by Jessie G
Cautiously, he wiggled around until they were face-to-face and took a second to marvel at the man in his bed. Even in sleep, that square jaw seemed chiseled from granite. High cheek bones would have given him an angular look if he were even ten pounds lighter and a smattering of small imperfections assured that he wasn’t a man to be messed with. Words like pretty, handsome, or distinguished didn’t apply. Rugged, strong, stoic, and fierce—Shane was all that and more, and Julian felt his heart race a little in anticipation.
“You’re staring.” The gravelly voice was sexy-as-fuck and added another layer to the attraction Julian was feeling. Once his mind was engaged, his senses opened to experience a lover on every level. Any good combination of looks, voice, scent, and touch could add to his pleasure and he always believed that when he met the man who ticked all those boxes, he’d be on his way to finding his forever man. There were other considerations, of course. But without real, bone-deep attraction, what was the point?
Well, Shane had the looks and the voice, and he smelled divine, which only left those big, beat up hands. The ones that held his as they faced the worst news of their lives and the ones that pulled him close so that he could cry. Unfortunately, while Julian was sure those hands were going to make his body sing, he was equally confident that Shane would never truly be his.
That didn’t mean he wouldn’t totally immerse himself in the experience for however long it lasted and that meant keeping all that fanciful nonsense to himself. “I was trying to decide if I should suck your cock first or just push you on your back and ride you awake.”
Shane grunted and one bare knee pushed between his until it was wedged beneath his balls. Julian immediately took advantage, grinding against the hard-muscled thigh until the ache took root inside him. “You really want to discuss it or can you shut that brain off long enough to enjoy what I already planned to do to you when we woke up?”
That suggested Shane knew exactly which bed he had fallen into instead of just allowing exhaustion to guide him. Was it possible that Shane had wanted to sleep next to him? Or was he just putting himself in the optimal position to finish what they started?
A harsh growl was the only warning before Julian found himself on his back with a very disgruntled Petty Officer glaring down at him. Blue eyes regarded him in exasperation and Julian found himself grinning in response. “I give, I give! Do with me wh...”
That stern mouth was on his before Julian finished speaking and he went lax in relief. They’d said all that needed saying the night before. Words would be more wasteful than sleep—especially when the wrong one could bring the whole thing to a halt—and Julian knew he’d be devastated if he didn’t get to experience the pleasure Shane had planned for them.
“Better,” Shane murmured against his lips before he sank into the kiss from another angle. With that big body pressing him into the mattress and Shane’s warmth surrounding him completely, Julian felt himself relaxing even further. “Much better.”
Tension he didn’t even realize he was holding on to seemed to leech out of him with each kiss. Thoughts of what he should do, of what Shane would want to do, and worry about what waited for them beyond their cocoon disappeared, leaving him completely immersed in his senses. Julian took a deep breath, filling his nose with the spicy musk that was unique to Shane. He wouldn’t be able to explain it, but he would forever recognize it no matter how far apart they might go.
“Let me hear you.” The words whispered over his skin before blunt teeth scraped over his jaw and down the column of his throat. His body responded instantly—neck and back arching to bare himself to that tender assault—and the whimper felt as if Shane had reached in to take it. If there had been a thought of holding back or a worry that Shane would prefer his silence, it went by the way of every other assumption he had about this encounter.
When rough fingers curled around the waistband of his briefs and pulled them down, Julian was quick to kick them away. Beneath his palms, Shane’s muscles bunched and flexed, and when Julian tangled their legs to rub their whole bodies together, he got an answering grunt that he felt all the way to his toes. Shane surged against him, taking his mouth again and grinding their erections until Julian was circling his legs around those gyrating hips in obvious invitation.
“You in a rush, Julian?” There was enough caution in the question to draw him out of the haze and he blinked up at Shane’s guarded expression. When Shane would have pulled back further, Julian tightened his hold, refusing his escape. “I’ll give you what you want, but I won’t do you dry. Let go so I...”
