by Shara Lanel
Rick walked to his side and took his arm. “Mr. Reynolds, I can’t speak for your daughter’s heart, but I do believe time may bring her forgiveness.”
Kerry’s father nodded, then walked through the doorway and was gone.
“Are you all right?” Rick’s arms engulfed her and squeezed her tight, their warmth almost soothing her numbness.
“How’s your shoulder?”
“Much better. I was given some pain medication, but I think an herbal tincture and some meditation will do a better job.”
Kerry’s eyes widened, reflecting her doubt.
Rick kissed her nose. “But I’ll keep the pills just in case.”
Evan walked over and patted Kerry’s arm. “I owe you an apology.”
“No, you don’t. You were right all along. I did bring trouble down on Rick.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was, from the very beginning.”
“Kerry, I was wrong. You’re a good person who was in a bad situation. You proved that when you offered to go with Sentron.”
“That was an incredibly brave thing to do.” Rick held her tighter. “I’m so glad to be home and to be with you.”
* * * *
An hour later Evan left for Lydia’s, leaving Rick and Kerry alone for the first time. True to his word, Rick put together a nasty smelling brown “tincture” and drank it without making a face at the flavor. Anything that smelled that bad had to taste bad, too. Then he took Kerry’s hand and tugged her towards the stairs. Kerry hesitated then gave in, despite knowing what she planned to do in the end.
Their foreplay was toned down by Rick’s occasional yelps at the pain in his shoulder. Finally, he jumped off the bed and said, “Just a moment.” When he returned, he carried the prescribed pain pills. “I give up.”
Kerry smiled. She knew later he’d try the meditation anyway. “I’ll try to be more gentle.”
He popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed a bit of water. “No, you will not.” Then he dove towards her and rolled her back onto the bed. He kissed her eyebrows and her cheeks. His tongue traced her jaw, her nose and the center of her lips. The nibbles along her earlobes sent shivers down her spine. He slid to the side, putting his weight on his uninjured arm while his other hand pushed her shirt up and traced circles on her stomach.
“Do you want me to help you undress?”
“A splendid idea.” He grinned. Kerry had no trouble with his pants and briefs, but getting his shirt off his sore arm took some maneuvering.
“I think you’re being a big baby,” she joked.
“Aren’t you supposed to coddle me?”
“I’m supposed to fuck you silly, not baby you.” She finally got the shirt off.
“Make love,” Rick said.
“What?”
“You’re supposed to make love to me.” He captured her eyes. They gazed at each other for several moments.
“Make love,” Kerry agreed. “I’m going to make love to you, now that you’re finally naked.” She laughed and pushed him onto his back. Her lips floated down his chest and stomach. Her fingers wandered through his pubic curls, then wrapped around his shaft. She squeezed and released, squeezed and released, and slid her hand up and down. Rick’s hips moved in eagerness.
“I think the pills have kicked in,” he said, sitting up. “Time to reposition.” He flicked his eyebrows up and down in an exaggerated leer, which reminded Kerry of Charlie Chaplin. She burst out laughing even as he slid his cock inside her wet and waiting body. He used his thumb to massage the nubbin of her clit, igniting gasps of delight from deep within her. She sucked his chest, planning to leave a nice big hickey, but then she became too distracted by her own pleasure and gave into the trembles that wracked her frame and had her coming.
Rick pumped into her and reached blissful climax just before he lost consciousness. Kerry kissed his nose and left him a note saying it was time for her shift at work and that she’d see him in the morning. She figured he was out for the rest of the night, as he deserved to be.
* * * *
A box with a half-eaten pizza in it sat among the rumpled covers on Lydia’s bed. She and Evan leaned against the headboards, each with their own slice. Lydia’s was on a plate and she daintily cut it with a knife to Evan’s amusement, while Evan held his slice in his hand shoving half of it in his mouth as grease ran down his wrist. Heaven, he thought, to be naked in bed with the woman he loved eating greasy pizza and drinking lukewarm beer.
