“I know the feeling,” Colleen smiled, reaching a reassuring hand up to touch his good arm.
They had Joel bunk with Cooper; he always welcomed the newbies on the first night. His overly friendly manner usually went over well in a world that, on most days, wanted to kill you. The following day at the break, they sat down and talked, trading stories with Joel.
“So, I have to ask, is there is nobody with the Terror here?”
“Not currently,” Colleen said. “We’ve had them pass through, but they don’t stay long.” Joel squirmed in his chair as if someone had turned up the heat, arching his back.
“We’re not that kind of place,” Marisha piped in, noticing his worried look, “Dr. Vazquez wouldn’t let it happen. And no, we don’t force anyone to leave; it’s always their decision. The Terror tends to keep people moving until they just can’t move anymore.”
Joel leaned forward in his chair, “Then what do you do if they stay?”
“Show compassion; try to make them comfortable.” Chenoa said, “Then if they choose to leave, we stock them up and watch them walk away until they disappear. That’s about all you can do. We can’t heal anyone.”
Colleen didn’t like to talk about being healed. Over the last couple of months, she struggled with the concept of her miraculous recovery. While Dr. Vasquez had told her everything would be fine, there was a part of her that believed everything wasn’t over for her.
In the ensuing months, there had been two people with the terror that passed through the hospital, and both of them barely knew who they were—let alone where they were. The Terror never hit everyone the same way. Some became as calm as the wind blowing across the Puget Sound, while it filled others with rage.
Knowing they couldn’t do anything for the terror victims only made Colleen feel guilty for her recovery. Each time she’d volunteer to be the one to keep them comfortable, hoping it would bring her solace, but in the end, it only made her feel worse. No matter how hard they tried to convince those with the terror to stay, they would just continue on their journey to nowhere.
“So, what do people do around here to pull their weight?” Joel asked, “I’m not smart enough to help in the hospital, but I’m a pretty good shot, and I can clean anything dead you bring me. Oh, and I make a mean Portobello soup.”
“I think we can find somewhere to use you,” Colleen said. “Cooper, do you think you can show Joel where the dishwasher is?”
“Dishwasher?” Joel repeated the word like it had to be a mistake, “I assumed…”
Cooper grabbed him by the arm and took him back to the kitchen, “Don’t mind her. She’s just trying to get under your skin. I’ve got a few possums that need to be cleaned and cooked.”
They walked away, passing through the Atrium that housed the extraordinary garden. The fall crops of cabbage, broccoli, and onions were only days from harvesting. Marisha hooked her arm through Colleen’s and wound through the raised beds. As soon as they were out of view, Marisha pinched her.
“Ouch! What was that all about?” Colleen asked, rubbing her tricep. Marisha’s green eyes stared at her like she was looking into her soul, and her mouth formed a firm line.
“Why do you have to be such a jerk to everyone new here?”
“I seem to remember you getting a few good hits in, too, earlier today,” Colleen said, scrunching her face up with judgment.
Marisha grabbed a golden yellow and red apple, polishing it on her shirt. She took a big bite and then offered it to Colleen.
“It’s our thing. You’re sweet and kind,” Colleen put a hand over her heart, “and I’m the one with the tough love. Joel will get over it.” Marisha leaned into Colleen’s side, wrapping her arm around one of hers.
“You’re right, they always do, but I just don’t think it’s necessary. You remember how the hospital opened its arms to us when they didn’t have to?”
Colleen’s arm tensed, becoming stone in her girlfriend’s grip, “I’m not turning anyone away; I’m just making sure we are keeping everyone safe. If I hadn’t been so desperate back then, I probably would have just kept on going. Trust from me isn’t going to come easy.”
“That doesn’t make it right—"
Colleen spun around to a halt, facing Marisha with a look of frustration, “You want to know the real reason?”
Marisha pulled her arm away and took a step back, “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I spent 2500 miles trying to keep people from killing Jackson and me.” Her face heated, her vision blurred, the tips of her fingers went numb with anger. Colleen had held all this inside, but the dam holding it back had burst, flooding all the frustration out into the open. Marisha hadn’t seen her like this before, but maybe it was time to rip that bandage off. “If they can’t handle a bit of teasing, then they don’t need to be here. You can’t trust everyone.”
They both stood there for a while. After what felt like an eternity, Marisha chimed in, “You’re right. We can’t trust everyone, but we don’t have to hate everyone either.”
Three
Marisha
They had said little to each other since dinner. The tension was thick in the air, and neither one of them dared to make eye contact. When the two girls got back to the dorm room they shared with Chenoa, it somehow had morphed back to smiles and shallow laughter.
Colleen had tried to stay up and talk, but no sooner after her head hit the pillow, she was asleep. Marisha knew sleep wouldn’t come easy. Her mind tossed and turned, running through all the ways she could have handled the truth better. She could have told her long ago, spilled the beans the first chance she had, and taken the hit, but she had been too scared. No one wanted to sabotage something that was becoming special, even if it was the right thing.
She’ll never forgive me, and I wouldn’t blame her.
