Linc shoved from his chair. “I’m not like the rest of you.”
“Really? What the hell makes you so different?”
You need to tell Rafe what happened at the rodeo that day.
Kinley’s words echoed through his mind. He had shared that story only with her but maybe now it was time to share it with his brother. He needed to understand why he couldn’t just reach out and grab for happiness. “Remember that time you, me and dad went to the rodeo in Dallas? It was our first.”
“Yeah, so? What does that have to do with Kinley?”
Linc told his brother what happened that day the same way he had told Kinley leaving nothing out. But even as he sat there a grown man he re-lived that sick feeling he had, the fear, the nausea, the pulse pounding shame and helplessness at what those boys had done to him. When he was finished, they both just listened to the night sounds around them.
“Christ, why didn’t you tell me? Or at least tell dad? He could have reported it to the police.”
Anger and frustration boiled up inside Linc. He balled his hands into fists. “Don’t you understand? I was a kid and I believed they might come after me again. Besides, I was ashamed about what had happened. I’d never felt so helpless in my life. I lost complete control of my world in the space of a few minutes and it was terrifying.”
He leaned against one of the porch posts. “If those boys had guidance and discipline at home they would never have been there doing that to me.”
“That’s why you’re so determined to help Ethan. I get it now.”
Rafe’s chair scraped over the porch floor and in a moment he stood beside him. He laid his big paw on his left shoulder and gave it a hard squeeze. “Thanks for telling me, but I wish you’d told me years ago. I might have been able to help.”
Linc shook his head. “No, there was nothing you could have done. It was something I had to work out for myself.”
“But that’s just it. You haven’t worked it out. Have you?”
“I think I hurt Kinley but I don’t know how or why. She asked me if I’d ever been in love and I said no. Then she got this awful look on her face. She tried to hide it but she can’t hide her emotions for spit. The woman’s heart is strapped to her sleeve pulsing to beat the band and she practically waves it under everybody’s nose.
“Brother, you’re as dumb as I was. JC told me a while ago that Kinley was in love with you.”
He whirled around. “What? In love with me?”
“Yes, you idiot. No wonder she was torn up. She doesn’t think you love her back does she?”
“No and I’m not sure that I—well what I mean is—I need to think about it first—you don’t just go blabbing something like that.”
“Jesus Christ, do you have to control and plan everything in your life?”
“What’s wrong with that? Making a plan and following through leads to success.”
Rafe laughed. “And I always thought you were smarter than me. I’m going to go snuggle up to my pregnant wife.” He stopped when he reached the back door. “The way I see it you can be miserable for the rest of your life or you can be happy. Oh, and one more thing. What happens to Ethan in the meantime?”
After the door closed, Linc thought about what his brother had said. What happens to Ethan? He would just go ahead living on the ranch. But Linc knew that wasn’t really possible. Ethan needed a home, a real home with a mother and father. Living and working on a ranch wasn’t a family life. But how could he give Ethan what he wanted? He could send him to another foster family but deep in his heart he didn’t want to do that. Despite the kid being a royal pain in the ass most of the time, Linc had grown to love him as if he were his own son, which scared the crap out of him. And now Kinley was throwing her love around him like a warm blanket. What the hell was he going to do?
***
Kinley crawled out of bed feeling exhaustion pull at her. She’d hardly slept. Linc’s face, his voice kept running through her mind. He said he’d never been in love which meant he didn’t love her. She shuffled to the bathroom. Her eyes were puffy from crying, her hair in a tangle.
He didn’t love her.
Plain and simple.
Even as she thought about it her eyes welled up with more tears. She blinked them back and turned on the taps. After a hot shower and a cup of coffee, Kinley felt marginally better but she still had a pronounced ache in the region of her heart. She found Ethan down at the barn feeding the animals. She strolled to the llama paddock and waited for them to walk over to her humming, their way of asking for a pet. She needed them today. There was nothing like the love an animal gives you. Completely unconditional. They weren’t afraid of anything, they weren’t closed off, they just gave love freely in return. Why couldn’t Linc do that for her?