Lydia sat her plate on the nightstand.
“Hey, you barely ate anything.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Her serious tone startled Evan from his blissful state. “What’s the matter? You’ve been kind of quiet all evening.”
Lydia sighed. “They want me back.”
“Who does?”
“The firm … in DC.”
“What?”
“They’ve asked me to return immediately. They’ll help me sublease this apartment until the contract is up and pay my moving expenses, of course.”
“You told them no, didn’t you?” But he saw the truth in the fine tremor of her hand.
“They’re making me a partner.” Her voice held a hint of excitement. “Finally, after all these years, partner.”
“So you’re going then?”
“Yes.” She gave a tentative smile.
“God dammit, Lydia!” Evan jumped to his feet. “You don’t expect me to be happy about this, do you?”
“Maybe not at first, but you know this is an opportunity I can’t refuse.”
Evan threw the uneaten half of his pizza into the box. “You damn well could refuse if I was as important to you as you’ve been saying.” Placing his hands on his hips, he stared down at the petite woman in his bed, her hair mussed from lovemaking, her cute toes sticking out one end of the blanket. How could she do this to him, to them?
“Evan, you’ve always been important to me, all along.”
“But never important enough for you to stay.”
“Come with me.” Her eyes pleaded.
“And do what with my business? Desert it? Board it up?”
“Sell it.”
“Ah, give up my dream for your dream.”
“That’s not what I mean…”
“It is that exactly.”
“I thought the tow truck company was your daddy’s dream, not yours.”
“It’s mine now.” He leaned his knee on the bed and brushed back her silky hair. “Stay here, Lydia.”
“Evan, do you know that in all these years you’ve never said you loved me?”
“Of course, I have.”
“No, you haven’t.” Lydia, on the other hand, had said those three words to him many times in the past, before he broke her heart, but this time around she’d remained close-mouthed about her feelings.
“Well, you know I do.”
“Actually, I don’t, and I’m not willing to sacrifice my future on our on-again/off-again relationship.”
“Why don’t you marry me?” Evan could have kicked himself. That was not the romantic proposal a woman wanted to hear.
Lydia huffed and pushed him away from her. “I didn’t marry you because you left and I’m not going to marry you now because you never asked. At least, not in the right way.”
“Well…”
Lydia raised her hand to silence him. “Don’t even bother. You know that saying, ‘too little too late’? Well that applies now. I want you to leave. I’ll drop your stuff by the office before my drive back to DC.”
“Lydia.” He hated the pleading tone in his voice, but couldn’t unfreeze his lips enough to say what she really wanted to hear.
“Just go, Evan. Go home.”
* * * *
“Here you are, Kerry.” Rebecca handed Kerry the sealed envelope containing her paycheck. “Remember just let me know if you need furniture or anything. I’ve got a friend who’s a yard sale fiend and she’ll find you the bes
t deals.”
Kerry took the envelope and stared at it as if she had X-ray vision. “Thank you. I’ll let you know, or maybe I’ll try hitting some yard sales myself. Sounds like fun.” She imagined choosing her own eclectic preferences to furnish her own Fan apartment. She just needed to drop off the security deposit before five.
“Well, be off with you. I know you want to get there before the deadline.”
Kerry tore open the envelope as she walked through the glass doors and out into the watery sunshine. Early December in Richmond appeared to consist of rain, rain, and more rain, but the sun prevailed for a little bit each day, chasing the gloom away. The chill air was refreshing, especially when she remembered sleeping on a rotten couch in the alley in mid-July. Virginia offered a change of seasons so that none of the extremes stuck around for very long. Kerry liked that. She also liked kicking colored leaves down the uneven sidewalk. One day last week Evan had shown Rick the tradition of raking together a pile and jumping in, and Kerry had giggled ceaselessly as he had flopped face-first into the mound and came up spitting twigs and dirt.
