Carson laughed and shook his head. “You’re clueless. But that’s OK. You’ve been out of the dating game for a while. I’ll help you figure this out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out,” Derek said. “I’m not asking her out.”
“Why not?”
“For one, she’s a team employee. I’m pretty sure that’s a bad idea.”
“Meh. She’s not in a position of power, although I think you could get her there if you know what I mean,” Carson said, smirking. “But really, dude, I don’t think it’d be an issue. You should ask Ms. Marks.”
“No,” Derek said quickly. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Because I’m not interested in dating Zella or anyone else.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t have time. Baseball, counseling, and Brynn pretty much take up my life. And I’m good with that.”
“I get the busy schedule thing, but I think you should make time for that hottie.”
“Are you going to keep hounding me about my dating life or are we going to get to work?”
“I can multitask,” Carson said, grinning.
Derek just rolled his eyes and walked out to the mound to start his own stretches.
True to his word, Carson refused to let up about Zella. It was irritating, and Derek was losing his patience. As a result, his command was completely off. He kept missing Carson’s target, and there were a few pitches that almost hit the catcher in the face. Derek couldn’t say whether that was intentional or not.
“Carson. Please. Just stop with the girl talk,” he said. “It’s pissing me off, and I can’t pitch pissed off. You know that.”
It was true. Derek’s one bad pitching outing had happened after he learned of Keely’s new relationship. He’d been tense with anger and frustration, and he thought it would help him pitch. He was wrong. He’d never pitched worse in his life than he did that night, but he learned a lot from the outing. Mostly about where his mind needed to be when he took the mound. He was at his best when he was relaxed. Carson was painfully aware of this, as he’d been Derek’s catcher for that disastrous night.
“Alright, alright,” Carson said. “I’ll drop it.”
“Thank you.”
“For now.”
Derek sighed but said nothing else in response. They got back to work, and as his anger burned off, he began to find the zone again. He was so focused on what he was doing, he hadn’t noticed they had an audience. Not until Carson stood after the last pitch and he heard clapping. He looked over and saw Reid Benjamin and Kate Marks standing nearby.
“Looking good, Derek,” Reid said. “You’re not up to full speed yet either, are you?”
“No,” Derek said. “Still just taking it easy. I don’t want to stress my arm out yet. Right now, I’m just getting it used to the motion again.”
“That’s smart. Good for you,” Kate said.
“Every now and then, he’s smart,” Carson joked.
Derek made a face at him.
“Reid tells me you’re planning to head to Arizona a few days early,” Kate said.
“I am,” Derek said, nodding.
“I’d like someone to go with you,” she said.
Derek frowned. “Why?”
“I would feel better if you had some company,” she said.
Derek studied her for a few moments, trying to make sense of what she was saying. And then it clicked.
“You mean a babysitter,” he said. “You still think I’m going to get in trouble.”
“No, I don’t think you will, but …” she said.
“But you’re worried about it,” he finished for her.
“It’s a legitimate concern,” she said. “A year ago …”
“I was kind of a mess. I admit that,” Derek said. “But I’m better now. I’ve been going through counseling, and I haven’t gone near anything I shouldn’t have.”
Reid cleared his throat, and Derek looked over at him. He suddenly felt betrayed as he realized his friend was remembering a singular incident. During the previous season, as he was still working on his recovery, Derek had been holding out hope that he and Keely would get back together. He figured if he sobered up, Keely would give him another chance and they could be a family again. Those hopes had been destroyed with a Facebook post that rattled Derek so much he nearly relapsed. He’d seen the post just before he went to the field for a start, and it had been his worst outing of the season. After the game, he had gone straight to the hotel bar and ordered a double scotch. He was staring at the drink when Reid Benjamin had spotted him and approached.
“Derek,” Reid had said. “You okay, kid?”
“I don’t know why I ordered this.”
“Do you want it?” Reid asked, trying not to sound preachy or judgmental.
“I don’t know. I thought I did. But then the bartender put it down, and now I’m not sure.”
“Why did you order it?”
“I just wanted to be numb for a little while.”
“Did something happen?”
“She’s dating someone. Keely’s dating someone. I saw it on Facebook. Fucking Facebook, man.”
“That sucks. I’m sorry, Derek.”
Reid had sat down and listened as Derek vented about what he’d gone through to get better for Keely. He’d been angry, sad, frustrated, and discouraged.
“If she’s not coming back, what’s the point of any of this? What’s the point of staying sober? What’s the point of living? I don’t know if I want to live without her.”
Reid had talked him through it and helped him realize he had a lot to continue for – Brynn, his parents, his brother, baseball. He may have lost Keely, but he still had a lot of good in his life. There were still plenty reasons to stay sober.
Derek walked away from the drink, and he hadn’t gotten anywhere close to a relapse again since that night. He owed Reid for saving him that night. And for keeping his secret.
Until now.
“Really, Reid?” Derek asked. “You told her about that?”
“I didn’t tell her anything,” Reid said.
“But apparently there’s something I need to know,” Kate said, looking between Reid and Derek.
“Last season, I had a bad night and nearly made a bad decision,” Derek explained. “I ordered a drink, but I didn’t drink it. Reid made sure of that.”
