by Ani San
There was a pool at the end of Bar Beach, where the waves from the ocean filled it with every roll. A pipe on the other side of the pool brought the water back too the ocean, so the pool had fresh salt water all the time. The temperature was a little warmer than the ocean by a few degrees. I usually walked here the days I didn’t have to go to the university, and spent a couple of hours swimming and sunbathing. I tried not to spend too much time thinking. I still missed Christopher. I did understand why he reacted the way he did when he met Erik. He had pictured his sister’s abuser. That had to be it. Cause he wouldn’t be upset about me going out with someone else. He had moved on, or rather gone back to his wife. I should try to move on as well. But I couldn’t. Mary had tried setting me up with a son of a friend, but I managed to wiggle out of it. A guy from my class had asked me out, but I didn’t feel ready, so I kindly reclined. It became awkward. And I was supposed to stay here at least one and a half year. After that, I didn’t know. I wanted to return to London, I had pictured my life there. I had planned to buy an apartment there. Now, I didn’t know when I could return. I missed London. I missed Alice. Most of all, I missed Christopher.
A bright spot came in the beginning of October, when Alice called.
‘You will never guess! They just called me and said I have to go to Sydney next week. Apparently, one of the guys working on the set broke his foot, and they need to replace him straight away. I’m leaving on Wednesday. How cool is that?’
I got really excited. ‘That’s only a couple of hours with the train, I can meet you there. Or you can come visit me. Bring your bathing suit, they have the most amazing beaches here. How long do you get to stay?’
‘At least two weeks. It depends on the weather, there is a lot of outside shooting.’
‘Ha, the sky is always blue here. God, I can’t wait.’
‘I know. I’m already packing my suitcase. If I weren’t in the middle of something here, I would leave tomorrow.’
‘Call me as soon as you land. Do you know your work hours? Can I come to the set?’
‘I don’t know yet, but of course you can come. But I should warn you, Julia has one of the lead characters, so she is there too.’
Julia was in Sydney? I didn’t know how to feel about that. I certainly wouldn’t want to see her. I was still pissed about the things she said about me in the media. It was her fault I had to run away. I didn’t know how Christopher felt about the whole thing, but since they were working on they’re marriage, I guessed he was all for the press release. I couldn’t face either of them, even if I longed to see him.
‘Is… ‘ I needed to know. ‘Is Christopher there too?’
‘No, I think he is somewhere in Asia shooting his own movie.’
‘Ok. Maybe you should come here. I’m not sure I should get close to Julia. Besides, if any paparazzi see me, I’m done. I can’t run any further away.’
‘Maybe if you just face them, and tell them your story, then maybe they will leave you alone.’
‘Yes, and maybe I should just kill myself now, before my father does.’
‘Have you heard from him?’
‘No, I don’t expect to, either. He sends Alfred.’
‘I don’t get that. Who is he?’
‘You know I can’t tell you Alice.’
‘I’ll bet he is some secret agent working for the government.’
She got the government part right. I laughed. We spent another half hour talking about what she needed to pack, and what Sydney was like, and how long the flight was. I was happy and giddy as I hung up, finally having something to look forward too.
The days before Alice came here dragged on. I spent most of the time on campus, because I wanted to be ahead with the assignments so I could spend more time with Alice when she got here. The painting didn’t relax me as it once did. I wasn’t inspired anymore. So I painted mainly on autopilot, creating dull pictures without hidden meaning or messages. Even the colour I used was dull. I didn’t care. I was only hiding out anyway, I had done art school in London, I didn’t need the bachelor degree here.
Alice called me the day she got in Sydney, and I was half expecting to see her right away. But that wasn’t happening, she was loaded with work, and couldn’t get away to take a two-hour train-ride to see me. It was a downer. She begged me to come to Sydney, but I was scared, I didn’t want to be recognised. I didn’t cave until the second week, when Alice told me it was now or never, because they were starting to close down the set. She had to return to London as soon as they finished, because she was supposed to be working on another set.
The train-ride was tedious, there were nothing to see but bush and fences. I got off at Central, and walked to my destination. I wouldn’t meet her on the set. We would have lunch somewhere close by, and maybe go to the beach.
‘Oh My God! Sara! You look freaking sick!’ Alice greeted me as we met outside the café. The smile told me she didn’t mean it in a bad way.
‘The hair is something, isn’t it?’ I grinned.
‘Totally sick! Funny way to go with the anonymous look, though.’
‘Would you recognize me if I walked down the street?’
‘I get your point. You look completely different. I love it.’
‘Thank you! So what’s up? Enjoying the sun?’
‘It’s too bright. And it smells funny.’
‘You get use to it.’ I think it smells wonderful.
We sat down and ordered, but neither of us ate much, we were busy catching up. The occasional phone conversation left much to discuss, and I was curious of what our previous lunch crowd was up too. We had paid and were about to walk to the beach when a man came up to us and approached Alice.
‘Excuse me. Are you working on the set of Unknown? Do you have a few minutes?’
I looked at Alice desperately, wondering if he would figure out who I was. So far, he had only looked at Alice.