The longer it went, the more it festered like an open sore; only this one wouldn’t go away with time or medicine. She was merely counting her days until the inevitable. Marisha was so sick to her stomach that she doubled over, rolling back and forth on her bed. Every night she tried to justify what she had done, and every excuse just made it worse.
“Marisha, are you okay?” Chenoa whispered from across the room.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” her words exhausted, “I think I just ate something bad for dinner.”
“Okay, just checking on you,” Chenoa said.
What am I doing? That’s a lie too! This is not making things better! Marisha turned over quickly to face Chenoa, trying to keep it together but failing, “Actually, I’m not okay."
“I could have told you that,” Chenoa said, smiling, “you can’t fool anyone and you’re a terrible liar. Your voice gave it away.”
If only she knew, she wouldn’t be saying that.
“So, what is it? Have you told Colleen?” Chenoa said, propping herself up on her arms, giving Marisha her full attention.
“I can’t tell her because… I know something, something huge, and it’s been eating me up inside. Like, it’s made me physically ill to the point I almost threw up in my mouth just now.”
Chenoa recoiled but kept listening, “I could’ve done without the visual.” Marisha watched her shake the image from her mind.
“Sorry,” she said, “I know something I should have told her almost two months ago, and I didn’t. I was trying to protect her, but now it’s almost impossible to say anything.”
"Why impossible—are you sure she can’t hear us right now?”
Marisha’s eyes slightly widened at the realization that Chenoa could be right. She gritted her teeth before tiptoeing over to Colleen’s bed. She put her face down and listened. She could still hear the light snoring she had always teased her about, “We’re good.”
“As I was saying,” Chenoa exhaled, “Why is it impossible to tell her? Is it life-threatening? Does she have the—”
“No, nothing like that, but it’s certainly life-changing.”
“Well, if you ask me—be honest
, do you love her?”
Marisha blushed, then turned away unsuccessfully, trying to hide how red she had become from the top of her head to the tips of her ears. She absently rubbed her shirt between a thumb and index finger.
Love her? It’s much more than that. That’s why this is so hard! She screamed in her head.
“You have no idea,” her voice cracked, trailing off. Marisha looked down as her fingers covered her mouth as if she hadn’t meant for the words to escape. The eyes grew in size as her cheeks flushed red hot.
"Then, you have to tell her and stop putting it off,” Chenoa scolded, “We can’t survive in this world if we can’t trust the ones we love. I know most of you think Cooper is a just big dumb hick, but there’s one thing I’m certain of—we’ve been through hell together, and I trust him completely. Quit beating yourself up. Whatever your secret is, it can’t be that bad.”
Marisha stood up and started pacing tight circles, counting steps under her breath, “You’d be surprised.”
She looked at Colleen with a pained, watery gaze. Her legs weak, and her arms pulled to the earth as if with immense gravity. Chenoa stood up, covering her in an embrace.
They just stood there. One friend keeping the other from falling.
Colleen began to say something in her sleep, then turned over again until she faced the wall.
“Let’s talk later,” Chenoa said, winking at Marisha.
She nodded and slipped back into bed, pulling her covers to her chin. With a guilty conscience no longer ruling her every thought, she drifted off to sleep.
Colleen
Colleen opened her angry, reluctant eyes. She would allow Marisha to come clean, but that opportunity wouldn’t last forever.
Four
Colleen
“Joel makes a pretty mean possum soup,” Cooper said, stirring the contents in his bowl with a metal spoon. “I mean, it’s not as good as mine, but it’s passable.”
Joel punched him in the shoulder, then wrapped his arm around Cooper’s neck, playfully putting him in a headlock with his good arm, “It’s just passable now?” He squeezed and tousling his hair, “five minutes ago, you were asking if I could tell you the secret ingredient because it was so good.”
The two kept roughhousing; as soon as one would get the upper hand, the other would find a way to escape. Colleen placed her foot on Cooper’s back and pushed, making them both fall over, but to her shock, it did nothing to slow their fighting.
“Boys,” Marisha said, “I‘m not sure why they believe all this masculine posturing is going to impress someone.”
“He has a girlfriend, so it had to have worked at some point in time,” Colleen said, “Well, that or he kept it to himself until a much later in their relationship. Chenoa doesn’t strike me as the type.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Chenoa said as she came up behind them. She looked at the boys like she was contemplating breaking it up. Instead, she turned her back to them, clearly embarrassed.
“You’re too sweet.” Colleen cleared her throat, “I can’t see you falling for this machismo thing.”
“Well, when your options are limited…” she said, trailing off, she cut her gaze toward the two guys who seemed to be starting to tire. “You take what you can.”
“I heard that!” Copper said in his thick northern accent. He craned his neck toward her and squinted.
“That was the point,” Chenoa got up and grabbed him by the collar, firmly yanking him up to give him a peck on the cheek. “Now, why don’t you get off the floor and make yourself useful.”
The five of them gathered outside of the OHSU after breakfast. The letters that hung from the side of the building read, ‘Oregon Health and Science University,’ but everyone who lived there just called it Oh-sue.
