by Ani San
‘Are you OK?’
‘I’m fine,’ I answer.
‘Did I scare you? When I told you how I felt, did I scare you off?’ He looked over at me as he drove down the hill.
‘It doesn’t matter, Chris. You’re married, I should have known better.’
‘So are you ever going to let me explain?’
‘What? That you have an open marriage? That you can screw around all you like?’
‘It’s not like that. I don’t screw around. But I need to know that I can trust you. Only a handful of people know the truth, and I would like to keep it that way.’
‘Do you want a scouts honour?’ That made him laugh. The sound made me happy.
‘I will have to take my chances. I’m in too deep now, anyway.’ He took his arm from the steering wheel and traced a finger on my thigh. It made my whole body react. I stopped his finger, and held his hand in stead.
‘So what’s your story?’
‘I am married, but not in the sense you think. My marriage with Julia is strictly platonic. We might have been in love with each other a brief period, but that was a long time ago.’
‘I don’t get it. Why did you marry her?’
‘Julia and me, we have been friends for a long time. We grew up together. Her father even paid for my acting classes so we could attend the same school. We were dreaming of making it big, and moved to Hollywood, confident that we would make it. But after too many auditions and no parts, we had to give up and move back home. Her dad had some connections here, and we were both able to get small parts in crappy movies. The change came when we started showing up at premiers and red carpet events. We were young and at that time in love with each other, and the photographs loved us. And the more media expose we got, the better parts we were given. I would love to say it was talent, but you don’t get anywhere in this business unless the crowd loves you. And they loved seeing us as a pair, especially after we played a married couple in the movie Haven. One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, our agent had sold our wedding rights to some magazine.’
‘You were in love, but not any more?’
‘Oh, I love Julia, but as a friend. The romantic part was gone before we were married a year.’
‘But you have been married for seven years, haven’t you?’
‘Yes, something like that.’
‘Why?’
‘Why what?’
‘Why are you still married? You can basically get all the parts you want now.’
‘No, that’s not true, although I have been fortunate. It’s just that I had never had any reason to get divorced. You see how the paparazzi follow single actors, placing everyone they date on the cover of some magazine. I couldn’t handle that. I love my job, but I like my privacy.’
‘You never had a reason? Are you saying that you haven’t fallen in love during the last seven years?’
‘There have been some girls, of course, but never anything serious, and never something like this.’ He squeezed my hand.
‘And what about Julia? Where does she stand in all of this?’ She sure as hell didn’t like me messing with her so-called marriage.
‘I can’t tell you her motivation.’
‘Why not? Is she still in love with you?’ It wouldn’t surprise me.
He sighed. ‘Julia has been in a steady relationship for several years.’
‘So why would she want to stay married to you?’
‘The same reason I have. She doesn’t want the media exposer. And she doesn’t want the press to know about him. Let’s just say that he has commitments elsewhere.’
‘He’s married?’ I gasped. Who was the hypocrite now?
‘Rock and glass house?’
‘Yeah, I know’ I muttered. It wasn’t any of my business anyway. I just wished I knew this before I faced her.
‘I put a lot of trust in telling you this, you know that don’t you?’
‘I know. But I’m not sure I believe you, though.’
‘You don’t?’
‘No, this might just be a trick to get in my bed again.’ I grin at him.
‘Oh, really? Since when do I need a trick? Ouch!’
I hit him in the head, luckily the car were standing still waiting for the green light.
‘But I do find it hard to believe that you’re just friends when you live together, and always seems to be in the spotlight together. You always appear like the perfect couple.’
‘We do, don’t we. But seriously, we are just friends. Best friends, but no benefits.’
We drove in silence for a fem minutes. I was staring into my hands, trying to sort out what he had said. It all sounded to good to be true, and I was setting myself up for a huge heartbreak.
‘So where do I fit in to all this?’ I said after a while. I’m nobody after all. I couldn’t possibly measure up to his wife.
‘I don’t know. I just know that I need to be with you. If you think that this is going to be too complicated, then I’ll try to stay away. But I really hope you will give me a chance.’
I had been so occupied with the things he had said, that I hadn’t noticed that we had reached my building until he stopped the car outside. Frank was standing outside the entrance, enjoying a small ray of sunshine and ignoring the car.
‘I don’t know, Chris. I don’t know how it would work. Do you call me every time you need to get laid? Am I to sit by the phone waiting?’ I would do it, there was no doubt about that. But I knew it would slowly kill me.
‘God, Sara! No! It’s not like that. But I wouldn’t mind if you could pick up when I called you. Or at least answer my text. What ever you want, I’m there. I only demand discretion. Everything else, let’s just take one day at a time.’
He was waiting for me to exit the car. I didn’t want to leave him. It was much easier now that we weren’t in proximity to his wife, and if I believed his story, then we weren’t really doing anything wrong.
‘Do you want to come upstairs?’
He looked at his watch, and considered something. ‘I need to call Anna and let her know. Can you give me five minutes?’
‘Here, you can take the key and enter the garage. I’ll meet you upstairs.’ I gave him my card and exited the car. He was already holding his phone to his ear.
