Only now she knew what it was like to have people around you who cared. People who wouldn’t let you push them away or hide from them.
It’s what Magni promised. But he did.
They were both liars.
Christine pulled at her arm as the heat filled her body.
“I don’t want to be alone.” She could barely get the words out before her vision started to blur. The last thing she heard was a soft voice in her ear.
You don’t have to be alone.
And then it was black.
****
The hospital was a fucking maze. Each wrong turn spiked Magni’s blood pressure and pushed him closer to losing the last bit of sanity he had left. The whole damn place was under construction with entrances blocked off and signs that pointed to nowhere.
He had yet to pass an information desk or a security guard. Anyone who might be able to point him in the right direction. Magni nearly collided with a nurse as he rounded a corner. She looked up at him.
“Lost?”
“I need to get to...” He looked down at the paper in his hand to be sure he got it right. There was no telling how long it would take him to find someone else if he got it wrong. “The outpatient surgery center.”
She smiled. “Then you’re in luck. I’m on my way there.”
He followed behind as the nurse took off down the long corridor, working hard to keep up with her. She wasn’t wasting time getting where they needed to go. Thank God.
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Is the person you’re here for out of surgery yet?”
Magni ignored the cool feel of the metal sitting on his chest. “I’m not sure. I left my phone at home.”
The nurse pulled out her phone and dialed a number. “Hey. Can you check on a patient for me?” She grabbed the paper from his hand. “She’s with Dr. Pashal. Christine Sullivan.”
She stopped in front of a set of elevators and pushed the up button. “Uh-huh.” Her eyes moved to Magni and gave him a once over. “Probably.”
Magni couldn’t breathe. Something was wrong. He could tell by the look on the woman’s face.
The nurse tipped her phone away from her mouth. “You don’t happen to be Magni do you?”
He gave her a sharp nod.
“We’ll be there in a minute.” She hung up her phone and slid it into the pocket of her scrubs just as the door opened. “Come on then and put a wiggle in it.” The nurse stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for the third floor before closing the doors with another button. “They’ll be glad to see you.”
****
Christine couldn’t fight her eyes open even though the voices filling the air around her were begging her to try. She didn’t want to. Even surrounded by a haze so thick you could cut it she knew he wasn’t there. He was gone.
She yelled for him. Maybe if he heard her he would come back to find her, rescue her from the fog pushing her down and holding her there.
He was the only one who could save her. Always was.
And she made him leave her to drown.
If only she could run to him. But her legs were heavy. Like lead, dragging her deeper into the swirling mist holding her captive no matter how hard she fought it. Without him she was weak. Too weak to fight. Too weak to even try.
She needed him.
The voices floated past, soft and far away, as Christine started to cry. There was no way out of this place. It was filled with sadness and despair. It was cold. It was empty.
Just like her.
A voice came close. It was louder than the others and clear enough she understood the words as they skimmed across the edge of her consciousness.
We found him.
****
The sight of her broke him. She looked so small. So scared.
Magni stepped to the side of her bed and looked to the nurse who brought him here for permission.
“You can touch her.” She pulled the curtain closed and motioned to a chair tucked into the corner of the small recovery area. “Sit down and talk to her. It might help her wake up. They’re having a rough time getting her out of the sedation.”
Magni didn’t wait for her to finish before wrapping his hand around Christine’s. He hooked his foot on the leg of the chair and pulled it close, sitting down beside her bed. “Why isn’t she coming out of it?”
“Some people come out smiling and happy. Some come out swinging. Some come out crying.” The nurse stepped to the other side of Christine’s bed and looked down at her tear stained face. “You come out of sedation the way you went it usually.” She gave him a tight smile. “I’ll send her nurse in as I go.”
She pulled the curtain to one side and paused. “She’ll be okay. It’ll just take her a little bit.”
He turned back to Christine as the nurse left. He should have thanked her for bringing him here. He could add it to the list of mistakes he made in the past twenty-four hours. He’d deal with it later. Right now there was only one mistake that mattered.
At all.
Magni reached up and brushed a strand of dark hair off Christine’s forehead. She was cold. Her skin damp and clammy under his fingers.
She leaned into his touch as her mouth barely moved. “Magni.”
His heart squeezed at the sound of his name as it whispered through her lips. He cupped her face in his hand and laced his fingers between hers. “Sweetheart. It’s time to wake up.” He brushed his thumb over her cheek. “It’s time to go home.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “Don’t leave me.”
“Open your eyes Christine.”
She shook her head. “I can’t.”
Magni turned her head toward him. “You can and you will.” He squeezed her hand. “Open them now.”
Her lids lifted. As their eyes met her chest heaved on a soft sob. “You’re here.”
“I told you I wouldn’t let you hide from me.” He fought to keep his voice solid. Strong. That’s what she needed from him now. Later she could know how weak this moment made him feel. But not now. “I don’t say things I don’t mean.”
“I know that.” She sniffed.
“Then why did I spend last night alone?” He pulled the covers higher over her chest. “And why did I have to come hunt you down this morning?”
