She had no clue which way was up.
* * *
“Wakey, wakey, surf fans. This is Shoshana from Surfline coming at ya with all the updates from the Rip Curl Pro you’ll ever want in my hot little hands, and let me tell you, it was a doozy from down under today. The women, as always, are keeping it interesting. Lindy Ives advances to the final round in glorious style and will meet wildcard Heather Cho. In a surprising turn of events, number one Elle Britton went down in the semis. This means, win or lose, Ives takes the yellow leader jersey from Britton, who will now reside in the number two spot. Ouch. Tough break for a fan favorite. You’ll get ’em next time, Elle. In the meantime, go, Lindy! You earned that jersey!”
Elle closed her laptop, deciding to maybe stay off the surf websites for a while.
She was back stateside after the demoralizing loss in the tournament. Gia had gone home a day ahead of her. They’d kissed and talked briefly and left things on a positive note, but things felt markedly different now, and Elle didn’t know how to fix it. Everything in her life was a giant question mark and she was having trouble getting her brain to focus on something as simple as making breakfast.
“You home?” a voice called from her entryway.
She popped her head around the corner and smiled widely at Christopher, happy to see a friendly face. “What? You don’t knock? You think you live here now?” she asked playfully.
“I’ve been waiting for my key.” He strolled into her house looking handsome as ever, wearing salmon-colored shorts and a trim white polo. She was fairly certain he’d gotten laid recently. “Glad you’re back,” he said, and kissed her cheek.
“Not exactly as victorious as I’d planned, but back all the same.”
“Yeah, was sorry to hear that.” He pointed at her floor. “What in the world is that thing?”
“Foam roller. For my muscles before and after training. You work out. How do you not know this? You’re getting one for Christmas.”
He picked up the long foam tube and examined it. “Looks sexual to me.”
She shook her head. “Such a guy.”
“So, how are things?”
A normal answer would have been “They’re okay” or “I’m getting by.” Instead she went with “I feel like my world is imploding. My relationship and my job don’t seem to get along, and I’m caught in the middle and I don’t have a clue what to do.”
“Okay, okay,” he said, moving to her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Sounds like you have a lot going on in there.”
“You have no idea.”
“Well, let’s break it down,” Christopher said. “Sometimes that really helps me gain perspective. It’s like crunching numbers.”
“We could try,” Elle said, sounding pathetic even to her own ears.
“What’s the most important thing in the world to you?”
“Surfing my best. Rising to the top. It’s been my lifelong dream. It was right there for, well, a few fleeting months, and now…gone. Poof.”
“That sounds like it’s weighing on you. And the new girlfriend? The other surfer.”
“Gia.”
“What about Gia?”
“She’s amazing. When we’re together I feel fifty times lighter, and I look forward to seeing her again and again. But we’re both paying for it dearly because of the toll it’s taking on our scores. It’s adding a whole new layer of tension, and I hate it and have no idea what to do.”
“It’s a legitimate problem. There are football players who won’t have sex during the playoffs because it takes them off their game. Some avoid it for the entire season.”
She laughed. “I’d like to think I’m a little more complex than just that.”
“But maybe not. Cut yourself some slack. It’s a common problem for athletes.”
She sobered, understanding it was time she faced that reality. “If that’s the case, then what?” She resisted the urge to throttle something, because this was so not fair. For the first time, she was with someone she had honest-to-goodness feelings for, who she thought about constantly and planned her proverbial future around, and the matchup came with these kinds of consequences?
“I don’t envy you,” Christopher said.
“It’s a Sophie’s choice that I’m not prepared for.”
His eyes carried sympathy. “What can I do to help?”
“Feel like listening? Take me out for sushi and listen to me lament my long list of problems.”
He pulled his keys from his pocket. “I’ll drive.”
As they walked to his car, Elle’s phone buzzed in her pocket. A check-in text from Gia. You doing okay? Thinking about you. Miss you.
