“I did say that,” she agreed. “But sometimes a person’s life needs to be shaken a little, just to keep things interesting. Besides, you needn’t worry about me. You have far more things of your own to deal with.”
He let out a heavy breath, then lifted his cowboy hat and ran a hand through his tousled hair. “You’re really too good for me.”
In an effort to lighten the moment, she quietly laughed. “I know that.”
His brown eyes locked with hers as his body moved ever so much closer to hers. “You’re laughing,” he pointed out in a low voice. “And it’s not a blue moon.”
“No,” she said inanely, while wondering wildly what he was doing and why. He’d never looked at her this way. Never touched her this way. “Sometimes it just slips out of me.”
He let out another long breath, and Laurel could feel the warmth of it brushing her cheeks. Thankfully, she had a scarf wrapped around her neck; otherwise he’d be able to see the pulse pounding rapidly at the base of her throat.
“I’m glad you can laugh, Laurel. I’m glad you’re happy with the house. And I’m glad you chose to come here with me.”
His words were buzzing through her brain, even as she watched his lips growing closer and closer to hers.
Was he actually going to kiss her?
The incredulous thought had barely skipped through her head when his palm came up to rest against her cheek and his lips came down on hers.
For a brief second as their lips made contact, she was sure her heart stopped completely. And then suddenly every part of her body was flooded with sensations so intense she staggered back slightly against the cabinet counter.
He moved with her, and for what seemed like an eternity, but not nearly long enough, his lips moved over hers in a warm, thorough search that sucked every ounce of breath from her body.
When he finally lifted his head and broke the contact between them, Laurel was visibly shaken, and she stared at him as fear came rushing in behind a wall of desire.
“What— Why did you do that?” she finally managed to ask.
Regret, or something like it, twisted his features. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear that from you.”
“All right. You won’t,” he retorted, his demeanor suddenly changing back to the boss she’d dealt with for the past five fears.
With a tiny groan, she twisted away from him and hurried out of the kitchen. He followed her into the living room, but stopped a few feet away from where she stood near the picture window.
Glancing over her shoulder, her gaze slid over him, his stance wide and his hands thrust deep into the pockets of his coat. Although there was nothing inviting about the expression on his face, Laurel still wanted to run and fling her arms around him.
She was crazy, she thought. Hopelessly crazy.
“If you’ve seen enough, I think we’d better be heading on to the other house,” he suggested gruffly.
Laurel looked out the window and wondered why now, after all this time, she felt tears burning her throat and stinging the backs of her eyes. Since Lainey had died, she rarely ever shed tears over anything. It wasn’t right that Russ could pull that much emotion from her.
She said stiffly, “If you don’t mind, I’d rather stay here and look at things a bit more.”
“All right. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he told her.
She nodded and he quickly left the house. From her spot at the window, she watched his headlights pull away, then head on up the mountain. But once they were completely out of sight, she sank weakly onto the arm of the couch and dropped her head in her hands.
This wasn’t going to work, she thought sickly. Not this lovely little house, or the job, or him. Because his kiss had shown her exactly how much she was missing and all the things she could never have. Wherever she went on this ranch he’d be nearby and his kiss would be haunting her, tempting her. How could she ever endure that much misery?
She’d have to bear it, she told herself. Or live her life without him. And that was a choice she wasn’t quite ready to make.
Chapter Four
By the time Russ returned a half hour later, Laurel had managed to compose herself somewhat and was determined to act as though nothing had happened between her and her boss.
But the moment she climbed into the truck and they pulled away from the house, Russ said, “That kiss—I honestly don’t know what came over me, Laurel. You were—well, it was nice to see you smile and hear you laugh. It’s been a big relief to me that you’ve agreed to continue working as my assistant, and I guess I got carried away for a moment.”
“That’s all?” she asked stiffly, wondering why his explanation left her feeling strangely deflated.
“That’s all. So I think we should both forget it. Don’t you?”
Forcing herself to glance his way, she saw that he was focused on the dirt road in front of them and his profile gave none of his feelings away. But that was hardly a surprise. The only times she’d ever seen Russ show much emotion were when they were treating animals that had been deliberately hurt or neglected. When it came to people, he appeared to not feel much at all.
So why had she felt so, so much in his kiss? she wondered.
Swallowing at the thickness in her throat, she turned her attention to the passenger window. Even the darkness couldn’t hide the heavy snowfall that was already collecting on the tree branches and ground vegetation near the edge of the road.
“Consider it forgotten,” she said, then cleared her throat to ease the huskiness in her voice. “What did you think of your house?”
“It was fine. It has everything I need.” He paused for a moment before adding, “I’ve hired a moving van to bring my things out on Thursday. If you’d like to have your things hauled with mine, I’ll send the movers by your place.”
“Will there be enough room for my stuff on the truck, too?” she asked, while she tried her best to focus on the necessary things she had to do in the next few days. But that was hard to do when her mind kept reliving the feel of his lips on hers, the touch of his hand on her face. She’d told him she would forget their kiss, but how did a person go about forgetting their hopes and dreams, their deepest longings?