Frank smiled to me as I walked up the stairs, and held up the door for me.
‘Hey, Frank. I seem to have misplaced my key, can I please have the spare card?’
‘Certainly, Miss Nord. Do you want me to block the other one, in case someone else finds it?’
‘No, that won’t be necessary, I’m sure it’s upstairs somewhere.’
He followed me inside, and found a new card from behind the desk. He had to activate it before he gave it to me. I was impatient, and pushed for the elevator while I was waiting. I wanted to make it upstairs before Christopher.
I had just enough time to put away my try-on clothes from this morning, when I heard the door unlock. It was a small thing to be doing, but hearing him let himself in was dangerously satisfying. I went into the hallway to meet him. He handed me the card, but I didn’t take it.
‘Maybe you could hold on to it a while?’
His face lit up in an enormous smile, and I couldn’t help smiling back. He put the card in his shirt pocket, and followed me into the living room.
‘Do you want some coffee?’ I went into the kitchen and grabbed my own mug while waiting for his answer. I hoped he didn’t come up just to have sex, and I regretted not clarifying that before I gave him my key. I wanted to slow things down a bit, he had given me too much information, and I needed some time to adjust. It was kind of ironic, really, that I wanted to slow things down now that I knew about his platonic marriage. Somehow I felt that the risk of being hurt was bigger now than before.
‘Coffee sounds great.’ He came after me, and grabbed his own mug from the cabinet above. His familiarity with my kitchen was satisfying as well. We each got the Caffé Intenso, and went back into th
e living room. Christopher pointed at the curtains, and I hurried to close them before I seated myself in my regular corner of the couch. I didn’t get why he bothered to live a make-believe marriage when it made him this paranoid. I got that the media could be a pain sometimes, I’ve seen the magazine pictures of celebrity, where it was obvious that the photographer was hiding in a bush. But wouldn’t it be better just to ignore them? I remembered something my mother wrote in her letter, about my father being terrified about a scandal, and that the media wouldn’t leave me alone if they found out about me. I forced those thoughts away. I wasn’t supposed to think about him. But it did make me wonder what it would be like if I was an “official” child. I knew his other children got the media attention frequently. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Christopher asked, breaking my train of thoughts.
‘Why you work so hard on keeping your personal life private. It sounds a bit overboard to stay married because of it.’
‘Maybe. I’ve never made a big deal over it. I get along really well with Julia, and it’s nice to have someone you can take to the premiers and mandatory gatherings, that doesn’t make you headline news the next day.’
I wanted to ask what the other woman he had been with thought about this. But I didn’t want to picture him with someone else. It was better to play ignorance. I took his hand, the one without the wedding ring, and twisted my fingers in his.
‘So, are you going to tell me the real reason you invited me to your home today?’ I asked, my eyes locked in his.
‘I told you the real reason. I want you to create something special for the room, something just for me. You haven’t changed your mind have you?’
‘I don’t remember ever agreeing.’
‘But you have to. I’m looking forward to having you stay at my house.’
‘I’m not staying at your house, Chris.’
‘Why not?’
‘Do you really think that the media would leave you alone if you kept a concubine at your house.’
‘But don’t you see, having you there to do some work would be a perfect excuse.’
‘Yeah, if I were a carpenter!’
‘You know, I have been thinking of adding a conservatory on the west wing.’
‘You obvious haven’t seen me with a hammer. Seriously, Chris, Do you really think Julia would want me to stay there several weeks.’
‘That is not an issue. Besides, you have to give her a benefit of a doubt, she is my best friend, and I would really like you two to get along.’
‘Your probably right. But I’m still not staying. It would be too weird.’
‘OK, how about this: If you can start next week, then you will have the whole house to your self. Well, almost, Anna will probably be there. Will you consider it then?’
‘Are you leaving?’
‘Yes, didn’t I mention this? I have to accompany Julia to Florence, and then fly over to Nice to present something at some music-awards. I’ll be gone for two weeks, and Julia three weeks, give and take a day or two.’
I didn’t know how to feel about that. I didn’t like that he left on a trip with his wife, no matter how insane that feeling was. And I didn’t like the thought of not seeing him in two weeks. Two long weeks.
‘But what is the point of me being there if your not?’ I asked.
‘I like knowing where you are, and it will be easier to be away if I know that I’ll be coming home to you. I would have never considered going if this hadn’t been arranged several weeks ago.’
‘I might as well wait here.’ I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to come with him, or have him stay here.
‘It’s not the same, and you know it.’
We continued argue about the same thing, neither one of us budging. Eventually we gave up, and talked about the painting instead. He gave me pretty much free rein, only asked that I kept it in my usual style and made it large enough to decorate most of the wall above the fireplace. I hadn’t known that he meant the painting to be so large, I had never made such a large piece before. That would mean that I needed to make my own canvas, and I told him so. He insisted on having one made up for me as soon as I decided the measurements. I should have measured the area while I was there today, but I was kind of distracted. He called Anna and had her measure up the space. The whole wall was about 10 feet wide, which meant my painting would have to be about 7 feet. That seemed enormous. The space above the fireplace was only 5 and a half, so the height didn’t need to be more than 4. Still, I wondered how I would fit this one in my studio. And how I would get it down my stairs. Maybe I could use a space at the University? That would involve less privacy. I had to admit that the most logic thing was to work on it at his place. It would probably just take a week, maybe two, to finish it. I could do the sketching at home. And it wouldn’t be so bad if Julia weren’t there.
