Tears sprang into Kinley’s eyes but she blinked them back. Why should her mother’s reply hurt her still after all these years? She was a woman now who had gotten her own, learned to stand on her own, made her own way in the world and been a success. But deep inside that little girl still wished for the perfect, loving family, cozy home where nothing bad ever happened, where all the people inside loved each other without question and no harsh words were ever spoken. A place where she was welcomed with open arms no matter how far away she traveled.
“No, tell me, Kinley. What did she say?”
“She said I got married because I got pregnant with you but I didn’t have to like it.” Kinley still remembered the tone of her mother’s voice when she said the word it. Like she lumped her marriage and Kinley into one messy pile telling her that she didn’t like her marriage and she didn’t have to like her own daughter.
Linc stood, reached out his hand. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”
In a few minutes she and Linc headed away from the trailers under a sky wheeling with stars. Fire flies blinked their cold light in the grass. Linc was quiet for a while seeming to know she needed time to recover from what she had just told him. She’d bared her soul.
She’d told him something she’d never told anyone.
He was a good man, a kind man, an intuitive man it seemed where she was concerned and she didn’t know why because he’d grown up with a brother and not a sister. “You’re a good man, Lincoln McCord.”
One corner of his mouth kicked up. “Thanks. So are you. Except you’re a good woman not a good man.”
She laughed and suddenly her heart felt lighter. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Want to finish telling me what happened with your grandmother?”
She paused. “We were in her kitchen making carrot cake cupcakes my favorite and listening to Billie Holliday. I had gone into the den to start the record over and when I came back in, my grandmother was slumped at the table with her hand still holding the spatula in the icing bowl. Her hands were limp on the table and her chin was resting on her chest. The coroner said she had a stroke. She was gone”—Kinley snapped her fingers—“just like that and I never had the chance to say goodbye. Just about the time I found her in the kitchen God Bless the Child started playing. It was almost like her final message to me after she died to not forget to make my own way in the world and to stand on my own two feet but to do it with my heart and soul. Something my mother never did.”
He stopped and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. It’s not your fault. Everybody has bad things that happen in their life.” She waited a beat hoping he might say something, might offer a glimpse into why he wouldn’t talk to her the night before but he acted like the typical male and clammed up not willing to share. She pulled out of his arms and they started toward the trailer park again. “Anything bad ever happen to you?”
***
This was the moment he had been dreading. He knew he needed to give her some kind of explanation. She deserved that much. She had been nothing but open with him and when they had made love, she’d given her all. He heaved a breath. “Maybe it is time I told someone,” he murmured more to himself than to her.
“I’m here and I’m listening if you’d like to tell me. But if you don’t, that’s okay too.”
He looked at her with the starlight shining down on her face and in her eyes. She was as pretty as a summer night all warm and welcoming, filled with the downhome scents of freshly mowed grass, steaks sizzling on the grill and the happy voices of friends and family. She had opened up her past to him and somehow he knew he could trust her with what he was about to say.
He was ready to drop the burden because of Kinley. “Dad and Rafe and I went to a rodeo in Dallas when I was seven. It was the first one I’d ever been to. I was so excited. I wanted to see and do everything. It was a hot, summer day and we were walking along just having stopped at a concession stand to get a hot dog and soft drink. The crowd was boot heel to boot heel and I saw this booth selling cowboy hats and guns and holsters for kids and stopped to look.
“When I turned back around, Dad and Rafe had been swallowed up in the mass of people. I climbed up on a wooden crate so I could see the tops of people’s heads. I was looking for my dad’s hat, his big brown one with the special braided band and silver conches woven into the design. I saw him way ahead and I called to him but he didn’t hear me. I could see him and Rafe looking around for me. I climbed off the crate and decided I could get to them faster if I went under the bleachers.”
He could still feel the hot breeze blowing under the stands, hear the sounds of people’s feet on the aluminum seats, the smell of horses and cows and hotdogs on the air. “I started under the bleachers still munching on my hot dog more out of nervousness than hunger. I’d never been alone in a strange place before with so many strange people but as I walked along I kept looking up hoping to see two pairs of familiar boots belonging to my dad and Rafe. I’d only gone a short way when these two boys came out of nowhere. They were about twelve or thirteen. They each held a can of beer and one had a cigarette dangling from his mouth. The one with the cigarette said, ‘Where do you think you’re going, kid?’ I started to turn and run but the other boy blocked my exit then the one with the cigarette moved in. He sneered at me, jerked off my hat and knocked the hot dog out of my hand. Then he took my drink and poured it down my shirt.”
Kinley’s eyes seemed to light with fire and a strong degree of sympathy only Linc didn’t want her feeling sorry for him. That wasn’t the reason he was telling her all this. Not for her pity. “Go on,” she urged him. “I’m listening.”
