9
Zach
She was so unsure. Unsure of what to say, how to act, when to laugh, when to look down. The girl on the dance floor with me was a stark contrast to the one I remembered from five years ago. That confident and defiant glint in her eye was gone, and by the way she held herself, drawn inward and timid, I suspected it had been gone for some time.
I wondered what had happened to cause so much change.
The second song came to an end, and Jo stepped away from me. My hand fell from her waist, and she flattened her top, which did not need to be flattened. Then she gave me a shy smile. “I have to go back behind the bar now.” She didn’t wait for me to say anything before hurrying down the steps and back to the bar.
I trailed after her, a little confused and a little disappointed, but knowing it wasn’t my place to say or ask anything. We’d only shared a night. Clearly, it had meant more to me than it did to her. I’d known that since the morning when I woke up alone. I had to stop thinking she remembered it as anything besides a one-night stand.
When I got back to the bar and retook my stool, Ryan was pouring shots for a big group of young guys at the far end of the bar. Rosie was there, hanging over his shoulder, egging the men on as they took their shots and clinked their glasses together. They tossed them back, and Rosie collected their empty shot glasses. Then she hurried back over to where I was sitting.
“Hey,” she said, looking back and forth down the length of the bar. Jo and Ryan were both with customers. She leaned in close, and the low cut of her chest exposed the top of her very full breasts. I forced myself to look into her big brown eyes and not at her big tanned boobs. “Is Ryan single?”
“Last I heard, he’s as single as they come.”
Her cheeks flushed a bright and adorable shade of pink. “Good. Thanks. Don’t tell him I asked you that, okay?”
“My lips are sealed.”
Rosie cocked her head to the side and looked at me like she was studying the page of a textbook. She chewed the inside of her cheek. “You’re one of the good ones, right Zach?”
“What?”
“You’re not the kind of guy who would ignore or run away from his responsibilities, are you?”
I arched an eyebrow, confused by her questions. “I haven’t before.”
She grinned and straightened up, all her seriousness gone. “I didn’t think so. Just checking.”
Rosie hurried off around the bar to serve more of her tables as Ryan came back to my side of the bar. “I’ve got an early start to my morning tomorrow, man. I think I’m going to call it a night. You gonna stay and hang out for a bit?”
“No.” I shook my head and stood. “I think I’ll head out, too. See you around, Jo!” I called, waving at her at the other end of the bar. She looked up and nodded goodbye. She only spared me a second’s glance before she was back to pouring drinks.
Ryan and I stepped out into the parking lot. The evening was still warm, even though the sun had set a couple of hours ago. I went to my bike and Ryan followed. He leaned up against my seat and crossed his arms over his chest as I took my gloves out of my helmet.
“Is it weird to be back?” he asked.
“A little. It’s weirder to see how different people are.”
“How do you mean?”
“Your sister, man. Tell me if I’m overstepping, but Jo isn’t the same girl I remember. She’s more reserved and… I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it. She’s just different, I guess.”
“You’re not overstepping,” Ryan said. “You’re not imagining things, either. Jo is different. She started seeing this guy a few years ago. Brett O’Riley. Her confidence hasn’t been the same since. I’ve tried to bring it up with her on more than one occasion, but she won’t hear it. Her stubbornness, unfortunately, is just as fierce as it used to be.”
“You don’t like the guy?”
“Not even a little bit. And I can’t for the life of me figure out why she puts up with his shit.”
I knew that now was the time to stop asking questions. Who Jo chose to spend her life with was not my concern. She was a grown woman who made her own decisions, and she didn’t need a guy like me poking around in her business. But I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know what sort of asshole she’d hitched her wagon to. He had to be a special kind of dick for Ryan not to like him. Ryan liked or tolerated almost everyone, give or take the real sour apples in the barrel.
“This Brett guy,” I said. “What does he do for work?”
Ryan chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “He stocks shelves at a hardware store not far from here. He was laid off from his last few construction jobs for showing up drunk, I believe. There’s less risk of injuring someone or yourself dealing with hand tools without batteries and shit.”
“He’d show up to work drunk?” I asked incredulously. What a loser.
Ryan nodded and sighed. “Yeah. He’s got a bit of a drinking problem. Jo working at a bar doesn’t help things, of course. He uses the bar as his unlimited supply of beer. Embarrasses the hell out of Jo when he shows up to drink from the well. He’ll clear the bar right out with how obnoxious he is.”
“Why the hell is she with a guy like that? She can do so much better.”
“Oh, believe me, I know. I just don’t think she believes it. And I keep telling myself that maybe there’s more to him than I know. Maybe there are things only Jo knows or sees in him that redeems his other shitty qualities.”
“I hope so,” I grumbled.
“My sister has a good head on her shoulders. She’ll figure it out when she’s ready. Eventually, she’ll hit a point where he’s not worth it, and she’ll walk away. I have to believe that. I can’t spend my life with him as my brother in law.” Ryan shook his head. “No way in Hell.”
“He wouldn’t hurt her, would he?” I asked.
