“Don’t.” Her lips were trembling. “You’ll get paint on you.”
“It’s okay,” Josh whispered.
She was stiff in his arms. Even though her feet stayed rooted to the spot, she tried to lean away from him.
“It’s okay.” He wrapped his arms around her, threading one hand into her hair, while the other tightened around her waist. “It’s okay.”
He felt her body shiver. Her posture didn’t change, but she turned her face into his chest.
Mitch was standing behind Caroline. His arms folded. His face like thunder.
Josh caught his friend’s eye. “Clear this place out. This day is over.”
Mitch nodded firmly. He tugged at a weeping Kirsty, letting her know that she should help get the guests out. She gave Caroline one last desperate, heart-breaking look before she went to help.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry. It’s all being sorted,” Josh murmured against Caroline’s ear as he rubbed her back.
She didn’t move. She just stood in his arms. Trembling. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to calm down, for Caroline’s sake. She needed him. What he really wanted to do was slay everyone who had upset her. He wanted to wipe the slate clean for her. Make everything right. He wanted to take away every last bit of her pain. He wanted her happy again. Safe again.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. The vicar. “You can use my office.”
Josh nodded his thanks, but he knew Caroline wouldn’t move. The best he could do to give them privacy was to clear the room. In the meantime, he used his body to shelter her from the crowd. Hiding her from curious gazes and prying eyes. It was his fault. All of this. He’d turned Caroline into a public spectacle—simply by asking her to marry him. He should have realised how devastating public scrutiny could be to those who weren’t used to it. She’d been right all along. He did need a woman who was used to the celebrity life. Someone hardened to the scrutiny. Someone who could deal with the press.
But he only wanted Caroline.
“It’s done.” Mitch appeared in front of him. “The room is clear. I’ll wait outside by the limo. Let me know when you want to go back.”
Josh nodded. “The reception?”
“It’s being taken care of. Millicent’s cancelling it.”
“Thanks.”
Mitch shook his head sadly as he turned away. Josh listened as Mitch’s footsteps echoed through the now-empty church. The heavy wooden doors closed with a dull thud after him. Josh kissed Caroline’s temple.
“Everyone is gone, baby. It’s just us.”
They stood like that for the longest time. Caroline was stiff and silent in his arms. Josh was beginning to think he should call for a doctor when Caroline’s shoulders suddenly slumped. She started shaking. He heard one tiny sob, but the rest of her tears fell in silence. Josh held her close. He wanted to kill the bastards who had hurt his woman.
“It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry. We’ll fix everything.”
She pulled away from him. Her eyes were red, swollen and owl-like.
“How are we going to fix this, Josh? I don’t think it’s possible.”
He ran his thumb over her trembling bottom lip. “Of course it is. We’ll wait a few days then try again. I’ll get you a new dress and we’ll be more careful about who we invite.”
She shook her head. “No.” She pushed away from him. Now they were both covered in paint. “We obviously weren’t meant to do this. We weren’t meant to be together.” Her big green eyes implored him to understand. He didn’t. Not one bit.
“Weddings get ruined all the time.” Josh tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Some get hit with hurricanes, or earthquakes, or dodgy relatives. Ours isn’t any different. We can’t call it quits just because some things went wrong.”
Caroline barked a fake laugh. “Some things went wrong?” She stared down at her dress, and another tear rolled down her cheek. Josh felt his chest ache. She looked back up at him. “Beth was right.” She bit her lip as she fought for her precious control. “You’re too good for me. I am unlovable. That’s why you picked me, so that there wouldn’t be any danger of you falling in love with me. I am bossy. And cold. And—”
He stepped into her space and cradled her face in his hands. “Stop. Don’t listen to a word that crazy witch said. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re good and kind. You’re funny and loving. You’re beautiful, and moral, and oh-so-sexily innocent.” He kissed her nose. “You are too good for me, baby. Not the other way around. I keep wondering when you’re going to figure out that you could do so much better than me.”
