Christine shook her head. “Not yet. Not until I know everything.”
Rhea went back to lining her necklaces in their display. “You’re never going to know everything.”
That was the loophole she clung to, keeping Christine from losing her rational thought and dumping all the weight of her life on Magni, relying on him to keep her afloat in the rising waters of fear and uncertainty. He didn’t deserve that. Not now when he had so much on him already.
“He has too much going on for me to put this on him too.”
Rhea shook her head. “I think you’re making a mistake. He’s going to be pissed.” She looked up at Christine. “He loves you.”
Christine blew out a long breath before it had the chance to lodge in her chest. “I know.”
But he wouldn’t if he knew the truth of what she kept from him all these years. What she was planning to keep from him now. Who’d have thought that the first time a man loved her would break her heart instead of filling it? “That’s why I can’t tell him. Not after what happened with Lori.”
How selfish would she be to put him through something like this? To let him love her and support her not knowing what she’d held from him. If Magni knew the truth he would never forgive her. And she didn’t blame him.
The sad truth was there was no way forward for them. Not now. Not ever. It was time to tell him everything and let him go.
Because that’s what you did when you loved someone.
****
“You have to snip quick or the glass will break.” Christine flicked her wrist the tiniest bit as she nipped her way across the deep gold slash of glass in her hand. “Commit when you pinch down.”
Magni watched carefully. He looked back down at the mangled chunk of glass he’d been practicing on. “Maybe I should do something else.”
Christine glanced up at him as she continued to work, easily shaping the glass without having to keep her eyes on it as she worked. “I’m sure you have other things you need to do. Don’t worry about it. I’ll get caught up eventually.” She gave him an easy smile.
Magni looked at the number of light frames lined across one of the tables still waiting to be filled with glass panes. He knew for a fact the jewelry she made for the gallery was selling like crazy and would need to be replenished soon. Then there were the online orders that never stopped coming in and the key chains and whatever else Christine did to occupy her time and provide for herself.
Until now.
Now she didn’t need the income she did before. At least she wouldn’t as soon as he could convince her to move in here and let him take care of her. If she still wanted to make jewelry and stained glass and everything else she liked to do, Magni would make sure it was on her terms, not because she had to. He just had to figure out how to corral that independent streak she held onto with both hands.
“What about the foil tape? I could do that.” These damn lights were turning out to be an attention suck. If he knew how long it took her to put together the panels Magni would never have let her agree to do them. The damn things were taking too much of her time. Time he wanted.
Christine looked up from the new piece she was working on, snapping off bits of glass into the large trash can he set up beside her work table. “That would be great.” She nodded to the spot on the table where a dispenser held rolls of different colors of foil. “Do you need me to show you again?”
Magni gently picked up one end of the copper tape and peeled back a bit of the paper backing. “I think I got it.” For a few minutes they worked in silence, Magni carefully wrapping each piece of the glass she cut in foil while Christine continued to nip out the shapes for the panes.
“I made some necklaces for the gallery that sort of look like these.” Christine set another finished piece of glass on the table, lining it up within the other cut members of its pane. “Rhea thought they would be really popular.” She glanced up at him, her eyes darting away quickly just as he caught something in them that surprised him.
Pride.
And then fear.
Fear he would judge her for the well-earned pride she felt at Rhea’s compliment.
Her uncertainty over his reaction cut him deep. More than anything Magni wanted Christine to trust him. Clearly he hadn’t earned back what he lost the day he acted out of anger and fear. He’d worked so hard to show her the man all those years ago wasn’t him. Not then and sure as hell not now. Christine needed to know that he would be proud of anything and everything she did. That he would want her to feel the same about what she accomplished.
For the first time Magni wondered if Christine’s independent and self-sufficient nature wasn’t simply an inherited trait, but one she learned, to protect herself from people like him. People who accused her of being something she wasn’t, lashing out at her, cutting her down, rejecting the help she offered. If people didn’t appreciate one of her gifts, why would they feel any different about the others?
Shame burned in his guts, stoking the fire of remorse over a hurt he didn’t know how to repair. Hell, he didn’t know where to even begin. How could he make up for what he’d said to her? Now that he knew the extent of the pain his words caused it seemed impossible.
Magni couldn’t fix what he’d done. There was no way to take it back. All he could do was prove he was better than she thought.
He looked at Christine, struggling for the words that would begin to build the trust he wanted more than anything. “Do you have any other designs you want to do?”
She didn’t look up. “Maybe. I like learning how to make things so...” Her eyes lifted to study him. She was gauging his reaction to the tiny insight she was giving him into her private life. The part she kept well-guarded for reasons he was only just beginning to understand.
Magni wasn’t going to waste it and he certainly wasn’t going to make her regret it. He smiled at her, hoping to encourage her to keep going. “I like learning to make things too.” He held up the glass in his hand. “You just thought I was trying to be helpful.”