“Plenty. I’m downsizing on furniture and lots of other belongings. In fact, I’ve already scheduled a charity to pick up a load of things that I don’t need or want to bring with me.”
“Oh. In that case, I’ll take you up on the offer. It’ll be just as easy to pay you as it would be for me to hire a mover for my stuff.”
“I won’t accept any pay from you,” he said gruffly. “Consider it a job perk. I’m the cause of this move, so the expense should be on me.”
Russ had always been a generous boss. Not only did he pay her a hefty salary, he also included nice benefits with it. But the earnings she made were not what kept her by his side, and sometimes she wondered if he realized that.
“In that case, I’ll accept your offer.”
He briefly glanced her way and then, turning his attention back to the road, shook his head. “You don’t like to accept help from anyone, do you?”
Surprised by his question, she studied his profile. “I don’t like to be beholden to anyone.”
“Why? Afraid they might ask something of you that you can’t give?”
She frowned at him. “That’s a strange question. You make it sound like I don’t like people. Period.”
“Sometimes I don’t believe you do. Animals, yes.” he conceded. “But not people.”
His remark took her aback, and she turned her face toward the window so he couldn’t see how much it had affected her. “I can’t imagine why you would think such a thing,” she said lowly.
Because you don’t encourage anyone to get close to you, Russ wanted to say, but stopped himself short. He’d already gotten personal enough with her tonight. In fact, he didn’t know what in hell had come over him back there in Laurel’s house. The two of
them had been discussing the rooms and furnishings, and then suddenly, without even realizing it, he’d found himself standing close to her, and she’d looked so warm and pretty, her lips so inviting.
With a mental shake of his head, he once again tried to push the thoughts of kissing her out of his mind, but each time he shoved, they came right back to torment him. He’d never expected her to taste so sweet, or that kissing her would feel so perfect, and he was far more shaken than he wanted to admit.
“You’re not a people person, Laurel. That’s all I’m trying to say.” He glanced over to see she was still staring out the passenger window. Yet even if she’d been looking directly at him, he doubted he could have read her thoughts. “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”
That brought her head around with a jerk, and as she stared at him in wonder, his gaze dropped to her parted lips.
“Don’t you think that question should have come before the kiss?”
Russ felt a blush creeping over his face, and he thought he must be an idiot for ever letting the question slip out in the first place.
“Probably,” he admitted. “But it wouldn’t hurt you to answer anyway.”
She looked away from him and stared straight on. “Yes. I’ve had boyfriends in the past. Not recently.”
“Why not recently?”
“I don’t know any man who’s worth the time.”
“Oh.”
She darted a glance at him. “Have you had any girlfriends lately?”
Her question caused a caustic laugh to slip past his lips. No, but he had a pregnant ex-wife. “No,” he said gruffly. “I barely have time to have a conversation with Leo, much less a woman.”
“Would you like to have a woman in your life?”
He’d just accused her of being distant when it came to her personal life; now she was asking him a very private question. Maybe he didn’t understand anything about women, he thought. He’d evidently gotten things wrong about Brooke. Now Laurel was proving he didn’t really know her, either.
“Yes. The right woman,” he admitted. “To share things and grow old with.”
She sighed. “I suppose I’ve gotten accustomed to living alone.”
“I think I remember Maccoy saying that your father and brother moved away from Lincoln County several years ago. You didn’t want to go with them?”
One of her shoulders lifted and fell as though she was indifferent to the whole matter. But when she spoke, her voice sounded unusually raspy, as if she was pushing the words through a throat full of nails.
“Not really. This is where I was born and grew up. It’s my home. Besides, I wasn’t invited.”
Russ stared at the snowy road in front of them while her last words rolled through his head. “Why not? You don’t get along with your relatives?”
“I get along with them. They just choose not to live close to me. Nor me to them.”
“I don’t understand. You say you get along with them, yet you make it sound like there’s a rift between you.”
She released a long sigh, then turned slightly in the seat toward him. When Russ spared a glance at her, he almost wished he’d kept his mouth shut and not asked her anything. Even in the dim lighting of the cab, he could tell she’d gone pale and there was a tautness to her features that could only stem from hurt and anger.
“Since you seemed to want to know about my family life, I’ll explain, Russ. My family finds it difficult to be around me. I remind them of disease and dying and their own uselessness.”
Laurel’s twin sister had died in her early teens, he thought. If not for Maccoy, even this fact would have been unknown to him. And the old man only knew about the tragedy because he’d lived in the same community as the Stantons at the time the girl had died. Laurel certainly hadn’t told Maccoy or Russ about it. But she was mentioning the subject now, and seeing the pain on her face made him feel like a bastard for questioning her in the first place. It was none of his business what went on between Laurel and her family. Yet he wanted to know what made this private woman tick, what made her live only to work and do nothing more.
“Maccoy told me about your sister. Not long after you came to work at the clinic,” he admitted. “I never mentioned it because—well, we never talk about such things.”
