He felt the soft touch of her gloved hand on his arm, and even through the layers of his coat and shirt, and through the fabric of her glove, he could feel the glow and exhilaration of the contact. She affected him like no other woman and he gave thanks that here at last he had a chance to undo the mistakes of the past and to make her his.
They went into dinner together and had to pay some attention to the other guests, for questions were directed towards them and they had to make intelligent answers. But between their conversation with the others they shared stolen glances and once, when Elizabeth was reaching for a bread roll, she touched Mr Darcy’s hand by accident and he instinctively closed his hand around hers. A moment later he realised what he had done and he took his hand away, but the contact had brought them close together and he longed for the moment when he could speak to her alone. After dinner there would come a chance, for they would break into separate groups and then he would have his opportunity.
The food was superb. There would have to be economies made in the Pemberley kitchens before long, but most of the food for the Christmas period had already been picked, caught, made or bought, so the table boasted a fine spread. They ate their fill of the sumptuous food and then the ladies retired to the drawing-room while the gentlemen remained in the dining-room and drank port.
‘Do you mind that your sister invited Miss Bennet?’ asked Colonel Fitzwilliam, as the door closed behind the ladies.
‘How could I mind, when it has fulfilled my deepest desire?’ asked Mr Darcy in heartfelt tones.
‘Then you love her?’ asked Colonel Fitzwilliam.
‘I do,’ said Mr Darcy.
‘What are you going to do about it?’ asked Colonel Fitzwilliam.
‘I do not know,’ said Mr Darcy. ‘A few weeks ago I would have proposed straight away, but now . . . ’
‘Ah, yes, now,’ said Colonel Fitzwilliam. He swirled the port in his glass and looked into the ruby depths. ‘It is hard to love a woman when a lack of fortune stands in the way.’
‘When a man is in love,’ said Mr Darcy significantly, ‘he should let nothing stand in his way.’ He finished his drink and stood up. ‘Come. Let us join the ladies.’
Chapter Nine
‘Thank you so much for coming here,’ said Georgiana, as she sat with the other ladies in the drawing-room. ‘My brother has emerged from his gloom for the first time since news of his difficulties assailed him. I do believe he forgot his troubles altogether as we sat around the dining table and I know you are doing him good.’
‘I am thankful to have been of help, and I am grateful to you for inviting me. If there is anything I can do, I will do it,’ said Elizabeth.
‘You love him, do you not?’ asked Georgiana simply.
‘Yes,’ said Elizabeth, matching Georgiana’s frank and open honesty. ‘I do.’
‘I was certain of it,’ said Georgiana. ‘Ever since my brother introduced me to you, when you were staying at the inn at Lambton, I have known you were in love with him, and he with you.’
And he with you. Elizabeth savoured the words. Before dinner, she would have thought such a thing impossible. Indeed, even when Anne had suggested it, in Kent, she had not believed it, but now she was certain of it. The short time she had spent with Mr Darcy had been enough to convince her that his feelings for her were deep and sincere.
‘Oh, that day at Lambton! I was so nervous,’ said Elizabeth.
‘So was I,’ admitted Georgiana. ‘But I had no idea you felt the same. You seemed so poised and calm.’
‘I can assure you I was not!’ said Elizabeth.
‘I could not sleep the night before, and I dressed with extra care because my brother wanted me to meet you. He had never asked to introduce me to someone in that particular way before and so I knew you were someone special to him. But I did not know if he was special to you. Not until I saw you.’
‘Was it so obvious?’ asked Elizabeth with a wry smile.
‘Perhaps not to anyone who did not know of my brother’s feelings,’ said Georgiana. ‘But to my eyes it was obvious, because, knowing of his feelings for you, I watched you closely, and then I could see your feelings for him.’
‘It seems that, despite the difficulties facing Pemberley, this will be a happy Christmas after all,’ said Anne.
‘Yes,’ said Georgiana. ‘I am certain it will – in more ways than one.’