A faint blush crept over her cheeks. “I could teach you how to solder them together if you want.”
Magni looked down at the table of cut panes that needed to be soldered. “It would make your job a hell of a lot easier.” He picked up one of the finished lights. Her seams were smooth and clean. “But I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it quite as well as you do.”
She shrugged. “It just takes a little practice.”
“What else do you want to learn to do?” Magni forced himself to stay on task, picking up another section of glass even though all he wanted to do was take Christine inside, make her some dinner and then take her to his bed and—
“I’ve always wanted to learn to blow glass.” Christine set the last cut of glass in place.
“Why haven’t you?” It was a little surprising. Based on everything she’d been willing to let him see of her life, Christine wasn’t one to sit back and want to do something. She did it. And did it damn well.
“No space.” Christine walked to the frame designed to hold the panels while she attached them. “The ovens are huge and my house is already overcrowded with all my jewelry stuff.”
“Maybe you should bring more here.” Magni glanced up, trying to get a read on her reaction to the suggestion. “There’s plenty of space for you to spread out and have room to work.”
Christine looked overly focused on arranging the sections of glass across the table. Her brows were low over her eyes as she moved and adjusted one section after another, chewing her lip as she did. Finally she glanced at him. Giving him a tight smile that didn’t reach her sea colored eyes. “Maybe.”
It wasn’t the answer he wanted but something about the look in her eyes made him pull back the urge to push the matter. There were times Christine wanted him to push her. Make her do the things she wanted to do but couldn’t work up the courage to let herself take those first steps. This wasn’t one of those times.
Right now all
he would do was push her away.
That meant he had to sit back and be patient.
And try not to lose his mind waiting for Christine to let him take care of her the way she deserved to be taken care of.
18
Christine popped her trunk as she stuck one leg out the car door, grabbing her purse and laptop before getting out. She walked to the trunk, pretending this was what she planned on doing from the beginning.
It wasn’t.
For a minute she let herself believe the man she’d wanted all these years could be hers. That what she’d done didn’t matter.
But it did. More now than it did then.
Because now she loved him. Really loved him. Not as a young girl fascinated by an older man who was strong and handsome and mysterious, but as a woman who learned that the man was all that and more. More than she deserved.
The two large plastic containers that held all her stained glass supplies sat in her trunk, staring back at her. After Magni left this morning to meet Hagen and Joel in town to take a tour group out Christine packed it all up, trying to convince herself she never intended for it to stay there. That working in Magni’s shop was a temporary measure meant to make the process of creating the lights easier and faster.
And now they were done and it was time to go back to her normal process. Working at her house. Alone.
If only she’d stuck by her original plan to ignore the kiss they shared in the street. To pretend there was nothing between them and move on with life.
She blinked hard and pulled one box from her trunk and carried it inside, setting it in the corner of her workroom before going to retrieve the other. In less than an hour she’d put her life back where it belonged.
By itself.
Because no matter how hard she tried to believe otherwise, there was no happy ending for her and Magni and it was her fault. Nothing could erase what she’d done and now it stared her in the face every time she saw Joel. He was the secret she kept and seeing Magni with his son only deepened the guilt and shame. Now there were two men she betrayed. Two lives that could have been very different if only she’d been strong enough to make him listen.
That’s why she had to end it. Because it wasn’t fair to let him love her.
Christine shut the door behind her and walked through the quiet of her house to the workroom, stacking the second box on the first. She took a deep breath and looked around the little room she’d spent countless hours working in over the years, finding her own way to be fulfilled with a life limited by abilities she never asked for.
Somehow she had to find a way to get back there. Find what joy she could in the beauty she learned to create.
Go back to pretending Magni didn’t exist because he never should have. Not to her. The worst part was Christine knew it, even as she let what happened between them try to convince her otherwise, the truth was always there, waiting to pounce and remind her just what she was.
A liar.
Maybe not directly and not without reason or excuse but she was a liar just the same.
Christine walked to the living room and sat on the couch, staring across the room. She wanted to go see Kari. Maybe stop by the gallery. Go to the B&B and check on Gail, see how she was doing at keeping up with the constantly growing influx of new visitors to Greenlea.
Maybe check on Jerrik. See if he was on the path she saw unfold that day in the woods.
Christine stood up, shaking her head as she went back through the house, trying to snap herself out of the illusion that things could be different but still the same. It couldn’t. It could only be what it was. What it always had been. Relationships kept at arm’s length. Superficial, one-sided friendships she never felt a part of, only a participant in.
Just like her life.
So she would work. It was what she did. A way to pass the time.
Christine snapped on the light over her work table and slipped on her loupes, resting the glasses on her head as she set up the tools to stamp prints on tiny gold disk pendants.
“Hellooooooooooo.”
Christine leaned back in her chair. Rhea stood in her living room. A woman was with her.
