“That’s not how cancer works, kid. You can’t just say ‘ok, I’m done with this now, you can have it back’ and then casually pop home like it never happened. It’s got me bad.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“It’s true. I’ve made peace with it. The doctor says there isn’t much time left. This is the part of the story where I order the hookers and the cocaine and go out with a bang,” he smiled good-naturedly despite the pain.
“We’ll fix you. Money isn’t a problem. I’ll get the best doctors in the world if it takes, I…”
“Nicola – stop,” he said seriously, squeezing her hand. “I’ve lived my life. I’ve done what I needed to do; I’ve made my contribution. It’s time for me to make space for the youth, for you. It’s your turn to change the world…”
“You can’t just give up,” she was biting her lip, trying hard to keep it together. The only person in the world she really cared about was trying to tell her that they were dying and there was nothing she could do about it. When her parents kicked her out, he was all that she had – he couldn’t leave her now!
“Just promise me that you’ll spend your time and money well – that’s all I want for you. Help those less fortunate – that’s what’s important in life.”
“What about family?”
“My time has come, kiddo. It is what it is.”
She let go of the hand and stormed out of the room, angry tears streaming down her cheeks.
‘Oh god, why did I drink all those whiskeys?' Teri thought as she plonked her hungover body down at her desk, rubbing her temples.
She opened her laptop slowly, trying to swallow the nausea building in the back of her throat. Not as slowly as it took the computer to switch on though. ‘Stupid thing,’ she thought annoyed. ‘Everything in this place is falling apart.’ The thought brought back memories from the night before and being stood up by Nicola. She vaguely remembered her anger and wanting to phone the woman and give her a piece of her mind.
‘Oh shit,’ she thought panicked, reaching for her phone. But she relaxed when she didn’t see the number in her outgoing calls list. ‘Crisis avoided,’ she thought relieved.
She put the phone down and just stared blankly at her screen, trying to will herself to plan today’s schedule – luckily she only had classes later in the afternoon. But there was a mountain of admin to take care of and now that she was back to square one in terms of grants, the situation was getting desperate. She would have to start banging on the doors of strangers again – what an exhausting process…
Her despondent thoughts were interrupted by an unexpected knock on the door.
“Can I come in?” the voice demanded, startling Teri.
“Yes, sure… I… Hi…” she jumped up quickly when she recognized her guest. It was Nicola herself.
“Teri, Teri Alexander,” she stretched out her hand and it was met in a firm grip.
"Nicola M Clarke," the tall woman with the tanned complexion responded formally. She was dressed impeccably in her pencil skirt and silk blouse. Quite the contrast to Teri's thrown-together sweat pants and a tank top. Her long chestnut hair was pinned up in a neat bun, accentuating a strong jawline and almost boyish features. Her green eyes betrayed an assertive fierceness that stared right through Teri and made her nervous, almost uncomfortable – like she was in trouble with the school principal. Yet, Nicola couldn't have been more than a few years older than her – 33 at most.
“Please sit,” Teri awkwardly started moving the papers piled up on the chair.
“No, don’t bother,” Nicola said simply. “Let’s go out for lunch.”
"It's 10 am?"
“Brunch then,” Nicola said. “I’ll drive,” she walked out the door without waiting for an answer and Teri followed, too dumbstruck by the confidence of the enigmatic woman to argue.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Teri said nervously when they finally sat down at the table in a nearby restaurant. The drive had been awkward but short and most of Teri’s small talk was greeted by silence.
The new restaurant wasn’t nearly as flashy as the night before but not even that could put Teri more at ease. There was something so unnerving about how Nicola’s stare went right through her. But she couldn’t look away either – she was like a deer trapped in the headlights.
“It’s not every day I get to have brunch with a celebrity,” she tried to lighten the mood, gulping down a glass of water eagerly – a mixture of not knowing what to do and trying to feed the hungover that now seemed like a minor discomfort in comparison to the company.
But her cheer had no effect on Nicola who didn’t even look up from the menu.
“Are you ready to order?” Teri found herself relieved when the waiter interrupted the almost unbearable tension.
“I’ll have a sparkling water and a chicken salad, thanks,” Nicola took the lead, closing her menu and looking up at Teri tiredly in a look that was received as cold by the unfamiliar guest.
"Just some more water and a cheeseburger, please," Teri ordered, fully aware that it wasn't the poshest choice, but her body demanded grease and her mind sought the comfort of it. "Sorry, I'm behind on my weekly quota of processed lies," Teri joked sheepishly. No response.
“So, your grant proposal…” Nicola finally said, taking out her iPad.
"Yes, I… thanks so much for seeing me. As you know I run a dance studio for disabled children and we are in desperate need of a corporate sponsor. The building requires urgent renovations and we're struggling to provide enough classes to keep up with the demand. If you got involved, it would make a huge difference, not only with regards to upgrading the studio but improving the quality of life of these children. You should see how much they enjoy it. I cannot tell you how grateful I would be to get you on board. I'm a great fan of your work and…"
Nicola cut her off abruptly. “That’s not what you said in your email.”
