by Shan
"Starr, I don't want shit from you! It's taking everything in me not to kill your ass for what you did to my cus man!"
I crossed my arms over my chest, looking at Quad like he had shit all over his face. I didn't give a fuck about T-Rock being his damn cousin, hell I didn't even know they were related in the first damn place and even if I did; circumstances would've been the same.
"Fuck you gonna do? I got moves to make," I nonchalantly said stepping over Bubba's body.
"It's like that? You just don't give a fuck huh?" Quad asked.
"Honestly I don't. Ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot would you give a damn," I tried to walk around Quad but he blocked the door and dropped the pistol down to his side.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I don't know. I just know I need to get away from here and everybody to get my head on straight. Move outta my way Quad," I pushed him.
"Starr, I'm not letting you run away from this. This is your mess, you caused this shit and you need to stay here until we get it worked out."
"Worked out? Quad move! I'm going to pull my car out of my daddy's garage and I’m outta here. That's your fam, you handle that shit. Like I said I don't give a care."
Quad stared down at me for a few moments before moving so that I could leave. I walked past him and out of the house. The only way I would be able to better myself is if I stepped away from the bullshit. Staying around family and friends that I felt the need to protect and go in for isn't good for me at this moment. Just hearing Bubba confirm Bear being a snitch was enough for me to want to haunt him down and kill him but I had to think smart. I had a life growing inside of me and Lord knows if I lost another baby the world will feel my pain.
I walked through Quad's neighborhood; until I made it to a bus stop. My plan is to visit Stacey and little H.J. before leaving town. I would then stop at my mom’s and say goodbye to her as well. I'd already told both Rodney and Herm of my plans to leave and they thought it was a good idea as well.
My pink Cadillac CTS has been parked inside my dad's garage since before I left Miami and is one of the few things that the FEDs couldn't touch since it’s in my name. When I came back to Atlanta I was somewhat of an alcoholic, it gotten so bad that no one trusted me to drive. I became so used to it and actually enjoyed being chauffeured around that I forgot I even had a car.
Soon as I showed some love to Stacey and my little brother; I'm hitting the road and ducking low for a little while. Muthafuckas would have to catch me on my better days.
Quad
Having Fatima kill herself over me for not wanting her and choosing to be with Starr fucked my head up. She'd left a note before she sliced her wrist saying that all she wanted was to be with me and have my baby. She hoped that Starr and I would be a happy a family.
Now that was something I would have to live with for the rest of my life. I never knew that I meant that much to Fatima; I always thought that I was just a dude that she wanted because of what I have.
I never told Fatima that I loved her in the year or so that we were together so not once did I realize that it ran so deep for her. I used her as a security blanket knowing that she would always be there for me whenever I need her, but all me and Fatima ever did was have sex, she cooked, I ate and that was it. The things I did for Starr, like buying flowers, going to the movies, out to eat; I never did for Fatima. Yea, I bought her a couple of outfits, got her and nails done; but that was nothing to me. Not enough for her to go crazy and end her damn life.
Sad part about everything as I stood here and rolled Bubba's body into a shallow area of the woods; I didn't even know if it could ever be a happy with Starr and I. Hearing her admit the truth about my cousin made things that much harder for us. This wasn't anything like her lying about some dope and selling it to me knowing she stole it; it is much more complicated. My flesh and blood has sat in a coma for months and Starr was partly responsible.
Maybe I could eventually let that shit go but even then what about Neek, Tron, and my aunt Teresa. They would find out the truth and what do I do then? Defend Starr because she's carrying my baby or do I stand by my family like I always have. It seemed that no matter what decision I made it will always be the wrong one.
Lighting up a cigarette, I made my way back to my car, got in, and just sat there for a moment. I still had to take care of this situation with Tamar by getting rid of Bear’s ass.
I drove from South Carolina last night after spending a few days consoling my aunt, talking with the police, and arranging for Fatima’s body to be shipped back to Atlanta. Luckily for me when I made it back home, Bubba was right there for me to get. Crazy thing is I have no idea how the fool found out about where I lived. I wondered if he'd been following Starr this whole time I'd been looking for him.
"I need to go see Tron," I said to myself pulling my car into the street. I hadn't even gone to check on him since he went back into his coma. I know my aunt and Neek felt like I was abandoning them but that wasn't the case at all. Shit has just been stressful but today I would put my time in and let them all know that I do care.
"Tron?" I said walking into his room.
I looked around and didn't see Neek or my aunt anywhere. Tron's eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room in confusion. I stepped back outside of the door and looked from side to side to see if a nurse was in sight but I didn't see anyone.
Walking back into the room, I walked over to Tron's bed, pressed down on the controller to raise the bed, and adjusted his pillow behind his head.
"Damn cus, I thought I was gonna sit up here and talk to myself," I said with slight laughter. "Did you just wake up?"
"Where my mama at?" he asked.
"I don't know. I thought she was up here. Maybe she went to the house to change or something," I leaned back in the chair and just stared at Tron. He seemed a little antsy as his eyes continued to go from me to the door.
"Where my bro at? You haven't talked to him? How long I been sleep cus? Shit I feel fucked up," he rambled.