Caroline closed her eyes. “Oh, Josh. You can’t mean that. I don’t even know how to dress. The country is calling out for my makeover. I embarrass you at every turn. My personality is as grey as my wardrobe.”
“No.” He shook his head. Wishing he could strangle the crazy woman who poisoned Caroline’s mind. “No. It’s not true. You’re wonderful the way you are. You never embarrass me. Never. Why would you even think that?”
Caroline pushed away from him. She took a deep breath. Her shoulders went back. Josh’s stomach turned at the sight. It was her fighting stance.
“I think we should call this marriage off.”
Josh put his hands on his hips. He summoned his patience as stared down at the floor. He shook his head. No. There was no way that was happening. He knew she was upset. She deserved to be upset. But call off the wedding? No. Just. No.
“We made an agreement. We’re getting married.”
“I don’t want to marry you.” Her voice cracked. She was lying. He knew it.
“Don’t say that, Caroline. You don’t mean it. We have a deal. We agreed.”
“It won’t work out for us.” She backed away from him. “I’m not the kind of person people love.”
“You aren’t thinking straight. This isn’t about love. It’s about commitment.” Josh almost choked on the words. They felt like a lie. His shirt was too tight. He loosened his purple tie and popped the top two buttons. He should have put his foot down and gotten married in a T-shirt. “We made a deal. I’m holding you to it.”
“I can’t.” She looked like she was about to run. “I can’t marry you. It hurts too much.”
What the hell? Josh ran his fingers through his hair.
“You’re not making any sense.” He reached for her, but she stepped away from him. “We’ll go back to the castle. We’ll get cleaned up.” He tried to grin at her, but it felt forced. “I’ll show you the delights of showering together. Once we’re clean, things will be clearer.”
“Josh.” She held her flowers in front of her, as though they were a shield. “I was thinking about backing out long before everyone intervened.”
Josh felt like he’d taken a kick to the gut. He actually started to bend over before he thought to stop himself.
“You were going to call it off?”
“It’s the right thing to do.” Her shoulders slumped. She looked defeated. Silent tears ran down her cheeks. “You don’t want me. You want a business arrangement. Which was fine. It was great when we both wanted the same thing.” Her voice shook. “But things changed.” The pain in her eyes made every part of him ache. She took a shaky breath. “I fell in love with you, Josh.”
The ground shifted beneath him. Josh looked around for something to hold on to. There wasn’t anything.
Caroline gave him a sad little smile. “You see why it won’t work? You don’t want to be in love. You picked me because you know you’ll never love me like that. It’s safe for you. Beth was right about that. I’m not the kind of woman men fall in love with. Which means I would spend my life loving you and watching as you never loved me back. I can’t do that. It’s soul destroying. Waiting for you to find the woman you will fall in love with. Waiting for you to leave me.”
She wasn’t making any sense. Why would he leave her? Why would he want another woman? He only wanted her. “You love me?”
“And you don’
t love me.” It wasn’t a question.
Josh’s throat was closing up. “Caroline,” was all he could get out.
“It’s okay, Josh. I understand. Thank you for giving me a chance at a family. Thanks for trying to give me the wedding I thought I wanted. Thanks for making me feel special for a while.”
Josh was paralysed. His power of speech had fled. He felt like his insides were being ripped out and displayed. He couldn’t get his head around anything she said. None of it made sense.
With a trembling smile, Caroline turned and stepped down from the platform. Josh struggled to breathe. She was walking away from him. He tried to stop her, but he couldn’t move. He kept his eyes on her until the heavy doors of the church swung shut behind her. Suddenly his legs wouldn’t hold him anymore. He flopped to sit on the platform steps. His head fell into his hands. He struggled to breathe.
She was gone.
His Caroline was gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
“You’re an idiot.”
Josh looked up to find his father standing in front of him. “I can’t deal with you right now.”