“Hurt Jo?” Ryan blinked. “Have you met my sister? She’d kick his ass if he tried.”
If we had been having this conversation five years ago, I would have agreed with him. But now, after seeing this new Jo, I wasn’t so sure. If she was already putting up with the stuff Ryan said she was, who knew where she would draw the line, if she ever would?
“She deserves better,” I muttered.
“I know. She just doesn’t seem to know that.”
I sighed and looked back up at the front door of Hart’s Pub. It sucked to be within reach of the girl I’d been dreaming about for five years and know that she was still off limits. She probably always would be.
Ryan tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. “You sure you’re all right, man? You’re different too, you know? Since you left.”
“I’d expect so. It’s been a long time. A decade.”
Ryan shrugged. “Yeah, but you know what I mean. If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here.”
I chuckled and shook my head at him. “I’m good, man. Trust me. No demons haunting me up here.” I rapped my knuckles on the side of my head. The only demons haunting me were in my heart. And they were evil bastards.
Ryan arched an eyebrow.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine. I can handle my own shit. You know that. I’m not a talker.”
“Your dad just died, Zach. You’re allowed to feel something, you know? You don’t have to always have it together. Maybe for your mom, but not for me.”
“What is this, a soap opera?”
Ryan rolled his eyes and laughed at me. “All right, fine, I’ll leave it. But just remember that I’m here if you need anything.”
“If I need anything, I’ll just call your sister.”
Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Hey now, no need to get personal.”
I grinned as I slipped my gloves on. “You started it.”
Ryan walked backward across the parking lot to his car. “I’m glad you’re back in town, you smug bastard. I’ll see you this weekend?”
“Sounds good,” I called after him befo
re pulling my helmet on and tightening the straps under my chin. Then I climbed on the back of my bike and started it up. The engine roared to life, and the seat vibrated beneath me.
I pulled out of the parking lot, burning rubber, and peeled out onto the main street, heading in the direction of my hotel. I was only staying for a couple more nights, and then I’d be moving into my new apartment a few blocks from my mother’s place. It wouldn’t take long to transfer my duffel bag worth of items from the hotel to the apartment. Then I’d just have to get myself a bed and start collecting more furniture and doing the things normal people did to create a home.
My bike satisfied a small part of my thirst for the sky. I still ached to be in my plane, soaring through clouds and chasing the never-ending horizon, but the open highway was good enough for now. At least I was close to my mom. She needed me more now than she ever had, and I had no intentions of letting her down.
My dad had been her rock her whole life. She had no idea who she was without him.
A burning lump formed in my throat, and I clenched my teeth. I’d kept my emotions at bay valiantly since finding out my dad died. After I got the call while still on base, I broke down once when I was alone. Then I held it together until the funeral, where I shed a few quiet tears during my mother’s emotional eulogy.
Since then I’d kept it together. But when I was alone, that was harder. When there were no distractions, my mind wandered through memories of playing ball with my father or being chased around the living room by him when I was really little. I pictured Christmas mornings and Thanksgiving dinners where my father was always at the forefront of my memory.
He had been my rock just as much as he had been my mother’s. I defined myself by following in his footsteps. I admired him more than anyone else on this planet. And now, he was gone.
He left big shoes to fill. I knew I was not the man he was. I never would be. But I had to try for my mother’s sake. I had to be there for her, as he would expect me to be.
When I got to the hotel, I didn’t take my helmet off for a while. I sat on my bike with my head down and waited until the storm raging inside me had abated. Then I took the helmet off and went to my room, where I was greeted by only more loneliness.
10
Josephine
Rosie’s heels clicked on the hardwood as she came back toward the bar after locking the front doors for the night. The place was empty save for me and her, and the quietness wrapped itself around me like a nice cozy blanket.
It had been one hell of a night.
My brain was spinning a mile a minute, and my body was still trying to recover from being so close to Zach on the dance floor. I could still feel the soft press of his hand against my hip as he guided me through an effortless routine. He’d been so respectful and kept his hands in safe places, not assuming that we were anything more than acquaintances.
A small part of me had wanted him to touch the small of my back. To caress my cheek. To graze my lips with his.
But that would only make knowing I couldn’t have him worse.
“How are you feeling after that rollercoaster?” Rosie asked as she plucked her half-empty coke and grenadine from the counter and sipped it through her straw.
I groaned and untied my apron. “Confused.”
“You told me he was cute, girl, but you didn’t say he was that cute. Correction. You can’t call a man like that cute. He’s just downright sexy. Those eyes. That scruff.” She giggled and fanned herself teasingly. “No wonder you let him take you back to that hotel.”
“And put a baby in me,” I muttered.
“Hey now, Sam is a gem. And he’s going to be a nightmare when he gets older if he ends up looking anything like his father.”
I moaned in exasperation as I started sweeping behind the bar. “I can’t even think about that right now. My plate is full enough. He’s back for good apparently. I’m going to have to see him all the time. What if he finds out about Sam? How am I supposed to handle that?”
