Clay had scoffed at the question when his brother had asked it, but now he didn’t have any problem answering with an emphatic yes. He did want Antonia, not just for a few nights but forever.
But he sensed that the lady in question was going to need some convincing.
* * *
When Antonia heard footsteps approaching, she straightened her spine and stiffened her resolve. Clay had been absolutely wonderful through the whole birth process, but she couldn’t let herself think that anything had changed. They’d had a wonderful few weeks together, but those weeks were over.
She was going to focus on her baby and her future now, and he should do the same. Hopefully back in Rust Creek Falls, because despite her resolve, it was hard for Antonia to be near Clay and Bennett every day and not be with them. So when he came back, she was going to tell him—
The rest of the thought slipped from her mind when she looked up and she saw that it was her father who had entered the room.
“There’s my girl.” The relief was evident in his voice. “And her baby girl, too,” he said, smiling down at the infant tucked against Antonia’s chest.
“Hi, Daddy.”
He touched his lips to her forehead. “How are you doing?”
“Much better now,” she said. “Though I was in a full-scale panic at the beginning.”
“You did a great job,” he said proudly. “She’s absolutely beautiful—looks just like you did when you were a baby.”
“Really?” She was pleased by the comment, happy to receive this confirmation that her daughter took after her side of the family. Maybe it was petty, but she didn’t want any of Gene’s features evident in her baby girl.
“And you looked just like your mama’s baby pictures.”
Antonia felt the sting of tears in her eyes. “I guess it’s appropriate, then, that I named her after mama.”
“You did?”
She nodded. “Lucinda Margaret.”
When her father looked up at her again, she saw that his eyes were damp, too.
“I was worried about you a few months back,” John admitted. “But now you’ve got a beautiful daughter and a man who will stand by you and be a good daddy to your baby.”
“If you’re talking about Clay—”
“Of course, I’m talking about Clayton Traub.”
“I’ve only known him a couple of months,” she reminded him. “He’s not the father of my baby.”
“Being a good daddy is about more than biology,” he told her. “And sharing a biological connection doesn’t automatically make a man a good daddy—I’m proof enough of that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that I’ve been a lousy father since your mother passed away.”
“You’ve been grieving,” Antonia said gently.
“That’s no excuse,” he said now. “I might have lost my wife, but you and your brothers lost your mother, and I was too caught up in my own pain to help any of you through that.”
“We all know how much you loved her.”
“I still love her,” John said. “And I still miss her. Every day.”
“I miss her, too,” Antonia admitted.
“I’m going to try to do better by you—and I’m going to be a good grandfather to your baby girl,” her father vowed.
“I know you will,” she said, as her eyes filled with tears again.
Apparently post-birth hormones were even more volatile than pregnancy hormones, because every little thing seemed to trigger the waterworks. She just felt so overwhelmed by emotion. First and foremost was joy that she could finally hold her daughter in her arms. Despite her fears that the baby was coming too early, she was healthy and strong and absolutely perfect. And while Antonia knew she was probably biased, she didn’t think she’d ever seen a more beautiful baby, either.
But mixed in with the joy was more than a hint of sorrow, because while the birth of the baby signaled the beginning of a new chapter in her life, it also confirmed the end of another—her time with Clay. And that was a chapter that had been far too short.
Yes, she’d been the one to end their relationship—because she’d known that an end was inevitable and she’d believed that by choosing the time and place, she’d maintain some degree of control. She knew now that had only been an illusion. Because whether she’d spent the nights snuggled close in his bed or alone in her own, her heart had been with him.
If she’d had any doubts about the depth of her feelings for Clay, sharing the experience of childbirth with him had completely eliminated them. She didn’t know if he’d been hurt or just annoyed that she’d made the decision to end their relationship, but he’d still been there for her. When she’d needed someone, he’d been there, and she would always be grateful to him for that and for the time they’d had together.
Her experience with Gene had left her with too many unhappy memories—a beautiful baby, but unhappy memories. When he’d walked out on her, she’d felt as if it was somehow her fault, that she’d done something wrong. She’d even wondered if there was something wrong with her that he’d never truly cared about her.
Clay had been kind and thoughtful, attentive and affectionate. Most importantly, he’d never been anything but completely honest with her about what he wanted. She’d known from the beginning that their time together would be limited, but she’d enjoyed every minute of that time and she would cherish the memories forever.
* * *
Clay was happy to give John a few minutes alone with his daughter and granddaughter because he knew it was an emotional day for everyone, but he was anxious to get back to Antonia’s side. Now that he’d realized and accepted the true depth of his feelings for her, he wanted to tell her. And hopefully, if she felt the same way, they could start making plans for their future together.
But before Clay could say anything to her, Antonia’s brothers arrived. Of course, the three men didn’t seem to have a clue about what to do with the baby, and when Antonia offered the pink-blanket wrapped bundle, they all backed away as if she were a steaming cow patty.