She spent a few minutes petting the llamas then she fed them and went into the barn. Expecting to find Ethan, she saw Linc talking to Lilly. No matter what happened, no matter what he said to her she was not going to let him know how much he had hurt her. She put on a fake smile. “Hi Linc. I’m surprised to find you here today.”
He looked sufficiently chagrined as he should. “A couple of light fixtures to install. Shouldn’t take long.”
“Great. Better get to it.” She headed for Bear’s stall. “I’m going for a ride. It’s such a beautiful morning and there might be a thunderstorm or two early in the afternoon.” After she saddled Bear and was ready to go she glanced at Lilly avoiding Linc’s eyes altogether. “Be back in an hour or so.” In a few minutes, she was headed across the pasture with tears streaming down her cheeks.
***
Linc felt like the lowest form of vermin as he watched her leave. He headed for the trailer to install the light fixture and put on a new lock. As he worked, he tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. He just needed some breathing space. They both did. He needed to spend some time away from Kinley so he could get his control back. But the problem was he didn’t really want to spend time away from her. But they were so different. She was always going around flinging her emotions, getting personally involved with everyone she met and never giving a thought as to how she could be hurt. He checked the light switch to make sure it was working then left the trailer.
An hour or two had passed and Kinley was probably back by now. Here was his chance to get in his truck, drive away and give them both some space. In time, he could make her understand, he was sure of it. Clouds had moved in and thunder banged around overhead. The ground was still saturated from the flash flood they’d had a few days ago and Linc hoped that there wouldn’t be a repeat of that today.
He wanted to knock on Kinley’s door to make sure she was okay, to tell her he was sorry, that he never meant to hurt her, but what good would that do? Knowing her it wouldn’t stop her from loving him and if he was honest with himself he didn’t want her to stop. He felt like he was being torn apart and he didn’t know how to fix it except to bottle it up and wait it out. The same way he did after the rodeo.
Lightning shimmied through the clouds and pulsed across the sky until the flashes disappeared into the distance. Thunder cracked, the noise almost deafening. Linc was almost to his truck when a white hot bolt snaked down from a cloud and struck the barn like the finger of God. Ozone saturated the air. Flames licked across the barn’s old wood roof gorging on the dry fuel. He raced to Kinley’s door, slung it open and yelled, “Kinley! Ethan! Come quick! The barn is on fire!”
***
Kinley bolted from her room and raced down the trailer’s short hallway with Ethan fast on her heels. Ethan grabbed her arm. “Lilly’s in the barn. She was grooming the horses.”
Kinley’s blood turned to ice. “Oh, my God. I have to help her. And the horses.” Quickly, she shoved into her boots and ran out into the storm.
Thick, black smoke boiled up from the barn, writhing through the air like a living thing. Above the cracking of burning wood she heard the high frightened whinnies of the horses and Lilly’s
urgent voice calling to them above the inferno. Despite the fear chopping into her stomach like a hatchet, she sprinted toward the doorway of the barn.
Ethan dashed ahead of her oblivious to the danger and she snagged his arm. “You’re not going in there.”
He jerked his arm free. “I have to. Lilly’s in there and I can’t let another horse die.” He turned and ran into the barn.
“Ethan, no,” Kinley yelled and tried to run after him but Linc stepped in her path.
He grabbed her by the shoulders. “I’ll go. You stay here and wait for the fire truck.”
She wiggled out of his hold. “The horses and the kids are in there. I have to save them.”
Raging heat and flickering, orange flames danced around her as she ran into the barn bent on saving Ethan, Lilly and the horses. She yanked off her shirt and covered her nose and mouth from the smoke that threatened to seize her lungs.
“Lilly!” Kinley yelled through the noise of the burning barn and the storm. She saw Lilly and Ethan through the haze of smoke and flame fling open Midnight’s stall. The mare, her eyes wheeling with fear darted from the stall with her baby close at her side and tore out into the storm-filled pasture.