Her head bent slightly. “No,” she agreed. “And talking about Lainey is still very hard for me.”
Maybe that was because she’d never talked enough about her, Russ thought. Maybe if she had, she’d be better able to deal with the matter now. But he wasn’t about to push her tonight. He’d already upset her enough with that damned kiss.
“Well, I don’t expect you to talk to me about your sister. But I will say one thing—I think it’s awful that your family finds it painful to be around you. Seems to me that you’d be a comfort to them.”
She darted a glance at him, and he turned his head in time to see a grateful little smile touch her lips. The sight surprised him completely.
“Thank you for saying that, Russ,” she murmured. “But it’s okay that they’re not here. To be frank, it’s just as upsetting for me to be around them.”
“I see.” By now they were entering the outskirts of Ruidoso and the traffic was growing heavier. Russ was forced to keep his eyes on the taillights in front of him. “Well, my parents are both dead,” he said. “Or I should say, my mother is dead. As for my old man, I have no idea, so I consider him dead to me.”
“Oh,” she said in a small voice. “I didn’t know.”
He released a heavy breath. “It’s something I don’t talk about, either.”
She didn’t say anything to that, and the two of them remained silent until they returned to the clinic. Once he’d parked his truck next to hers, she quickly jerked the door open and slid to the ground. By the time Russ joined her, she had already opened the door of her own vehicle. But instead of climbing in, she turned and spoke to him.
“Thank you for showing me the house,” she said stiffly.
“You’re welcome.” Awkward tension stretched between them like a piece of prickly barbed wire, and whether he’d intended it or not, it was clear that kissing her tonight had changed everything between them. “I’m glad you liked it.”
The lighting behind the clinic was dim, but still bright enough for him to see her gaze drop to the ground. For some reason he didn’t understand, he wanted to take her into his arms, stroke her hair and assure her that everything was going to be all right.
She said, “It’s been twelve years or more since I’ve lived in a house. I was eighteen at the time and the house belonged to my father. After I graduated high school, I moved out and into a college dorm, and since then a string of apartments have been home to me.” Her head swung back and forth. “This is going to be different for me, Russ. Very different.”
The faint sadness in her voice had him wrapping a comforting hand around her upper arm. “It’s going to be different for me, too, Laurel. We’ll be making this change together.”
She lifted her face, and he couldn’t help but notice a quiver to her lips. And though there were snowflakes falling between them, he didn’t think the vulnerable reaction was caused by the cold air.
“Russ, that kiss—I think I ought to tell you that it was...nice.”
This was the last thing he’d expected to hear from her, and for long moments he was too stunned to speak. Finally, he said, “I told you to forget it.”
“Yes, you did. But I—well, I’m a bit ashamed of the way I reacted so coldly about it all.”
Cold? There’d been nothing cold about her kiss. In fact, it had felt red-hot to him. Even now, just thinking of it heated his insides and made him forget the freezing wind blowing between their faces.
“You didn’t,” he said.
“Maybe not. But I’m— I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s been a long time since I’ve been that close to a man. And the truth is I’m not very experienced with such things. It caught me off guard, that’s all.”
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“You don’t have to explain, Laurel,” he said softly. “We were both caught off guard. So let’s just call it a celebration kiss for our new jobs, okay?”
She nodded in agreement, but he could see there was still a slight tremble to her lips, and everything inside Russ wanted to kiss it away. The notion stunned him. He’d worked at this woman’s side for more than five years. Why had it taken him so long to see her as a woman? And what was this going to do to their working relationship? To him?
“Sure,” she said. “I can do that.”
He squeezed her arm. “Good. Now, both of us better get out of this weather. See you in the morning.”
“Yes. In the morning,” she echoed.
He helped her into the cab of her truck, and after quickly starting the engine, she pulled away from the building. Once she was out of sight, Russ ignored his own vehicle and quickly let himself in the back of the clinic. He didn’t want to go home just yet. He didn’t want to be reminded of his broken, childless marriage. Nor did he want to sit around and try to figure out what had occurred between him and Laurel tonight. Work had always been a cure for what ailed him, and he had plenty to do before he turned over the clinic at the end of the week.
For the next three days, Laurel remained at a run as she worked a full day at the clinic and got her belongings packed for the moving truck. Not to mention dealing with utility companies and her apartment lease, which by luck would be ending in the next few days anyway.
She’d had little time to sit and dwell on the kiss she’d shared with Russ last Tuesday night. For the most part, she’d tried to do as he’d suggested and forget it. But that was like asking a person to forget to breathe. The memory of those moments, of his lips caressing and tasting hers, continued to haunt her, especially when she was in his presence. And she realized that she would never be able to go back to seeing him simply as her boss.
Who are you kidding, Laurel? You’ve always looked at Russ as more than a boss. You see him as a man. A man who makes your heart race, your body yearn to be loved in every way a woman wants to be loved.
Trying to shut her ears to the taunting voice in her head, Laurel quickly strode to the front of the clinic, where Maccoy was busy packing away files and papers that Russ intended to take with him.
The Doctor's Calling Page 5