‘No, sorry!’ Alice answered him, and grabbed my arm. Then she rushed me down the street, around a corner and down an ally. I didn’t turn around to see if we were followed.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked her as she slowed down.
‘We’re staying at the hotel down the street. Do you mind if we go there instead of the beach? I should have known this would happen. They have been harassing the crew all week, asking about Julia and Melinda.’
‘Melinda?’
‘You know. Melinda Star. She is in this too. You know the two of them don’t really get along.’
I wondered if Julia got along with anyone. We walked through the reception area and took the elevator to the top floor. The production company had rented the whole floor, and Alice had to show an id when she got out of the elevator. She was about to unlock the door to her room when two people came down the hall.
‘Alice, hold up. Can you take this back to the set in the evening? A female I had never seen before gave Alice a piece of paper. But I didn’t care about that. My eyes where locked with the woman standing beside her. It was Julia. Of course I would run into her. She looked as flabbergasted as I was.
‘Sara, is that you?’
‘Julia,’ was all I could respond. It wasn’t a polite response, and the other woman glanced at us curiously.
‘Alice, do you mind if I had a word with your friend?’ Julia said, and smiled charmingly towards Alice. I knew Alice was in a tough spot, she didn’t need any enemies in this industry, least of none an award winning actress. But I loved her for her answer.
‘That would be up to Sara. But I really don’t think that’s a good idea.’
I wasn’t afraid of Julia anymore. I was angry. She had ratted me out, she had made me leave my whole life, and she had taken the one man I loved. I was curious what she had to say in her defence.
‘It’s ok, Alice.’
‘Are you sure?’
I nodded.
‘Ok. I will wait right here. Come straight here afterwards, ok?’
I followed Julia down the hall and
into her suite, but didn’t sit down when she pointed to one of the chairs.
‘So, are you here on holiday, or do you live in Sydney now?’
‘I live here. Someone made sure I couldn’t walk freely in London.’
‘Ah, yes. I’m sorry about that.’
‘Sure you are. What do you want?’
‘No, really. I am. You know how the media is like. They smell blood, and you have to give them something. You knew the risk when you got involved with Christopher. It goes with the territory. But I’m sorry you felt the need to run away. I just thought you would sell your story like you did after the trip to Jeffersons.’
‘Bullshit. You knew I hadn’t spoken to the media. All I did was tell an airport security guy about where I had travelled. I never spoke to a journalist intentionally.’
‘Then you’re a bigger fool than I thought. Really, airport security?’
‘Fine, whatever. It was so nice to see you again,’ I said sarcastically, and headed for the door.
‘Wait. I’m sorry. Look, I need your help, ok? I need you to help me fix this, so the media would let you off the hook.’
‘You want my help? To get the media to back off?’
‘Yes. I know you don’t deserve all the things the media is saying about you.’ Her words made me wonder what Alice had been holding back. Maybe I should start reading it myself.
‘Why do you care?’
‘I want to make things right.’
‘Why?’
I could see she was uncomfortable. I just didn’t understand why she suddenly wanted to help me.
‘Christopher isn’t talking to me anymore.’
What? ‘I thought you two were working on your marriage. Making the farce true.’
‘Yes, well, he didn’t like my press release too much.’ She actually laughed. Like that was some funny thing that didn’t really ruin people’s life. My fist tightened, and I wanted to punch her in the face. That would get some frontline news. She stopped laughing when she saw my face.
‘Look, I am sorry about that. I was scared. You made him do things he had never done before, he took chances of being seen with you. I couldn’t handle it. I just lost my… I just lost a good friend, and then you were taking Christopher away from me, and I panicked. I thought he would leave me too. And then you talked to the press…’ She changed her words when she saw I was about to object. ‘Fine, you talked to someone, and the story came out, and they wrote all kinds of terrible things about me. I thought a romantic holiday was fixing it, but then you parade a new boyfriend in front of Christopher. How could you do that?’
‘Erik was not my boyfriend. And I certainly didn’t ask Chris to punch him in the face.’
‘It doesn’t matter. All I did was to try and save the situation for Christopher and me.’
‘By throwing me to the wolves?’
‘You are the one who got involved in a married man. My married man, and now he won’t talk to me because he thinks I ruined you.’
‘Oh, come on. We both know what your marriage is like. And I never went after him. He approached me. Several times. I never chased him.’ I was so angry now, I could feel tears in my eyes. This wasn’t good.
‘Well, you should have known better. You know men think with they’re penises. You should have known better. You are just a girl on the side, one of plenty. You don’t even deserve him. You created this mess, and damn you if you think I’m going to let you get away with it. You are nothing. NOTHING!’
I knew she was right, but it was still painful to hear. I was nothing. I had made a mess out of everything, and all because I had spread my legs to a horny man with a bullshit marriage. I am so stupid. I felt my pulse rise, and my body inhaled to fast. I knew what was happening, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to fight anymore. My stomach clenched, and my fingers started tingling and I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t get enough air. My chest started hurting, and I felt dizzy.
‘Great. Now you are going to get all worked up? Really? Can’t you handle anything?’
