by Shan
"Here," he handed me an envelope and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek but I moved away. I tossed the envelope back at him, tucked my hammer, and got out of the car going back up to my apartment. I wasn't about to go to no fucking Virginia and I wasn't about to take any money from him.
My daddy always taught me to be independent and never depend on a man to do shit for me. He instilled that in my head more than he did education which is why I moved out the minute I turned eighteen. I was old enough to provide and care for myself even if I got money in ways that I wasn't proud of. I could've allowed my daddy to pay for me a place but I didn't. I worked for it. I could've allowed my daddy to save my shop in Miami, pay for me a place when I came back, but I chose not to. It would've gone against everything that he'd taught me.
"Hey girl, you wanna go out tonight or you chilling with Quad?" Brian asked the moment I came into the house.
"Umm, I'm not in the mood. Just had a confusing ass blowup with my daddy and that shit kinda got me on edge," I sighed shrugging my shoulders.
"You wanna talk about it?" Brian asked.
"Maybe later. Right now I'm about to roll a blunt and see if I can wrap my head around this shit."
Once I got in my room and sat on the bed, my phone began to ring over and over again. It was my daddy's ring tone. I took the phone out of my bag and read the four messages he'd sent me back to back.
Starr I luv u so much. Never forget it!
Leaving da money wit Bear. Please take it and go 2 Virginia.
Luv u wit everything in me believe dat.
I just want you to be better than me.
I text back telling him that I love him too but that I was not going to Virginia. This shit here was weird as fuck and I didn't understand it one bit. If all my daddy wanted me to do was chill out on this gutta shit then just say so, why try and send me away to family members who I don't even know? Pretty much suggesting that I can't take care of my damn self.
After sitting in my room a few minutes Brian came to see if I was ready to talk. I hated to keep brushing him off but he wouldn't understand unless I revealed all my secrets. As much as I wanted to lay my problems out on him; I couldn't. Just like I couldn't call Quad and tell him what was going through my mind. The only person who would understand me and knew exactly how I feel is Bubba; and that’s who I called.
"Get your lil' cry baby ass in the car," Bubba said.
I got in the front seat of the car and Bubba practically sped away from the curb before I could get in good enough.
"I'm not a cry baby Bubba. Do you know how it feels for your daddy to try and send you away at twenty-one years old? Telling you that you're corrupt and need somebody to watch after you," I huffed crossing my arms over my chest.
"Hell no, I don't know how it feels," Bubba laughed.
"What the fuck? Can you be serious for a moment please?" I popped Bubba on his arm.
"Agghh bitch!" Bubba flinched.
I raised the sleeve up on his arm and noticed the bloody bandages taped tightly around it.
"What happened?"
"Went through to handle some shit for your pops and Bear, got into a little gun fight with them fools," Bear shrugged his shoulders.
"Why the hell you ain't call me?" I asked looking surprised that Bubba left me out.
"Herm said not to call you to do anything no more. Said you were trying to change your life around."
"Really? So you already knew what type of shit he was on before I called you?"
"Not really. I just know he been telling me and Bear not to tell you shit. He said you were on a need to know basis and anything you needed to know he would tell you," Bear turned into a Taco Bell drive thru.
"Man, what's really going on?" I wondered aloud.
"I don't know but he been acting really shady these past couple of months. Him and Bear not getting along and shit. Heard he and Stacey going through it too," Bear said and rolled his window down to order food. "You want something?"
"Nah, I'm good."
"Starr! Starr!" Brian yelled.
Both Quad and I popped our head from under the covers at the same time. I glanced at the clock then over at Brian. It was three in the morning and I'd just gone to sleep an hour ago.
"Brian, what's wrong?" I asked turning on the lamp next to the bed.
"Here, it's Stacey. She said she tried calling your phone but you not answering," Brian handed me the phone. I grabbed my cell off the nightstand and noticed that the battery died.
"Damn, I forgot to charge it before I fell asleep," I said then put my ear to the phone. "Hello."