Choking on the smoke, Lilly streaked toward Bear’s stall but Ethan was swallowed up in the smoke. She grabbed the latch and struggled to open it. Kinley ran to her side. “Go,” she called but Lilly ignored her and jerked harder at the latch.
Linc rushed over. “Both of you get out of here. I’ll get Bear.”
Kinley pushed Lilly toward the doorway of the barn. “Go, I’m right behind you,” she screamed.
Lilly whirled, squinting through the smoke and fire. “Where’s Ethan? He was a here a minute ago.”
“I’ll find him,” she yelled.
Linc flung open the stall door. Kinley threw her shirt over Bear’s head, slapped her on the rump. “Go baby, get out of here.” She shoved Linc but it was like trying to shift a lead wall. “You too!”
“Not without you and Ethan.” They turned toward the back of the barn and Ethan emerged from the smoke carrying Astrid’s old saddle and bridle. A beam fell across his path in a burst of sparks and flame. Her heart seized with terror and she rushed toward him. Suddenly, Linc grabbed her around the waist and shoved her behind him.
Ethan leaped away from the fallen beam and darted around it. Just as they exited the barn the roof caved in.
***
The sky opened and rain plummeted hissing over the burning wood but it was too little too late. The barn had been reduced to a mass of smoldering embers. Since Kinley had taken off her shirt to throw over Bear’s head, she wore only her bra, jeans and boots. Her hair was a wild, fiery tangle around her head. She was covered in sweat, dirt and soot. She huddled with the horses under the trees, her arms around Bear, her cheek resting on the mare’s neck as she murmured to the horse.
Ethan had filled a bucket with fresh water and held it so Midnight and her colt could have a drink. Then he moved to Bear and offered the water to the mare. The horse drank greedily.
Linc took off his shirt and helped Kinley into it almost like a child. She pulled the sides of the shirt together, turned and stared at the barn. Ethan hovered around Midnight and the colt then draped one arm over Kinley’s shoulders. She laid a hand over his. “We did it. We saved them.”
A small smile eased over Ethan’s mouth. “Yeah, we did.”
Fear still clawed at Linc’s nerve endings. He swiped a soot-covered hand over his forehead. “Christ Almighty, the three of you could have been killed.”
Kinley stared at the barn’s remains. “We weren’t. We’re fine.”
Frustration knotted his stomach. Rain dripped through the trees pattering like tiny footsteps on the ground covered with pine needles. “Well I’m not fine. Don’t ever do that to me again.”
Her head snapped around. “Do what to you?”
“Scare me out of ten years of my life!”
She turned her head and just stared at the barn. “We did what we had to do.”
He saw defeat in her eyes. Something he had never seen before. “Don’t worry about the barn, we’ll rebuild it. The insurance should take care of most of the cost.”
She gave him a cool smile. “I’m not worried. And don’t trouble yourself. I’ll see that it’s rebuilt.” She shut him out like closing a door in his face. Together they loaded the horses in the trailers that Rafe and the hands brought over from the Rocking M. Kinley was silent while they rode to the ranch. She ignored him when they unloaded the horses. She ignored him as she settled the horses into their temporary stalls, fed and watered them and uttered calming words to reassure them that everything was going to be okay. Without so much as a glimpse in his direction, she left the barn, climbed in her truck and drove away.
***
Kinley arrived at the ranch, took another look at the ruined barn, went inside the trailer and balled her eyes out. The barn was gone and she had no money to rebuild it. The insurance that Maddie had wasn’t comprehensive. She could file a claim but it would barely make a dent in the cost of replacing the barn.
She heard a knock on her bedroom door.
“Kinley?”
Ethan, poor kid. She didn’t want him to see her like this but he obviously knew she’d been crying. When she cried it wasn’t thin, gentle sobs, it was great ripping tears through her chest. She mopped the tears from her face, pulled her robe tighter around her body and brushed back a strand of her still damp hair from her shower. “Come in.”
Ethan opened the door and looked at her, taking in her red face and puffy eyes no doubt. “You okay?”
She struggled to smile. “Not really, but I could use some company.”
