by Shan
I looked down at the picture of me putting bullets into the passenger of the Cadillac that shot Mills and Fat Rat, and then chased us down. I looked to see if Starr was visibly in the picture but couldn't see her.
How the hell did he get this shit? It just happened. I wondered to myself.
"Who took this?" I asked. "That's not me anyway."
"I work in the Narcotics division, I don’t give a fuck about a murder but I do have some colleagues that do. But that's beside the point, you pay me fifty thousand dollars for the name and the proof of the snitch, get the info to Tamar and I will scratch your name off the list as well get rid of any more info I have on you," Agent Tommy said.
"Man any fool can see that Bubba's bitch ass obviously is the one snitching. Fuck I need to pay you for that shit for? I saw that with my own damn eyes," I spat.
"Just like when I step out your ride any fool could see the same thing you just saw. I have proof of who the snitch is. Fifty grand and I'll hand it all over to you," he said.
I sighed, "That doesn't mean that Tamar is gonna wipe the debt away. Shit he might just thank me for the info and tell me he still wants his money."
"Nah, Tamar might be a lot of things but he's loyal and has a lot of respect for those who are as well. Look you keep that picture, call him and tell him you have some info and see if he's willing to drop the debt. If he says yes, give me a call," Agent Tommy dropped his business card in my lap and got out of the vehicle. I punched my hand into the steering wheel, and then tossed the picture over to Neek.
"What do you think I should do?" I asked.
"This fool trying to double fuck you, he trying to make you pay for whatever info he got on you and make you pay for info on the muthafucka’ that's doing the snitching," Neek sighed shifting nervously in his seat. "I wouldn’t do it but that’s on you. You got the picture and hell we saw that it’s Bubba so shit why pay him?.”
"I don’t know. Let me stop by the house and tell Starr to keep away from that fool Bubba. I told her ass he wasn't any good," I huffed.
Once Neek and I made it back to the house, Starr was gone. Charlene said that she told her she had a doctor's appointment and was going to go to see Herm afterwards. I went to dial her phone but remembered that she lost it last night. I decided I was gonna make that call to Tamar but didn’t want to do it until after I warned Starr. I knew once Tamar found out Bubba was ratting people out, he wouldn't hesitate to go after him and I didn't want Starr anywhere around.
"I'm about to lay it down for a few hours; tell Starr wake me up the minute she get here," I said to Charlene and Neek.
"Charlene will tell her. Bout to head up to the hospital to sit with my bruh for a few," Neek grabbed his keys off the TV and left the house.
I crashed out on the bed and drifted off to sleep the moment my head hit the pillow.
Starr
I had Brian pick me up early this morning so that I could apologize to him and also talk to him about some of the things I've been doing that he wasn't aware of. He was notably shocked and surprised and pretty much told me that he didn't think it was a good idea that we lived together any longer. I couldn't even be mad at him. Bear or Tamar could have easily killed Brian last night and it would've been all my fault. Brian said that I didn't have to move out the apartment because he'd been thinking about moving back to Miami with Rozalyn, Tamar's wife and one of his best friends.
I kind of felt jealous because Rozalyn and I were also good friends at one point until she practically caused the death of Keylan. She'd been sleeping with Keylan and Tamar's best friend Brandon behind Tamar's back and ultimately caused Brandon to kill Keylan. Although, Rozalyn apologized to me numerous times and begged me to forgive her; I couldn't. It was hard for me to see or even talk to her without feeling like she was responsible for the whole thing even if she wasn't the one that pulled the trigger.
I wanted Brian to be mad at Rozalyn and hate her as well but that would never happen. He loved the hell out of his friends and never chose sides.
"You good?" Brian asked after I came into the waiting area.
"Yea, surprisingly my baby is doing good. I'm sixteen weeks along and my baby's heart beat is strong and healthy looking," I smiled showing Brian the sonogram picture.
"Wait a minute, you told me you were here for an abortion. I really expected you to come out in tears even though I'm glad you didn't do it," Brian said looking down at the picture.