Rosie shrugged one shoulder and put her drink down to start wiping down the bar. “Guess you should have told him five years ago when you first found out, huh?”
“Very insightful, thank you.” I scowled at her.
“Hey, I’m just saying. Nobody put you in this little predicament but you. I support you and have your back, but that doesn’t mean I can’t point out when you did something silly.”
I loved Rosie for her straightforward, no bullshit honesty. People like her were rare to come by. But sometimes, like right now, all I wanted was for someone to tell me that everything would work out.
Rosie leaned her hip against the bar and crossed her arms. “Jo,” she said, and I looked up at her. “Even if he is staying in town, does it really impact you? Or will you continue to do your thing? Work the bar, hustle like the badass mom you are, and go about your normal life? Why does him coming back have to change anything?”
She didn’t understand. “You’re right. Nothing has to change. And knowing him, he’ll probably get bored and bail after a month or two. Once his mom is on her way to being able to live on her own, I’m sure he’ll want to get back in his plane.”
“So you’re stressing for no reason. Just don’t think about it. Unless, of course, you want to think about it.”
I wasn’t quite sure what she was getting at. “What does that mean?”
She shrugged and pushed her hair back off her forehead before resuming her work of wiping down the bar. “I’m just saying. The guy likes you. Couldn’t you feel that? And I’m no expert, but I was picking up on vibes that you like him too.”
“I’m with—”
“Brett. I know. We all know.” Rosie collected some of the remaining empty glasses from the bar and headed to the kitchen to do one more cycle through the dishwasher. She paused at the swinging door and looked back at me. “But you’re not married to him, Jo.” Then she left me alone at the front of the bar, my mind playing her words over and over again until they sounded foreign.
No, I’m not married to him. But I’m committed. And he’s been in Sam’s life for so long. It would be wrong for me to put my needs ahead of everyone else’s.
Zach was simply off limits like he’d always been.
* * *
It was a quarter to one in the morning when I pulled into the driveway and put my old truck in park. I sat in the cab for a couple of minutes, staring up at the dark entrance of my two-bedroom rancher. It was a small place, but a decent one, the best I could afford when I first moved back to Houston.
The siding was a pale yellow, which I liked against the brightness of the pansies and petunias planted in the boxes beneath the two front windows. A cobblestone path led from the side of the driveway up to the front door, which was pushed back a bit under a small canopy. At night, like right now, it was pitch black at the front door.
Brett never thought to leave the light on for me when I came home late.
I sighed and got out of the truck smelling like booze and fries. I fished my keys out of my purse by the light of the inside of the cab, and once I had my house key ready, I locked the truck and went to the door. I fumbled with the lock for a minute in the dark.
I stepped inside and closed the door gently behind me, locked the deadbolt, and then kicked off my work shoes and padded silently down the hall toward the kitchen.
All I wanted to do was sit in my corner of the sofa with a cup of tea and read my book for a little while. It would take my mind off of Zach, and I needed to distract myself if I had any hope of falling asleep.
The kitchen light was on. I came around the corner from the hall and stopped when my gaze fell upon Brett sitting at the kitchen table.
It was my dad’s old table, the one Ryan and I had grown up sitting at. It wasn’t pretty on the eyes as the wood was worn, and the upholstery on the chairs was an outdated paisley print, but it was precious to me. Brett had his dirty work boots up on one of the seats as he leaned back in the chair at the head of the t
able, a bottle of beer clutched in one hand.
“Hey, baby,” he said, his words a little slurred. His eyes were heavy. He’d been drinking for a while. Probably since he got home from work around five o’clock. He dragged his once bright blue eyes up and down me. “How was work?”
I dropped my purse on the kitchen counter and went to the stove, where I set to filling up the kettle and turning the element on. “It was all right. Pretty busy for a Wednesday actually. Ryan stopped by, and he and Rosie flirted like high school kids.”
Brett snorted and rolled to his feet. I didn’t say anything when he had to rest a hand on the table to steady himself. “Do you think that brother of yours will ever have the balls to ask her out?”
I shrugged and turned back to him, bracing my lower back against the counter. “Who knows? They’d be good together, I think. And a couple we could double date with. Which would be nice. And Sam already calls Rosie ‘Auntie.’ Them getting together would just make the title more official.”
“Double date?” Brett smirked and came to me, resting his hands on my hips. He loomed over me at his height of six foot four. He was a good-looking man, not as good looking as he’d been when I first fell for him, but still handsome. He had a thick head of unruly blond hair and a square jaw decorated in stubble. I liked him clean shaven, but he didn’t have the will to shave every day. “I don’t want to share my woman with another couple on a date.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Then maybe you should start taking me on dates. It’s been forever since we went out.”
“Oh come on, baby. We don’t need fancy restaurants to have a good time. That’s what I like about us.”
I smiled and turned away from him to pour my almost boiling water over a green tea bag in my favorite blue mug. “A change every now and then would be nice. Maybe we could go bowling. Or dancing.”
Air Force Hero Page 6