“I talked to him, but Derek walked away on his own,” Reid said.
Derek should have been flattered that Reid stuck up for him. Instead, he was annoyed. His earlier irritation with Carson was nothing compared what he was feeling toward Reid right now.
“I haven’t touched a drink or a drug in more than a year,” Derek said adamantly. “And you know this because I’ve been tested more than hundred times since then. I’m clean, Ms. Marks.”
“I know you are, but I also know there can be some temptations in the nightlife in Arizona,” she said. “It’s happened to other players.”
She didn’t have to name the examples she was thinking of. Derek knew about all of them, and he was well-versed in their struggles. He was constantly compared to them in the media, and the comparisons were not favorable. Many writers seemed convinced that it was only a matter of time before Derek’s resolve weakened and he too lost his battle with addiction. The blurbs bothered him, but only briefly. Those people didn’t know him. They didn’t know his full story.
Now he was standing in front of people he thought believed in him. He thought they knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t make another mistake. But apparently he was wrong. And that hurt.
“Reid has offered to go down early with you,” Kate said. “Please let me know the exact date so I can make travel arrangements for both of you.”
“Sure, whatever,” Derek said, turning to go.
He didn’t want a chaperone, but Ms. Marks was his boss so he didn’t have a choice. He’d have to go along with this.
Reid and Carson both called out to him as he walked away, but he ignor
ed them. He didn’t want to see either of them right now – especially Reid. Not only was he hurt and irritated, he also felt embarrassed. Ms. Marks’ directive made him feel like a chastised child. A small voice in his head reminded him that he’d done this to himself. He’d made poor decisions that had made him untrustworthy. With that kind of history, it shouldn’t be surprising when people were hesitant to give him their full faith. But it was. Sometimes he wondered if that would ever change.
He had planned to run with Carson and Reid after pitching, but he suddenly wasn’t in the mood to be around anyone. He quickly packed up and left the ballpark, but he didn’t go home. He cranked the music and hit the highway without any particular destination in mind. He just wanted to drive.
He stopped after an hour to fuel up and grab something to eat, but he wasn’t ready to turn around yet. He still had too many emotions ruling him.
As he continued south, familiar faces kept popping up on the display in his car, indicating incoming phone calls. He hit the ignore button on all of them. He nearly broke the screen the fourth time he saw Reid’s name and face. Even if Reid hadn’t told Ms. Marks about his near-relapse, there was still a sense of betrayal. Clearly, the two had discussed Derek behind his back. Something had been said to insinuate he needed a babysitter for a few extra days in Arizona. Why didn’t Reid stick up for him? Or maybe Reid didn’t believe in him either? Ouch.
After another hour of driving, he gave in and listened to all of the voicemails. Carson kept it simple, just reminding him about the next day’s workout and offering to listen if Derek wanted to talk. Ms. Marks apologized for her handling of the discussion but maintained she still thought it was a good idea. Reid also apologized. In the first two messages, at least. In the third one, he started out ranting angrily at Derek for storming off like a teenager. That anger eventually turned into something sounding like concern.
“I’m at your place and you’re not here. I called your counselor’s office and she said she hadn’t heard from you. I’m starting to freak out a little, Derek,” Reid said. “Please at least call and tell me where you are. Let me know you’re OK.”
He continued pleading in the fourth message, but this time with more desperation.
“I haven’t called your parents yet, but if I don’t hear from you soon, I will,” Reid said. “Please, Derek. Don’t make me do that. Don’t make me bring them into this.”
While he was listening to the messages, another call came in, but Derek didn’t see the caller’s identity. So when the new voicemail came on, he was surprised to hear his brother’s voice.
“Hey D, Reid just called me and said you took off from the ballpark angry. He told me what happened, and I can understand why you’re mad, but this isn’t the way to prove them wrong, Derek. This isn’t how you show them you’ve changed and that they can trust you,” Mike said. “Reid’s really worried and now I am too. Call me. Please.”
Derek sighed. Reid’s messages had progressively gotten into the fog of his emotions, but Mike’s voice slashed right through. His brother was right. He was always right.
He punched a few buttons and heard relief in Mike’s voice when he answered.
“Where are you?” his brother asked.
“I don’t know exactly, but I think the sign I just passed said ‘Welcome to California,’” Derek said.
“What’s in California?”
“Lots of trees so far. And I hear there are beaches.”
Mike was not amused.
“Very funny. Why are you driving to California?”
“I don’t know. I just started driving. I didn’t really have a plan. I just needed to get away.”
“OK. Are you sure that’s all?”
“Yes. I’m sure. I know everyone probably thought the worst, but I honestly just wanted to clear my head.”
“And how’d that work for you?”
“Not so great,” Derek admitted. “I mean, I’m not as angry as I was, but …”
“You’re still hurt. I get it,” Mike said.
“I thought those people believed in me. I thought they trusted me. And that I could trust them,” he said, unable to resist taking a shot at Reid.
“They do believe in you. Don’t forget. They’re the ones who signed you when no one else wanted you. And they moved you up in the rotation to be a number two starter after you showed them what you can do,” Mike said.