Teri fell silent, her whole face going red in embarrassment as she silently begged the floor to swallow whole. So it wasn’t a dream.
“My email? I… I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I actually sent that. It was such a long day and I was so tired and I had a few drinks… You just didn’t pitch…” she tried to defend herself, hurriedly trying to string together excuses for her poor behavior.
“Didn’t I leave a message?”
“Yes, but…”
“I assure you I don’t take these meetings lightly, Miss Alexander and I had good reasons for canceling. And no, I was NOT taking my dog to the psychologist.”
Teri laughed nervously – not knowing what else to do. She really screwed this one up.
"I was at the hospital if you must know," Nicola continued. “My uncle, who has helped me build this company from the ground, was rushed in after collapsing. I had no choice but to cancel.”
“I’m so sorry, I hope he’s okay,” Teri was feeling worse about her actions with every second that went by.
“He’s got cancer and it’s terminal – so no ‘okay’ is not a word I would use in this context,” Nicola spat out coldly.
Teri didn’t know how to respond; she felt dreadful. She couldn’t believe she actually sent that mail – damn it! There was no way she was getting that grant now – that was for sure.
Nicola eventually found herself actually enjoying brunch, despite all the anger she initially felt when inviting Teri out. She had every intention of humiliating her and making her feel bad for the email, but she couldn’t help but start to like this strange woman with the big blue eyes and frazzled look – almost completely despite herself. She didn’t normally like people. In fact, other than her uncle, she couldn’t think of a single person that she liked. Maybe the new coffee girl at work who finally managed to get her morning order right – but ‘like’ was too strong a word even in this context.
Her life has always been fighting again
st the world and she considered personal relationships a weakness. There is nothing she couldn’t do better on her own and people just dragged you down. That was her solid motto that got her to where she was today.
Yet, Teri lightened the mood. She was a tad awkward and babbled on way too energetically, but she was sincere and she seemed genuinely passionate about her work.
To overcompensate for the guilt she felt after realizing she actually did send that email, Teri kicked up her animated stories a gear as she sped through them a million words a minute.
Nicola didn’t mind. The distraction was amazing and she only realized after they had finished their meals that for the first time she wasn’t endlessly stressing about her uncle’s condition. She was actually able to enjoy her meal and even get absorbed in the tales Teri was recounting through mouthfuls of the burger she was devouring very unladylike – much to Nicola’s amusement. She was so used to people being fake and proper around her that Teri seemed like a breath of fresh air in contrast.
“So – Miss Alexander,” Nicola finally started adding to the conversation after a moment of silence. “You’re not from the retail chain Alexanders, are you?”
“I am as a matter of fact – Richard Alexander is my dad.”
“Well then why on earth are we having this meeting? The Alexanders are one of the wealthiest families in this country!”
“They are – but I’m afraid they cut me off many years ago already,” Teri’s mood turned more somber as she recalled her family dramas.
“Sounds familiar. My parents quickly cut the supply when I dropped out to start my own business,” Nicola related.
“Mine wanted me to be a professional ballerina – have you ever heard anything so ludicrous? They were grooming me my whole life – for as long as I can remember. My childhood was filled with hours and hours of practice. I had to be perfect. I couldn't dare gain a pound or even make any friends –those things, living your life, would just stand in your way of achieving your goal, you know. That's what my dad always said. Naturally, in my teens I started rebelling, sneaking off with terrible boys that I didn't even like but knew would piss my parents off. Long story short, by age 18 I got pregnant. It was just before the big competition as well. The one that could get me into any dance school I wanted to. But that was their life, not mine. I never wanted to be a professional ballerina… They didn’t find out until I had the miscarriage and was rushed to the hospital.” Teri had no idea why she was telling the complete stranger her life story, but the words flowed up freely – even without wine. “I missed the competition and ‘my big break’ – but also, I would never be able to train to that extent anymore. The miscarriage led to an infection and there were complications – I would never be able to compete professionally again. My life was over according to my parents.”
“So that’s why you run a dance studio for mentally disabled children?” Nicola was moved by her openness.
“Those who can’t do, teach or something like that,” Teri smiled faintly. “Those kids deserve a chance to have fun, though – you don’t have to be the best to enjoy dancing.”
“Do you still enjoy it?”
“The dancing? Not really, it brings back too many painful memories. But I love working with the kids and watching them have fun. But I’m afraid the studio is falling apart and I might soon have to get ‘a real career’ as my dad always called it. After the miscarriage they wanted nothing to do with me – I was a disgrace to the family. My mom was convinced I did it all on purpose to spite her – she’s one of those. It took three years of waitressing and sleeping on a friend’s couch for me to save enough to open the studio and we’ve been managing fine. But the tough economic climate has caused a lot of support to dry up…”
“Well, I’m excited to see what you will do with the new place,” Nicola smiled – for the first time.