They were all headed south today to look for supplies. Joel had gotten everyone excited at dinner the night before about a previously unknown location that housed a long-forgotten stash of priceless resources, just waiting to be recovered. It wasn’t exactly a new place to them; The Oaks Amusement Park had been a critical government installation in the ‘end of days.’ The military had abandoned it ten years ago once the defenses had fallen. According to him, he had seen a ton of supplies that could last them for at least a year or more. And by supplies, he specifically pointed out things they were in short supply of, like canned food and medicine. Everyone living in OHSU had stopped going there years ago, but Joel was adamant they were just missing it.
It couldn’t have been more than a two-mile trek down the banks of the Willamette River. Vasquez had tasked Colleen with leading the search party. He had stayed behind, preferring to work in his office.
Colleen spoke up, giving them all a quick rundown of what their expectations would have to be, “Since all five of us are going today, we need to be extra sure to stick together. If there is as much as Joel says there is…” she said, staring at him. He furrowed his brow, clearly not receptive to her skepticism. “In a group, we will make ourselves more of a target, but we should be fine. As always, if you see something, say something. Everyone got it?”
Colleen was used to leading, but not used to being in charge of an entire group.
Please don’t mess this up. She crossed her fingers and bit her lip.
Everyone nodded in agreement. Cooper was nearly frothing at the mouth, excited at the prospect of a big haul. Joel stood beside her, his thumbs hooked into the straps of his pack, waiting. Colleen and Marisha grabbed the two small wagons as Cooper and Chenoa went to get their transportation ready.
“We’ll meet you out by the bridge,” Chenoa said, “I’m going to need to do some maintenance.”
The bridge over Willamette was a relic of past years. The old suspension bridge was a mess of frayed silver wires, and the asphalt had more craters than the moon. However, as unstable as it was, it was the only practical way to get over the river.
The three sat and waited for the last two members to join up before crossing. Colleen planted herself on a chunk of concrete and watched Joel as he paced impatiently, kicking rubble.
“It's been ten minutes. How long could it take for a…” No sooner than Joel had spoken, than the two came riding up, each mounted on top of majestic animals—one of them pulling a rickety flatbed trailer.
It had been a shock the first time Colleen had seen an actual horse. These stately animals now were mostly the imaginary creatures of fairytales and figments from stories of the past—before The Shifting. There was a good reason, though. Animals that big hadn’t survived; even most rich people with massive bunkers and more money than sense hadn’t tried to save horses. The upkeep alone to save the species would have been taxing on anyone's already limited resources.
Chenoa and Cooper knew the people who saved them, and the two beasts had only been colts when they were stored up underground. However, even species saving saints didn’t escape the constricting grasp of the Terror, and Chenoa, the eternal optimist, had agreed to take care of them when they couldn’t anymore.
“What is that thing?” Joel gulped. His eyes doubled in size, and his voice quaked with fear of the unknown. He stumbled back, unable to decide what to make of an animal almost five times his size.
“It’s a horse,” Chenoa giggled. She leaned over and ran a hand across her stead’s coarse fur, patting his muscular shoulder. “Don’t worry, they don’t bite. Well, they do bite, just not because it wants to eat you—they don’t eat meat.”
“Okay,” Joel gulped hard, and nearly tripped as he began stepping backward, trying to put space between himself and the horses.
Colleen motioned to Joel with a hand, “Why don’t you lead the way while the rest of us keep back. Maybe that will keep Mr. Butters off your mind.”
It didn’t take long to get to Oaks, with it being just a straight shot down the river bank. There had been a boardwalk to traverse at one point in time, but the elements had reclaimed the wood years ago. They slowed down as they approached the wroug
ht-iron gates. One half hung precariously as if all it would require is a stiff breeze to blow it off its one remaining hinge.
In some ways, the old park looked like it could still run with just a little work. Most of the rides were still upright and mostly devoid of rust. The only ride that had collapsed was ‘The Cliffhanger.’ The red and orange vertical monstrosity had once towered over the entire park, taking riders thirty stories up in a steel cage, only to drop them without warning. Sadly, it had toppled over due to age.
“Marisha, can you stay outside and keep an eye out for anything trying to get the jump on us?” Colleen asked.
“Sure babe, but unfortunately, I can’t promise a ninja won’t sneak in.” Marisha looked at Colleen, hoping to see a smile. Only this time, she was met with a look of annoyance as Colleen’s eyes darted in every direction but hers. Marisha looked down and tugged on her earlobe, the end turning red. “It was just a joke—"
“Let's just get this done so we can get out of here,” Colleen said sternly.
Marisha
Marisha found a spot to watch and watched Colleen walk away. It felt like they were falling apart right before her eyes and she didn’t know why.
Where had that come from? Bitting my head off nothing?
The other four entered the park, Joel still taking the lead. Marisha saw the warehouse they were talking about in the distance, but it was much smaller than Joel had described. She could see that the whole building was wide open and in terrible shape. There was no way that someone wouldn’t have stopped to go through it if essential supplies and food lurked inside. The entire building was practically open to the elements.
The Maddening: Book 2 in the Terror Saga Page 3