She gave Anne a meaningful look.
Elizabeth looked at Anne and saw her blush. She had suspected there might b an attachment between Anne and Colonel Fitzwilliam from little things Anne had said in the carriage, but she did not know if the attachment was on both sides, or only on Anne’s. It seemed that Georgiana had her own thoughts on the matter.
Anne did not answer her directly, but she understood Georgiana’s meaning and she said, ‘When did you grow to be so wise?’
‘Since I fell in love,’ said Georgiana. ‘Oh, I know my love was unfounded and, believe me, I no longer have any feelings for Mr Wickham, but my infatuation for him opened my eyes to the possibility of love and I recognize it in those around me.’
‘You have grown up a lot in these last few months,’ said Anne, looking thoughtfully at her young cousin.
‘Yes,’ said Georgiana. ‘I believe I have.’ She turned to Elizabeth. ‘Will you join me at the pianoforte? If you are willing, we could play some duets.’
‘I would like that,’ said Elizabeth.
She was liking Georgiana more and more, and she thought how lucky she would be if Georgiana was to become her sister. But she must not get ahead of herself. Mr Darcy had not proposed to her and she knew through bitter experience that life could throw unexpected problems in her way. Nevertheless, she enjoyed Georgiana’s company and she went over to the pianoforte willingly. Georgiana set the music on the stand and Anne turned the pages as the two young ladies began to play. They entertained themselves in this way until the gentlemen joined them.
Elizabeth felt it, rather than saw or heard it, when Mr Darcy entered the room. There was a tingling sensation of her skin which told her he was near. She felt self conscious and stumbled over her music but she quickly recovered herself and continued to play. She glanced in his direction when the music was not too difficult and her heart turned over in her chest as she saw him looking at her with an expression of love and longing. Everything he felt was in his face; his dear, expressive face, which was fixed on hers as if to catch every moment of her performance, ever detail of her expression and every movement of her body as her hands ran over the keys.
When the music had finished he joined Colonel Fitzwilliam in applause, and his eyes told her of his immense love for her and his joy in finding her at Pemberley.
Georgiana and Elizabeth left the piano stool and Anne sat down and began to play a Christmas carol. Georgiana turned the pages for her and Colonel Fitzwilliam began to sing in a manly baritone. They made an attractive grouping, with Anne and Georgiana in their elegant high-waisted dressed and Colonel Fitzwilliam in his well-fitting tailcoat and breeches.
Elizabeth hesitated. She longed to go and sit with Mr Darcy but it did not seem proper. She was saved from her dilemma by Mr Darcy saying, ‘Miss Bennet, will you take a turn around the room with me. I think you will find it most refreshing.’
She laughed, for it was clear he was thinking of the time they had spent together at Netherfield Park, and he was teasingly echoing Miss Bingley’s remarks on that occasion. There was a new lightness about him, and she was thankful that she had been able to bring some brightness to his difficult time.
‘Thank you. I will.’
She saw him about to offer her his arm but then he thought better of it and she understood why. To touch each other would arouse sensations they did not want to arouse, for although they longed to be together there were still confusions between them, and these must be worked out before there could be a proper understanding between them. They had suffered from mistakes and misunderstandings in the past and neither
of them wanted to suffer from these things in the future.
As they were indoors it was not obligatory for him to offer her his arm and the awkward moment passed. They began to stroll around the large and spacious room. It was decorated in white and gold, which was enlivened by red damask covers on the gilded furniture. The greenery that Georgiana had brought into the house in honour of the season brightened the room still further and let out a delicious scent of pine. The tall windows were covered by dark gold curtains which hung in luxurious folds, and paintings lined the walls. Elizabeth remembered it all so clearly from her last visit to Pemberley and she already felt at home, but there were still many steps to go before that could happen, and if Mr Darcy felt that he could not propose to her when he had nothing to offer her, it might never come to pass.
‘I am very pleased to see you here,’ he said.