While her heart fluttered pleasantly at the sight of Gia’s name, her warring emotions took hold.
“You ready?” Christopher asked, car door open.
“Yeah, let’s go.” She hesitated, then shoved the phone, and the unanswered text message, back into her pocket.
* * *
The Cat’s Pajamas was closed for the evening, but Gia and her friends had gathered there anyway.
Needing someone to talk to, Gia had gone to Autumn, knowing she’d be on her own and going about her typical closing duties. Autumn in turn had called Hadley, who’d promptly texted Isabel, which brought them to this moment where they’d congregated in the shop with the darkened sign out front, all positioned around their normal breakfast table. Only at night.
“You haven’t been yourself since you got back from Australia,” Autumn said, gently.
Feeling under the microscope, Gia closed up, finding it hard to express all that was going on in her head. She nodded, with an uncomfortable lump in her throat.
“I know you were hoping for a better finish,” Isabel said. “We all have slumps. I’m sure that’s what this is. It’s just a bitch is all. Whisky hit?” She pulled a flask from her bag.
Gia reached for it and a took a quick swig, passing it to Hadley, who demurred, and then back to Isabel. “Maybe. But it’s more than that.”
Hadley scooted her chair closer to Gia’s and looped their arms. “Is everything okay with Elle?”
Gia took a deep breath, hating the fact that tears filled her eyes. She was so not a crier, especially when it came to her own issues. She usually sucked it up and dealt with it. Apparently, this time was different. Her stomach felt off and her muscles tense. Not to mention, her coping skills were at an all-time low. “We haven’t talked in a couple of days. We’ve hit some issues, and I don’t know that there’s a solution.”
“Why is that?” Autumn asked, quirking her head to the side.
“Elle’s lost number one, I’ve fallen to five with no clue how to get any better except to go back to what I was doing before.”
“Living the boring single life,” Hadley said with a pout.
“Trust me, not what I want. But am I supposed to give up everything I’ve ever dreamed of? Not to mention, she’s pulled away exponentially.”
“Maybe you could just put it on hold, until the season plays out,” Isabel said. “I’m just thinking out loud here.”
Hadley shook her head firmly. “And then Elle, who it turns out is wonderful, meets someone else and gets confused about what she wants, which is Gia. Or worse, resents Gia for pulling away from her to begin with. No.”
“I agree with you,” Gia said. “But what’s the alternative? Watch everything I’ve worked for evaporate?”
“Yes!” Hadley exclaimed.
Autumn held up a hand. “Gia has to do what’s right for her.”
She shrugged. “If only I knew how.”
“You have to talk to her,” Autumn said, gently. “See what she thinks.”
Gia nodded and blew out a breath. “What kind of wuss am I that the concept terrifies me?”
“You’re a wuss with a very big heart,” Isabel said, “which is the main I reason I let you win at Ms. Pac-Man.”
“Thanks, Iz,” Gia said, ignoring that last part, because it was a
sinine. “I guess I should give her a call. Or should I maybe wait until tomorrow?”
“Tonight,” her three friends said, in unison.
Gia stood, feeling unsteady on her feet. “Maybe one more sip.” Isabel passed the flask. It was now or never. “Tonight it is.”
* * *
When Elle opened the door, it was close to eleven p.m. Seeing Gia standing in front of her after days apart left her breathless. Gia’s hair was down and tousled from the wind. She wore jeans and a baseball T-shirt, white with navy sleeves. Elle wanted nothing more than to walk into Gia’s arms and inhale the scent she’d come to love and miss. Yet their circumstances kept her rooted right where she stood.
“Hey,” she said, as nonchalantly as possible, knowing their conversation would likely be anything but. Fear prickled at the back of her neck. She stepped aside. “Come in.”
“Thanks.” Gia smiled as she passed. But it was the way she smiled that sliced at Elle. Politely, as if they hadn’t just shared a handful of amazing months together. Was this who they were now? Elle wasn’t sure she could wrap her mind around this new dynamic, if she even wanted to try.
