How could she tell him she already knew what happened to Lori? That she always had. That she tried to explain to him and he wouldn’t listen.
She wouldn’t.
Christine nodded. It was time to give Magni what she should have given him twenty-five years ago.
The whole story of what she saw.
Christine kept her wall firmly in place as she slipped her hand into his. The move was unnecessary and selfish. She didn’t deserve to want his touch against her skin. But she did.
Magni stared at her, his eyes never wavering as she took slow even breaths working up the courage to tell him what he wanted to know.
“Lori planned to leave you.” Christine cleared her throat as the emotion of what she was telling him tightened her airway. “She didn’t want to be with you anymore.”
Magni’s grip tightened and she closed her eyes unable to look at what her words were doing to him. “She had someone waiting to take her away from here. From you.”
“Did she know she was pregnant?” His voice was surprisingly calm. Gentle.
Christine’s eyes burned as tears she didn’t deserve to cry ate at her lids, trying to escape. She squeezed them shut tighter and nodded her head. “That’s why she left.”
The first tear slipped free. It was horrible what Lori did to him.
And it was just as horrible what Christine did. Or didn’t do.
“Please don’t cry.” Magni’s voice was soft. He stood up and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “It’s okay.” His hand cradled the back of her head as she pressed her face into his shirt.
He smelled like the woods. Clean. Fresh. Green. There was the tiniest hint of alcohol on his breath as he tucked his head down close to hers, comforting her with a tenderness she never would have expected from him.
Christine started to relax against him, letting herself forget... just forget. Only for a minute.
“That’s it. Everything is okay.” The words were barely more than a whisper in her ear as he continued to hold her against him, carefully, gently. As if she would break if he squeezed her too tight. So very different from the way he held her two days ago in the street.
But just as perfect.
And she didn’t deserve perfect from him.
Christine stepped back, keeping her head down, unable to look in his eyes. Magni reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, brushing his fingers across her cheek as he did, making her want to step back in his embrace. But that wasn’t fair. Not to let him console her for something she played a part in creating.
“I’m so sorry Magni.” It was so much less than he deserved from her and that cut her to the bone. It was why she’d decided to stay away even though being close to him was what she’d always wanted.
But he was here anyway. In her house. Touching her. Holding her.
It was too much. More than she knew how to handle right now.
“Christine what’s wrong?” Magni stepped in close, bringing the scent of the outside back around her, making Christine want to close her eyes and pretend this was all under different circumstances. That he was here for a different reason instead of because he just discovered his dead wife wasn’t dead.
And he had a son.
“Christine?”
She blinked hard. She didn’t deserve to cry. “I’m just so sorry.”
Magni pulled her back into his arms, pressing his lips against her forehead as he slowly rocked her from side to side. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
It was surreal. This was a moment Christine imagined more times than she could count. Wrapped in the protection of Magni’s arms as he held her, letting the strength she was drawn to like a beacon seep into her skin.
That was why she’d never been able to turn off the feelings she had for him. Not in twenty-five years. Because in those years it became painfully clear she wasn’t a normal kind of woman who could have the normal kind of man. Letting someone in wasn’t something she was willing to risk.
That meant to have her, a man would be forced to break through a wall built to keep everyone out. Many tried. None could do it.
But deep down Christine knew Magni could. She could feel it.
And it still didn’t matter. Because he could never be hers. Shouldn’t be. Not when she’d kept something so important from him for all these years.
“Joel’s my son, isn’t he?” The rawness in his voice surprised her. It wasn’t something she let herself think about, what it would mean to Magni to discover he had a son.
A son that was taken from him.
“He is.”
Magni was quiet for a minute. He took a breath. “Do you know anything about him?”
She nodded against his chest.
“Okay.” He didn’t ask more. Maybe he wasn’t ready. Maybe he thought she wasn’t ready.
He was right on both counts.
But she wanted to give him more. Do what she should have done years ago when she saw Lori leave him. “I ran into them yesterday when I went to the post office. We started to have lunch together.”
His grip on her tightened. “Craig too?”
“Yes.” She looked up at him. “Craig is the investigator who found you. That’s the only reason he showed any sort of interest in me. He wanted information on you.”
Magni’s gaze was hard as he looked down at her. “That’s not the only reason.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re wrong.”
“Not about this.” Magni’s hand splayed across her back, his hold on her changing ever so slightly, the firm press of his palm against her almost possessive. “There’s not many men who would look at you and not be interested in more than information.”
Christine struggled not to react. She knew Magni wanted her. It wasn’t difficult to tell when a man was interested, especially one who didn’t care what other people thought of him. He did things like kiss you in the middle of the street in front of the whole town to prove a point.
That he could.
Magni’s hand rubbed up and down her back as he looked down at her, the cloudy blue of his eyes turning stormy. He was going to kiss her again.