She gave him a sideways glance as she strolled along beside him, looking up at him from under her long lashes.
‘I am relieved by your reaction,’ she confessed. ‘When you did not visit me at Longbourn, I thought my sister’s elopement had given you such a disgust of me that you could not overcome it. I thought I would never see you again.’
He looked horrified.
‘You thought I had a disgust of you?’ he asked in throbbing tones.
He stopped walking with the shock of it and looked her with anguish.
‘Why else would you stay away?’ she asked.
‘Because I thought you must hold me responsible for your sister’s disgrace,’ he said. ‘I thought you must be hating me for the part I played in her humiliation, and in your family’s consequent embarrassment.’
‘How could you be responsible?’ she cried in surprise. Then, fearing they would be overheard if she did not speak in more moderate tones, she lowered her voice and said, ‘You did nothing wrong.’
They began to walk on again. Mr Darcy clasped his hands behind his back, and the slight frown that creased his brow showed Elizabeth how deeply he felt his responsibility.
‘It is generous of you to say so, but I cannot absolve myself of all blame. If I had made Wickham’s character known then your sister could not have been deceived by him and she would not have eloped with him.’
‘I do not think anything would have stopped Lydia,’ said Elizabeth with chagrined honesty. ‘She was always wild. My parents indulged her because she was the youngest and, although my sister Jane and I tried to curb the worst of her excesses, she was heedless of restraint. It pains me to say it, but truthfulness compels me to say that I think she would have run away with him anyway.’
‘Perhaps so,’ conceded Mr Darcy. ‘But Colonel Forster would have been on his guard, had Wickham’s character been known, and he would have kept a closer watch on her. He would have kept a close watch on Wickham, too.’
‘You take too much blame upon yourself,’ she said. ‘I can assure you that I never blamed you for it. In fact, quite the opposite, I thanked you from the bottom of my heart for bringing about her marriage.’
He looked startled.
‘How do you know about that?’ he asked.
‘My aunt told me, but you must not blame her,’ she said. ‘My aunt did not betray your secret. It was Lydia herself who let the information slip. She told me that you had been at her wedding, and then of course I had to know the whole story. I made my aunt tell me everything. So you see, I thought that, after that, you would never want to see anyone with the name of Bennet again.’
‘If I had only known, I would have visited you in September,’ he said. ‘But never mind. That is all in the past. You are here now and that is all that matters.’
‘Yes. I am here, and I hope to help you in this trying time.’
He looked at her intently.
‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
‘I know of your troubles,’ she said gently. ‘Your sister confided in Miss de Bourgh, and Miss de Bourgh confided in me.’
‘But I did not tell Georgiana!’ he exclaimed in astonishment. ‘I kept it from her deliberately because I did not want her to worry.’
‘She overheard you talking about it,’ said Elizabeth. Then she shook her head in dissatisfaction. ‘But I think I have said too much. I thought that, by this time, you must know.’
‘No. I did not know. But I am glad you have spoken. It is perhaps better that it is all out in the open. If my sister knows anyway, there is no more reason for secrecy. I am only sorry that you have come here at a time when Pemberley is troubled.’
‘But I am glad of it,’ she said, looking at him sincerely with her clear and lovely eyes. ‘What are friends for, if not to support each other in times of trouble? I am only sorry I cannot do anything to help.’
‘You have already helped just by being here,’ he said, ‘and for coming even though you knew my fortune had gone. God bless you, Lizzy, for your generosity.’ He paused and seemed to be gathering himself, as if for a momentous leap. ‘There is something I want to ask you . . .’
She thought he was going to ask her to marry him, for it seemed on the tip of his tongue, and she waited with the stillness of expectation. Her heart stopped beating and she held her breath. Was it really going to happen? Were they going to be able to undo the mistakes of the past?
But then his face changed and she knew he was remembering that he was in no position to propose. Her guess was confirmed when he said, ‘I wanted to ask you if you were staying for Christmas.’