Clay felt a twinge of sympathy. He’d known the same fear and panic when Delia first thrust Bennett’s baby carrier into his hands. But the fear had quickly subsided—pushed aside at first by awe and affection, and eventually a love so huge it had filled his whole heart.
He’d never thought he could love anyone as he loved his son, but he’d recently discovered something about the human heart—the more it felt, the more it was capable of feeling. Because his love for Bennett hadn’t lessened in the slightest, but somehow Clay had fallen in love with Antonia, too, and now with her brand-new baby.
“Since I guess you guys won’t be babysitting for me anytime soon, can one of you at least call Peggy and ask her to take over the breakfast shift for the next little while?”
“Already done,” Hudson told her.
“And Nora promised to be at the ranch by 6:00 a.m. to serve,” Jonah added. “Although she said something about expecting a big, fat bonus for that.”
Antonia smiled. “I’ll make sure she gets one.”
“How long are they planning to keep you in here?” John asked.
“The doctor said he wants us to stay a few days, just to make sure there are no unforeseen complications from the early delivery.”
“That’s good,” her father said. “Because the most important thing is making sure that you and Lucinda are okay.”
Her brothers were pleased that Antonia had named her baby girl after their mother—and only Ace was tactless enough to demand to know what surname she intended to put on the birth certificate.
“Wright,” Antonia told him, without batting an eye.
Ace just scowled.
“Lucinda Wright has a nice ring to
it,” John said in a tone that warned his son the topic was closed. “It certainly suited your mother well enough.”
Clay didn’t disagree that Lucinda Wright sounded good, but he thought Lucinda Traub sounded even better. Almost as good as Antonia Traub. Of course, he would have to ask Antonia what she thought of those options, and that wasn’t a conversation he intended to have with her father and her brothers in the room.
When the nurse came in to check on Antonia and suggested that she try feeding the baby again, the Wright men cleared out fast but Clay lingered. “Are you uncomfortable with me being here?”
She smiled as she settled the baby at her breast. “You were there when I gave birth, so it would be pointless for me to play the modesty card now. On the other hand, Bennett is probably wondering where you are.”
“Bennett’s hanging out with his favorite uncle,” Clay told her. “I’m sure he’s not missing me.”
“Still, there’s no reason for you to stick around here any longer.”
“What if I want to stay?”
She dropped her gaze. “I appreciate everything you did today, but I’m okay now.”
“Still determined to do everything on your own, aren’t you?”
She frowned at that. “I figured you’d be relieved that I finally let go of your hand.”
“Maybe I liked being there for you, knowing that you needed me.”
“I did need you,” she admitted. “I don’t know that I would have got through today without you.”
“So why are you pushing me away now?”
“I’m not pushing you away, I’m letting you go.”
“Yeah, you gave me that same spiel a few days ago,” he reminded her. “But what if I’ve decided I don’t want to go?”
She rubbed a hand to her forehead. “You have a child of your own who needs you and a life in Rust Creek Falls. My baby and I are not your responsibility.”
“Shouldn’t we talk about this?”
“Not right now.”
“Then can you at least tell me why you don’t want me to stay?”
She shook her head.
With a sigh that was equal parts anger and frustration, he moved toward the door. But just before his fingers closed around the handle, he heard her whisper, “Because you won’t stay forever, and then it will hurt even more when you go.”
Chapter Fourteen
Antonia managed to hold back her tears until Clay had gone, and even then, she wasn’t sure why she was crying. She couldn’t be upset that he’d left—not when she’d told him to go.
“We’re going to be just fine,” she promised Lucy, repeating the mantra that she’d begun during her conversation with Catherine a few days earlier.
This time, however, the words didn’t soothe her. Because “just fine” didn’t seem like enough anymore. She wanted more. She wanted Clay.
But he’d walked away, just like Gene had walked away.
Okay, she knew that wasn’t a fair comparison. Gene hadn’t just walked, he’d practically sprinted out the door, and Clay hadn’t walked until she’d told him—firmly and repeatedly—that she wanted him to go.
Catherine would say that he deserved credit for respecting her wishes, but Antonia would have preferred if he cared as much for her as she did for him—or at least enough to fight for her. She knew it wasn’t rational, but as she tried to justify the inconsistency in her mind, she realized it wasn’t even true.
Because if she loved Clay enough to fight for him, why had she sent him away? Why hadn’t she told him the truth of the feelings in her heart and asked him to stay?
“If he comes back tomorrow, I’m going to tell him,” she promised Lucy, as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.
She knew that she would be taking a risk, that saying “I love you” to Clay might send him running for the hills. If they did, she’d be no worse off than she was right now. But if those three little words didn’t scare him off, her future might turn out a whole lot better than “just fine.”
* * *
Clay didn’t leave.
