by Merri Hiatt
“Got it. I still don’t know why, though.”
“You will.”
“You’re the driving coach.”
When they arrived at the parking lot, Rich reviewed his instructions again. Jenny did as she was told, pressing the gas pedal lightly. The engine made a roaring sound, but the car didn’t move. She tried again.
“Did you go over your checklist first?”
“Yes. I’ve done everything.”
Rich raised his eyebrows, questioning her reply.
“What? I did. You saw me. I checked everything. Mirror, seat belt, radio is off, car is in drive, emergency brake is… Oh. Guess I forgot that one.” She released the emergency brake.
“From the top.”
“Okay.” Jenny pressed the gas pedal lightly and the car moved forward. She followed Rich’s instructions. “I see what you mean. When I was going fast and braked, the car pulled to the right a little bit. Now that I know that, I can compensate if I ever have to brake quickly when I’m going fast.”
“Exactly. Give this student an A+.”
Jenny giggled. “This is actually making me feel more in control. I usually feel like the car is driving me, not the other way around.”
“I have some orange cones in the back. Let’s work on steering.”
“I’m ready.”
“Pop the trunk.”
As Rich got out, Jenny popped the trunk, thinking to herself that she really was ready for this. She couldn’t run scared all her life. It was just like the ghost flight. Everyone was freaking out and not wanting to be involved in any way, but Rich believed it was an honor. It was all a matter of perspective.
Driving is a privilege and something that needs to be learned and practiced. Just because it might be scary is no reason not to experience it. Acknowledge the fear, but keep moving forward. Don’t let fear be the guide. Don’t let the car drive you; you drive the car.
When the cones were set up, Rich said, “I’ll be by each cone, directing you which way to go if you get off course.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“It’s your first try, you might want to listen to me first, then you can go rogue on me.”
“Give me some credit.”
“I give you a lot of credit. Remember? Foundation first.”
“Just stand back.”
Rich grinned, but shook his head as he made his way to the first cone, being sure to give Jenny a wide clearance.
Jenny revved the engine, then pressed down on the gas pedal. The car took off like a shot.
“Crap!” Jenny hadn’t expected it to take off so quickly. She hit the brake pedal, but her foot slipped. “Shit! Get out of the way!” She turned the wheel hard to the right, running over the cone as two of the wheels became airborne. “No! No! No!”
Panic-filled tears filled her eyes as she held on to the steering wheel with a death grip. When the car squealed to a stop, she was panting heavily.
Rich ran over to her. “Are you okay? Jenny, look at me.”
“I could have killed you!”
“You didn’t even come close to killing me.”
“But I could have! This was a mistake. A big mistake. I should not be driving a car.” Jenny released her hands from the steering wheel only to find them shaking uncontrollably.
“You’re going to be fine. You just got a bit too confident. It happens. We’ll try it again and this time you’ll go slower.”
“No, no, no, no, no. I am celibate from driving from this point forward.”
“You were doing great, feeling empowered, remember? Don’t go backward now.”
“You saw what happened? I was driving on two wheels. TWO!”
“Only for a second.”
“Richard! I could have killed you and demolished your car. You can’t possibly think it’s a good idea for me to keep driving.”
“Breathe.”
Jenny opened her mouth to speak and Rich put his hand over her mouth.
“Breathe. Just breathe. Don’t talk. In. Out. Steady.” He breathed with her for several minutes, then removed his hand. “Better?”
“I hate that you’re always right.”
Rich laughed in a deep, earthy tone. “I’m definitely not always right, but I’ll let you keep on thinking that until you realize how untrue that statement really is.”
“Do I have to drive again?”
Rich reached through the open car door window and wrapped his arm around her. “You have a choice to make. Allow fear to control your life or kick fear in the ass.”
“I want to kick ass.”
“That’s my girl. Come on. Do it again, only go slow this time, until you get the feel of it.”
Jenny stared at the dashboard. “You do not control me. I control you. There’s gonna be some serious ass kickin’ goin’ on today!”
Jenny put the car in drive, released the emergency brake and headed toward the first cone. As she rounded it, Rich yelled, “Good! Number two’s just ahead. You’re doing great!”
Jenny repeated the course four times, going a little faster each time. Her confidence returned.
Rich sat in the passenger’s seat. “One more time, with me in the car.”
When she’d completed the course, Rich said, “High five,” and they slapped hands. “Nice job.”
“I do feel more in control now, but what if a big ol’ semi came barreling at us right now? How can I stop from getting hit?”
“You can’t, but you can be aware of your surroundings. How many times do you look left and right at a stoplight before going?”
“I don’t know what you mean. When it’s green, you go. When it’s red, you stop.”
“Wrong. When it’s green, you still look around the intersection. Some yahoo may not be paying attention. Even if your light is green and his is red, so you’re in the right to move into the intersection, that doesn’t matter if someone ends up dead.”
“I don’t have eyes in the back of my head. How can I be looking everywhere at once?”