But this time they were alone. There was no Gail to intervene. No audience to pull her back to the reality that Magni could never be hers for more reasons than he would ever know.
“I think you should go.” The words spilled from Christine’s mouth, panic pushing them up and out before she had a chance to think them through.
Magni lifted one eyebrow but his hold on her didn’t ease. The corners of his mouth tugged into a slow smile. “Do you now?”
She nodded, ignoring the heat pooling between her legs at the thought of his mouth on hers. “Yes I do. I think we are both very emotional right now and not thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking very clearly sweetheart.”
Her heart skipped a beat and heat crept along her cheeks. This was getting out of hand quickly. One minute Magni was wrangling with the realization he was a father and the next he was making her burn in ways she hadn’t felt in an embarrassingly long time, maybe ever. And he hadn’t even touched her.
Also probably related to the embarrassingly long time part.
There was only one explanation.
She was deprived and he was in shock.
“I know you feel like you’re thinking clearly but I disagree.” Christine carefully unwrapped his arms from around her and took a step back, missing the feel of his body on hers immediately. “I think tomorrow you will thank me for not...” She trailed off as Magni’s eyes grew darker as he looked down at her.
“For not what? What is it you thought was going to happen here sweetheart?”
“Uhhhhhhhhh.” Christine looked around. He had been planning to kiss her. She was sure of it. He’d already done it once and it was... well it was something that wouldn’t be as easy to forget as she acted like it would be. And between the feelings she’d been harboring for more years t
han she cared to admit and the fact that Magni was... Magni, there is no telling what she was capable of.
And it would be a mistake.
“I don’t want to make a mistake.”
Magni’s expression was hard, the tiny vein in his forehead protruding through the skin. “You think something happening between us would be a mistake?”
Her heart started to race as he stepped toward her. She backed up, taking one step for each of his, keeping distance between them. “I don’t know what I think.”
Christine’s butt bumped into the table, stopping her steady retreat. Magni was on her in an instant, one hand grabbing each side of the table, his arms caging her in. “Then how about I give you some time to figure it out?” He leaned into her, tucking his head beside hers, the soft hair of his beard brushing across her cheek as he whispered against her skin. “But you’re not going to hide from me anymore Christine. I won’t let you pretend what we have doesn’t exist. Do you understand?” The feel of his breath across her ear made Christine shiver with an anticipation the situation didn’t warrant.
She just told him she wanted him to leave. That it would be a mistake to let him stay.
All lies of course.
But he didn’t need to know that.
“Come to my shop tomorrow.”
That didn’t sound like a good idea either. “Why?”
Magni straightened, still keeping his hands on the table beside her. “We have light fixtures to make.”
Christine wasn’t making the light fixtures. She told Hagen that. Being around Magni was the opposite of what she decided to do. It was the opposite of what she should do.
“Okay.”
****
He was waiting for her.
Magni sat in a rocking chair on the porch to his cabin with a cup in each hand. That meant Christine didn’t have time to give herself a pep talk before going in and if the sight of Magni in a fitted t-shirt and well-worn jeans with his hair slicked back didn’t deserve a pep talk then nothing did.
Christine opened her car door and stepped out onto the gravel patch that served as Magni’s driveway trying not to focus on the way his muscles stretched and tightened under the soft grey fabric of his shirt as he stood up.
It wasn’t normal how he was. Most of the men she knew lost it before their fortieth birthday, giving in to the draw of rich food and complacency. Ending up with soft middles and flabby arms.
Not this one.
Magni was over fifty now but you’d never know it. Not by his face. Not by his hair and certainly not by his body. He was evergreen.
Fitting for the mountain man he was.
He met her at the steps to his porch, holding out one of the mugs in a work hardened hand she knew could be so much softer than it looked.
“Coffee?”
Christine took the cup, wishing she didn’t need to let her fingers brush across his in the process. But she did. Not because she had to but because she needed to. It wasn’t a promising start to the day.
“Thank you.”
He smiled down at her as his lips met the rim of his own mug. “Don’t thank me yet.” He sipped at his coffee. “The boys say I make shit coffee.” He held out his hand, his eyes holding hers.
Magni was giving her a choice. One she already made, even if it was the wrong one.
She made it again.
Christine put her hand in his, watching as his long fingers and wide palm engulfed hers, surrounding it with strength and warmth.
She looked up at him in time to catch a shadow of relief that swept across his eyes.
“Come on.” Magni led her up the stairs and through the front door into the cabin. It smelled like fresh coffee and sausage. “Are you hungry?”
She shook her head. “Thank you though.” If her stomach wasn’t rolling around trying to figure out which way was up she probably would have loved to see what a man like Magni could cook. Christine looked around the tiny but well stocked kitchen. A cast iron pan sat on the cooktop. Perfectly folded towels hung across the oven bar. Not a dish was out of place. Not a speck of mess anywhere.