"How long you been sleep? Man you've been out for months. Well you woke up a few days ago and something happened where you went back into a coma. You don't remember that?" I asked in suspicion.
He shook his head no and looked towards the door again. I wondered if he remembered how he even ended up here and decided to explore to see what all he knew. I got up from my chair and walked to shut his room door.
"Kinda noisy out there. You want me to cut the TV on or something?"
"Nah, I just wanna see my t-lady. I just had this crazy ass dream. Can you call her for me? " Tron asked.
"Yea," I took out my cell phone number and pretended to dial my aunt Teresa's number. I needed to speak with Tron first before anyone else came up here. After we were done talking I would be more than willing to alert everyone that he was awake. "Hey auntie it's Quadir, good news, Tron is woke and asking for you. Get up here as soon as possible."
"She didn't answer?" Tron asked.
"Nope, but you know she might be at church. You know how she do," I said.
"Yea, you right," Tron nodded.
"Damn cus, what happened? Last I heard that some niggas rolled up in the spot and let loose. Then the laws came through some days later after somebody called and said they found everybody in that bitch laid out. What the hell? I can't believe you lasted through that shit and then my nigga J-J," I sighed sounding concerned. "Do you remember any of that shit?"
"Yep, I remember everything," Tron said.
"What happened? Who was it? You know me and Neek wanna get out there and get these fools back."
Tron exhaled, "Me, Daron, and Rob were sitting in the back bagging up the product while Tee stood at the back door looking out and J-J sat in the front serving up customers as they came. We were just working and chilling and next thing I know I hear the back door being kicked in. Daron got up first to see what it was and that's when gun fire just erupted. Shot after shot. I see Daron go down and right when I tried going for
my piece I got popped in my neck and then in my chest."
Tron shook his head, "They ran through there dropping everybody like flies. I laid out on the floor pretending to be dead when they both went up front where J-J was. I heard them asking about the dope and heard them saying that it belonged to Herm."
"What did J-J tell them?” I asked.
"He—he--,” Tron began to stutter. I knew that he was about to start lying or either he was nervous about something. Ever since we were kids we could always tell when he was scared or lying ‘cause he would start sweating and stuttering. Til this day I don’t even know why he just don’t be honest with the fam being we already know what’s up the minute he starts talking.
"He—he---what? What the fuck did he tell them?” I asked again.
“I don’t know—I---I ca---can’t remember right off the back. I was out of it.”
“You remember Tron, stop playing with me. You remembered all of that other shit but you can’t remember if J-J talked or not.”
“Man—I---don’t know what J-J said to them,” Tron sighed.
“What did you tell Neek the other day when he came up here? He said you kept saying something about Herm. What did you tell him?” I questioned.
“I---what---when did my bro come up here?”
"So, Bear ran through and tried to shut y'all up?" I asked.
Tron shook his head, "I don't know---know who the dude was but there was a chick there too."
"A chick?" I questioned.
"Yea."
"You know who she is?"
Tron looked over at me then to the door. His eyes began to roll around again signaling that he was again feeling uncomfortable. I reached for the controller hooked to his bed and cut the TV on.
"Aye, I need to know cus for real. These muthafuckas that did this gotta pay."
"You know----you know who it was. Why you trying to act like you don’t know? You know---it---it was your girl," Tron said, whole attitude changing.
"Who are you talking about? Fatima?" I played dumb.
"Starr. Bitch came up in here----and tried to kill me again. Hoe off the rocker yo, for real. Talking about she pregnant with your seed, nigga you sleeping with the enemy. You don't give a fuck about me," Tron suddenly became bolder and got louder.
"I thought you said you don't remember what happened the other day," I said rising from my chair.
"Fuck you Quad, where's my bro at? Fuck outta my room," he spat.
"Did you tell Neek about Starr, Tron? What the fuck else did you tell him?"
“Fuck you! Get my----ge---get my brother in here!”
I reached over and grabbed a pillow from behind Tron’s head and covered his face with it. I pressed down on it as hard as possible, sucking the life out of him. He brought his arms up in the air and violently kicked his feet but after a couple of minutes the attempts to free his self became weak.
On my way to the hospital, I realized that regardless of what Starr did she was pregnant with my seed. That reason alone I had to protect Starr and my baby, even if it meant me losing my family because of it. She was carrying something I created and how can I turn my back on that?
I silenced the monitors behind me, lowered Tron's bed, and then placed the pillow back behind his head. I pushed the chair I was sitting in back where it was before I got here, grabbed my keys, and walked towards the door.
Sticking my head out the door, I looked around to see if I saw anyone but it was just as empty as it was when I first got here. I dashed out of the room and made my way to the staircase, all the way to the parking garage.
My heart raced as I jumped in my car and peeled out of the garage. Can't believe I just killed my damn cousin, my blood, my family.
"Shit!" I came down on the steering wheel.
I hit the freeway and headed to Starr's dad house hoping that I could catch her before she left. I had no idea where she was heading to and knew if she left there would be no telling when I saw her again. We have some things to talk about and some major things to work out. Whatever I needed to do to help her get her life together I was willing to do. I know she isn't this cold person she tries to make everyone believe she is. I've been witness to the heart that she hides and tries her best to keep protected. I know her well enough to know that this monster I've been seeing lately isn't the real her.