“You can’t. You have to put part of your trust in other people. No one leaves their house thinking they’d like to get in an accident today. Focus on the things you can control: wearing your seat belt, driving the speed limit, paying attention to all the cars around you, looking before going into an intersection, watching your blind spot.
Even if you do all these things perfectly, an accident can still happen. There is no guarantee. All you can do is be as prepared as possible. Knowledge and skill are powerful weapons.”
Jenny nodded her head. “I understand. I never realized how much the fear had seeped into other areas of my life. I thought it was just driving. It’s like, once I started being afraid, it spread, like an infection.”
“You’re taking the antibiotic to heal that infection. You’re driving the fear out of your life.”
“Thanks to you.”
“This one’s all on you. You’re healing yourself. I’m really proud of you.”
Chapter Fourteen
“Are you ready for an epicurean delight?”
“You’re talking about Korean food, right?”
“Right.
“I don’t even know what constitutes a Korean food.”
“You’re about to find out.” Rich held the door for her as they entered Seoul Food.
Jenny was surprised to find only eight tables in the restaurant. “I thought it would be bigger.”
“It looks that way from the outside. Sun Yi rents out the area to the left as meeting space. He didn’t get enough group gatherings to make it worthwhile to keep that part open.”
“You know a lot about this place.”
“I come here at least a couple times a month.”
“So, I’m in good hands.”
“Always.” Rich smiled warmly.
Jenny enjoyed the playful banter of his words as she imagined Rich’s hands sliding underneath her blouse to the unexposed tender flesh. Would his touch be urgent or gentle? Would he caress or pummel?
Would she even care, if the timing was right and she trusted him?
“Good to see you again, Mr. Novatney.”
“Good to see you, too, Sun. How’s Kim doing?”
“Much better, thank you. The flu is bad this year. Hangs on for weeks. I worry.”
“I know. I’m glad she’s doing well now. This is my friend, Jenny.”
“Pleasure to meet any friend of Mr. Novatney.”
They shook hands in greeting, smiling at one another.
“You decide what to order?”
“I knew before I walked in the door.”
“Mr. Novatney memorize the menu, I think.”
“I can tell you more about what’s in your kitchen than in my own. I think we’ll have Seolleong, Japchae, Bulgogi and Tteok.”
“I have no idea what you just ordered,” Jenny said.
“Mr. Novatney order ox bone soup, stir fried noodle with vegetable, marinated beef barbecue and rice cake. Very good choices, especially for newborn to Korean food.” Sun nodded his head and made his way to the kitchen.
“How did he know I was a newbie?”
“You’re so green, he had you spotted a mile away.”
“Why does he call you Mr. Novatney instead of Rich?”
“Respect. It’s part of his culture. I’ve told him a million times that he doesn’t need to be that formal. We’re more casual in the States.”
“What does he say?”
“He’s Korean and he’ll always be Korean. Even if he lives in America the rest of his life, he will not become American. He honors the values he was raised with.”
“Wow. That’s admirable. Values and morals seem to have taken a back seat these days.”
“Not for everyone.”
“Most people.”
“You really think so?”
“Don’t you? I noticed you opened the door for me a few minutes ago. I’ve been on a lot of dates with men who don’t open doors. I’ve known guys who wanted to meet me on the street so they wouldn’t have to park their car.”
“Sounds like you’re dating the wrong kind of men.”
“These days a girl can’t be too choosy.”
“I’d have thought you could have your pick of men. I mean, you’re beautiful, smart, funny. What’s not to like?”
“I’m stubborn, opinionated, and when you piss me off, you know you’re going to hear about it.”
“Like I said, what’s not to like?”
“What about you? Do you find it easy to meet women you’re interested in who have morals?”
Rich grinned. “Now that you mention it, there have been quite a few who didn’t seem to care much about getting to know me before taking things a lot further.”
“And, did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Go a lot further.”
Rich shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
“And there it is.”
“What?”
“The double standard. You may have wanted a woman with morals and values, but you slept with the ones that didn’t have any, just the same.”
“That’s different.”
“It is so not different. It’s like Nikki Sixx said, ‘I want a lady on my arm and a whore in the bedroom.’”
“Who’s Nikki Sixx?”
“Bass player and songwriter for Motley Crue.”
“The heavy metal band?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re taking value and moral advice from a band that’s known for rampant drug, sex and alcohol use?”
“I’m not taking advice from them, I’m just saying that that’s what men want -- a lady on their arm and a whore in the bedroom.”
“Okay, let’s say you’re right.”
“I am right.”
“That’s what I’m saying. You’re right. So what’s wrong with that? Women want a handsome, wealthy man on their arm and a passionate lover in the bedroom. We’re supposed to make love to you for hours and hours. That’s some serious pressure.”
“That’s not what women want! Where in the world did you get that idea?”
“From women!”
“Not from this woman.”
“You don’t want a man who’s handsome and has financial security and can also make your knees tremble?”
