“This isn’t funny,” Josh told him.
Josh watched as the group of armed geriatrics, and two ghost people, made their way slowly through the graveyard.
“Take a good look.” Mitch pointed to the sheet-cloaked figures. “It’s the ghost of Christmas future. And it’s heralding the death of your career.”
“Do you think they plan to walk like that all the way home?” Donaldson took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “I don’t see any cars waiting.”
“Maybe they plan to use their old folks’ discount and take the bus?” Lake started laughing again.
“Keep your filthy hands to yourself,” Betty shouted.
“Okay, enough of this.” Donaldson sounded resigned to his fate. “Time to intervene.” He spoke to Lake: “You round up the rescue squad and I’ll get Casper and her little friend.”
Josh moved to follow the cop. Donaldson stopped him in his tracks. “Back in the car, Josh. This is enough of a mess without you making it worse.”
He gritted his teeth, but did as he was told.
“So now you listen,” Mitch moaned before going to help Lake with the old folk.
Josh climbed into the SUV and watched through the heavily tinted windows as Donaldson grabbed hold of Caroline and Danny. He marched their sheet-covered bodies towards the waiting cars. Lake and two of his men herded the crowd of reporters to stop them following. Betty helped by shouting at everyone through her bullhorn. Mitch worked his way up the line of domino boys, disarming them. Once Caroline was in the police car, Mitch jogged over to the SUV and climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Half of those guys think it was you under the sheet. How are we supposed to fix this?”
“We don’t. We tell them it was a stunt put on by the crazy locals to draw attention from the castle and from us.”
Mitch pursed his lips. “How much more of this are we going to have to fend off?”
“The wedding is Saturday. Then this will all be over.” Josh resisted the urge to cross his fingers.
“Yeah, right,” Mitch scoffed.
They sat in silence as they followed the cop car to the castle.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Josh was mad. He just wasn’t sure whom he was mad at. Caroline for calling the domino boys to rescue her instead of calling him? Danny for turning his fiancée into a spectacle? The press for hounding them? Mitch for sending away the bodyguard? There were too many options to choose from. Unfortunately, the only one available to shout at was Caroline.
“I’ve had it.” Josh pointed at Caroline. “No more going out on your own. No going to work this week. No going anywhere without your damn cell phone. Even if I have to glue it to your hand.”
Caroline sat tall and proud on one of his kitchen chairs. His mother pottered about in the background, pretending she was invisible while making emergency tea.
Caroline’s shoulders snapped back. “I’m sorry, but for a minute there I thought you were telling me what to do. I think I was mistaken, because you can’t possibly think that it’s okay to lay down the law with me.”
Josh stopped pacing in front of her. He folded his arms and glared down at her. He had the height advantage, but somehow Caroline seemed to have more power. He considered sitting at the table beside her, but he was too keyed up to stay still.
“You’ll do what I say. Your life is in danger. There’s a nutter out there sending you bleeding hearts and voodoo dolls. The town is overrun with paparazzi, who don’t care what damage they cause as long as they get their payday. You’re too available for people. You walk everywhere and you work in a public building. I’m not having it. How are we supposed to keep you safe until the wedding? You’re staying here, in this castle, where I can protect you.”
“No.” Caroline folded her hands in her lap. Her chin rose. “I don’t need you to look after me. What is this, the fifteenth century? I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.”
“Yeah, right. That’s why you ended up stuck in that penis building with a guy I have a restraining order out against.”
Caroline shot to her feet. “That building is not a penis. It’s a folly.”
“Yeah, way to focus on the most important part here.”
“You are not my keeper, Josh McInnes. I can leave my house to walk around town any time I like. All I did was go to buy coffee. For you, I might add. I don’t even drink the stuff. I’m sure I could have handled the press. They just caught me by surprise.”
“So you ended up running through the streets hand in hand with my stalker.”
“He’s a nice man.” Caroline’s voice began to rise. “A bit deluded, but nice.”
“Great. A nice stalker. That makes it okay, then. There are photos of you both all over the internet.” Josh took a step towards her. He could feel the heat coming off her as her anger visibly grew. “There’s one of him with his hands all over your ass, while you climb a fence. Tasteful.”
“He was helping me!”
“He was groping you!”
Caroline’s hands fell to her sides and clenched into fists. “I don’t care about the stupid photos.”
“Well, I do. This is my career we’re talking about here. Half the world thinks it was me in the suit shoving my fiancée over a fence into a graveyard, the other half thinks you’re having it on with my stalker. And don’t even get me started on the old folks’ rescue. What the hell was that?” Josh threw up his hands in disgust. “You called the domino boys instead of me. Instead of Lake. Hell, instead of the cops. You called three geriatric old men, who came armed with golf clubs and an eighty-six-year-old psycho carrying a bullhorn. You’re turning our wedding into a pantomime.”
“Since when do you care about the press?”
“Since it started to affect my reputation.”
She scoffed. “Your womanising reputation or your carefree idiot reputation?”
There was a gasp from the direction of his mother. Josh had forgotten she was there. He lowered his voice and had to work to get the words past his clenched jaw.