“What are you talking about?” What had he done to make Shane think he wanted this to be over?
Shane watched him for a long moment before answering. “I’m trying to give you what you want.”
“What I want is you.” He honestly didn’t know how they went from mindless bliss to this strange detachment, but that should have been obvious. Maybe they needed a few words after all, because it seemed that meaningless sex hadn’t made Shane an expert in body language. “Your hands and your mouth everywhere, and I don’t want you to stop until I’m shamelessly begging you to fuck me into the mattress.”
The curious light in those blue eyes said more than any words Shane might have uttered and Julian mentally slapped himself for not seeing it sooner. Like a good closeted soldier, he’d get in, get the job done, and get out—something Julian couldn’t even imagine. Despite a lifetime of bad relationships, he could honestly say that he’d given all of himself every time. That he’d wrung every ounce of enjoyment out of each encounter. Had Shane ever felt safe enough to experience that even once?
Some of his thoughts must have been reflected in his expression, because Shane was quick to snap, “Save that pity for someone who needs it.”
Julian was smart enough to keep it to himself, but how could he not feel sorry for a man who went his whole life existing on scraps? “I pity all those partners who never got to experience you to the fullest. We may have agreed to a no-strings-attached arrangement, Shane, but I won’t settle for a quick fuck.”
Again, Shane regarded him silently and Julian could practically hear him weighing his options. Both their erections had waned, so it was conceivable—and terrifying—that Shane could roll away and leave him hanging. Say he was asking for too much or some other nonsense that would allow him to keep his walls in place.
“Not until you beg, huh?” The slow grin was nothing short of evil and Julian felt his prick instantly harden in response. Shane dipped his head, lips grazing the shell of Julian’s ear as he whispered, “Just remember, you asked for it.”
It was highly unlikely that he’d forget, but he gave Shane his best innocent smile. “Are we going to discuss it or can you shut your brain off long enough to show me what you’ve got?”
The taunt had Shane’s jaw locking tight and Julian mentally cataloged that response away for later. If someone needed to be challenged, he would strive to be very creative in his requests. They may not be destined for the great love of a lifetime, but Shane would remember their time together as more than just another quick, meaningless fuck.
When Shane looked him in the eye and repeated his first request—I want to hear you—Julian felt his heart shudder in response. He didn’t know if he was more or less vocal than average, but this morning he intended to sing out his pleasure to give Shane what he needed. A quick nod of agreement was all it took to have that glorious weight pressing against him and his soft sigh of contentment brought a small smile to Shane’s face.
“I forgot where I left off,” Shane whispered as he nibbled across his jaw. “Do you remember?”
Julian bit his tongue and shook his head quickly.
“Hmm. Let’s see…I’m sure I started with a kiss. Tell me if this jogs your memory.” Firm lips moved confidently over his and Shane sank deep, giving more of himself than Julian expected. Was his memory jogged? He’d never tell. “That seemed vaguely familiar. How about this?”
As Shane revisited the path he’d taken before, Julian forgot the question entirely. The first pass had been wonderful, but this second pass seemed more focused and mission-oriented. His Petty Officer was determined to crush this challenge and that trumped any lack in his experience. The result? In his whole life, Julian never had a lover lavish him with such attention.
“I love those sounds you make,” Shane praised before he buried that curious nose in the junction between Julian’s groin and thigh, inhaled deeply, and moaned his appreciation. Julian couldn’t help the shiver that went through him at the sound or the look Shane flashed him when he added, “And how responsive you are.”
There wasn’t enough length to get a good grip on Shane’s hair, but that didn’t stop Julian from trying to urge him a little to the left. Instead of giving him what he wanted, Shane ducked out of his reach and blazed a wet path down his inner thigh before taking a healthy bite of the flexed muscle. “Shane!”
“Hmm?” The hum vibrated all the way up his leg to his balls and Julian instinctively drew his knees up, baring himself and praying Shane would do something…anything except continue to tease him. Shane did not disappoint. Two big hands swept down the backs of his thighs, cupped his ass, and pushed up. “Lift them higher, Julian. Show me everything.”