He continued on through the small house, down a tiny hall that led to a steel exterior door. He swung it open using the same hand that held his coffee. “Here’s where I work.”
Christine stepped into a large building attached to the back of his cabin. A rack lined with varying sizes of wood took up one long wall and projects in varying stages of completion sat in groups around the shop. A number of rectangular tables with different tools both sitting on top and built in to the structure filled out the rest of the space. A small room was framed into the corner to her right. An odd sound came from inside. “What’s in there?”
Magni looked from Christine to the door, his eyes hanging on the six panel wood slab barely buffering the strange noise. “It’s a hawk.”
“A hawk?” Now that she knew it was a little easier to identify the sound coming from the small room. “You have a pet hawk?”
“No.” Magni dropped her hand and opened the door. There, as promised, was a hawk, his head twisting from side to side as he checked her out.
“Why do you have a hawk then?” She cautiously stepped closer and noticed one foot was wrapped in a bandage.
“He was caught in a fence.” Magni opened a small fridge and pulled out a—
“Is that a mouse?” Christine watched as Magni carefully opened the large cage and dropped the dead rodent inside. In a flash the hawk had the mouse in his beak and started tearing into it.
“Sorry.” Magni snapped the cage shut and backed out of the room. “He’s feeling better and is starting to be a pain in the ass.”
As he closed the door she noticed a few more cages lined against the wall. “Is that all you have in there?”
“Right now.” Magni stood with his back to the door.
Good God. He was an animal rescuer.
Shit.
“You okay?” Magni tucked his hand around hers. “I buy them already dead.” He gave her a small grin. “I don’t go around murdering mice.”
Christine gave him a weak smile, wishing he did. Something to turn the tide back in her favor. She was not here to find more reasons to think about him.
There were already plenty.
And now he rescued injured animals and nursed them back to health. Plucking them from certain demise in the forest and bringing them home.
Oh God.
Christine’s stomach twisted uncomfortably as the realization of why Magni did it hit her, but for the first time it wasn’t guilt she felt over what happened.
It was anger.
How could Lori have done what she did?
Maybe she should read Magni. Try to figure out where the heifer was and track her down. Slap Lori right in her beautiful face.
A stab of jealousy Christine hadn’t felt since she was a young girl jabbed her insides. Lori was always so pretty. Tan. Long straight caramel colored hair. Tall and willowy. And ten years older than Christine. That was the part she envied the most. Lori was old enough to be with Magni.
And Christine was too young to understand why age was a big deal. Why he wouldn’t even give her a second glance. At fifteen all she wanted was for him to notice her.
Now all she wanted was for him to forget her.
The thought buried an ache in her chest. One that belied every word she tried to tell herself.
Because the truth was she didn’t want Magni to forget her, because as much as she tried, Christine could never forget him. And it sucked.
“I want to show you what I have so far.” Magni led her to one of the long work tables. Small wood frames were laid across the surface. He stepped behind her, the hard edge of the table against her belly and the hard plane of his chest against her back as he lined up a row of four cedar frames. “Will these work for the glass panels?”
She was here to talk about the light fixtures for the diner, not to stand like a mute thinking about the strength of his tall body behind he
r and the heat that came off him, sinking between them to warm every inch of her. Christine blinked a few times, forcing her focus to redirect. “I think so.” She snagged a frame with her pointer finger and slid it toward her, picking it up to inspect the lip where the glass panel would sit. “I brought a few panels I was able to finish last night.” And she probably would have remembered to bring them in if she got to give herself that damn pep talk.
Lord she needed it right now.
Christine turned, ready to run to her car and get a little fresh air. Hopefully it would clear out the fog in her brain that came in every time she was around Magni. Unfortunately, Magni didn’t move and now her front was pressed against his front.
Not an improvement on her situation. “I can run to my car and get them if that would help.” The words came out breathy as the blood in her veins picked up speed and her lungs struggled to keep up.
“Maybe in a minute.” The gentle press of his body increased as Magni let more of his weight rest against her. He stared down at her. “Hagen said you planned to forget what happened in the street.”
Christine licked her lips at the memory which was a stupid thing to do. It gave her away.
Magni’s gaze slid to her mouth, then back to fix on hers. “Is that true?”
“I may have said that.” And she meant it. Totally. Completely. At the time.
But now...
Well, it wasn’t turning out to be as easy as she tried to convince herself it would be. Especially not at this exact moment with his body on hers. Now it was all she could think about.
And Christine would put all her money on the fact it was about to happen again.
“Then I guess I didn’t try hard enough.”
Sweet Jesus. The man had more than that? For the love of God he made her forget they were in the middle of the freaking street in front of half the town. What more did he want from her?
Magni leaned in, brushing his lips along her jawline, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. They paused under her ear to nip at the sensitive bit of flesh tucked under her lobe. “Maybe you could give me another shot.” He sucked her earlobe between his teeth. “See if I can be more memorable this time.”
Magni Page 9