"Starr, its Stacey. Look Herman just got arrested and has been taken into federal custody."
"What?" I shot up completely out of the bed, scrambling around the room for my clothes. "Hell nah Stacey! What the fuck happened?"
"He just called me like thirty minutes ago. I'm at my sister’s in Decatur," Stacey sighed into the phone.
"Decatur, why the hell..."
"He knew it was coming Starr. He just didn't know they were coming this soon. He sent me away a couple of days ago and----look I don't wanna say much over the phone but he told me to call you and let you know. He said that now you will understand the reason for his request earlier today."
"But the FEDs Stacey, why didn't he tell me? Oh my God," I tried my best not to cry but I just couldn't. The FEDs didn't come for you unless they have solid evidence against you. They weren’t into handing down no nickel and dime type shit either; real live bids is what they gave you and that's what made this situation so painful.
"He just didn't want you to worry. I'm coming back in the morning to meet with the lawyers to see what's going on. I'll have Detrick meet me at your house okay?" Stacey said.
"Yea, okay. See you in the morning."
I hung up the phone and handed it back to Brian. A gut curdling cry leapt from my stomach and echoed through the air. Quad got out of the bed and wrapped his arms around me.
"Calm down baby girl, it's gonna be okay," Quad kissed me on the forehead allowing me to cry in his arms.
"The FEDs got my daddy! It's not gonna be okay!" I cried.
I now knew why my daddy wanted to send me away. He knew that the FEDs would try and use me to get info to convict him on whatever charges they brought against him. I just don't understand why he couldn't come to me and tell me what was going on. He had to know that I would never turn against him and give those pigs anything on him. I don't care what methods they tried; they aren't going to get shit out of me. You better believe that.
Quad
It's been three months and my cousin Tron has yet to wake up from the coma he suffered after being shot several times. Neek has fallen completely apart because of it; meaning I was left to handle everything by my damn self. I have to oversee all the corners that I ran, the trap spots, collect all the money, and make sure everything is running the way it’s supposed to. I never knew how much I needed Neek until now. I’m not as big time as I was striving to be but damn this was making me rethink if I wanted to be.
I had a small crew of fifteen that I oversaw but shit just thinking if I became the boss of all bosses and had to run thousands of muthafuckas that shit had to be beyond stressful. Then to see that I was only getting a portion of the big ass pie and niggas was already was trying me. All this has made me rethink a lot of shit and see that this dope life wasn't what I wanted. I can guarantee you I'm ‘bout to stack as much paper as possible and get the hell out before I got caught up and couldn't.
"Glad to see you still know your way home," Fatima said.
I looked at her then at the silent TV screen that displayed footage of Federal and state police outside of Starr's dad Herm’s house. The caption on the screen stated that he is one of the biggest king-pins in Atlanta history since crack hit hard over twenty-years ago. Just seeing this shit made me want to hurry and get back to Starr as soon as possible. I know this shit had to hurt and hurt bad.
I always thought that Her
m would never get caught up with the FEDs or any law for that matter. Ever since I'd known him he'd always been low-key and never gave off an impression that he was a dealer of dope. He lived in the middle of the worst neighborhood in Atlanta, didn't live a flashy lifestyle, drove regular cars, and wore regular clothing. Anybody that saw him could easily mistake him as a nine to fiver if they didn't know any better.
Watching the swarm of police officers go in and out of his house, standing in crowds talking to each other, and constantly look back at the cameras with smirks on their faces I wasn't so sure that this would be easy for him.
"Damn it Quad did you hear what the fuck I just said?" Fatima yelled. I took one last look at the TV screen then bolted off to the bedroom to pack a few bags. "Quad."
I threw shirts and pants inside a duffle bag, grabbed my tooth brush and other personal belongings and threw them in there as well.
"Oh, you leaving? You leaving me for that bitch huh?" Fatima asked noticing the obvious.