“Well, that would be nice, but I also want someone I can laugh with and someone I can trust. Someone who won’t freak out if I cry at a sad movie or call them just to say I love you. I want someone who wants to know me, the real me.”
“Are you hiding the real you somewhere?”
“No. Maybe. A little. When you get hurt over and over again, you start to guard that part of yourself, so no one can ever reach it again.”
“There’s a problem with hiding, sometimes you become too good at it.”
Rich and Jenny’s eyes met. Somehow the air in the room seemed to have thinned. Jenny found herself taking deeper breaths to keep her head clear.
Rich reached across the table and took her hand in his. “You don’t have to hide with me. I never want you to feel that way. Not with me.”
“Hot plate,” Sun Yi said as he approached their table.
Jenny removed her hand from Rich’s. “It smells delicious.”
Rich gave her a this-conversation-is-not-over look, then began a dissertation about each item he’d ordered.
“Fabulous food and a world history lesson all in one.”
“Too much?”
“Just a little. Most of it was kind of fascinating, though. How’d you learn so much about Korean food and culture?”
“I learned a lot from Sun and his family.”
“How long have they been in the States?”
“About five years.”
“And you’ve known them all that time?”
“Yeah. I was here for the grand opening. My picture’s on the wall over there.” Rich pointed toward the photo of their opening day and several framed newspaper articles,
“The only place I’ve been eating at for five years is McDonald’s. It doesn’t have the same atmosphere and history.”
“They do make a mighty fine McRib, though.”
“Hi Unka Itch.”
“LeeAnn, MiLee, have you met Jenny?”
The four-year-old twins shook their heads and buried their faces in Rich’s side.
“It’s good to meet you.” Jenny slid out of her chair until she was on one knee at the girls’ eye level.
The girls giggled and ran back toward the kitchen.
“They are stinkin’ cute. Be still my heart.” Jenny returned to her seat with her hand on her chest.
“Troublemakers, too. Don’t let those innocent smiles fool you. Kim and Sun have their hands full with those two.”
“You don’t fool me one bit, Mr. Novatney. You’d die for those kids. Your face lit up when you saw them.”
“Guilty. I love kids. Want to see my daughter?”
Jenny almost choked on the sip of water she was drinking. “You have a daughter?”
“Yeah. Didn’t I tell you?”
“No. No, you didn’t.”
“Then I probably didn’t tell you I’m married, either.”
Chapter Fifteen
Jenny stared at Rich. How could he so casually mention having a daughter, and then a wife? It’s true she’d never thought to ask, but he wasn’t wearing a ring and he never mentioned either of them.
“I’m sure this comes as a bit of a shock.”
“Yeah. You could say that. You know, let’s not waste each other’s time. You can save your explanation.” Jenny got up, grabbing her coat and purse.
“Wait a minute. It’s not what you think.”
“You know what really hurts? I believed all your crap about not hiding, not with you. I should have been more worried about what you were hiding from me. I’m so… I’m so…”
“What?”
“Disappointed.” The tear rolled down her cheek before she could stop it. She brushed it aside angrily and headed f
or the door. Once she was outside she said, “I will not waste any tears on that lying, you-can-trust-me, good for nothing… “
“I really wish you’d give me ten minutes. I can explain all of this. It’s not what you think. We don’t have to stop seeing each other.”
Jenny whipped around in mid-step, almost losing her balance. “No, we cannot see each other. Why in the hell would you think that? You and your morals and values! That should have been a tip-off right there. Anyone who espouses morals and then goes ahead and sleeps with women he doesn’t even love certainly isn’t someone you can trust.”
“Now you’re starting to piss me off.”
“Well, good, now you’re beginning to feel the way I do.”
“You’re making a lot of assumptions that you’re going to have to apologize for later.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You were right about one thing, you definitely are stubborn.”
“Don’t call me. Don’t e-mail me. I don’t want to have any contact with you ever again. And,” Jenny tried to think of the perfect line to end their relationship. Nothing came to her.
“And?”
“And, I hate Korean food!” Jenny turned on her heel and walked quickly toward the parked car. “Dammit! I don’t have a car. That’s his car. I’m not getting in his car. Ever!”
She kept walking until she was out of eyesight, then called AAA Taxi. There were many people she could have called, but there would be questions. She didn’t want to answer any questions. She wanted a hot bath and to never hear the name Richard Novatney again.
“Why can’t there be just one decent, regular, nice guy for me to love? Just one. I only need one.” Tears spilled out of her eyes and her nose began to run. Gentle sobs turned deeper as she realized just how much she had come to like Richard, and how much she had been looking forward to seeing him again.
There was nothing he could say to make things right. Why did he think that ten minutes of conversation would change anything? “He’s deluded. He just wanted to string me along until I really fell for him and then he’d just happen to mention he had a kid and a wife. Imagine how much it would have hurt then? This is nothing compared to what that would have been like. It’s better it happened now. I can just forget about him and move on.”