Her eyes watered and her chin quivered. “I didn’t want you to have to deal with losing me.”
“I can’t lose something I didn’t have.” He leaned closer. “Are you saying you’re mine Christine?”
Her chin barely tipped up. She couldn’t stop that streak of defiance if it killed her.
And he loved it.
Magni held her chin between his thumb and first finger. “I won’t make you say it but we both know the truth.” He pressed a chase kiss to her lips, barely pulling back. “I love you sweetheart.”
“I know.”
“Shhh.” He kissed her again. “I drove all the way here to tell you that. Let me have this one.” He kissed her again because he needed to.
Christine raked her teeth across her bottom lip. “Did you know I loved you?”
Magni shook his head. “No.”
“I do. I love you and it’s terrible.”
He laughed. “Good to know.”
She hesitated just a second. “I’m sorry.”
He tipped his forehead against hers. “Me too.”
Her brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you sorry for?”
“I kicked in your door this morning.”
23
Christine stood in the mirror. She turned to one side. Then the other. The faded line of her old scar was almost a perfect mirror image for the new deep-pink line along her other breast. At least she matched.
“They are perfect.”
The sound of Magni’s deep voice would have startled her if she didn’t know he was there the whole time. “I’m not sure perfect is the right word.” She compared one to the other. “Mostly symmetrical maybe.”
But she wouldn’t be picky
. Mostly symmetrical and cancer free was perfectly fine with her. More than perfectly fine. Getting the news it wasn’t cancer was the best day of her life. So far.
That didn’t mean she wouldn’t have more irregular mammograms or inconclusive biopsies, but now she had something that made the possibilities feel less overwhelming. Less consuming.
Magni stepped into the bathroom behind her and wrapped his hands around her waist. “Once again we’ll have to agree to disagree.” He leaned down to kiss along her shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay I think.” She couldn’t resist tipping her head to one side so he could kiss a little farther. “I’m not sure I’ll be doing any heavy lifting.”
“Sweetheart, you’ve got four big strong men ready to do your bidding.” He looked up and smiled against her skin. “Plus Craig. You don’t have to lift a finger.”
He gently turned her to face him. He looked down at her bare chest, gently skimming one hand over the still healing flesh of her breast. “And as much as I love looking at you, I’m going to have to ask you to put some clothes on before I forget what in the hell I’m doing and take you to bed.”
Christine gave him a slow smile. “Maybe later.”
Magni lifted a brow. “Maybe?”
Christine slapped him in the center of his chest. “Greedy man.” She giggled as she walked toward his bedroom.
Their bedroom after today.
“I don’t think anyone would blame me.” He grabbed her quick and pulled her back against his chest. “I love you woman.”
“I know you do.” She grinned as he scoffed in her ear. “I love you too.” She pinched his arm. “Man.”
He pushed her toward the bedroom. “Go get dressed before I change my mind and reschedule the move.”
Christine snorted. “They would kill you.”
Magni followed her into the room. “Nope.” He scooped her up and before Christine knew what happened she was under him on the bed. “I’m bigger than they are.”
She laughed as he dragged her up the bed. Scooting her body a couple feet then crawling up to meet her. “But if we don’t do this today it will be even longer before I’m all moved in here. I’ll have to keep going back and forth.”
Magni leaned up and looked at her. He let out a dramatic sigh. “Damn it.” He crawled off her and stood up, offering her a hand. “Come on then.”
She let him pull her back off the bed. “Plus I know Joel is chomping at the bit to be settled in here.”
Magni pointed at the closet. “You had me at all moved in, you don’t have to keep coming up with reasons to go.”
Christine opened the doors and pulled a shirt from its hanger. She wasn’t sure when her clothes arrived at Magni’s cabin but it was sometime before she was completely coherent after he brought her home from surgery a few weeks ago. Home to his home. While she recuperated more and more of her things arrived. Clothes. Toiletries. Computer. Jewelry supplies.
Today was the day everything else came to her new home.
“Sweetheart.” Magni rolled his pointer finger in a circle indicating she speed the process of getting dressed up.
She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Now you’re in a hurry?” Christine eased her arms into one of the soft, knit, front-hook bras she’d been wearing since her surgery then layered a long, loose t-shirt over it.
“You convinced me this was a worthwhile endeavor and I’m ready to get it finished.” He pointed at her lower half. “But I’m going to have to ask you to wear pants.”
“I’m sure everyone will appreciate my wearing pants.” Christine grabbed a pair of athletic leggings and sat on the edge of the bed before starting to put them on.
“Nope. Not those.” Magni handed her a pair of jeans. “I don’t want to have to kill Craig if he accidentally looks at your ass.”
Christine glared at him and continued putting on her leggings. “If anyone is murdered today it will be you.” She stood up and wiggled the stretchy pants up her legs. “And I will be comfortable while I do it.” She snagged a pair of socks from the top drawer of the giant dresser in the room and snapped them on her feet before sliding on her runners.