"I changed my mind at the last minute. I think I need to really sit my butt down somewhere and this baby a give me all the reason I need."
"Aww, I'm so happy for you. Look at that head," Brian pointed at laughed.
"Don't be laughing at my baby," I snatched the picture.
Brian took me to the T-Mobile store to purchase a new phone and then dropped me off at the jail to hopefully see my daddy this time. It seemed like forever since I last saw him and really needed to get some answers to my questions. I told Brian that he could leave and I would have Bubba pick me up. I had a few words to say to that muthafucka’ once I saw him too.
I went through the ridiculous process to see my dad and took a seat at a table in the far back as usual. This time I put my back to the wall so that I wouldn't get any surprises like the last time I was here. It took about five minutes before my dad came out along with Rodney. They both held their head high, stuck their chest out, and wore bright smiles. I wish I could match their smiles ‘cause it was nothing funny about this shit to me. I didn't wanna see Rodney.
Damn, does he not have family to come see him? I thought to myself trying to keep my disappointment on the low.
"Starr, man I've missed you so much," my dad kissed me on the cheek and sat next to me while Rodney sat across from me.
"Hey baby girl," Rodney said.
"Daddy, I wanted to talk to you alone," I looked at Herm. "No, disrespect but I don't know this man and I don't understand why you would think it was cool to inform me you wasn't my real father through a stranger."
"I'm sorry Starr, I just couldn't bring myself to tell you and Unc really wanted to see you. For now on when you come, expect to see the both of us. He wants to get to know you and I think he has that right," Herm said pretty much finalizing everything. I looked at Rodney and rolled my eyes. Both of these niggas were tripping. Shit we can sit in silence for the remainder of the visit ‘cause I ain't know him well enough to speak freely like that.
"Spoke with Detrick and Stacey yesterday. The case is looking up. I'm most likely going to do some time but not as much as I thought in the beginning," Herm said and I only nodded. "Stacey should be having the baby any day now."
"Good now you can have a child that you don't have to lie and pretend to," I retorted.
"Starr---" my dad started to say but instead slammed his hands on the table. I'd pissed him off but he had to understand that this was bothering me.
"Starr, Herman will always be your father. I love and thank my nephew for raising you to be a beautiful, smart young lady. All I want is an opportunity to get know you. I don't expect you to start calling me anything but Rodney. Nothing has changed. The truth has come out and you can be mad or you can get over it," Rodney calmly said.
"I still love you the same Starr. I always will and you know that. When Unc asked me to raise you as my own I was still a damn teenager trying to find my way. I had no problem with just being a big cus to you and bring you up here as often as possible to get to know your father but Unc kept telling me it would only damage you," Herm sighed. "I didn't understand back then but now that I'm sitting on the same side as him; I understand now. You think I want you coming up here to see me wearing this fucked up ass costume, only able to see you once a week for a couple of hours. And what about my son when he gets here? This shit is not for kids to have to see and go through."
"I stole some bricks from Bear and sold them to Quad. I didn't know that they belonged to Tamar," I said confessing my sins.
"I heard. I heard you did it because yo
u felt like Bear has been stealing from me. Detrick has been warning me for years but I ignored it," Herm said.
"How did you know I did it? Did Bubba tell you too?" I asked.
"Tamar came to me with Detrick last week. He thinks the same person that snitched on me is the same person that's working with the FEDs against him. He said that Bubba told him what you did. Tamar isn't going to do anything to you. I did tell him to be sure to pay you a visit and shake you up a lil’ bit," my dad smirked.
"What? Why did you do that?" I asked furiously.
"’Cause I told you to get your ass somewhere and sit down! If Bear didn't have the money to give to you then you should've just came to me and I would've had it taken care of. Now as far as Quad goes, I can't speak for what Tamar will do to him."
"It's not Quad's fault, I lied to him," I said.
"Quad is a hustla’ and knows how the game goes. He should've known not to accept dope from you without first verifying where it came from," Rodney chimed in.