“Do I look like I care?” He sat down on the edge of the platform beside Josh. “Why did you let that girl go?”
“What are you talking about?” Josh felt his anger rise again. He wanted to punch someone, and if his dad didn’t get lost, it might be him. “You don’t like Caroline. You don’t want me to marry her. You’ve been nothing but clear about your opinion since you turned up in Scotland.”
His dad huffed. “I may have been wrong.”
Josh looked at the ceiling. Wishing a science fiction portal would open and suck him into another universe. One without any of the crap he had to deal with. “You may have been wrong?”
“Fine.” His dad grunted with disgust. “I was wrong. Happy now? I may be wrong, but you’re a bloody fool if you let that girl go. She’s a keeper. And she loves you.”
He really didn’t need to explain his life to his father right now. “That’s the problem. I don’t love her.” The words were harder to get out than he thought they would be. “I proposed to her because I don’t believe in that romantic love stuff. I want a partnership. That’s it.”
“I can’t believe I raised such an idiot. Where did I go wrong?”
Josh stood and glared down at the man. This conversation was icing on the cake from hell that was his day. “I’m just doing what you did. You got married because Mom was pregnant with me. It’s not like you fell in love and desperately wanted to be together. But look at you now. You’ve been married thirty-five years and you’re committed to each other. You’ve grown to love each other. And now that you’ve sorted out your problems with Mom, everything is fine. I want that. It worked for you. It should work for me.”
“You don’t know anything.” His father stood, anger twisting his face. “I didn’t marry your mother because she was knocked up. I married her because she was my world. I was crazy about that woman from the moment I set eyes on her. When I wasn’t in the same room as her, I felt like my arm or leg was missing. I lived for every smile she gave me. I still bloody do. I didn’t marry her because she was pregnant, you fool. I married her because I loved her. I was just grateful that she had to marry me because she was carrying you. I didn’t want to take any chance that she’d get away from me.”
“You were in love?”
“Head over heels.”
“How come I never knew?”
“There’s a lot you don’t know, son. But don’t worry. I’m here to sort you out.” He wrapped an arm around Josh’s shoulders. “And the first thing you need to do is go after the woman you’re in love with. Fix this mess. Marry her. Put babies in her belly as fast as you can. That’s what you need to do.”
“You are nowhere near a modern man, are you?”
“As Popeye would say, I am what I am.”
Josh shook his head. Oh how he loved these little father-son chats.
“I’m not in love with Caroline.” He pulled away from his father. “I just care about her. A lot.” He sighed at the thought of her out there, hurting, alone. He should be with her. He should be holding her. Everything was all mixed up. “I worry about her. You’ve seen what she’s like. Her world is black and white; she expects everyone to be moral and do the right thing just because it’s the right thing to do. People use her. They treat her badly. They say things that hurt her because her personality is so forceful they think they can say anything they like to her. But she’s soft underneath. She cares about everyone. And she gets hurt. She needs someone to look out for her. To translate the world around her. To make people see how great she is and to stop them from hurting her. That’s all this is. I wanted to marry her and be that person.”
“Son”—his father clasped a hand on Josh’s shoulder—“you’re talking about love.”
Josh shook his head. “No. It’s mutual respect. And attraction. Serious attraction. She’s so damn beautiful. The first time I saw her, I thought, ‘I get to marry Grace Kelly.’” He looked at his dad. “She looks like Grace Kelly, doesn’t she?”
“Exactly like her.” His father smiled. “Son. You’re in love.”
“I can’t be. I don’t believe in it.”
His father threw back his head and roared with laughter. “Fine. You’re not in love. It was purely an arrangement. So I guess you’ll chalk this up to experience and go find yourself another bride.” He seemed to think about it. “If you hurry, you can slot someone else into the wedding you’ve already organised.”
Josh felt a wave of nausea rush through him.
