Paxton and I had just started to paint the trim around the new window in my old room when we got the call. We didn’t mean to get started that late, but by the time we recharged our family stones, and had sex on the drop cloth, it was nearly ten. I was on my phone, searching for someone who could make custom seat covers for the seat. I loved the seat, loved the view overlooking the ocean, and I loved how Paxton turned it into a little nook with a built-in bookshelf on one end, and a fold down desk on the other.
“Here’s one. It’s over on Oak. Want me to call them tomorrow?”
“I’ll do it. What about blue and white stripes? That would look nice in here.”
I thought about Paxton’s suggestion briefly, wondering how to break it to him easy. “Hmm, how about not. I’ll call. I think a charcoal gray would look nice with the walls. I don’t like the stripe idea. What size do we need?”
Paxton’s look was glazed over when I glanced up from my phone, wondering why he didn’t answer.
“What?” I questioned.
“Um, nothing. It’s the same size as a twin mattress.”
I turned off my phone and rolled my eyes.
Paxton was the one to question my motives that time. “What?”
“I don’t need a custom seat made, you big dumb idiot. All I need is a mattress store. I’ll buy the cover I want.”
Paxton dipped the tip of his brush into his paint cup and began the tedious job. “Oh, yeah, that makes sense. We’ll go one night next week.”
“I’ll go tomorrow while the girls are at dance.”
“Yeah, I don’t really like you doing things while the girls are at dance. Stay with them. We’ll go together.”
“Why? You afraid I’m going to find someone else to hypnotize me? I can go Paxton. You have enough going on. I don’t need you to go with me to pick out a mattress. I—”
Paxton held up one finger, shushing me when his phone rang. I let out an exasperated breath and dipped my own brush. Ten o’clock at night and he was still taking work calls.
“Pierce Pools and Landscaping. Oh, hi. How are you?”
I looked over, realizing it wasn’t a work call, halting movement of my brush midair. My heart started to beat in a quick rapid pace. The more I listened, the harder it beat.
“Yes, we can do that.”
“Do what?” I questioned while stepping closer to him. I could hear her voice, but I couldn’t make out the words. I knew it was Jonnie White, I just couldn’t understand what the hell she said.
Paxton kept me at arm’s length with a straight arm, and a dirty look.
“Um, wow. Yeah. I mean, let me see what I can do. I’ll have to rearrange some things, but yeah, definitely. Is this a good number to reach you at? Thank you so much. I’ll get back to you as soon I know what’s going on. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
My eyebrows curled inward. Paxton passed out thank you’s like he’d just hit the lottery. It had to be something big.
“What?” I said in an elevated tone.
“You want to fly to Michigan tomorrow and meet your nephew?”
“Seriously? We get to meet him? That’s a good sign, right? I mean they wouldn’t let us see him if we didn’t have a chance, right?”
“That’s what I’m thinking. Hurry up, paint that side. I’ve got a million calls to make.”
“What about the girls? What about dance, and the mattress?”
Paxton smiled and pulled me into his arms, an attempt to calm my crazy nerves. “The mattress? We’re about to go meet Vander, and you’re worried about the mattress?”
“I’m shaking.”
“I feel you.”
“Are we taking the girls?”
“Can they spend the night with Tricia tomorrow?”
I pulled out of his arms with that one. “No way. I don’t want them anywhere near her. I hate her.”
“You didn’t always hate her, Gabriella. She’s always been good to our kids. We could call my mom? They could spend the night with their grandma.”
“What?”
“Nothing, I’m just being a dick. What else are you going to do with them?”
“My doctor friend?” I offered and questioned at the same time.
Paxton turned back to the trim, shooting me down the same way I did him. “I guess we’re taking them.”
“Why? They love Mi.”
“Yeah, and she’d probably have them sacrificing the neighbor’s cat or something. No. I’m not leaving my kids with Mi for an entire day and night, probably two days. Forget it. Paint,” he ordered with a point from his brush to my side.