“Right after he poured the drink down my shirt he glanced at his friend and said, ‘Seems we need to help him out of his wet clothes.’ Then they tag-teamed me. In a few seconds, my shirt was off, my boots tossed around and my jeans down around my ankles. Then one of them grabbed the band of my underwear. I kicked and fought and even yelled but no one could hear me over the noise of the crowd. Then they yanked down my underwear and pushed me into the dirt. One of them tied my feet and hands with twine. They told me if I ever told anyone who did it they would find me and do it again. Only worse next time. They laughed and took off. It took me a while but I wriggled around and got my pocket knife out of my jeans and cut the twine and let myself loose. I was shaking like a calf caught in a snow drift. But I was more ashamed than anything else.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Linc. Did they ever find the boys?”
“I never told anyone. I was afraid those kids might find me.”
“You never told your father and Rafe?”
He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. “I’ve never told anyone until now.”
She put her arms around him and held him close. He hugged her back, loving the feel of her in his arms. Something settled inside him, the sharp edges of his secret began to blur, to melt away. If he had told his dad and Rafe they might have looked at him differently or might have become over-protective and treated him like a baby instead of allowing him to grow up normally and take his hits like everybody else. But now he’d unburdened himself to Kinley, to a woman who spread her emotions around like sunshine on a hot day.
And nothing bad had happened. He had trusted her with his secret, he had trusted her not to judge him, he had trusted her not to question his actions. Not to ask him why he didn’t fight harder or why he wasn’t able to escape them or why he let fear keep him from telling anyone. Somehow she accepted what he had told her and he knew deep inside she would never share it with anyone. But what happened now? He had opened up his heart a little, he had let her in, he had confided in her. And she had confided in him. Where did they go from here? He was excited and scared to death to find out.
“Thank you for telling me,” she said. “I was hurt, I admit it. I thought you were pulling back, pulling away from me that maybe I had done so
mething wrong.”
He looked over her head then back into her eyes. “No, you did nothing wrong. Believe me.”
“Okay, but something had to spark it.”
Chapter Ten
Several days later, Linc helped Kinley pack Archie, one of the best llamas with supplies for their camping trip. Kinley and Ethan worked together packing the other llama. He had placed a blanket on Archie’s back to assure his comfort then set a frame pack over him loaded with food, a tent and first aid supplies. He put a change of clothes, binoculars, a field guide for Ethan and a trail map in his own back pack.
“It’s too hot to go camping,” Ethan grumbled. “I’d rather stay here. I don’t even like camping.”
“How do you know? You’ve never tried it. Besides, it’ll be fun, I promise,” Kinley said.
“If it’s supposed to be fun then why am I being forced to go?”
Kinley glanced at Linc.
“You’re not being forced,” Linc said, “I just think you should try something before you decide if you like it or not.”
Ethan shrugged, mumbling under his breath and continued to help pack the llama. The day was warm and filled with sunshine. There was a chance of rain in the forecast, but that wasn’t scheduled until later in the day. He was sure they had plenty of time to reach their campsite before the rain started.
This overnight hike would be good for Ethan. Summer was drawing to a close and school would be starting soon. He needed to make some kind of arrangements for Ethan to go to school. He also had to start thinking about finding a permanent home for him. The thought of putting the kid back into the system set up a ball of worry in his gut. He didn’t want to think about it. He’d grown used to having the boy around and Ethan had been through so much already.
He looked over at Kinley packing the other llama, murmuring to the beast in gentle, easy tones assuring him that all was well. Rafe was planning to spend the night at the farm while they were away. Lilly would be around to help feed too but Kinley was already fretting about leaving Bear. Also Midnight and her new foal. There had been some coyotes around as well and they’d heard the cry of a big cat in the distance. Linc had assured her everything would be fine and Rafe wouldn’t let anything happen.
“I need to check on Bear one more time,” Kinley said.
They were almost ready to leave. “You’ve checked on her twice already. She’s fine.”
“I know but I’ve never been away from her overnight before and I’m a little nervous,” she said and glanced at Rafe. “I know you will take good care of her, I’m not inferring that you won’t.”
Rafe leaned against the fence with his arms crossed and smiled. “I know. Your horse is special. I’d be doing the same thing. Go ahead and check on her. I’ll help Linc finish packing.”
Linc secured the packs to Archie’s back while Rafe worked on Jelly Bean along with Ethan. Linc was looking forward to showing Ethan how much fun it was to hike. The kid needed some downtime and a chance to have fun because he had been working so hard. He still had a chip on his shoulder and acted like a typical teenager but he had hung in there and done what he asked him to do. The person he was worried about the most though was Kinley. He had seen the way she looked at Ethan. There was maternal love in her eyes. That kid had gotten under her skin and she had let him. He had fought against her drawing him in but for today he wasn’t going to resist. He felt happy inside. For the first time in months, he felt really happy because he was doing what he’d wanted to do for so long. And that was to help at-risk kids. There was a warm breeze and the sun was climbing into the blue sky.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Kinley said returning from the barn.
“Are you sure? Is there anything else you need to do before we leave?”
She lifted her chin. “Don’t worry, daddy, I’ve already been to the bathroom and I packed a couple of spare pairs of underwear just in case.”