Pulling down the street where Herm's house was located, I spotted a Pink Cadillac with pink twenty-two inch rims pulling out of the garage. I sped up a little, and then pulled my car to a stop right in front of the driveway. Stacey, Herm's wife, was headed back into the house until she saw my car pull up. She turned back around holding a baby in her arms and looking concerned.
I sat in the car for a few moments contemplating what I was going to say to Starr. She is so damn stubborn and I knew whatever I said to her had to sound convincing.
Starr
I just loved my little brother H.J. to death. I’d only seen him a couple of times and I already felt like I developed a special bond with him. I spent more time visiting with him and Stacey than I'd anticipated and by time I looked up it was already nightfall. It was cool though because there was no telling when I'd get to see them again.
I'm glad to know that Stacey is handling being alone and a single parent for the moment. I know how much she depended on my dad to take care of everything and it's good to know that she has a plan and money. At least while I'm gone I don't have to worry about if they're making out okay and that makes me feel a hell of a lot better about my decision to get a way.
It’s going to be hard not being able to see my daddy on the regular and kinda hard not getting to know Rodney. The last couple of visits I've grown to know him better and actually have formed a great liking for him. I see that he is as stubborn as I am and very bold and outgoing. I promised them on the last visit that I would write as much as possible and also come visit at least once a month after the baby. Once I moved; I wasn't going to do anything but care for myself and my child.
"What the hell?" I said looking through my rear view mirror. Quad's car was parked directly behind me, preventing me from backing out of the drive-way. He was just sitting there too like he was waiting for me to get out and come to him. I placed my car in park and got out. "It's cool Stacey. Go back inside."
"You sure?" Stacey asked.
"Yea," I walked over to the driver's side of Quad's car. He rolled the window and nodded for me to get in the car. "I gotta go."
"Get in the damn car Starr!"
Folding my arms across my chest, I walked around and got inside. I refused to close the door not knowing what Quad had up his sleeve. When I saw him a few hours ago he had no problem pointing a gun in my direction as if he was going to kill me over his punk ass cousin.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Where you going Starr?" Quad questioned.
"I'm not sure yet. Why?"
"Stop playing with me. You know where you going."
"Back to Miami. Tamar has agreed to help me with getting a place----"
"Tamar? What the fuck you got going on with him? Nigga came through pointing a gun in your face, knocked the shit outta me, and now he helping you?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "It's only temporary until after the baby comes and then I'm going to work with Rozalyn and Brian."
"So you just etched me out of your plans completely. Man I'm the father of your fucking child and you go to another dude to help you!"
"Quad, we're over! I tried to kill your fucking cousin!" I screamed.
"And I killed him," Quad said barely above a whisper.
"What?"
"I killed him Starr, I couldn't afford for him to tell anyone what you did. I gotta be there for my child and I wanna be there for you. I'm not about to let nobody get in the way of that."
Hearing Quad confess to killing his cousin pained me. If I'd done it I wouldn't have gave a damn but to know that Quad killed his own flesh and blood made me feel bad as hell. If it wasn't for me he would have ne
ver had to do such a thing and I know that is something that will always play in the back of his head. Our relationship will never be the same because of that very reason.
"Quad, you don't have to feel obligated to care for my daughter. I'm more than capable---"
"Obligated? Why would I feel obligated? If that's my child I'm a do what I supposed to do, not because I feel obligated but because that's what I want to do. Ain't no way in hell I can have a child out there and not care for it."
"What do you want me to do? I'm going to Miami. It's what I need to do if I wanna get my life together and I don't wanna lose the only friend I have left," I sighed thinking about Brian.
"I'll go with you. I'll do whatever I gotta do to make this work so I can be there for you and my daughter," Quad said grabbing my hand.
Although, I wanted Quad to go; that completely caught me off guard. I hadn't at all expected for Quad to step up in this way. I knew he wasn't the type to leave his child just out there like that but I figured once Fatima had her baby he would be good.
"What about Fatima?" I asked.
I noticed that Quad got really quiet. He stared out the tinted window and let go of my hand. I know he hated when I brought up Fatima but hell she was pregnant also and unfortunately will be in his life forever. Which meant if I was with him; she and her baby would be in mine as well.
"Fatima's dead too," Quad said rubbing his hand over his face.
"Damn, you killed her too?" I asked.
"Shit you might as well say I did. She slit her wrist and left a note blaming me so I guess I did kill her."
"Oh my God Quad. I'm---"
"Don't worry about it Starr, she wasn't even pregnant to begin with. She lied and hell she gone. Fuck it! We need to figure out what we're gonna do about us," Quad said. "You know how I feel about you and I wanna work it out. Do you not want to?"
"I just feel like it’s too much between us right now. I---" Quad cut me off again.
"Aye, can we not talk about that shit Starr? I need you to wait on me to get a couple of things situated and I'll go with you down there. I'm not finna let Tamar do shit for you."