Magni frowned at her.
She gave him a sweet smile. “Are you ready?”
A low rumble vibrated through the room as he looked at her outfit.
Christine rolled her eyes. “There’s no reason to pout about it.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted up on her toes. “I’m yours, remember?”
****
“You don’t have to leave all this here.” Joel stared around the house his brow furrowed in a manner Christine was all too familiar with. In fact, a very similar look was just directed at her pants this morning.
“I don’t have anywhere to put it.” Christine rested her hand on the dining room table. “If you don’t want it that’s okay. I’m sure we can find anything you have no use for a home.” She smiled, hoping Joel knew it wouldn’t hurt her feelings if he didn’t like her hand-me-downs.
“I just don’t feel right taking your things.” Joel’s frown deepened. “I wish you would let me pay you for it.”
“Over my dead body.” Magni shot her a look as he passed with her mother’s hutch. “Don’t let him give you a fucking penny.”
Christine looked back at Joel. “If it makes you feel any better I threatened to kill him this morning so there’s a possibility it could work out in your favor.”
Joel gave Christine a rare laugh. “If anyone could kill him it wouldn’t surprise me that it would be you.”
“If anyone gets to kill him it’s me.” Gail came to wrap her arm around Joel’s waist. She looked up at her nephew. “Are you sure you want to move in here? You can stay at the B&B as long as you want.”
Craig strode in the front door with his suitcase. He stopped short when he saw Gail.
She put one hand on her hip.
He looked from Christine to Joel. “I uh...” He shifted on his feet. “I thought you might need my room.” Craig hurried past, disappearing into the spare bedroom.
Joel slipped out of Gail’s grip. “I should go see if they need any help.”
Gail blew out a breath. “I liked having boys to take care of again.”
“There not boys Gail.” Christine gave Craig a smile as he rushed past and back out the front door. Probably hoping to escape before Gail grabbed him and dragged him back to the B&B to smother him with mothering.
“I know.” Her lips pursed into a pout. “I think I came on a little strong.”
Christine laughed. “You think?”
Gail scoffed. “I was just trying to take care of them.”
Christine tipped her head to look at her friend. “You went into their rooms to collect dirty clothes.”
Gail’s eyes widened. “They needed fresh underwear.”
Craig barely made it through the front door before spinning and retreating at the word underwear.
Christine pointed in the direction he disappeared. “You made it weird.”
Her friend’s shoulders slumped.
Christine pulled her into a hug. “I still love you.”
Gail patted her back. “Oh honey. I love you too.”
“I think we have everything.” Magni stepped in the door with Hagen, Jerrik, Joel and Craig on his heels.
Christine pulled back but kept one arm around Gail’s shoulders.
Gail leaned in close. “They’re a sight aren’t they?”
“They’re something all right.” The men were all so different but still very much the same. “I hope they all get what they deserve.” Her eyes softened. “I hope Jerrik get’s what he needs.”
Mother’s intuition had nothing on Christine. Gail knew something was happening. She just didn’t know what.
And Christine couldn’t tell her. Or anyone for that matter. Not yet.
She grabbed Gail’s hands. “It will be okay. I promise.” There wasn’t any more she could say. Or would say. It wouldn’t be easy and things
were going to get worse before they got better but this was how it had to be. “Just trust me.”
Gail took a deep breath. She let it back out slowly. “I do.”
In the weeks since her surgery Christine allowed her gift a little more freedom. It was a part of her. One she’d stifled for a long time and it felt good to let it breathe and to just be.
Gail patted her arm. “I guess I’ll go back to work. I have laundry to finish.” She gave Christine a wink. “Including some underpants.”
Christine smiled as Gail left, sending Craig and Joel scattering in her wake. She turned to face the man who set all of this in motion. Her move. Her gift. Her life.
Magni shook his head at her. He lifted his hand and crooked one finger. “I hope you’re not smiling over mister charming’s underwear. Don’t make me kill a man.” He pulled her into him, nuzzling her neck.
She curled against him. “Charm is overrated.”
****
Magni walked behind Christine into the shop, his hands over her eyes.
“Did you remember to feed the opossum this morning?” Christine’s steps were smooth and easy as she let him guide her into the workshop.
Their workshop.
“I did.” Magni found a baby opossum two mornings ago and brought it home. The thing was half dead but he couldn’t leave it there to die alone in the woods. Not with what was happening out there.
Christine sat with it for hours and slowly, the little thing started to come around.
She was using her gift again and slowly coming into her own. For the first time in her adult life Christine looked at what she did as something other than a barrier and a burden. If he had anything to do with making that happen it was one of the things he was most proud of in his life.
Magni stopped and leaned in. He pulled his hands off her eyes, stepping to one side so he could see the look on her face. “You can look now.”
Christine opened her eyes. He saw the instant she recognized the three large furnaces he and the boys wrestled in from the box truck after she fell asleep last night. She stood perfectly still, staring at the glass blowing equipment he found second hand from a school that was upgrading.
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