She knew that that was not what he had been about to say and she felt deflated. Her heart started beating and she started breathing again.
She thought that he loved her, and she knew she loved him, but it seemed as though they were to be for ever frustrated in the natural end of that love. It was useless to rail against it, however. He would need time to sort out his affairs and she must give him that time, for he was a proud man, and although his pride was now under good regulation, it still coloured his actions and she knew he would not want to propose to her until he understood his situation. And if his situation proved so bad that he never proposed? She did not want to consider it. She would think of it when it happened, if it happened, and not before.
So for now she simply answered his question and said that yes, she was staying for Christmas.
His warm smile lit his eyes and she took in every detail of them, for they were dear to her. She took in the crinkles at their corners and the golden lights shining in the warm brown irises and the love that shone out of them, and she basked in their glow.
They were recalled from their conversation by the end of the carol singing and they rejoined the others. The conversation became general and they all five talked to each other until the evening was over.
At last it was time to retire for the night. The ladies went upstairs together, and the last thing Elizabeth saw, as the drawing-room door closed behind her, was Mr Darcy’s warm eyes fixed on her with love and devotion.
Chapter Ten
The following morning, Elizabeth and Anne went into Lambton to do some shopping while Mr Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam gave their attention to matters of finance, going through the estate books together to see where economies could be made. Georgiana declared her intention of attending to her music before cutting more greenery to decorate the house.
Elizabeth and Anne set out in the phaeton. When they had bought the small items they required they went into the inn to partake of some refreshment. To Elizabeth’s delight, she saw her sister through the open door of the private parlour, sitting there with Mr Bingley.
‘Jane! What are you doing here?’ she asked in delight.
The two sisters embraced and Jane explained, then introductions were made. Mr Bingley bowed and the ladies curtseyed, then they all took refreshment together.
Elizabeth asked after her family. Jane had seen them only a few days before, since she and Mr Bingley still lived at Netherfield Park, and Jane told Elizabeth that everyone was well. Once all the news had been exchanged, the conversatio
n turned to Mr Darcy’s troubles.
‘I told my sister the news,’ said Elizabeth to Anne ‘I hope you will forgive me, but Jane and I share everything.’
Anne gave her forgiveness.
Jane looked at Mr Bingley and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wriggling this way and that before finally saying, ‘Look here, you might as well know, there has been some coolness between Darcy and myself since he tried to separate me from Jane.’ Here he glanced lovingly at his wife, and Jane returned the loving look. ‘I was upset and, upon my honour, I felt betrayed. I thought he ought to make the first move but he avoided me and we did not see each other again. But his troubles change everything, upon my word they do. My beloved Jane has made me see that it is petty of me to wait for Darcy to make the first move. We have been friends since our schooldays and now that Jane and I are safely married there is really no reason for Darcy and I to be cool with each other any more. I dare say he thought he was acting for the best and I cannot blame him for having my best interests at heart, even if he was wrong.’
‘That is generous of you,’ said Anne. She said, ‘I am afraid my cousin had another reason for trying to keep the two of you apart, beside the one he gave you, of thinking that Miss Bennet was not sincerely attached to you. He hoped that you would marry his sister, Georgiana. He holds you in very high esteem and he thought you would make her an excellent husband. It was very wrong of him, of course, but his love for his sister clouded his judgment. Miss Darcy is a very sweet girl and he loves her most sincerely.’
‘I know,’ said Mr Bingley. ‘Any man would be lucky to win her hand in marriage, but —’
He sought for a gentlemanlike explanation.
‘But a hand is no use without a heart?’ asked Anne.
‘Exactly so,’ said Mr Bingley with relief.
‘And so you have come to let bygones be bygones, and to renew your friendship with my cousin. I am grateful to you,’ said Anne. ‘He needs all his friends at this difficult time. His troubles have hit him hard.’
Darcy and Elizabeth What If? Collection 4 Page 15
