but there's one more to go.” Watching Molly lay down with her piggy puppies all in a row, this last one is taking a bit more time. Molly seems to need a rest, having puppies is hard work. After waiting about ten minutes, Simon starts to look worried. Molly is still straining, but she just seems to be running out of strength.
“I don’t like this. The last puppy should have come by now. I have to help her with this one. Move over here by Molly’s head. I need you to stroke her face, tell her everything will be okay. She really isn’t going to be happy with me down here. She’s hurting and tired. Just tell her everything will be okay.”
I watch as Simon reaches down and pushes Molly’s hind leg forward. As he said, Molly rears up, not happy with the situation. “It’s fine baby. Let Simon help you. You're such a good girl. Look at your puppies. You're such a good mamma. It’s okay.” I can feel the concern coming of Simon, and I start to get scared. Simon looks up and smiles his lopsided smile, but the concern still scares me.
“It’s okay, little one.” I try to calm down. I know if I’m too stressed and scared Molly will become upset, and the last thing we need is for her to freak out. I need to be calm like Simon. Nodding my head at Simon, I continue to pet Molly’s face and neck, softly telling her what a good girl she is. Simon smiles and nods back, proud of me for letting go of my fear and doing what’s needed for Molly.
************* Simon I’m concerned. Not just for Molly, but for Justin too. This last puppy seems to be bigger than the others. It seems be hung up in the birth canal. If it isn’t born soon it may not make it. Reaching down, I try to see if I can feel the head, Molly is whining in pain but I can feel the problem. This puppy is coming out backward. It’s very important for it to come now. If it stays too long in the birth canal its chances of making it are much smaller. Waiting for the next contraction, I feel the bottom of the puppy trying to squeeze out. The sack and hind quarters of this last puppy are pushing out enough that I think on the next push I may be able to keep it in the same position so on the next push I can pull it out. Knowing it’ll hurt Molly more, but feeling for both their sakes this needs to happen now, I pull gently with the next contraction. With Molly pushing I’m able to pull the puppy's body almost all the way out. Realizing now, the puppy is also upside down, the head needs to be turned to be easier for Molly to push, I slowly turn the puppy. With its body facing the right way, on the next push Molly is able to push it out. Laying the puppy beside Molly she starts cleaning, nudging it and keening. I realize it may be too late. I pick the puppy back up and put my mouth over the puppy’s mouth and nose, blowing air into it, trying to help it breathe. After four breaths, I realize the puppy is dead. This is going to be difficult for Molly and Justin. Looking up, I shake my head.
“This last puppy didn’t make it. We have to let Molly have her time with this one. She knows something is wrong. Look at her. She needs comfort and to know we’ll take care of this puppy. She needs her time with it before we bury him.” I watch Justin comfort Molly as I lay the little dead puppy down so she can see him.
“You stay here I’ll be right back,” I tell Justin, watching the sorrow cross his face. Getting up, I walk back to the kitchen. “How’s it going? Is Molly doing okay?” Charlie calls. Then seeing the look on my face, he becomes concerned.
“What happened?” David barks, seeing I’m upset and knowing it’s going bad.
“One of the puppies didn’t mak e it. The last one was bigger, upside down and backward. I had to help her push him out, turning him the right way to get him all the way out. I tried to resuscitate him, but he was gone. It hasn’t fully hit Justin yet, and he’s comforting Molly, giving her some time with the puppy. We’ll have to treat Justin carefully. I don’t know how he’s going to take this. He’s had so much to deal with already today.”
“I’ll go ahead and dig the grave. Justin needs to be there, maybe he'll even want to bury it himself. He’s stronger than you think. He might surprise you.” David says, getting up and heading towards the mudroom.
I hope so. Justin’s been through so much, but I believe he’ll become a better person when all is said and done.
“That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
************* Charlie I slide the meatloaf in the oven and decide we need to get something soft to wrap the puppy in. I think about the satin pillow covers in the linen closet, I don’t think David will
mind. It may be a matching set, but it isn’t like it’s the only one, I run up the stairs to get one.
I think about everything Justin said during his break down earlier, and also what David told me The idea that he’s been treated so cruelly makes me hurt for him. I’ve had some really rough times, but nothing like Justin. And to think someone could do that to a child. Justin is only 18 now. He was found when he was around five or six by the police record. They just guessed at his age. And there’s no telling how old he really was or how long the abuse had been happening. We hadn’t had time to discuss it yet, but David isn’t the kind to just let something like that go. He’s already hacked into the Police and DCF and he’ll do anything he has to to help Justin.
I’ve never seen someone so devastatingly broken, but that doesn’t make me want to back off. If anything it makes me want to draw him closer. I need to help Justin, to help him heal. Just like David did for me. That feeling isn’t going to just go away.
I know how low another person can make you feel, and what a Dom/sub relationship really is, thanks to David. It isn’t about hurting someone for the sake of hurting them. That’s abuse in my book. And even if the sub agreed to it in the first place, Stop means Stop. A safeword is there to protect both the Dom and the sub, to make sure nothing goes too far. And the only power a Dom has, is given to them in trust. The sub is the one who really has the power.
I don’t like to think about what Derek did to me. I was new to the BDSM scene, and had met Derek at a club. Derek said all the things he was supposed to. Said he would protect me. He would follow a green, yellow, red safeword system. Green was go, yellow was slow down, and red meant stop all together. At first he did, it seemed to be the perfect relationship. I even moved in with him thinking everything was going so well.
Derek changed though, almost from the time I moved in. Little things at first, that I just blew off, but it got much worse, very quickly. Derek became possessive and demanding. Slapping me if I didn’t like what he did, or what he didn’t do. Derek started to show up at my work to make sure I was where I said I was. He started demanding more and more of my time. And when I tried to break it off he wouldn’t listen. I tried to convince myself that Derek loved me. That he did these things to protect me. I kept doing scenes with Derek, but they became painful punishments for things I hadn’t even done. The final night I’d been with Derek was horrible. Derek convinced me to go to the club and do an exhibition.
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