“Yeah, well … they clearly still think I’m a screw-up.”
“No they don’t. They just want to be sure you have a solid support system. And, frankly, I’m with them on that.”
“I don’t need a babysitter, damn it.”
“Reid’s not a babysitter. He’s your friend.”
“It doesn’t feel like it right now.”
“Trust me, he is. He’s the kind of friend you need, Derek. He gets you.”
“But he doesn’t think I can make good decisions on my own.”
“Yes, he does. Look, he should probably be the one explaining it, but he told me Ms. Marks was getting pressure from some of the other execs,” Mike said. “They wanted her to hire someone to accompany you to spring training and every road trip. Ms. Marks went to Reid to get his thoughts since he’s closest to you. Reid told her that wasn’t necessary. He said he’d stay with you during spring training. Thought it’d be good for him. Reid has a sketchy reputation too, but he also doesn’t have a confirmed spot on the roster like you. He told Ms. Marks the two of you could keep each other in line. He told her he needed you more than you needed him.”
Derek blinked. Mike’s words made sense. And they sounded exactly like something Reid would say.
“Are you still there?” Mike asked after a bout of silence on Derek’s end.
“Yeah. I’m just trying to process all of that.”
“If you’d stuck around, Reid would have told you. He wanted to tell you himself that he’d be going with you, but Ms. Marks launched in before he got a chance.”
“It would have been better coming from him.”
“I know that. Reid does too. And according to what he told me, Ms. Marks knows it now too. She realizes she didn’t handle it well at all.”
“Yeah, she apologized in a voicemail.”
“So man up and go back to Portland. Face her, tell her you understand, and then do what she wants. Show her you’ve got this. Show everyone you’re not going to be another one of those relapse stories.”
The confidence in Mike’s words sank into Derek’s head.
“OK. I’m looking for an exit to turn around now.”
“Good. Now hang up with me and call Reid before he calls Mom and Dad.”
“Thanks, Mike.”
“I love you too, D.”
Derek felt considerably lighter as he disconnected the call. Then he pushed another button to dial Reid, who sounded even more relieved than Mike did.
“I was really freaking out,” Reid confessed after Derek told him he was fine.
“Yeah. You probably assumed I went to get a fix or something,” Derek said.
“Not at all,” Reid said.
“Well, then why were you worried?” Derek asked.
“Because you left mad,” Reid said. “I was afraid you’d crashed your car or something.”
“Oh,” Derek said.
That theory hadn’t crossed his mind for a moment.
“I know you’re mad at me, but you have to believe I have your back, Derek. Always,” Reid said.
“I know,” Derek said with a sigh. “Mike filled me in. It just …”
“It wasn’t handled right. Believe me, I let Kate hear it,” Reid said.
“You did?” Derek asked.
“Absolutely. I had already told her I wanted to discuss it with you. I just needed to find the right time,” Reid said.
“And did you really tell her you needed me?” Derek asked.
“Yes. And I meant it. I make better decisions when I hang out with you,” Reid said. “If I live with the other g
uys during spring training, going to the clubs will be tempting. I need to steer clear of all of that. I need to focus on doing the work to make the team.”
“I know the feeling,” Derek said.
“I know you do. And that’s why I thought it’d be best if we went down together and stuck together,” Reid said.
“That’s a good idea. I’m sorry I didn’t stick around to hear you out,” Derek said.
“Yeah, well. It’s all sorted out now, so we’re good, right?” Reid asked.
“Yeah, we’re good. I’m going to go talk to Ms. Marks too,” Derek said.
“Not a bad idea. I lit into her pretty good,” Reid said. “It’ll probably make her feel better to see you’re OK.”
Zella was having trouble focusing on her workload for the day. She’d re-read the same few lines of text on the screen at least five times and she still hadn’t absorbed it.
Honestly, she’d been distracted ever since her encounter with Derek Beaman that morning. He’d noticed she wasn’t there on time. What did that mean? Probably nothing, but … she had tortured herself analyzing it anyway.
Her level of distraction elevated after Ms. Marks returned from the clubhouse area with Reid Benjamin on her heels. He’d followed her into her office, and they closed the door, but it didn’t completely silence their conversation. Especially not with the volume of Reid’s voice. And the minute she heard him say Derek’s name, she stopped trying not to eavesdrop.
“I know Derek far better than you ever will. I told you I would discuss it with him,” Reid bellowed.
“He’s leaving in a few days. When were you going to talk to him?” Kate asked, her voice a little softer but not much.
“He has had a lot going on, and I was waiting for the right time,” Reid said.
“It’s not that hard of a conversation,” Kate said.
“Oh yeah? If it’s not that hard, then why is he gone? Why did he take off and stop answering his phone?” Reid asked. “Why?”
Kate’s voice was muffled then, but Zella was pretty sure she said she didn’t know.
“Because you just told him you don’t trust him and don’t believe in him,” Reid said.
“That’s not what I said,” Kate said.
“But that’s what he heard,” Reid said. “And I know that because I know him. I know how his mind works. You don’t.”
Behind in the Count: A Portland Pioneers Novel Page 5