It was late when he left, and I had been hoping he would stay the night. We had been snuggling together on the couch after having take-away pizza, and watching a stupid Hollywood movie. He had met some of the actors, and told me a few stories I hoped never hit the media. As I followed him to the hallway, I told him my decision; I could do the painting at his place, but I didn’t know if I would stay there all the time. I could commute if I ever found a bus stop near his place. He told me I could have Charles chauffeur me around, but I thought that would be a bit grand. He gave me a soft kiss before he left, and my body reacted and I launched myself at him, kissing him fiercely back. I wanted to drag him back into the apartment. I could feel his reaction as well. He sighed as he let go of me, and then kissed me lightly on my forehead before exiting the apartment.
Chapter 9
«Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?»
- Marilyn Monroe
I spent Saturday morning sketching in my studio. I tried to remember the layout of the room, and the atmosphere I wanted to create. I knew I wanted to make something abstract, but I also wanted to make some shapes that symbolized Christopher. Alice called and asked if I wanted to go on a shopping spree.
‘You have to! Tommy is here, and he brought his girlfriend, and I’m like the third wheel here.’
I knew who Tommy was; Alice talked about him a lot. He was a second cousin or something, and lived in Brighton, where Alice’ family originated from. They spent a lot of time together growing up, and I knew she enjoyed spending time with him when he visited, but he usually came alone. I met him briefly a couple of months ago.
‘He brought his girlfriend?’ I asked, I didn’t even know he had one, Alice had never mentioned her.
‘Yes, that’s why he’s here. She wanted to go shopping. And when Tommy called me, I said yes without knowing he was bringing someone with him. I’m stuck. And she wants to go to Harrods. On a Saturday! In the middle of the tourist season!’
I laughed. It didn’t sound that bad. ‘Have you tried Kiro?’ I knew from the text she had sent me earlier this week that they were really hitting it off.
‘He is visiting his parents this weekend, and won’t be back until Monday. Besides, he would never agree to go on a shopping spree.’
‘I’m sorry, Alice. But me neither. Not now, anyway. I’m kind of in the middle of something.’ I looked at my fingers, blackened by charcoal, my favourite sketching tool.
‘Please, pretty please. I bet you will really like Sandra. She’s Norwegian, and you two can talk your weird language together while Tommy and I play catch up.’
‘Really, he has a Norwegian girlfriend? How did that happen?’
‘Apparently, he met her in Oslo while visiting Alfred. So, can you meet us there in like half an hour?’
‘I’m sorry, Alice, how tempting as that may be, I think I’m gonna pass.’ I really didn’t want to go shopping now, and not to entertain some stranger while Alice had her Tommy-time.
‘OK, how about this; after I’ve taken them to Harrods, can we come by your place for a coffee? I can bring lu
nch.’
I didn’t know how to turn that down without being rude. ‘Sure, why not. If you go by Mango Tree, bring me back some stir-fried rice, will you?’
‘It’s a date,’ she said. ‘I’ll bring it over as soon as I can. But I fear it may take a while. I’ll text you when I see the light in the tunnel.’
‘You know, you can just dump them and come over by your self.’
‘Yeah, I know. But I was kind of looking forward to seeing Tommy, I have so much to tell him. You know, he’s never gonna believe that we met actually movie stars. And I haven’t even told him that I took the job.’
‘Well, hang in there, and I will try to help you when you come over.’
After we had hung up, I continued my sketching. But I only managed to touch the paper once before the phone rang again. This time the caller ID made my stomach flutter.
‘Hey Chris’ I answered, feeling my breathing quickened. Would I ever have a normal reaction towards him?
‘Hey, how are you? What are you doing?’
‘What I’m always doing, I’m sketching.’
‘In your studio?’
‘Yes’
‘What are your wearing?’
‘Chris!’ I exclaim. I am not doing this over the phone.
‘I’m kidding’ He laughs. ‘I only wanted to picture you sitting in your studio. I could picture you naked if you want.’
‘Stop it!’ I blushed.
‘I called to ask if I could come by later.’
‘I would love that.’ I really would. ‘But I’m having someone over in a couple of hours. I don’t know how long they’ll stay. How if I text you when they leave?’
‘OK.’ He sounded disappointed. Did he expect me to sit a round and wait for him?
‘You know, I have a life.’ I said.
‘Yes, of course. I was just looking forward to seeing you. I’m leaving on Tuesday.’
I wasn’t prepared for the pain that stung my body, he was leaving in less than four days. And then I wouldn’t see him for two weeks.
‘I could call them and cancel’, I said, desperate to spend as much time as possible with him.