“Look.” Josh was trying to remain reasonable. It was hard, hard work. “I told you what you were getting into when I proposed. I told you again when the minister asked if you were keeping your job. I don’t live in the same world you live in. In my world you have to fight for privacy. In my world there are people who can cause you harm, just because they think they know you. In my world you need to think twice before you do things, because everything you do can attract the wrong sort of attention. The dangerous sort. You are now in my world. You don’t have the same freedom you did before, because that freedom will put you at risk. And I won’t have that.”
She put her hands on her hips and glared. “Well, what if I don’t want to be in your world?”
Josh felt the wind go out of him. There was silence. He could hear Caroline’s breathing. Her eyes flashed at him. Her skin vibrated with anger.
“Are you saying you want out?” Josh kept his tone carefully even. “Are you saying you don’t want to marry me?”
“I’m thinking about it.” Her words were like a kick to the gut. “When I said yes, I didn’t realise I was agreeing to marry a man who wanted to be in charge of me. Who thinks he has the right to order me around.”
“So what?” Josh scowled. “I’m not supposed to give a crap about your safety? If you decided to jump out of a plane without a parachute, because you ‘can take care of yourself,’ am I supposed to wave you off with a smile? Get real. You’re behaving like a baby. You could have been hurt today. I won’t allow it to happen again. Not while I can do something about it.”
Her nostrils flared and her chin flew up. “How about you do something about this!” Then she kicked him in the shin. Hard.
“What the hell?” Josh rubbed his leg, grateful her shoes didn’t have steel toecaps.
She pointed in his face. “And don’t think you’re coming anywhere near my bed. Ever again. That boat has sailed. Any k
ids we have will be made with a turkey baster.” She stormed past him, slamming the kitchen door behind her.
“At least she’s still talking about kids.” Josh groaned as he plopped into a chair.
He listened for the sound of her stomping up the stairs, and was relieved when he heard it. For a minute he thought he’d hear the front door slam as she left him. The fact there were photographers parked at the gates might have factored into her decision to stay. Although, knowing Caroline, he wouldn’t have put it past her to climb the garden wall if she was that determined to get away.
“You’re going to have to fix this,” his mum said.
Josh shot her a “you have got to be kidding me” look. “I’m right and you know it. She could really get hurt. There are all sorts of lunatics out there, and marrying me puts her on their radar. I need her to be safe. Even if it means handcuffing her to the bed until the wedding.”
His mum sat down on the chair beside him. “You need to be patient with her. This is out of her comfort zone. Caroline is used to being in control of everything. She can’t do that with the life you’re offering her. She must be terrified.”
“Yeah, she looked it,” Josh scoffed.
But he wondered. He’d had all of his adult life to get used to being famous. It had happened gradually for him, so there’d been time to adapt. Caroline had been thrown in at the deep end, with barely three weeks to adjust.
He suddenly felt guilty. Maybe he’d been a bit harsh. “I better go talk to her.”
“Are you sure? Perhaps leaving it to the morning is better.”
“No.” Josh sighed. “I’ll do it now.”
He dragged himself off the chair and headed for the stairs, wondering if Caroline had gone to his bedroom or taken one of the empty ones. Ten minutes later, he had his answer: Caroline hadn’t taken any bedroom. Instead she’d opened the window on the first floor beside the oak tree and climbed down it. Josh felt steam come out of his ears. Damn impossible woman. She’d gone over the wall after all.
Josh pulled his phone out and called Mitch. He needed a lift past the reporters to Caroline’s house.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Caroline woke up in her bedroom on Thursday morning with a splitting sore head and her wrist handcuffed to her headboard. She stared at the silver cuff for a minute in disbelief then took a deep breath.
“Josh!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
She heard his slow stomp as he came up the stairs to her bedroom. She should never have given him a key to her house. Oh, but wait. She didn’t give him one. He stole it.
“You rang.” Josh leaned against her bedroom doorframe.
He was dressed in romance novel classic, as Caroline liked to think of it: faded blue jeans and nothing else. He folded his arms across his bare chest and crossed his bare feet at the ankles. He was the image of relaxed sadist.
“Get this thing off me.” Caroline jangled the cuffs.
“Nope. You can’t be trusted. You’re a danger to yourself and you don’t listen to me.”
Caroline pushed her hair out of her eyes and glared at him. “You mean I won’t do what I’m told.”
The idiot actually had to think about that. “That too,” he said.
She took a deep breath. It didn’t help, so she took some more. After about half a dozen she felt able to talk to him without her head rotating 360 degrees, like something from a horror movie.
“Josh”—she used her best “let’s be reasonable” tone—“you need to take these off me. I need to go to the bathroom.”
There, he couldn’t argue with that.
“I can bring you a bucket.” His smile was wicked.
Caroline knelt up on the bed and pointed at him. “I’m being serious. You can’t handcuff me to the bed. What are you? A barbarian? Take these off this minute or I’ll call the police.” She eyed the phone on her bedside table.
“Where do you think I got the handcuffs? I explained to Officer Donaldson that you wouldn’t listen to me and I couldn’t trust you to stay where you were put. I made it clear that this was a safety issue. He was happy to help. He wants you safe too.”