“I’m sorry it’s so late,” Gia said. “I just had a lot on my mind and thought maybe you did, too.”
“Yeah. I do.” Elle nodded and headed to the couch, her stomach tight. “Why don’t we sit?”
“The fluffy couch,” Gia said fondly, almost as if she were saying goodbye to it.
Elle wanted to scream. She hated all of this so much. “I just think—”
“Lately, it’s seemed—”
Elle smiled at their overlap. “You go ahead.”
“No, you can.”
“All right.” Elle took a moment to order her thoughts, to steady her heart. “I think it’s safe to say that we’ve both been feeling the stress of competition and our lack of performance.”
“Lack of performance is kind.” Gia attempted a smile. It didn’t fully manifest. “But yeah, that part’s true.”
Elle took a deep breath and just said it. “I don’t want to lose you, Gia. I don’t want to lose us, but if we’re the problem, what’s the solution?”
“I’ve been asking myself that for days.”
“So I can let myself fall helplessly in love with you, which I’m confident I’ll do, and—”
“Pay for it every step of the way.”
“Or we can take a step back from us, before we’re any further in, and try and salvage what’s left of the season and beyond. I don’t know about the future, but maybe we do what’s right for us now.”
Gia stared at the carpet, her jaw set. “Sounds like you know what you want to do.”
“It’s not what I want. I’m improvising here, and I need your help. What do you think?”
Gia didn’t say anything at first, studying the hem of her jeans. She raised her gaze to Elle’s, and the sadness spoke volumes. She couldn’t stand to see Gia looking that way, the very same way she felt herself. “Isabel mentioned that maybe after the season, we could see where we’re at. Maybe hit a pause button and focus on the tour.”
Elle nodded, afraid to speak. “Maybe,” she said quietly.
“But who knows where we’ll be then. Who you’ll have met. And honestly, why would next season be any different?”
“Right,” Elle said, allowing the tears to come. Their potential future was looking bleaker and bleaker with each moment that ticked by. “So we just go back to being competitors who see each other in lobbies of hotels? That sounds awful.”
The corners of Gia’s mouth turned down in a helpless fashion. “I think we agree on that.”
They stared at each other, the sadness palpable, overwhelming. “I guess we’re doing this,” Elle said, not quite believing it.
Gia stood and shoved her hands into the pocket of her jeans. “Walk me out?”
Elle took her hand, and together they walked to the entryway of the house. Once in front of the door, Gia took Elle’s face in her hands, stared long and hard into her eyes, and kissed her, thoroughly. Elle stepped into the kiss, memorizing that mouth, Gia’s scent, the feel of her skin, unsure how she was going to get by without these very important things in her life.
“I should go,” Gia whispered, her forehead pressed to Elle’s. “Goodbye, Elle.”
Elle swallowed, as the tears fell. “Goodbye.”
She didn’t watch Gia walk down the sidewalk to her Jeep the way she so often had in the past. She couldn’t do it. Instead, she closed the door to the familiar image, and to what had been a wonderful time in her life, wondering, all the while, if this might be her biggest regret.
Chapter Seventeen
“Oh, my goodness. We’re here!” Hadley said, wide eyed. She twirled in a circle at baggage claim, and Gia looked around to see who noticed. “It feels like France, you know? The ground is French.”
“It is,” Gia said conservatively.
“Hello, France!” she said to the air all around her, then turned back to Gia. “And we’re going to see French things, and talk to French people, and find a café and dream big dreams like they do here. I can’t wait till we can see French stars in the sky.”
Gia nodded, doing her best not to kill Hadley’s buzz, but really not feeling it herself. “Sounds exciting, and I want you to be able to get all of that in. We’ll see what kind of downtime I can come up with.” Hadley had been more than generous and agreed to accompany Gia to the Roxy Pro when she’d asked. Knowing Hadley’s affinity for Paris, offering to take her anywhere in the same country was a pretty sure bet. Having a friend with her would be helpful, she decided, and bolster her courage to face this tournament…and Elle.