I didn’t answer her, I just let my body strive for air, without bothering to calm myself down. I didn’t care.
‘Are you ok?’ I heard Julia say after awhile. She was far away. I couldn’t see her now, not because I was bending down, but because my sight started blurring.
‘Alice, get over here. There is something wrong with her.’
That’s the last thing I heard before everything went black.
Chapter 16
«We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.»
- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan
I woke with the feeling of being moved. Someone lifted me on to a bed. No, not a bed, a gurney. I tried to blink my eyes to see more clearly. A man was holding a rubber mask to my face. I lifted my hand to shove it away and get up. A hand was pushed down on my chest, forcing me to stay down.
‘Easy, ma’am. You need to lie still.’
My head was throbbing, and I didn’t have the energy to try again. But the rubber mask was annoying, and it smelled funny. I tried shoving it off again, but the hand who held it was firm.
‘I’m fine,’ I tried to say through the mask. We were moving down the elevator and out to the reception area. Julia was standing there with a police officer. Then she saw me, and came rushing towards me. ‘I’m so sorry, Sara. You have to believe me. I’m so sorry.’
Her white shirt was covered in red, and it took me a few seconds to realise it was blood. She was covered in blood. She took my hand and walked beside me to the entrance. The police officer was following us too. I couldn’t see Alice. I tried to remove the mask again.
‘Please, ma’am. You need to lie still.’
Then we all heard some commotion outside the entrance.
‘Is there any way we can take another route?’ I heard Julia say.
‘No, ma’am. We need to get to the vehicle.’
‘Julia, you need to change,’ the strange woman from earlier said. Then there was a series of heavy flash as the door opened, and several photographers managed to get past some sort of security.
Julia backed up and was suddenly out of my seeing range. Someone shoved the photographers away, and the gurney was outside. Alice came to my side, and held my hand as we moved.
‘It’s ok. Don’t say anything. You are going to be ok.’ She was squeezing my hand, and didn’t let go as we walked through the masses. I heard the voices, but I didn’t understand the questions.
‘Did you and Julia fight, Sara? Did she hurt you? Was this about Christopher? Are you Sara Nord? Did you follow Julia to her hotel?’
It seemed to take forever to reach the ambulance. I was glad they kept the mask on now. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself on the beach. This isn’t happening. Breath. It will all be over soon.
‘Her heart rate is up again,’ someone said. ‘Give her 2 mg of benzodiazepines.’
The sirens hit, and it made my head throb worse. Alice was sitting by my head, and I saw tears running down her cheeks. I didn’t understand what was happening. I had passed out. I knew that. It wasn’t my first time, it was only because my brain didn’t get enough oxygen. I was fine now. I didn’t get why we had to rush to the hospital. I was fine. I tried removing the mask again. But then the sedative must have kicked in, cause it all went black again.
The hospital smelled like every other hospital. Disinfectant, probably iodoform which they used frequently when my mother had cancer. I never liked that smell, it was too clean, too unnatural. My head throbbed. Alice sat beside my gurney, other than her there was nobody else around. My mask was finally gone, but it was replaced by some tube stuck in my nose. We where in some kind of hallway, and Alice were busy texting on her phone. She looked up as I removed the tube.
‘I don’t think you should do that.’
‘Stupid hospital. Why am I here? I fainted right? No big deal. Can you help me get up?’
I tried to lift myself up, but my body felt like
five hundred pounds.
‘Don’t move. A doctor will come in a minute.’
‘I’m fine, Alice. Why did you call an ambulance?’
‘I didn’t. Julia freaked out because of all the blood, so she called the reception. They called the ambulance.’
‘Blood?’ I remembered Julia being covered in blood.
‘You hit your head, sweetie. When you past out you hit the table on your way to the floor. You have a pretty nice cut on your forehead. They gave you seven stitches.’
My hand automatically reached for it, and I felt a bandage plastered on my upper right side. Alice got back to her phone. I could see she was reading some newspaper. I remembered the photographers then.
‘How bad is it?’ I asked in a whisper.
‘Not very. They know it’s you, but not why you’re here or where you live. They think Julia tried to kill you,’ she laughed.
‘That’s not funny,’ I muttered.
The doctor came, and insisted I did an x-ray. I tried to tell him I was fine, but he refused to listen. Instead, he placed me in a room and insisted I’d stay the night. I might have a concussion. Alice came and told me Julia had called several times, on the verge of hysteria. She insisted we coordinate our story, and suggested that she would make a press release.
‘We all know how that will sound,’ Alice smiled. Somehow she had been in a good mood since I woke, which was kind of annoying. She kept texting and stepping out to make phone calls.
The doctor making the late evening rounds was kind enough to release me after I promised to call them if I experience any nausea or dizziness. Alice took me to the basement where she had a car waiting. Apparently, there was a crowed waiting for me at the entrance.
The car was black, and had tinted glasses, and a driver emerged to open the back seat for us. I was surprised that Alice was coming, I knew she had a lot to do, but I figured maybe everything was put on hold because of Julia.
‘Alfred called,’ Alice said as the car drove of. The streets were dark, and I wondered what time it was.