Rhea smiled when she saw her. “Hey. I knocked but you didn’t answer.” Her smile faded as she came through the dining room toward the doorway to Christine’s workroom. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Christine looked around Rhea to the other woman, happy to have a reason to change the subject before it got started. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your sister?”
Rhea’s head bumped back in surprise as Christine stood up.
Christine shrugged. “You’re the one who decided our agreement didn’t stand anymore.” She smiled at the pretty strawberry blonde who stood uncomfortably in her living room. “And she looks like she needs to sit down and relax.”
Rhea glanced at her sister then back at Christine. “She just met Hagen and Magni.”
“You didn’t warn her?” Christine looked at Rhea’s sister. “What brings you to Greenlea?” Rhea’s sister hadn’t come into town for her wedding or even when Annabelle came home. After missing two of the most important days Rhea would ever have, Christine sort of guessed she and her sister weren’t close. At all.
Not that Christine was one to judge people for their lack of closeness.
Rhea looked at her sister with a fondness that was apparent. “Sometimes life has a way of working things out.” Rhea looped her arm through Christine’s and pulled her to the living room. “Cora, I want you to meet by best friend Christine.”
Her best friend.
Christine watched Rhea as she smiled at her sister. “Christine makes the most beautiful jewelry.” She looked at Christine. “Maybe we should all go down to the gallery and then show Cora around town? See what Gail’s making for dinner.” She wiggled her brows at Christine. “Go visit Kari.”
All the things she’d just decided to no longer do, Rhea listed off one by one.
“I have a lot of work to do.” Christine pulled her arm from Rhea’s. “I got behind working on those lights for the diner.” She gave Cora an apologetic smile. “I’ll have to take a rain check.”
At least until she could put the boundaries she set up in her life firmly back in place. Then maybe she could start trying to figure out how to venture back into the world of semi-friends and pseudo relationships. Casual dating that never went past the casual point.
Her stomach churned at the thought of another man in her life, in her bed.
Rhea raised a brow at her and gave Christine a once over. “Hmph.” She wrapped her arm around Cora. “Let’s let the party pooper work then.” She led Cora out the front door to the porch before turning around. “Just a head’s up, I’ll be back tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day.” She booped Christine on the nose with her pointer finger. “Love you.” Then she turned and followed her sister down the front steps.
Christine shut the door behind them and locked it before going back to her workroom and flopping down in her chair. This might not be as simple as she hoped it would be. With Gail it was easy. She’d been distracted by three kids and a husband and then helping grow the family business, making it easy for Christine to keep her life private. Gail was overwhelmed with her own life and never noticed how little she knew of Christine’s.
Rhea was not looking to be as easy to keep at a distance. Especially without her realizing it.
Christine leaned her head back against the chair and closed her eyes. “Shit.”
Loud banging snapped her head off the soft leather seat. Rhea was clearly not happy at being locked out this time.
She stood up and walked to the door. “I said I had work to do.”
Christine unlocked the deadbolt and the door flew open, forcing her to take a step back.
Then another when she saw who was on her porch.
****
“What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” Magni stepped inside Christine’s house and slammed the d
oor behind him. He didn’t wait for an explanation. “I come home, thinking everything is fine and dandy and I walk into an empty fucking workshop.”
Christine took another step back. “We need to talk.”
“Yes. We do.” He pointed to her workroom. “Go get everything you brought here and pack it up. It’s going back where it belongs.”
She took a deep breath. “No. It’s not.” Her voice was calm and quiet. Like she was talking to a child. “It was only there because it made more sense to do all the work in one place.”
“Like hell.” He shook his head at her. “It was there because I wanted it there. I still want it there.” He pointed to her room again. “Go get it.”
“I can’t.” The calm in her voice was wearing thin and tight.
“You can and you will.” Magni stared her down as the beast inside raged. Christine wanted to see this side of him and here it was. “While you’re back there you can get everything else you need. Pack it all up because you’re coming home with me.”
“I can’t.” This time the words were loud and strong. She stretched to her full height. “And you don’t want me to.”
He was tired of this shit. Tired of tiptoeing around her. Tired of letting her set the boundaries for their relationship. Christine was his goddamn it and the sooner she figured that out, the easier this would be on both of them.
“You apparently don’t know what I want.” Magni used her words from before against her. Stepping forward he grabbed onto her before she had the chance to step away. “All I want is you. When I came home and you were gone, I—”
“I knew Lori wasn’t dead and I knew she was pregnant when she disappeared.” Christine spit the words at him. They were filled with anger and disgust. “I knew you had a son all this time and I never told you.”
Magni released her and stumbled back as her admission sank in. Christine knew all those years ago what would happen, what did happen. She knew the truth.
And he made her keep it.
He closed his eyes as the entirety of what he’d done the day she tried to warn him about Lori hit him square in the chest. For years he stayed away from her, guilt ridden and embarrassed at the way he treated her that day. Now he knew the full truth of what he’d done and it was worse than he ever could have imagined.
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