He stopped just inside the door with a crumpled paper bag in his hand. His gaze rested on the floor then on her face and back to the floor again. “I’ll help you rebuild the barn.” He gestured with the bag. “I even have some money saved. Linc paid me a little for doing such a good job on the ranch.”
Kinley’s heart filled with love for the boy. She patted the spot beside her. “Come, sit with me for a minute.”
Ethan sat down and Kinley put her arm around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. She sniffed, wiped her eyes with her damp, wadded up tissue. “I think Astrid was watching you today wherever she is. She probably lifted her head and nickered at you for helping save the horses. Not so sure about going back for the saddle and bridle though.”
“I couldn’t let them burn. It’s the only thing I have left of her.”
“You have more than just a saddle and bridle left. You have her memory.” Kinley laid her palm in the center of his chest. “And you have your love for her in your heart.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, but her smell is still on the inner lining of the saddle.”
“Must smell pretty smoky too.”
“A little.”
Kinley sighed. “I’m glad you’re here. I can’t imagine my life without you.” She lifted her head and touched Ethan’s sweet face. “I love you, kiddo.”
His eyes filled with wonder, anxiety and embarrassment all at once. A tiny smile lifted the corners of his mouth. He looked away and murmured, “Me too.” He handed her the bag. “I want you to have this.”
She gently squeezed his hand and pushed the bag away. “I’ll find a way to get the money for the barn. Don’t worry. You keep the money and save it. You’re going to need it for college.”
Ethan snorted. “College? I can’t go to college.”
Kinley straightened. “Why not?”
“I don’t know. Not smart enough I guess.”
“Who says?”
He lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know. I don’t have good grades.”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t work hard and get good grades, does it?”
“Never thought about it.”
“Maybe you should. And I’ll help you. It’ll take my mind off the barn. And Linc.”
“Did he act like a jerk?”
/>
She gave him a watery smile. “You could say that. I could use some cheering up. How about we go into town and try that new Italian place that’s opened up?”
“Okay, but my treat.”
She smiled. “Ethan Ferris you’re getting to be quite the grown young man.”
He blushed to the roots of his hair. “I’ll meet you outside.”
Chapter Thirteen
A few days later, Linc stepped out of the hardware store into Kinley and Ethan’s path as they strolled down the sidewalk. They were laughing at something and Kinley ruffled the kid’s hair.
Damn it, he should be with them. The three of them should be laughing together. The sun threw light over Kinley’s copper hair making it sparkle. She wore a pretty skirt and form fitting top that showed off her curves. On her feet was a pair of fancy black boots. He started toward them wanting to fall to his knees and ask their forgiveness but the memory of that horrible day at the rodeo and the overwhelming helplessness he felt flooded his body making his legs weak.
At that moment, Kinley caught sight of him and the warm smile she had been shining down on Ethan faded to cool and polite. “Hi Linc.”
God, he loved her voice. “Hi, how are you?”
“Fine. And you?”
“Good.” He looked at Ethan. He wanted to pull the boy into his arms, give him a hard hug and tell him how proud he was of him. “How’s it going?”
Ethan scowled. “Great.”
“Well, see you around, Linc,” Kinley said. “Ethan and I have animals to feed.”
He glared at her truck until it was out of sight. She might as well have left town. Well, that is what he wanted right? Was distance from her and Ethan? He couldn’t handle the worn out, spent, paralyzed feeling he got whenever he felt himself getting close to them. That out-of-control desolate few minutes at the rodeo stood between them like a bull pawing the ground. Then why did he feel so hollowed out?
***
A week passed when Linc noticed a line of cars heading onto Laid Back Ranch road. The place was packed with cars when he pulled up. Tables with refreshments had been set up under the trees, and Harlen Nevins, a local auctioneer stood in front of the people gathering around. The crowd was a mix of locals and out-of-towners both young and old with the look of someone presented with an unexpected gift. A breeze scattered dappled sunlight over the scene and the llamas hummed from their enclosure like any ordinary day. But today was far from ordinary.
The Judge And The Heiress (A Salvation Texas Novel) Page 13