Caroline felt the top blow off her head. “Stay where I’m put? Stay where I’m put?” Her voice rose to that scary high-pitched level that only dogs could hear. “When I get out of here, Josh McInnes, you are going to be so sorry. I’ll give you one last chance to do the right thing, otherwise you are really going to regret this.”
Josh shrugged like her threat meant nothing. “I’m making eggs. I’ll come back when you’re more reasonable.”
With that he thumped back down the stairs. Caroline stared after him mutely. She couldn’t believe he’d left her. She couldn’t believe he hadn’t done what he was told. Furious, she reached for the phone beside her bed. There was no dial tone. She screeched in frustration before slamming the phone back down.
“Now, if you’d kept your cell phone with you like I told you to, you could call someone right now,” Josh called from downstairs.
Caroline wanted to hit him so badly it actually caused her physical pain. He was so dead when she got loose. She’d never been one to hit people, preferring mental torture to physical, but Josh brought out her violent side. She planned his punishment while she fumed.
“And another thing.” Josh’s voice interrupted her planning. “I found your stolen sex books. We’re going to have a nice long chat about that later.”
Caroline screamed in frustration and threw the useless phone through the open door.
“She is going to kill you when she gets free.” Mitch sipped coffee at Caroline’s tiny kitchen table.
Josh shrugged. “I should have done this weeks ago. Her ‘ruler of the world’ mentality is going to get us all in trouble. If she’d been contained we wouldn’t have needed the roadblocks, or the domino boys. We wouldn’t have Danny bouncing back into town to chat with her. There wouldn’t be any crazy gifts being sent to her work—well, not that she knew about, anyway. It would have all gone a lot smoother.”
“You’ve lost your mind, you know that, right?”
“You’re not telling me anything new. You said that to me when I proposed.”
“Yeah, but this is further proof.”
Josh concentrated on the omelette he was making. In a little while he’d go back upstairs for round two with Caroline. Maybe by then she’d be so desperate for the toilet that it’d make her more reasonable.
Josh eyed his best friend. “You didn’t send Lake’s guy away when you came inside, did you?”
Mitch looked at the ceiling for a beat. “Don’t worry, I won’t do that again.”
Josh grunted. Lake had a guy at the front door of Caroline’s house and one at the back. There wasn’t much space between her doors and the public footpaths, but at least the bodyguards were keeping the press back. Josh had also closed all the curtains in the house. It was as private as a tiny terrace house could be. Thankfully, Lake’s men were also dealing with the neighbours, who had come either to find out what was going on or complain about what was going on. That left Josh with one responsibility—Caroline.
“I snuck out of the castle to get away from you,” Caroline shouted. “Can’t you take the hint?”
“So”—Mitch leaned over to grab the coffee pot for a refill—“what exactly is the plan here? I’m assuming you have a plan. Right?”
“Absolutely.” Kind of. Maybe.
“You want to share the plan with your best friend, lawyer and manager?”
Josh plonked two plates full of food on the table. It was man food. Meat. Eggs. None of that vegetable or bran garbage. Nothing you would feed a gerbil. He sat in the chair beside Mitch.
“The plan is to convince Caroline that her life can’t go on as usual. She has to make changes. She has to take her safety seriously. And she has to realise that her choices affect more than her—they affect me and my career as well.”
“That sounds great,” Mitch drawled. “I’m sure she’ll be
eager to change everything about her life.”
“She needs to see reason.”
“And how are you going to get her to do that? Tickle her until she submits?”
Unfortunately, that was the part of the plan he wasn’t so clear on.
“Look”—Josh put his fork down and took a gulp of his coffee—“she could have been hurt yesterday. She can’t go out alone. Even if her crazy voodoo stalker doesn’t go after her, there’s still the press. You know as well as I do that dealing with them can be terrifying. The paparazzi want her to crack under the pressure. It’s exactly the kind of picture they could auction off.”
“Hey”—Mitch held up his hands in surrender—“you’re preaching to the choir.”
“You’ve got a visitor,” the guy on the door called through.
“Who is it?” Josh shouted back.
“Archie McPherson.”
“Archie?” Caroline shouted. “Archie, I’m being held prisoner. I need help.”
Josh ignored her as he sauntered to the front door. Archie was shutting it behind him. He cast a curious glance in the direction of the stairs.
“I came to check on the lass,” he said.
“Archie, get up here and set me free. Josh has me handcuffed to the bed.”
Archie grinned at Josh. “You’re a kinky son of a monkey, aren’t you?”
Josh grinned back.
“This has nothing to do with sex,” Caroline shouted. “He’s trying to inflict his will on me. He won’t let me have a mind of my own. He’s locked me up because I won’t do what I’m told.” They heard the cuffs rattling as she banged about. “Archie McPherson, get up here right now and set me free, or I swear on Granddad’s grave I will hurt you along with Josh once I get out of these things.”
Archie’s eyebrows rose so far up his forehead they disappeared under his grey cap. “She’s furious.” He was awestruck.
“Spitting mad,” Josh agreed.
Goody Two Shoes (Invertary Book 2) Page 25