“She’s a doctor for Christ’s sake.”
“Yeah, a weird as fuck doctor. A witch doctor.”
“Shut up. She’s not a witch doctor.”
“No, Gabriella.”
“Whatever. That’s so dumb.”
“Paint.”
“Grrr.”
Paxton and I talked about Vander and the room. He was determined to give Vander the room. I finally agreed, but not because I agreed. I was afraid of jinxing it, of setting it up for failure. I came to my decision when I realized I didn’t care if he slept in the bathtub. It didn’t matter as long as he was there.
I excused Paxton, offering to clean up the mess once we’d finished. He had plane tickets to find, and I had nerves to calm. Every time I thought I had them under control, they proved me wrong. It was so surreal, and I couldn’t believe it. Not until I saw him. Of course thinking about that worried me, too. What if he was confused? What if he thought I was his mommy?
Paxton stood a few feet back, observing the finished product. “Okay, you win. Call Mi.”
I turned to him unsure I heard him right. “What?”
“Mi can stay with the girls, but only here. I don’t want them at her house, and I would rather Nick not come with her.”
“Why? That’s dumb. They can sleep in here. Nick could use a day on the beach. Maybe he’ll take the day off.”
“What about Mi, doesn’t she have to work?”
“She got suspended for a few days.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Because Mi don’t take shit from anyone.”
“I could squash that little girl with one foot.”
“But you don’t.” It was the truth. Mi put him in his place every time she’s seen him, and Paxton took it.
“Go call Mi. I’m going to do a few things in my office. I’ll meet you upstairs.”
“What time are we leaving?”
“As soon as we can get a flight. His foster parents are bringing him to the office at one, but if at all possible they want us there an hour before. I’ll see what I can do.”
Paxton walked out, leaving me spinning in circles. I breathed in slow, calming breaths, trying to convince myself that I was at peace. I cleaned up the room for the tenth time, this time with clean sheets on my bed. Mi was going to love it.
Paxton was on the phone with one of his main guys when I walked out. I mixed a drink with a double shot of Grey Goose, and walked upstairs to shower. I didn’t want to hear about the Miller’s hot tub built into a waterfall. I cared about freaking plane tickets to Michigan. My head shook from side to side as I blew out a puff of frustrated air.
I talked to Mi, soaking in lavender bubbles, sipping my stiff drink for twenty minutes. Of course she would come, and she would make Nick come, too. I told her what we had learned, talked about my fears, my hopes, and then my doubts. Mi mostly listened with a question here and there, or a quiet hum, letting me know she was listening.
“Is that Mi? Can she be here by six-thirty? We have a seven-thirty flight, but I couldn’t get first class.” Paxton said as he strolled into the bathroom.
I didn’t care about first class. I wasn’t too proud to ride economy, not where I was going. “Really? Mi, can you be here by six-thirty?”
“Is he peeing?”
I laughed into the phone. “Yes, that’s exactly what he’s doing.”
“He’s so modest.”
“Right, can you?”
“Yes, I can be there. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t worry, Gabby. It’s all going to work out. I promise. Make sure you wear your Wonderland Jasper. It’ll keep you from warring so much.”
“I will. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night, Gabby.”
“Night, Mi.”
“I feel like you’re in labor again,” Paxton said from below his shirt. He lifted it over his head and tossed it to the floor. Right beside the hamper.
“I don’t remember that. Tell me.”
Paxton walked toward me, slipping out of his jeans. “Scoot up.”
I moved up and then back to his chest, “How long was I in labor?”
“Not long. Your contractions started around nine at night, but your doctor told us not to come until they were five minutes apart. That was around ten the next morning.”
“Was it easy?”
“No, not at all. It was long and you were in a lot of pain. It sucked.”
“Were you at least there for me?”
“No.”
“Dick.”