Julian grabbed the back of his knees, exposing himself without any embarrassment. “Like this?”
“Uh huh.” Shane stared at him long enough that Julian squirmed inside. He wasn’t especially hairy, but he hadn’t had a lover or a decent wax in months. What if Shane didn’t like what he saw? “Do you like to be touched here?”
Relief barely registered when tentative fingers brushed over his hole, making Julian shiver in anticipation. “Please.”
Shane inched forward until his breath was raising goosebumps on Julian’s skin. “With my mouth?”
“Shane…oh, fuck!” With his backside cupped in strong hands, he was happily at Shane’s mercy. If the man had never done this before, he had amazing instincts. “Shane, please.”
Shane inched back enough to take a bite of one cheek, then swiped his tongue over the abused flesh. “There’s lube on the nightstand.”
Blindly, Julian reached out, knocking the phone onto the floor in his quest. He hadn’t even considered lube or condoms, which was unlike him. Thank goodness Shane was prepared. With a triumphant shout, his fingers curled around the little bottle and he thrust it at Shane. “Here.”
The mumbled response against his opening made his eyes roll back as he flopped against the pillow. With that hungry mouth working in concert with deft fingers, Julian lost his words. All he could do was thrash and buck under that relentless onslaught. There was a niggling voice that demanded he speak, beg, or the torture would end, but words failed him.
“You’ve stopped talking to me, Julian.” His eyes snapped open just as Shane slipped a third finger inside him, stretching him so good, and Julian found himself snared by the desire staring back at him. “Tell me what you want.”
“You.” The single word escaped before he thought better of it, but he wouldn’t take it back. Shane was everything he wanted—in this moment and in life. Knowing he would only get one didn’t stop him from wanting it all.
That gaze softened with something that looked suspiciously like regret before Shane rose to his knees and reached toward the nightstand. Without a word, he handed Julian the condom and positioned himself to make it easier to put on. Torn between wanting to enjoy the only chance he’d have to explore the thick uncut length and feeling it filling him up, Julian whimpered and looked at Shane imploringly.
With a small shake of his head, Shane warned, “I won’t last.”
Since there was no way he’d miss the grand finale, that made his decision easier. Julian made quick work of sheathing that beautiful cock and then groaned when Shane’s fingers slipped from his body. The loss was intense and he scrambled to pull his legs back up so that he was fully accessible. “Hurry.”
With one hand braced on the bed and the other guiding his cock, Shane taunted, “Oh, now you’re in a rush?”
“Shane!” The demand turned into a shocked cry when Shane pushed forward, hard and fast, not stopping until he was balls deep. There was a second of utter stillness, their gazes locked, when Julian felt his entire world come into focus and realized that he’d fatally underestimated this moment.
Raw emotion peered around Shane’s carefully constructed shell, tentative and curious, and it was more than Julian could bear. This man who didn’t do relationships and wouldn’t commit was desperate to be loved. Julian had a whole heart full of that rejected emotion and it was nearly impossible not to respond to the aching need. No wonder Sean thought they’d make a good match—Shane was practically starving for what Julian was so desperate to give.
“Julian?”
The cautious question only solidified that impression and all Julian could do was choke out a desperate, “Please.”
Whether he understood what he was responding to or not, Shane gathered him close and nuzzled against his throat. Their lovemaking—and Julian would never again call it anything else—slowed from an urgent need to a rhythmic dance. Bodies rising and falling together, orgasm hovering just out of reach, until tears prickled behind his eyes.
He could have stayed in Shane’s arms forever, hovering on that precipice, but all too soon the urgency was back and demanding to be sated. The gentle ebb and flow picked up speed as Shane’s mouth came over his, tongue and cock thrusting in time until, like with that first whimper, Julian came as if Shane had reached inside and took it from him.