It had been a good three weeks since they’d said their tearful goodbye in her doorway. Since then, Gia had put every waking moment she had into being a better surfer, to satisfying results. She was currently in the best shape of her life and taking on waves like Ms. Pac-Man downing pellets. She had high hopes for her chances this week, though she was less optimistic about the toll it would take on her heart.
She missed Elle. Even her crazy affinity for organization and the way she was capable of charming every person she met. She smiled thinking back on the way she’d flick her hair behind her with her hand, often smacking Gia in the face. The buzz about them in the media had died down, as they’d given them zero public interaction to scrutinize.
It was almost as if the whole thing never happened, except for the lasting impression it left on every inch of Gia’s being. She longed for Elle and wondered if there would ever be a time when she was over her. Didn’t seem possible.
“No, no. Don’t get me wrong.” Hadley said, yanking Gia back to the conversation. “We’re here for surfing and so much more surfing. To surf like we’ve never surfed. To win it all and climb that leaderboard.” Hadley grabbed her light blue suitcase with the pink heart sticker on the handle from the carousel. “And we will.” A pause and another twirl. “But we’re in France!”
“You guys here for the Roxy Pro?” the guy next to them asked, clearly having overheard their conversation.
“Yep.” Gia nodded, keeping an eye out for her suitcase.
“My friend here is one of the best surfers in the world,” Hadley said proudly. “Gia Malone. Write that down.”
“Oh, yeah. I know you. I wish you all the best.” He gestured to his buddy. “We’re big fans of the sport. Gonna try and catch some of Elle Britton’s heats.”
“She’s pretty great,” Gia said, and attempted a smile.
She felt Hadley watching her just before Hadley sprang into action. “Hey, maybe if we moved closer, we could grab your bag sooner. C’mon.”
Gia dutifully followed her friend, the conversation having plunged her into another dark depth. “You’re good, you’re good. Just shake that off,” Hadley said, giving the side of Gia’s shoulder a smack. “Did that hurt?” she asked quietly, with a squint. “I always feel like athletes like to be hit when they’re pep talked, but that didn’t feel righ
t.”
“I’m fine,” Gia said. “You’re a great coach.”
“But do I need to hit?” she asked reluctantly.
“No,” Gia said, and slung her arm around Hadley’s shoulder. “But I see my suitcase, and then we can get the hell out of here and let you see some of the French countryside.”
* * *
“I’m serious about exploring the idea of a clothing line,” Kip said, as they hugged goodbye.
Elle smiled. “And I told you I would consider it. Which I will. Thanks for breakfast.”
“My pleasure. Any chance to get in some one-on-one with a valuable client and write off a trip to France is a win in my book.”
She laughed. “Say hi to that gorgeous husband of yours.”
“Will do,” he said, leaving her in the lobby of the resort. “I expect a win.”
“Not a problem. Trust me.”
Kip headed off for the next few days of vacation, and Elle made a mental checklist of all she had to do. Meet with Bruce and wax her board, make sure that it was in tip-top shape, sponsor stickers in place. She had a media thing in an hour and her first heat the following day. She’d need a good night’s sleep and—
“Hadley,” she said, startled to see a familiar face from home strolling through the hotel lobby.
“Elle!” Hadley said, beaming. She pulled her into a tight hug. “How are you?” The words were casual, but the sympathetic eyes gave her away. Of course Hadley would know all about her and Gia. In fact, everything these days was a reminder, especially—
Her thought ended there, because trailing Hadley, and just feet away, stood Gia herself. Elle swallowed, caught off guard by how beautiful Gia looked, and how desperately she’d missed her.
“Hi,” Gia said, with a half smile.
“Hey,” Elle answered, resisting the urge to hug her, touch her, something. It was one thing to try and erase someone from your mind when they were out of sight, but with Gia standing right there in front of her, it was a losing battle. God, she looked good.
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