"You already knew what was coming Tima, I ain't been home in weeks. The bills are paid for the next six months, then after that you need to figure out what you're gonna do," I said zipping my bag closed.
"Quad, wait what can I do? Please Quad, I'm pregnant you can't leave me," Fatima cried.
"Bitch, don't try that shit with me!" I bellowed. "I'm leaving and now all of a sudden you pregnant. Fuck outta my face with that shit."
"Quad, baby I'm serious. Look in the bathroom trash can and you will see the test. I'm not lying to you," Fatima grabbed ahold of my arm.
For a moment I stopped what I was doing and entertained the thought that she may have been pregnant. I followed her into the bathroom and watched as she pulled a pregnancy test out the trash can. She put the test in my face and all I saw was two faint pink lines.
"Two lines mean you pregnant?" I asked.
"Yes Quad, why you think I've been blowing you up telling you I needed to talk? Quad, we're about to have a baby," Fatima said cheerfully.
"Damn, we are huh? How far along are you?" I asked placing my hand on her stomach.
"I don't know. I'm like two weeks late but I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow morning for an appointment."
"Alright, alright," I sighed feeling like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I promised Starr I would be at her place waiting when she made it back from speaking with Herm's lawyers. Now I'm finding out Fatima's pregnant right when I was thinking about leaving her. I wasn't the type to run away from my responsibilities no matter what the case may be. Decisions had to be made and it seemed that once again I would have to hurt Starr.
Seemed like history is deciding to repeat itself all over again; same story different bitch. I thought. I grabbed the duffle bag, unpacked my clothes, and settled down. Fatima made up homemade hamburgers, French fries, and some peach cobbler which put my ass to sleep. I awoke hours later with my dick in Fatima's mouth.
"Yo Tima chill out on that, I appreciate the gesture but a nigga---damn---I gotta handle some shit," I groaned pushing Fatima's head back. "Get back. Why the fuck you let me sleep so long anyway?"
"’Cause you were sleeping so peacefully and plus because you haven't been home in a while. I missed you daddy," Fatima said taking one last lick off my dick.
"That's what's up, hand me my shirt so I can bounce. I'll be back later on tonight," I ran my hands across my face and took a deep breath.
"Where you about to go anyway? I saw that shit on the news. Where you and Neek supposed to get your packages from now?" Fatima asked raising a brow.
"I never got my shit from Herm but you need to mind your fucking business. I've told you that shit before," I said getting dressed.
“I thought you told me a few months ago that you got some packages from Herm that would set you up nicely,” Fatima scrunched her face in confusion.
“I ain’t told you shit! Mind your damn business,” I said looking disgusted. “You just nosey as hell!”
"So, what time you coming back? I wanna make sure I have dinner ready."
"Later, I'll be back later," I grabbed my keys and walked out the house without even saying goodbye.
"What's good Ronda?" I asked taking a seat next to my younger sister.
"Shit from what I hear you what's good. What's up big brother? Why you ain't been through to see us?" Ronda took a toke off her blunt then sipped on her bottle of beer.
"Working. Y'all know how busy I am. Trying to get this paper so I can make sure we all eating you know?"
I reached in my pockets and took out a wad of cash and handed it over to Ronda. Paying bills in several different households was difficult and stressful but somebody got to do the shit. My siblings are lazy as fuck and always depend on big bruh to take care of everything. My sisters Ronda and Patricia kept having kids by niggas who ain't gotta pot to piss in, my sister Keisha is out there strung the hell out then I got my lil’ brothers to take care of.
They are growing like fucking weeds and always need clothes, shoes, and shit like that. Even though they were in foster care, I knew where they lived and who they lived with and I made sure they had everything they needed.
"How are you and Fatima doing? She called me the other day looking for you," Ronda asked passing over the blunt.
"That shit gets on my damn nerves I swear," I laughed. "Always looking for me. Need to look for a damn job."
"She got you. She doesn’t need a job as long as you’re around."