After Antonia banished him from her room, he paced the hall for a long time, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Should he respect her request and go back to the ranch? Or should he follow his heart and stay close to her side?
Still undecided, he went to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee he had no interest in drinking. When he returned to the maternity wing, he saw that Lucy was in the nursery—most likely so that her mother could rest—and Catherine was admiring her through the glass.
“She is gorgeous, isn’t she?” Catherine said to him.
“Almost as pretty as her mama,” Clay agreed.
As if aware that she was the subject of their conversation, Lucy’s eyes opened. And for a moment, Clay could have sworn that she looked right at him with huge blue eyes filled with innocence and wonder. And he silently vowed that he would do anything he could to protect this baby girl and her mother—because he was head over heels in love with both of them.
“You really are smitten, aren’t you, cowboy?” Catherine noted, amusement evident in her tone.
“I am.”
Her brows lifted, as if she was surprised by his ready agreement. “Does that mean you plan on hanging around Thunder Canyon a little bit longer?”
“It means that I’m going to stay as long as Antonia wants me to stay.” His smile was wry. “And maybe even longer.”
“Are you going to put a ring on her finger?” she pressed.
“I don’t think I should discuss that with you until I talk to Antonia.”
“Fair enough,” she agreed. “But just so you know, I have a fabulous selection of vintage rings at the store. In fact, there’s one in particular that caught Antonia’s eye, and it happens to be her size.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he promised.
* * *
While Catherine went in to visit her friend, Clay kept watch over Lucy. Not that an infant who was sleeping without a care in the world needed much watching, but he felt better staying close to her. And he couldn’t help thinking that she wasn’t just a beautiful baby, she was a very lucky little girl because she had a mother who loved her more than anything else in the world.
Of course, that thought led him to contrast Antonia’s obvious affection for her child with Delia’s apparent indifference to her own. Even so many months later, he still couldn’t understand how she could walk away from Bennett. Of course, he hadn’t been around during her pregnancy or labor, so he had no idea if she’d had a particularly difficult time with either part. And he didn’t have enough experience with babies to know whether Bennett was a particularly fussy child, but even through the worst of the baby’s colic and the endless, sleepless nights, Clay could never imagine abandoning his son.
And suddenly, as he stood at the glass outside of the nursery, his memory of the long-ago conversation that had been niggling at the back of his mind since the grand reopening at The Hitching Post came clearer.
“I just don’t understand how Grace could give away her own child and then go on with her life as if he’d never existed,” Ellie said.
“I don’t think she had much choice,” Bob told her. “There’s no way Doug would have been willing to raise another man’s child.”
Clay had been a young boy at the time, certainly not old enough to understand exactly what his parents were saying or to appreciate the implications of these revelations. But now, everything made a little bit more sense. And if his memory of that long-ago conversation was correct, then his aunt had given birth to another child that wasn’t her husband’s—which meant that D.J. and Dax had a half sibling somewhere.
He wondered how his cousins might react to the news, whether they would even believe it was possible or disregard the claim outrig
ht. Obviously Clay would need to confirm the details of the conversation with his parents before he shared any of his suspicions with them, but that wasn’t something he was going to worry about today.
Today, his focus was on Antonia—and how he was going to convince the new mother that he wasn’t just willing but eager to be a father to her baby girl.
* * *
As usual, Antonia was up before the sun.
But even as her eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room, she realized that was the only part of this morning that was usual. Yesterday when she woke up, she was pregnant. Today, she was a mother.
Lucy had been brought back into her room in the night so that Antonia could feed her and, at Antonia’s request, she’d been allowed to remain in her bassinet in her mother’s room. Antonia leaned toward the baby bed now and touched a fingertip gently to her baby’s soft cheek. Lucy, swaddled in a hospital blanket with a tiny pink cap on her head, didn’t stir.
A glance toward the window warned Antonia that her baby girl wasn’t the only one in the room still sleeping. Clay was sprawled in the chair in the corner, and her heart gave a funny little skip when she realized that he was there. And, judging by the stubble on his jaw and the wrinkles in his clothes, he’d been there all night.
For just a moment, she let herself imagine what it might be like to wake up every morning with this man by her side. But despite the closeness they’d shared over the past several weeks, she had no reason to believe that he would want to stay in Thunder Canyon to be part of hers and Lucy’s lives—and every reason to suspect that he would be anxious to go. But she’d resolved to tell him the truth of her feelings, and she would, and whatever happened after that would be up to him.
Clay was a wonderful father to Bennett, but she understood that a key part of that relationship was forged by the genetic link between them. He loved the little boy because he was his son, and she had no reason to assume that Clay would want to stay and be a father to a child that wasn’t his own.
Yeah, she understood all of the reasons that Clay would leave. What she didn’t understand was why he’d stayed with her as long as he had—and why he’d spent the night in a chair in her hospital room. But the simple fact that he had gave her hope.
The Maverick's Ready-Made Family Page 18