Thinking of Rick made her wistful and, for a moment, she questioned whether she was doing the right thing. But she knew she was. She needed her independence, if only to prove to herself that she was competent enough to survive on her own. She still lived with the scars of betrayal given to her by her parents and Jason. She told herself she couldn’t live in the past, but how could she let herself forget if she wanted to avoid making the same mistakes in the future?
Well, she had broken at least one tie with the past, she thought as she opened the door to her new Ford Escort. New to her. It was actually a used car from Evan’s lot. She’d told him to sell the Bug to pay the towing fees. Eventually she had saved enough to purchase the Escort outright. It had over one hundred thousand miles and was covered with rust spots, but it was hers and it held no memories as the Bug had.
Kerry forced a halt to her melancholy thoughts as she found a spot to park near the steps of her new apartment building. The landlord lived on the first floor, so she rang the buzzer for his apartment and waited for the responding buzz that would unlock the front door. This building actually wasn’t too far away from Rick’s house, but Kerry enjoyed the variety of people and establishments that made up life in the Fan. Besides it wasn’t the distance that was important now, it was actually having her name on a lease and an apartment that she could call her own.
Hearing the buzz, she quickly opened the door. Mr. Chopski waited for her at his door. “Come on in, my girl. I’ve been waiting for you.”
And he had. All the paperwork was spread out on the scarred wooden table in the kitchen, with red check marks denoting the areas she needed to sign or fill-in. Kerry reached into her pocket for the day’s tips, which she had counted out earlier at the end of her shift. She handed the bills and a cashier’s check to Mr. Chopski for the security deposit and the first month’s rent. She would deposit her paycheck tomorrow, and perhaps by the weekend she’d be ready to hunt for some furniture and appliances. Kerry sat down on the chair, which rocked on its uneven legs, then she carefully read every bit of fine print on the lease as Mr. Chopski watched the five o’clock news. Even though she felt she could trust her new landlord, she wasn’t going to go into anything without all the facts ever again.
When she raised her head, Mr. Chopski asked, “Any questions?”
Kerry shook her head. They had already discussed the terms and they were all typed onto the lease just as agreed.
He stood and patted her on the shoulder, “Well, my dear, here are the keys.”
Kerry gripped the keys with shaky hands, offered Mr. Chopski a bright smile, then practically skipped into the hall. She bypassed every other stair step until she reached the third floor. Then she tried the keys in the two locks until she had them right and finally the door creaked open.
“Just as I remembered.” She spun through the center of the high-ceilinged living room. She’d responded to an ad and had visited the apartment a month ago, so her memory had probably wiped away a few scuff marks and cobwebs, but they could be cleaned. What counted were the tall casement windows and the vaulted ceiling with elaborate cornices on every wall. Her voice echoed in the huge empty room. The floors were well-worn hardwood. The walls probably had at least ten layers of the same white paint on them, from tenant after tenant moving in.
Skipping to the kitchen, Kerry took in the gas stove and pitted floor tiles. She had no table, no bed and no dishes, but for the first time in her life she had her very own home.
An hour later, she sat cross-legged in the center of her living room floor, watching the sun set beyond the building next door. She ignored the rumbling in her stomach and her stiff legs. She pushed back thoughts of what Rick’s reaction would be when she told him tonight about her new lease. She sat in silence with just her breath, in and out, as she watched the intense colors settling across the evening sky. Peace.
* * * *
The words hit Rick like a physical kick in the gut. “What did you say?” He just couldn’t believe it, after everything they’d been through in the last few months she was going to move out, leave?
“I’ve got my own apartment,” Kerry repeated, biting her lip and picking at a cuticle.
Rick sat down cross-legged on a mat in front of the bay window of his home. He bowed his head. Why did she sound so happy? She still didn’t love him. Rick couldn’t believe it. Their relationship had certainly seemed to involve love.