“Let me have it all.” The request wasn’t fair, but that didn’t stop Julian’s body from responding in the most primal way.
Thankfully, he wasn't giving it up alone. Shane’s hips jerked hard, grinding up against him, and then he was shouting Julian’s name in a way that made his heart soar. When that big body collapsed over him, Julian couldn’t resist hugging him close and wasn’t all that surprised when Shane settled in willingly.
There was no way he’d be able to keep his promise, but Julian also didn’t think Shane would be able to keep his distance. For the first time in his life, he was uncertain of the outcome—which was way better than being certain they would end.
Still, he was smart enough to keep all that fanciful nonsense to himself. Shane would have to do some serious work to convince him it was safe enough to share them without fear of being rejected. Good thing his Petty Officer liked a challenge.
Chapter 8
Sean Murphy
The hallways at the naval hospital were always bustling with activity and navigating them in the chair still made him nervous. Adjusting to the world from this new perspective and learning to temper his upper body strength so he didn’t veer wildly shouldn’t have been as hard as it was. But even with Shane and Julian flanking him, he felt like an out of control projectile. When the person walking ahead of them stopped short for the third time, he didn’t hold back the curse as he narrowly avoided crashing face first into a generous ass. Stopping seemed like such a simple concept, but he couldn’t get past the instinctive reaction to plant his feet. Of course, that was followed by the frustration of his unresponsive legs and a last-ditch effort to control the forward momentum without toppling over.
Needless to say, his burning palms were taking the brunt of his inability to retrain his mind on this one simple thing. The easy thing to do would be to ask one of them to push him, but he’d rather bite off his tongue than admit he was struggling with the basics. “This thing needs a horn.”
“People need to be more aware of their surroundings,” Shane corrected loudly, glaring as they skirted around the offending person. Satisfied that his message had been received, Shane leveled him with a dark frown. “If I buy you a horn, will you be able to resist the urge to race up and down the halls honking at everyone?”
“Well…” Who was he kidding? They both knew he wouldn’t be able to. “I need some way to wa
rn people and Julian objected to my shouting careening cripple as I rounded the corners. You’d be saving him the embarrassment, really.”
“Don’t put me in the middle of this,” Julian grumbled, obviously still pissed.
“Aww, don’t be like that, Jules.” Sean nudged him when they stopped to wait for an elevator. “I was just trying to have a little fun.”
God knew, it was sorely lacking in this place. The sterile atmosphere, the grim faces, the endless stream of bad news…someone needed to crack a joke and he was just the guy to do it. The constant despair pulled at him every day and his aunt and uncle had only made it worse. He understood the doctor’s concern when he banned them from visiting, but he preferred to do this alone than get buried under their dark cloud. Not that it had been easy and he was grateful when Ty and Bull showed up, even more so when they kept their promise. Now the two people he loved most in the world were here and he needed them to smile.
Desperately. Even if they were faking it.
With a ping, the elevator doors opened and he had to roll back to make room for the gurney that was being pushed out. Julian immediately darted around, standing shoulder to shoulder with Shane so they were acting as a buffer. He could have told them it was too late, that he’d seen far too much, but he appreciated the effort and remained silent as they finally boarded the elevator. Still, the continued silence as they rode the two floors down and made their way toward the meeting was freaking him the fuck out.
While he was grateful that they took their role as his support system seriously, he needed them to look at him the way they used to. Like he was their favorite pain in the ass. If they couldn’t do that, they could be exiled just like Aunt Gloom and Uncle Doom.
“Listen, before we go in there, we need to get something straight,” he murmured before Shane could open the conference room door. “My legs might be as useless as my dick right now, but I’m still Sean Murphy. Still the rule breaker who refuses to take life seriously. I’m going to push myself beyond what they want to allow me to do, Shane, but how is that different from any other fucking day?” He looked between them, willing them to understand. “And I’m going to say shit that’ll piss you off, Jules, but wouldn’t you worry if I didn’t?”