“There was a woman at the post office around your age.” His father would not shut up. Years he spent grunting, and now all he did was talk. “She doesn’t look like Grace Kelly, but she has good child-bearing hips. And that’s what this is about, right? Get a woman. Start a family. She’s got a good reputation as a solid and reliable person. I can send Mitch over to check her out for you, if you like?”
“No.” Josh felt anger claw at him. “I don’t want that.”
“Why not? It doesn’t matter who you marry, right? As long as she’s young enough and isn’t chasing your fame. When I spoke to this woman, she wasn’t impressed that you were a singer. She isn’t into music that much. She sounds perfect. Doesn’t she?”
“No. I don’t want her.” Josh bit back the rage he was feeling.
“You could at least check her out. If you go over there now, we can still get the vicar back here before it gets too late. Your mother and I are off on a three-month trip in a couple of days. It would be good to get your wedding out of the way before we go. Come on.” He grabbed Josh’s arm. “Let’s go see her now.”
“No!” Josh roared. He yanked his arm from his father’s grasp. “Stop pushing me to check this woman out. I don’t want another woman. I only want Caroline.”
His father smiled. “And there it is.”
Josh was breathing hard. His fists clenched and unclenched. Caroline. He only wanted Caroline. No one else would do. He wanted her soft body under his. He wanted to laugh at her bossing him around. He wanted to plan a future with her and fight over who got to decide what happened. He wanted to kiss her every morning and hold her every night. He wanted to protect her from the world. And give her the world at the same time. He thought of a life without Caroline in it and saw something ugly. He needed her. She was perfect for him.
He loved her.
Josh closed his eyes and took his first calm breath since the wedding was interrupted. The words settled in his soul as truth. He loved Caroline Patterson. Madly. Deeply. Completely. He was in love with her. Crazy, cheesy romantic love. The kind he’d avoided. The kind he’d mocked. The kind that now didn’t seem that stupid after all. A deep tranquillity overcame him. Everything slotted into place. He couldn’t believe it had taken so long to see the truth. He looked at his dad.
His dad grinned like an idiot. “What are you waiting for? Go get the woman you love.”
&nbs
p; This time Josh didn’t correct him. But he couldn’t run after Caroline. He’d screwed this up big time. He’d hurt her when he’d let her walk away. No. He’d destroyed her. She’d told him she loved him and he’d said nothing. She would never believe him if he declared his love now. No. Words weren’t enough. He needed to do something else. Something bigger. With a shake of his head, he turned to his dad.
“About this newfound knowledge of yours—what women want. I might need some input with planning an over-the-top romantic gesture.” He couldn’t believe he’d been reduced to asking his dad for help.
His dad thumped him on the back. “That’s my boy. But don’t forget the caveman act and kinky sex. It worked for me.”
“Now I’m going to vomit.”
Laughing, his dad followed him out of the church. Josh felt the weight of the day lift from him. He would fix this. He would marry the woman he was meant to marry. Caroline loved him, and he was going to show her that he loved her too. Everything was going to be fine.
It was mid-afternoon the following day before Caroline got out of bed. And she only did it then because someone knocked at her door. She dragged herself down the stairs in her pink satin pyjamas, not even stopping to brush her hair. The domino boys had been standing guard outside her house since the wedding fiasco, and Caroline knew they would only let someone get to her door if it was important. Sadly, nothing was important enough to get dressed for. It was Kirsty and Officer Donaldson who were interrupting her pity party. She swung the door wide and led them into the living room.
“Oh, sweetie,” Kirsty cooed at her. Her sympathy was overwhelming as she crushed Caroline in a hug. This was why Caroline had insisted on being alone the night before. She could barely cope with her own emotions, other peoples’ were a step too far.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Caroline.” Officer Donaldson stood in the middle of the room, taking up far too much space. Just like Josh did.
She forced herself not to think about him. She was already suffering from one emotional hangover—she didn’t need to start crying again.
Goody Two Shoes (Invertary Book 2) Page 30