"Do you believe that Bear is the one snitching?" I asked ignoring Rodney's statement.
"No, I just believe that Bear is a thief but not a snitch. I think it's someone close to me but not sure who yet. Detrick is sure he will find out who before my trial," Herm said.
"When will my grandchild be here?" Rodney asked.
"Oh, I forgot about that," my dad laughed.
"Damn, what the fuck don't y'all know?" I rolled my eyes.
"Ol' Quad. I need to see him," my dad said with a smile that spoke a thousand words.
After the first hour of the visit I began to feel better with Rodney being around. This dude has been behind bars my whole life and knew everything that was going on in the streets. I used to believe that prisoners only sold drugs and had crime organizations while locked up was only something you see on TV, but after hearing my dad and Rodney speak in codes about peddling dope I knew it was real.
Sounds like Rodney has been running all kinds of drugs through the prison the whole time he's been here. He has guards on the payroll which is how he can pretty much do what the hell he wants and no one says anything.
They both ensured me that they would speak with Tamar and that I had nothing to worry about. They may have believed that Bear was only a thief but I still believed otherwise. Something fishy was going on and I was going to find out just what it was.
Soon as I walked out the prison, Bubba was sitting in the visitor's parking waiting for me. As long as he and I have been friends, I never once expected him to rat me out. I didn't give a fuck who came at him or how they came at him; he wasn't supposed to turn pussy. I held onto all his secrets and I expected him to do the same for me.
"What's up? Long time no hear," Bubba said the moment I got in the car.
"Yea and after today this will probably the last time you see me," I said with much attitude.
"What you leaving?" Bubba asked frowning.
"No, snitches and I don't get along. I can't stand their grimy asses," I spat.
Bubba sighed, "Fuck is you getting at?"
"Oh, let me lay it out for you since you wanna play dumb nigga. You told Tamar that I was the one that hit Bubba's spot. Had him and Bear run up in my mama house and in my damn house! You didn't even have the decency to even call and warn me!"
"I told them what was true. I told you taking that shit from Bear wasn't cool," Bubba had the nerve to say.
"Did you tell them that you helped me? Did you tell them that?"
"Nah, I didn't take the shit so why would I tell them I did it."
"Damn, it's like that now? All the dirt we've done together and you doing it like that?"
Bubba shrugged his shoulders but didn't say anything. I sat in the passenger silently telling myself that this was the end of our friendship. Bubba could no longer be trusted. If the damn police came to him I had no doubt he would snitch on me then too. Niggas is forgetting what loyalty is by the second.
"Don’t call me anymore, don’t speak on me. Don’t say shit to me when you see me in the streets. I’m done with you! You better believe that!" I yelled.
"Fuck you!" Bubba bellowed. “I was doing this shit by myself when you left anyway and I can continue to do it by myself! I don’t need you!”
“Yea we’ll see,” I said.
The whole way to the house I did everything in my power not to cry. I never thought that Bubba would do me like this. He snitched on me like a lil’ bitch and that shit made me uneasy. He didn’t have to tell Tamar nothing and he didn’t have to tell Bear; he could’ve just played dumb and let them figure the whole thing out on their own. I couldn’t roll around doing dirt with nobody like that.
When I made it to my apartment, I noticed the door was cracked open. Against my better judgment I went in, but with precaution. Sitting on my couch was Bear, wearing a New York Knicks jersey, and blue-jeans.
“Sit down!” he roared.
Hesitantly I walked over to the sofa across from him and took a seat. I sat staring at Bear with anger filled eyes; my chest rose and fell quickly as I tried to catch my breath.
"Starr, baby girl. I never thought that things would ever come this far between you and I. I always thought we were better than this," Bear said sitting a beer on the table.
"Fuck you!" I spat.
"I would love to fuck you. How about it?" he asked licking his lips.
"You ain’t shit but a snake! A lying, conniving, snitching, snake at that."