When she said underwear heat flashed through his body. He remembered what kind of underwear she wore right down to the last detail and not only what kind but how she fit into it. Like it was made specifically for her by some master underwear designer who knew exactly how to drive a man wild. And he was going to be just a few feet away from her as she snuggled into her tent. He’d be sharing with Ethan of course but he probably wouldn’t get a wink of sleep for thinking about Kinley and what she slept in. The altogether or a pair of sexy jammies? What if she needed protecting from wild animals? He would be right there to see that no harm came to her. “That’s good. Guess we’d better hit the trail. I put the SAT phone in my backpack,” he said to Rafe, “So just in case don’t hesitate to call.”
Rafe laughed. “Now who’s nervous?”
In a few minutes, they set out on a trail through the woods, thick with sweet gum, black hickory and oak. Birds chirped from the branches. The dense thicket of Japanese climbing fern and sour apple muffled their footsteps. The llamas humming filled the air. They might be a little unsure of where they were going but seemed content enough. Kinley murmured to them and gave them a loving pat. Linc kept thinking how nice it would be for her to give him a loving pat and just not on his neck but all over, head to toe.
“Hey,” Kinley said after about an hour into the hike, “Look at those wild blackberries. I could use a break. What do you say we pick a few?”
They had come to a small clearing where the sunlight was hot and bright.
“I don’t feel like it,” Ethan said slumping to the stump of an old tree sipping a bottle of water.
Kinley exchanged a look with Linc. “Suit yourself. But if you don’t help, you don’t get any blackberries for dessert tonight along with the chocolate, marshmallows and graham crackers I brought along to make s’mores over the fire.”
Ethan screwed on the top to his bottle of water and went to help Kinley. In a minute, they were laughing and throwing more blackberries at each other than they were picking. The llamas stood placidly looking on and Linc saw a doe with her baby deer in the distance. Yes, he thought Texas is surely a piece of heaven.
“Well? Are you going to just stand there or get over here and help us? Archie and Jelly Bean aren’t going anywhere.”
Kinley popped a berry into her mouth, chewed and swallowed. “Mmm, that’s sweet,” she murmured. Then she licked her lips and reached for another. Sweet was right. He wondered what her lips would taste like combined with the taste of blackberries and cinnamon. Add a little chocolate to it and he would go out of his mind. He watched her light pink tongue lick over her lips and he nearly pounced. One of the llamas hummed and brought him out of his sensual stupor. If Ethan wasn’t here he knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself.
A kind of calm and peace settled over him as they stood picking the ripe berries. And to his shock as he looked at Kinley and Ethan, he realized they had become like a family. The three of them thrown together by circumstances. An out of control red head, a troubled kid and a judge. The thought made him uncomfortable not because he didn’t care about them or was sorry they had met but because he had lost control of the situation.
Suddenly, the sun was too hot and he felt restless. He handed Kinley a handful of berries which she was collecting in the lower half of her shirt. Her jeans set low on her hips gave him a nice view of toned abs and the sweet, delicious curve of her hips. Her fingers brushed his as he transferred the berries to her. They were close and he looked into her eyes filled with happiness and contentment. “You like it here, don’t you?” He didn’t know why he asked or why it was important to him, but it was.
She nodded. “I love it here. I never want to leave.”
Her words scared him down to the marrow in his bones. And at the same time, he felt happiness rise inside him like a mist over the river on a frosty winter morning.
Leave.
He couldn’t imagine her leaving and yet he wanted to run in the opposite direction away from her as fast as his legs would carry him. But at the same time he wanted to grab her tightly in his a
rms and never let her go. What the hell was happening to him? He had that helpless feeling again, the same kind of feeling he had that day under the stands at the rodeo. Only this time he was being trapped by emotions, his own and Kinley’s and he had no way to cut himself free.
He was bound by invisible bonds.
“I thought we were leaving?” Ethan snapped. He slapped at a bug and gave Linc a sullen expression. “They’re bugs everywhere and I’m frickin’ hot and tired. When are we going to get to the damn campsite already?”
“Hey, pal, watch the language and the attitude,” Linc said. “What’s gotten into you anyway?”
“I’m tired of hanging around here with a couple of losers,” he snarled and headed off down the trail alone.
Linc wanted to run after the kid, snatch him up by the short hairs and almost did until he looked at Kinley. Hurt blanketed her face and eyes. She tried to hide it but he saw right through her. She cared about Ethan and anytime you cared about someone, they had the ability to hurt you. Ethan had slung his little bit of barbed wire into a tender place inside and drew blood.
That rotten kid.
Suddenly he wished to hell he’d never brought Ethan to Laid Back Ranch because he didn’t want Kinley hurt. He helped her empty the berries into a plastic bag and store them on Jelly Bean’s back. She was quiet but he saw tears well in her green eyes. He was afraid if he got her talking she might start to cry again and he couldn’t bear to see her cry again. Once was enough when Astrid passed away.
Even as she blinked her tears away she looked off down the trail after Ethan. “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”
“He’ll be fine. We’ll give him some space to walk off his mad then I’ll have a talk with him. After I throttle him.”
A sharp look from Kinley made him smile. “You know I’m kidding right?”
She nodded. “Of course. I can’t believe he called us losers. Why would he do that?”
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