by Bird, Peggy
“No, not at all, but couldn’t you just … “
“Just what?” JJ cut her off. She grabbed her sister’s hand and began pulling her. She was taking her into her own bedroom.
Along the way, the sisters had to pass through the living room, where the men were apparently engaged in a similar conversation. As JJ dragged Nan, she nodded calmly to the pair, saying, “Excuse us one moment, gentlemen, Nan has something to show me, don’t you, Nan?” Her sister nodded her head slowly in affirmation, shrugged as best she could, a hopeless looked plastered on her face.
When they reached the master bedroom, JJ shut the door and locked it.
“What are you doing? Have you gone mad?” Nan asked.
“No, I just happen to know that at the far end of your walk-in closet,” JJ began as she switched the closet light on “you have a bookshelf.” She pulled her sister over to it. “And oh … by the way, it’s filled with nothing but … oh, look … romance novels! And oh, look! Upon closer inspection, not one of them is mine. So you can’t say that you’re just collecting my novels. You are a closet romance novel reader.”
At the realization of the horrible pun, the sisters burst out laughing.
• • •
Finally, the four of them were in the same room at the same time. They all nervously sat down to eat at the small round table. JJ reluctantly sat next to Kenn. Then realizing how close they were sitting, she stood up, walked behind the chair, and moved it about six inches away from him and closer to Nan. Satisfied now with the space separating them, she took a healthy drink of the red wine already poured. Rob and Kenn shared a confused look as they watched her performance.
Unfortunately, she still felt some of the sexual chemistry she experienced at the Physics Café. Those “love scene residuals,” as she called them, flared up again … seemingly out of nowhere. And there was that smell of his cologne, darn it. Boy, it was distinctive. And boy did it drive her crazy.
As Nan passed the main course of roast beef around, she nervously made small talk.
“Kenn, did you know that JJ used to be on the history faculty of the University of Northern Ohio?”
Kenn shook his head. “I knew she had been a history professor, I didn’t realize it was at UNO.”
“Yeah, she wrote the book, The Historical — ” Rob began.
“That’s all history now, as they say,” JJ jumped in, waving the biscuit she just plunked from the basket being passed around. “Here, Kenn, have a biscuit.” She shoved the biscuits into his hand.
She already knew his views on conspiracy theories. Let’s not bring that up again. Good grief, the publication of the book caused enough controversy originally. No need to replay the same scenes, JJ thought.
While the general public loved the book (it was one of the first times these theories were closely examined from the view of a serious historian), the academic community was divided. Some loved the topic and the quality of research. Others felt the book to be a black smudge on the study of history.
“I’m a full-time romance writer now, but I think you already know that, huh?” She gave him the sweetest smile she could muster. And that was it. She vowed she wasn’t going to speak a word about her novel or about the subject of her nonfiction book.
But Kenn plowed on with the topic.
“Why would women even bother reading fluffy novels like that?” The tone of the question seemed sincere, but it struck a chord with Rob, who was in the process of pouring gravy on his meal. He dropped the boat, splashing hot gravy over himself and his wife. They both jumped up and hurried into the kitchen to clean off the mess.
“Why would anyone want to shut their brain down like that?” Kenn insisted.
JJ slung the biscuit she had in her hand on her plate and started to tell him. Even in full swing in her commentary, she thought for a brief moment she felt some connection with him. When he looked at her, his gaze appeared more than just cursory. He looked into her, she thought. He used his eyes to listen. As she talked, his eyes were riveted on hers — not to any other part of her or anywhere else in the room. She knew she had his full attention and she was flattered. While she wanted to be hostile with him, she found herself calmed by his seemingly understanding gaze.
“I’m glad we men don’t have to read stuff like that to feel better about our lives.”
That was all it took. JJ suddenly forgot about Kenn’s incredibly kind eyes, the sensual attraction that she felt when near him, or the smell of the cologne he wore. Once again, he implied that men were somehow superior based on his independently derived idea that the romance as a story was trash.
“Oh, and you don’t think you guys have your own version of ‘feel-good’ books and movies out there. You men have a category of movie that’s the equivalent of our romance novel — it’s called the action movie.
“Look at Rambo, Clint Eastwood, Arnold I’ll-Be-Back Schwarzenegger. These are nothing more than flights of fantasy for the testosterone set.”
Chapter 13
Alex heard the shower running. Then it stopped. Blake’s singing grated through the air, like fingernails on a chalkboard.
What could be taking him so long? She was already dressed and ready. Finally Blake emerged from the bathroom with only a towel around him. His head bobbed as he skipped down the hall, his wet hair splashing drops of water like a wet dog. “It takes time for me to beautify, baby!”
Alex closed her eyes and shook her head. He continued his skipping as he headed for JJ’s bedroom. Closing the door, he called, “I’ll be all dressed in just a second, love.”
Alex waited. She paced, adjusted her — well, actually JJ’s — white dress and nervously ran her fingers through her hair. She sat down on the couch a moment, quickly removed the red pumps and rubbed her feet. JJ had small feet compared to her. She thought of poor Blake. He had even larger feet. How would he … She was putting her shoes back on when she heard the bedroom door open.