"Do you know because of what you did, I had my reputation tarnished, I was fucking humiliated in front of a bunch of thugs that's young enough to be my damn kids! Tamar didn’t even wanna deal with me after the last shipment he fronted us was stolen but I finally got him to trust me again. I finally set up a deal that would guarantee me more money than ever and you go and fuck it all up," Bear said.
I laughed, "Tamar beat that ass huh? Sounds like you got what you deserved"
"Maybe, but I'm going to make sure you get what you deserve as well," Bear stood up from his seat and walked towards me.
I went to kick him in his nuts but he grabbed my legs and dragged me to the floor. He reached down and grabbed my sweats, attempting to pull them off.
"You're gonna try and rape me? Fucking coward! Get the fuck away from me!" I yelled and aimed to kick him again. I scooted across the floor away from him and jumped to my feet.
"Why are you running? You're supposed to be so bad and tough, let me see how bad you are!" Bear raised up and shot towards me. I took off running towards the front door but couldn't get there fast enough. Bear grabbed a piece of my shirt, picked me up, and carried me into his bedroom. He placed me onto his bed and pinned both of my arms down.
"Bear, please don't do this! I'm pregnant, please," I begged. My eyes began to feel with water the closer he came to getting his way with me. I guess this was payment from the devil. I always knew that my ways would eventually catch up to me but I never expected it to happen this way. "Bear!"
I felt his penis go inside of me and my whole body cringed. Doing my best to get away from, I squirmed, wiggled, and even tried to bite him. After a few minutes of struggling to get my arms loose, Bear finally loosened his grip to where I could pull my arms from his hold. With all the strength left in me I brought my fist up and punched him as hard as possible in the face.
It didn't even faze him one bit, he reached for my hands again but this time I took the palm of my hand and shoved his nose upwards. That caused him to roll over off of me as blood shot from his nose. I leaped from the bed and sprinted towards the kitchen to grab a knife.
I could hear the weight of his body stomping against the floor while coming to look for me. I kneeled down, hiding behind the island in the center of the kitchen. A bloody mixture of fluid began to leak from my vagina to the floor. I had to cover my mouth to keep my cries from escaping out; I was losing another baby. A baby that I'd finally grown happy about and looking forward to mothering.
"Starr! Where are you, you little bitch?" Bear sa
ng.
I watched the floor for his shadow to appear and gripped the handle of the knife tightly in my hand. Practically holding my breath I waited for him to round the island.
"Starr, come on we were just having a little fun," Bear said. "I promise I was gonna---."
I brought the knife up and pierced the inside of his thigh, twisting it, and going as deep as possible.
"Aaghh!" he let out a blood curdling scream as he crashed to the floor caressing his brutalized leg.
I stood up from behind the island, grabbed another knife from the holder then ran to the living room where my purse was. I pulled out my cell phone and seen I had several missed calls from Brian, whom I immediately called back.
"Starr! Hello!" Brian said through the phone.
I spotted Bear sliding along the kitchen floor, he reached for the island to pull himself up and that's when I got up, ran, and grabbed my sweats. With trembling hands I slid my sweats over my legs. "Starr, hello!"
"Brian, please I need help! Call Quad to come and help me please," I stopped talking to keep myself from crying. I can't believe that Bear raped me, of all people, he raped me.
"Come here bitch!" I jumped at the sound of Bear's deep baritone voice and immediately started swinging the knife. "Get away from me Bear!"
I swung the knife and ultimately it penetrated his right shoulder blade. Bear brought his left hand up and backhanded me across the face. The cell phone dropped from my hand onto the floor. I brought both my hands up getting in a boxing stance; ready to go toe to toe with this big muthafucka.
Bear laughed, "Oh, you thank you can whoop me? Bitch, all you had to do was let me murder the pussy and that would've been punishment enough for what you did! I’ve been knowing you since you was a kid. It would hurt too much to kill you!"
WHAM!
I kicked Bear where I'd stabbed him earlier and when he kneeled over in pain, I punched him twice in his already broken nose. I reached down for my cell phone and ran out of the house.