"Man, whatever. Same thing I keep telling you and Patricia. Stop looking for these niggas to take care of y'all. You don't have to ever worry about being disappointed ‘cause niggas ain't shit. Ya hear me?" I said taking a toke off the blunt.
"I hear ya bro. I'm a do something with my life. My babies need better and I know it gets hard on you. But you know I appreciate you for everything you do."
"I know you do. But aye look I needed to talk to you about something. Need some advice."
"What, some advice from me? Damn, I feel special," Ronda laughed sipping on her beer.
"’Cause you know Fatima since y'all be kicking it, and you know Starr too," I sighed.
"Hmm, Starr so the rumors are true? You finally did catch back up to her after all this time. What y'all got going on?"
"Man, real shit I have fallen in love with Starr's ass all over again. Talking about deeper than before lil’ sis and the crazy shit is I was about to move out of Tima's crib and go on back to my spot," I huffed. "I really wanna get back with Starr and cut ties with all my chicks, but I get back to Tima's and the bitch tells me she pregnant and I don't know what to do."
"Damn, you got some real live problems huh?"
"Problems ain't the word yo. You know I'm not the type to run from my responsibility but damn I don't wanna be with Fatima anymore; especially not because she's pregnant. That shit---man I don't know what to do."
"Brother me and Fatima cool or what not but that's only because she your girl. That bitch ain't shit and she only with you because of your money. If that is your baby take care of your seed. That don't mean you gotta be with her. Shit if you in love with Starr then be with her."
"I just don't wanna look like a coward, like I'm running from my responsibility. I'm not trying to be like daddy at all."
"You nothing like daddy. You will never be like him. Follow your heart because believe me you may never get another chance at real happiness again."
My sister Ronda only told me what I already knew and felt in my heart. If Fatima really was pregnant and with my child at that I'm a do what's right for my child but damn I had to chase after Starr. Shit has been going too good with us and having a second chance has been on my mind ever since we parted ways the first time. I just can’t let her go like that.
I sat with my sister a little while longer before leaving to check on some of the corner boys. Everything was looking good, the fiends were copping like clockwork, and so far it wasn't any problems that I needed to be concerned about.
> Instead of going home right away, I decided to go and check on my cousin Tron. I made it right before visiting hours were over with. Neek was right; I avoided this place like the damn plague and really didn't care how the fam looked at me whenever I did show my face. I didn't like hospitals; they were made for the dead or the dying. Right about now Tron was on that list of the dying. He'd been this way for months and there was no change, the way I see it everyone might as well mark him off as dead and get the mourning over with.
Starr
Ding! Dong!
“Who is it?” I heard Neek ask.
“Starr,” I said.
Neek cracked the door opened and looked over my shoulder.
“It’s just me. Is Quad home?” I asked now looking over his shoulder.
“Nah, I haven’t seen him in a few days. I thought he was with you,” Neek said running his tongue over his lips.
“Nope, I haven’t talked to him either. He was supposed to come holla at me the other night but never did,” I sighed.
“You can come in and wait to see if he’ll show up. What happened when you tried to call him?” Neek asked opening up the door so I could enter. I walked into the house and sat down on the couch. Neek had the house smoked out while playing a game of Madden on the big screen.
“Fool phone going straight to voicemail. I’m sure he’s probably spending time with Fatima. So if he doesn’t show in an hour or so; I’ll leave.”
“You good. Charlene gone out of town and I’m bored to death so I ain’t trippin’,” Neek took a toke from his blunt and passed it in my direction.
“I can’t believe you talking to Charlene, I never thought that would happen,” I laughed.
“Why ‘cause she big?” Neek asked giving me a knowing glance.
“Yep, you always be with the tall model looking chicks.”
“I like them all, tall, dark, skinny, fat, shit long as you treat me right. I don’t give a damn,” he laughed.
“How your brother coming along?”
“Same, nothing has changed. I got faith though. He gonna come through, no doubt.”