“Oh, Alex,” he chimed. “I’m ready. And I’m coming out.”
And with that Alex heard the clicks of the heels on the hardwood hallway. “Damn it!” Click! “Bloody heels.” Click. “How do you women wear these things?” Click. “Oh, my aching back!”
His voice grew louder until he reached the living room where she stood expectantly. She couldn’t believe what she saw. Standing in front of her was the man she loved, dressed nearly exactly as she was. White dress barely long enough to cover even a small fraction of his thighs and a pair of red stiletto heels stuffed into his feet.
“Love,” he said grimacing through his pain, “does this outfit make me look fat?”
“Are those pantyhose?”
“Yeah, but they barely come to my waist. I never realized how short JJ was till I put on her pantyhose.”
Alex doubled over in laughter. He appeared so sincere yet looked so ridiculous. “Uhm … dear … Do you know how short that dress is on you?”
“Hey, it’s not my fault. My choices were limited. It’s not like I was shopping at Harrods. JJ had two white dresses in her closet — and you picked the better of the two.
“Look, I can’t even button this bloody dress.” He turned his back to Alex. Now she laughed uncontrollably at the sight of the open white dress against his hairy back.
“What’s so funny? You get to wear the good Dorothy dress. I’m stuck with this. I just want to make sure we have every detail in place, just in case it’s not the ruby slippers that actually work the magic.
“Now could we get on with this please? I think these pantyhose are strangling my manhood.”
The couple held hands, closed their eyes and clicked their heels together. Alex prayed the red-heeled shoes would be a good enough substitute for the ruby slippers.
“Okay, at the count of three,” Blake instructed. Alex nodded. “One, two, three: There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”
When they opened their eyes, they were still standing in JJ’s
living room.
“Let’s try it one more time,” Blake urged, “just in case the Universe was busy doing something else and wasn’t listening.” A disappointed Alex, on the verge of tears, slowly nodded her assent.
As the pair got into position again, JJ walked through the door. She screamed when she saw them. “What’s going on? Blake, is that you in that … that costume?”
The sharpness of JJ’s voice sparked tears from Alex. She only wanted to return to her real world, check on her cat, and make sure the pot of soup she’d started hadn’t boiled over. (She didn’t believe JJ when she said she’d taken care of it for her!)
Blake turned around, smiling. “We watched the Wizard of Oz tonight.”
“Well, I think the male Dorothy needs to get out of that outfit as quickly as possible.”
Blake harrumphed an unintelligible reply and clomped clumsily to the bedroom, slamming the door. Then from behind the door, he said, “And to think I shaved my legs for you!”
Chapter 14
Kenn practiced his sternest, most serious voice on the way to his department Monday morning. Determined to let Deb know exactly how he felt, he rehearsed the lecture. Not only did he feel he had been coerced into accepting the dinner invitation at Rob’s because of Deb’s negligence, but the event turned out to be a complete disaster. By the time he reached the office, he felt fully prepared to let her have it.
His preparedness changed to horror as he saw Deb sitting in her chair with her feet propped up on her desk and her head stuck deep into a book.
And not just any book, but JJ’s first novel, Love’s Secret.
“It’s a conspiracy! It has to be!” Forgetting his lecture, he stomped into his office like a five-year-old and slammed the door.
“Guess Saturday night didn’t go very well,” she said.
“What didn’t go very well?” said a voice behind her. The voice belonged to the department chairman, Thomas Chare. Deb dropped her legs to the floor, sat upright and swiftly closed the book.
“Uhm, nothing. Just thinking out loud.”
“I see you’re reading JJ’s book.”
“Well, I was between — ”
“Don’t bother to explain. But would you get her on the phone for me, please? I need to talk to her.”
“Yes, sir.”
Kenn wondered what the chairman would want with JJ but he didn’t ask.
Chare walked back to his office and closed the door. Then almost immediately he opened the door again and leaned forward with one hand on the doorjamb and the other on the doorknob. Deb looked up. “By the way,” he said. “I’ve already read that one. Do you want me to tell you how it ends?” His thin lips formed a mischievous smile.
“No, thanks.”
He disappeared behind his door again.
• • •
Thomas Chare had been chair of the history department for quite a few years. Not much taller than five feet five inches, Chare looked like an aging cherubim. A ring of white hair around the sides of his otherwise bald head gave him the appearance of having a halo. His round face was free of wrinkles, so it was difficult to gauge his exact age. And his round wire-rimmed glasses accented his face perfectly.
Deb knew better than to ask the professor why he wanted to talk to JJ; questions like that weren’t part of her job. But, as she looked in JJ’s file, she continued to question his motive.
Even as JJ submitted her resignation, Deb knew Chare didn’t want to accept it — preferring instead to pretend it didn’t exist. As Deb recalled, it was a month to the day after her first novel was released and her husband died. But he had understood the reasoning behind it. And he respected the young professor’s feelings. He also told her she was welcome to rejoin the faculty at any time. “Don’t worry we may already have a full house,” he told her, referring to the potential that there would be no openings. “We’ll place another chair at the table for you anytime.”