“I’m sorry, but if it’s any consolation, Ophelia made it all worth it. My God, she was so perfect.”
That made me smile, yet feel sad. I sipped my drink and handed it over to him. “I don’t remember that. I don’t remember holding her.”
“Jesus, straight vodka?”
“Almost,” I snickered. “Why don’t we have any more kids?”
“You can’t have anymore.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, something to do with your ovaries, or uterus, something. I forget. We tried hard for an entire year before the doctor would consider anything else.”
“We didn’t follow through?”
“No, I mean, I met you at the doctor that day. You jerked me off in a cup and I went back to work. It was a couple days before you got the results.”
“You were mad at me because I couldn’t give you any more babies?”
“No, I was mad because you couldn’t give me a boy.”
“You might be getting one.”
“Will you stop saying, might? He’s coming here, Gabriella. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
I took a deep breath and stood. “I hope you’re right. I have to go pack our things. Hurry up.”
Paxton didn’t hurry at all. I had both our bags packed, and was snuggled in bed by the time he came out. I could hear him on the phone with Pete, telling him what to do at another job site.
“Look at this, Pax. What do you think?” I questioned when he finally crawled in beside me.
Paxton looked over my shoulder and frowned. “That’s not your sister. Turn it off. We have to get up early.”
“It could be.”
“Stop looking for dead people. You get pissed off at me every time I suggest it, but you look for them.”
“I look at everything, not just that.”
“Gabriella, that body was found in West Virginia. It’s not her. Go to sleep.”
That wasn’t about to happen. I don’t think I slept three hours, but Paxton didn’t either. I could tell he tossed and turned all night, too. Our bodies tangled together more times than I could count by the time the alarm went off on Paxton’s phone.
“Jesus, did we sleep?” He questioned through a yawn and a stretch.
I jumped right up and got ready while he lay on his stomach, sprawled across the entire bed. “Paxton, come on. Mi’s going to be here any minute,” I complained from the bathroom, several times.
He finally rose from the dead once I was dressed and ready to go.
“Where’s my shirt?”
“Right there. Right beside you. I’m going downstairs. Get up.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming.”
I went into Rowan’s room first, turned off her lamp, and moved her book before leaving her with a kiss and a whispered ‘I love you’. I dragged Phi from the foot of her bed to the top, and untied her pajama pants from around her waist. I shook my head wondering about her, sometimes I didn’t know about that kid.
Paxton met me at the door with our bags just as Mi got there. We barely talked to her. Paxton tried to give her orders, but Mi was too tired.
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. I’m going to borrow your sofa for a bit.”
“Call me if you need anything. We’ll be in the air for about four hours.”
“Okay, night,” Mi called while her bag dropped to the floor, and her pink Minnie Mouse slippers fell to the floor.
Paxton set the alarm and closed the door. “This is such a bad idea. She’s wearing Hello Kitty pajamas. I don’t like this.”
“Stop it. She’s fine.”
“She’s a freak.”
“Wait,” Mi called from the door. “I forgot. I brought this for Vander. Tell him it’s from Aunt Mi.”
“Thanks, Mi,” I said as the little stone fell into my hand.
I handed it to Paxton and he stuck it in his pocket, rushing me along.
The thought of a few more hours of sleep was my plan, unfortunately it didn’t work. I was too wired. With every minute that passed, I became more and more anxious. This was about to happen. Paxton didn’t sleep either. He tried for a while, but like me, gave up, and opened his laptop. I pulled one foot to the seat, wishing we had first class. We were like sardines, utilizing every inch of space.
“What’s this?”
“A design for a new customer.”
I pointed to a bunch of odd shaped squares, stacked at the end of a pool. “What’s that?”
Paxton looked over and smiled. “That, my dear, is a pile of old concrete I picked up for next to nothing.” Paxton clicked on a gray paint bucket and filled it in. “The guy has four boys. He wants something they can climb on, hide in, slide down, and crawl through. I can’t wait to start on it.”