He looked up to find Kerry kneeling before him. “Why?” he asked.
“I thought you understood. I’ve been planning this since you took me in. I know I can’t pay you back yet, but someday I will. At the very least, you can have your peace and quiet back. You’ll get a lot more meditating done that way.”
“What?” Did she not realize how much he loved waking each morning to see her face and feel her warm breath tickle his cheek? “Kerry, I never said you had to repay me.”
“Of course, you didn’t. You’re too nice, but I want to just the same.” Was she so at peace with this? Rick noticed a tremor in her hand and a slight catch in her voice. He met her eyes and tried to read her heart. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Rick.” She took his hands in hers. “This is something I’ve got to do. It doesn’t mean forever. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you…”
“Do you? Do you love me? After all this time, you’ve never said it.”
Kerry didn’t look down. “I love you.”
The words hung in the air, soaked into Rick’s soul. She loved him. “But why move out then?”
“To prove I can. Whatever happens with us I need to know I can stand on my own.”
“This is still about Jason, isn’t it? He’s poisoned this relationship from the very beginning.”
“But he also brought about this relationship. If not for him, I’d still be living an oblivious life in San Diego, sitting on committees, dancing at the country club.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
Kerry smiled. “We could date.”
“Date?”
“Yes. We never have really. You could pick me up at my door at a designated time, take me some place nice, maybe come in for a nightcap after.”
“I don’t drink.”
“A nightcap of chamomile tea.”
“But we already know what is between us.”
Kerry sighed, gazing for a moment at the streetlight outside the window. “I’m not trying to start our relationship over. This is about me, so that I know that whatever happens I have the ability to stand on my own.”
Rick understood that. He’d felt similar when he’d left India for the first time in twenty years. Could he survive without the other monks, the rituals, the community support? He could, but he wouldn’t have known that if he’d stayed ensconced in the old monastery.
“I understand.”
Kerry threw her arms around his neck, knocking him to the floor where she proceeded to kiss his face
, lips, hair, and neck. Rick hugged her tight, knowing that she was his, knowing that the more they each grew as people the better they would be as a couple in the long run.
EPILOGUE
Rick sprawled across one of Kerry’s beanbag chairs and squinted at her black and white TV. Despite the rabbit ears, the set had awful reception, so that Rick could only guess that the two men running across the soccer field actually had the ball in front of them. Of course, he couldn’t tell what team they were on until the announcer gave the score. “Kerry?”
“I’m coming.” She rounded the corner from the kitchen, glasses of chilled tea in hand.
“About time.” He ducked as she whacked him playfully on the head, then gave him his tea.
The room had filled in the past few months. When she’d first showed him her castle that she was so proud of, Rick had been reminded of his stark bedroom in India. Kerry had had a mattress on the floor, an ancient transistor radio on the windowsill and her duffel bag looking much the worse for wear in her closet. Now the room held a futon, two beanbag chairs, and several lamps. A stack of schoolbooks leaned against an old phonograph cabinet, charcoal drawings and pencil sketches covered one wall and several feet of floor space, and the TV sat atop a small cedar chest. He knew that inside that chest was her duffel bag. She said that she planned to keep it forever as a reminder of her strength. The bedroom had a full-size bed on a metal frame, one nightstand and a small shelf crammed with books. Rick had spent many nights in that room, elbowing Kerry for adequate space on the small bed, but often Kerry slept at his place, arms flung wide, covers kicked off.
Kerry focused on the fuzzy image of the soccer ball. “Goal! Which team is that?”
“Mexico, I think.”
“Who are they playing?”
“Venezuela.”
Kerry squinted her eyes, but Rick knew from his own attempts that the image would not come clearer. “Who am I rooting for?”
“The United States.”
Kerry threw an embroidered pillow at him. “They’re not even in this game!”
So beautiful, Rick thought, stunned for a moment by soft blond hair and uplifted pink lips.