JJ answered on the second ring. After chatting briefly with her, Deb placed her on hold while she buzzed the chairman.
“Dr. Chare, I have JJ on line two for you.”
Instead of hanging up as she should have, Deb listened in. Unethical? Certainly. Sneaky? Without a doubt. Informative? Absolutely.
Chapter 15
Alex sat on the loveseat in the study, her long legs tucked under her, voraciously drinking in every word of JJ’s first novel, Love’s Secrets.
“But, my darling, Katrina, I must go. Duty to my country calls.”
“You’re taking my heart with you, Peter,” Katrina whispered.
“How romantic!” Alex said aloud, sighing. JJ looked up momentarily, smiling. If there were any doubts left about the identity of these characters, they were fading, even though she still found the situation unbelievable.
She then glanced at Blake. With his one knee crossed over the other, he had buried himself in a tome on the Civil War. True to her description of him, he appeared to be constantly in search of knowledge.
The jangle of the landline on the desk interrupted JJ’s thoughts and startled Alex, causing her to spring out of her seat like a jack–in–the–box.
“I’ll get it.” Alex quickly took the few steps to grab the receiver.
“Oh, no, you don’t! I’m still recovering from the last time you answered my phone,” JJ said, reaching for the phone. Alex sighed and sat back down on the couch.
“Dr. Chare, what a pleasure to hear your voice again. My favorite history department chairman! What a surprise!” Memories of her days at the department began to ripple through her.
Alex sat on the edge of the couch.
“No, no, I couldn’t possibly teach this quarter.” JJ paused. And be forced to potentially deal with that snob, Kennedy King Cooper.
“No, really, Tom. If there were some way I could … I certainly would.” How about you kicking that Cooper jerk out? Then we’ll talk.
“I have a deadline coming up … You did? I didn’t have you pegged for the romantic type. Mostly because I wrote it? How sweet. Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it … But I’m sure there is some young, eager new graduate out there waiting for the position … just dying to get the experience.”
Yet another pause. With every pause, Alex leaned forward a fraction of an inch more. Any farther and she would fall of the couch.
“No, I really can’t. You see, I’ve also got …” How did Blake describe them? “I’ve got my cousin and her fiancé from …”
“Kansas.” Blake filled in the dead air, only momentarily taking his attention off the book.
“Kansas,” JJ repeated.
She chatted with the chair a few more minutes. “Yes, I promise. If I change my mind, I’ll call you. But don’t hold your breath.”
Replacing the receiver on its cradle, JJ said, “Good God, that was close. For a while I didn’t think he was going to take no for an answer.”
Alex gave JJ a quizzical look. “Did you just turn down an offer to teach in the same department that Prof. Cooper teaches?” she asked, shaking her head in disbelief.
“Yeah, I did. He asked me to fill in for a professor who was going to be out the entire term because of an illness.”
“Why didn’t you say yes?” Alex asked.
“Precisely because of Cooper. The last thing I need is to come face to face with him on a daily basis.”
Alex shot off the couch. “Let me get this straight. You had a chance to fulfill your destiny and you purposely threw it away?” She went pale, waving her hands frantically. “Don’t you know love never knocks twice?”
JJ shook her head, laughing uncontrollably.
“What? What’s so funny?”
“You. Where did you get that corny phrase ‘love never knocks twice’? It sounds like the title of a romance novel.”
Alex stopped dead in her tracks, her entire countenance changed.
“That’s because it is! I read it last night. It was on the nightstand in our bedroom. And just for your information, it was a
grand love story.”
Shaking her head JJ said, “Love isn’t knocking at all.”
Blake peered out from behind his book. “Technically this would have been the third encounter for the pair. The more appropriate response would have been ‘third time’s the charm.’”
“Blake!” The women said together.
“Well, it is.” He quickly returned to reading.
“You mean Cooper’s the only reason you turned down that offer?”
“Yeah! Otherwise I would have been more than willing to help the chair out. He’s been so very kind to me. He defended my book to the academic community — risking his own reputation, I might add, when he didn’t have to. This is actually a small favor he’s asking in return — except for the presence of Cooper.”
She glanced at the clock. “Shoot, I forgot I was supposed to meet Nan at the Physics Café for coffee. I’m running late.” JJ powered down her computer and shot up out of her chair. As she rushed to get her keys from the holder by the back door, she called, “Try to behave today, please!”
• • •
Alex waited to hear the back door shut.
“Come on! Now’s our chance!”
“Our chance to do what?”
“To go to the university and get this Chare guy to ask JJ to teach again.”
Blake put down the book he was reading. “Weren’t you listening? He already asked her to teach again. The lady already said no.”
Alex nodded, pulling him off the couch. “I believe it was one of your distinguished bards who wrote ‘The lady doth protest too much.’”
As Blake got dragged to his feet, he said, “It’s interesting that you should use that particular phrase, because most people quote that wrong. That comes from Hamlet, by the way, and Queen …”
“Blake!”
“What?”
“I don’t care about the history of the quote right now. We need to get JJ teaching at the college so we can get her and Cooper together long enough to know they were made for each other.”
“Are you not listening to me? She’s already … ”