“Hmm, where’d you get that idea?”
“My smart wife. Look at this one, this is the one that’s going in our pool,” Paxton explained.
That’s how we spent our flight, working on plans for Paxton’s job. I think it helped keep us both from wanting to jump out of the plane. Our minds needed the distraction.
We landed in Flint, Michigan right on time, picked up our rental car, and called Mi to check on the girls. They were about to head out for dance, and then they were going to Mi’s work to see the babies. I tried to explain to them where we were and what we were doing, but honestly, they didn’t care. They were more interested in Mi at the time.
We started to grab something to eat, but changed our mind at the last minute, thinking maybe we could take Van to lunch. It was worth a shot. Once we checked into a hotel, showered and cleaned up, we headed to the family service’s building. I don’t know what I was feeling on the ride there. I heard Paxton talking, pointing out the window to different buildings, some famous bridge, and a statue. I heard him, I looked, and I commented, but it wasn’t really absorbed. For the first time since I had learned that we were going there, I didn’t feel nervous. I didn’t feel anything. I was numb.
Paxton held onto my hand while we made our way across the parking lot, talking about food of all things, where we were going to eat, and he wanted seafood. I was fine all the way to the door, up the elevator, and half way down the hall. That’s when I stopped and slid my hand from Paxton’s. At that exact moment, to the second, was when I knew Paxton and I would be okay. I never said a word. Not one. He turned to me, puzzled at first, and then compassionate. He smiled a warm smile and looked around, taking my hand.
I didn’t even care that the bathroom he pulled me into was the men’s. Paxton had me in his arms before the door ever locked, and I cried. Of all times and places to finally break down, it just had to be there. I don’t know why I cried, but I did. I was about to see him, Izzy’s little boy. Her little boy that shared Phi’s birthday. I’m not so sure that was the only culprit though. It was a flood of emotions that I let get the best of me
. I couldn’t control it. It hit me from out of nowhere.
“Shhh, I’ve got you, baby girl, and I’m never letting go.”
That one little sentence engraved so deep in my heart, I would never forget it. Paxton held his arms tight around my heaving body, while I let it go. Hysterical, ugly cry all over his shirt. I swear it took ten minutes to finally stop. Every time I thought I was good, it came right back.
It took another ten minutes for my face to look half way presentable. Of all days to have a meltdown. Geesh. I reapplied my eyeliner, catching Paxton’s look from behind.
“Say it, Paxton,” I quietly said through the reflection.
“You didn’t cry before.”
I turned to look at him with a frown. “I didn’t?”
“No. I never saw you cry until after the accident. I don’t like it.”
I smiled and walked to him, wiping lipstick from his mouth with my thumb. “I’m okay.”
Paxton kissed my lips and bumped his forehead with mine. “I love you Mrs. Pierce.”
I bumped his head back and smiled. “Come on. Let’s go meet this little guy.”
I had worked myself up about Mrs. Chadwick for nothing. She wasn’t the scary woman I thought she was going to be at all. She was a short round black lady, as jolly as St. Nick himself. Easier to talk to than the other two were. The interview was pretty much the same as what we’d gone through back in Florida. I presumed they were asking the same questions to see if they coincided with each other. I wasn’t worried about them finding a lie. We may have had skeletons, lies, and secrets, but our family wasn’t one of them. There was no denying how much Paxton and I loved our family, and there was no need for negating our love for our girls. It was heard through our words, expressed on our faces, and shined through our smiles when we talked about them. I was relaxed, my nerves settled into a peaceful state. Until the phone on her desk rang…
Plummet, straight to the pit of my stomach. That’s where my throat ended up, right before my heart heard the ring and joined in, beating clear out of my chest. I was about to hyperventilate and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
“He’s here,” Mrs. Chadwick smiled. “The Wagners would like to speak with you first. Is that okay?”
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