“New place? What do you mean?”
“I mean I’m giving you the grant, Miss Alexander.”
“You are? Really? Despite my idiotic email and stupid display?” her face was beaming.
“Yes, but under one condition – I want to oversee the renovations myself and be involved with your new plans. I’m not just going to throw money at this.” She had to find a way to spend more time with this energetic creature. She didn’t know why but she found herself drawn to Teri.
“Of course – of course!” Teri felt like jumping up and hugging the woman across for her but somehow doubted the gesture would be received favorably.
Little did she know…
“Okay everyone, that’s it for today – great class! Remember to practice what we’ve learned,” Teri smiled at the group of excited youngsters. “Do it with me – arms up and roll those hips!” she slowly demonstrated again the giggling ensemble mimicked her movements awkwardly. “There you go! Tomorrow we’ll try it with an extra skip, so you better bring your dancing shoes,” she joked and they all laughed merrily as they left the room, a couple stopping for a last hug on their way out. She happily obliged, sweeping them up in her arms before sending them on their way.
“You’re quite good with them,” the voice in the back of the room said.
“Well, I’m usually better but when strangers walk in mid-class, I get a bit self-conscious,” Teri smiled as she started picking up the assortment of hula-hoops and other props scattered around the studio.
“Nothing to get nervous about – besides, I wanted to see what I was getting myself into,” Nicola said, bending down to help with the clean-up. She was dressed more relaxed this time around in long black pants and a button-down men’s shirt.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you’ve got much better things to do,” Teri smiled, taking the discarded ribbons from Nicola.
“What? Like take my dog to the psychologist?” she grinned.
“Oh god, don’t remind me,” Teri blushed. “I’ll never forgive myself for that email.”
“It’s okay, it’s quite amusing to me now. Besides, seeing what a handful this lot is, I can understand how you got so worked up,” she helped move the chairs to the back. “You have such patience – I would have gone crazy ages ago.”
“I know what it feels like to have nowhere to turn. Just because these kids are mentally disabled doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be allowed to have fun, to live their lives. The parents often don’t understand. That’s why I’m here, to give them the escape no one ever offered me.”
“So who’s giving you that escape now?”
“Ha! Who has time for an escape?” Teri smiled, turning off the lights as they walked out.
"Well, what are you doing now?"
“Packing up obviously.”
“You’ve done that. What are you doing now?” Nicola insisted. The large clock in the foyer read 19:45.
“I’ll probably go home, throw a frozen meal in the microwave and fall asleep halfway through an episode of Sherlock,” Teri admitted, trying to keep busy. Nicola’s presence still made her a tad nervous.
“That hardly sounds like an escape, come – let’s go for dinner,” Nicola offered.
“That’s very kind of you, but I can’t take any more of your time,” she politely declined as she locked the door behind them.
“Hey, I could use the company. Eating out alone every night gets boring. Besides, we have ‘business’ to discuss,” Nicola insisted and Teri shrugged, giving in. She couldn’t think of a good excuse. She didn’t really want to either. There was something about Nicola that she just couldn’t figure out – but wanted to.
“Sure, but nowhere fancy this time – I was way underdressed last time.”
“Nonsense, but fine, you can choose,” Nicola suggested as they got into her car. This time the mood was far more relaxed than the first time Teri found herself in the passenger seat of the fancy sports model.
Teri suggested a relaxed Mexican joint not too far away and Nicola happily obliged.
“How’s your uncle, by the wa
y?” Teri asked after filling up her glass again from the bottle of red between them. It was late enough in the day to justify ordering wine instead of sparkling water.
“He’s not getting any better I’m afraid,” Nicola sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with his sense of humor but his body seems to be getting weaker by the day. I don’t know what I would do without him, really,” she admitted.
“What about your parents? Where do they fit in?” Teri continued, finally finding herself warming up to this stranger who at first seemed like the ice queen herself.
"I guess we have a bit in common on that front. They always had the perfect vision of me completing my MBA and becoming a big-shot businessman like my dad. All they wanted was a son to take over the company business, but instead, they got stuck with me," Nicola paused, emptying the rest of the bottle into her glass and waving the waiter over for a replacement.
“But you’re a successful business woman though, why were they upset?”
“Well, now I am – yes. But only because my uncle was willing to invest in my ideas. When I decided to drop out of university at the tender age of 19 to pursue my life’s dream, they thought I had gotten mad or that ‘some boy’ had gotten into my head. But that degree was so pointless – it wasn’t going to help me. I tried to explain it to them but they immediately cut me off financially, hoping to control me the only way they knew how – with money. But I was determined. I don’t think my mom has ever forgiven her brother for lending me the money, but that man saved my life. I knew it could work, but I had no credit rating and the banks wouldn’t come near me. I learned early on not to rely on them (or their money) anymore.”
“Looks like you managed just fine on your own,” Teri smiled.
Double Grades Page 8
