As I walked through the hallway, I instinctively searched for my mum and dad. Even though the house was left in a blanket of dust, I still checked every room for my brothers as if I expected them to have restored their lives back here as well. I passed by a hallway mirror and laughed out loud when I couldn’t recognise myself. I was much older, my hair was longer and my jaw stuck out more. I didn’t have the face of a kid. I mean, it still looked like me, but my cheeks weren’t as puffy anymore and my eyes didn’t seem as large. I looked like a man.
I reached my room where all of my stuff seemed to be left untouched. The memories flooded my head, I cringed and quickly left. I stepped outside into the waiting sun, tilting my head back as I breathed in the sweet forest scent. It was sunrise, I still had the rest of the day to go and find Rachael.
I first went past my old school with its grey stone walls and large clock tower overlooking the front playground. It was too early for any students to be out yet, and the stillness of the morning drew over the grass was very calming. I wondered if any of my teachers would recognize me but I didn’t bother to find out.
I walked the same market streets that I’d walked when I was smaller, but everything seemed to be breathing new life. It may have looked the same but it didn’t feel like Whitehaven anymore. Or maybe it was me who was different.
I caught the train into the city all by myself. It took two hours to arrive onto platform one, but I loved every second of it. I puffed out my chest when I strolled past some younger kids. Did I look that small too? I felt like I was a grown up, that I was independent. That I was free. I was making choices without fear and people would smile at me when I passed. Best of all, I felt that I was finally strong enough to protect those around me, too. I would flex and show off to Rachael just how buff and manly I really was.
She would have no choice but to take me seriously. I would prove to her that I’m not just a kid who needs protection.
I got off at the same station as Rachael had and bolted up the escalators. I felt devilish when I hurdled over the ticket gates, but once I entered into the main streets of the city, I suddenly became overwhelmed. People had started to emerge from the stores and vehicles; the city life bustling to an early start and not a single patch of footpath was left unoccupied. Every now and again a tram would ding past and crowds of people would scamper on and off. But the tram only made me think of Rachael and I quickened my steps.
I headed straight for Rachael’s apartment and knocked at number 14 on level three. My heart was beating so hard that I thought I was going to be sick. Ten minutes had passed and there was still no answer. I had decided to circle back through the city. I was a little disappointed that she wasn’t there, but I took the extra time to calm my nerves.
Continuing on, I stopped to do some of the things I never got to do when I was a kid. For the first time in my life, I actually got to try to bitter taste of alcohol. I had taken a jug from one of the pub tables off the street and took a quick swig. Fair to say, it was the most disgusting thing I had ever tasted.
As I heading past the skateboard park, I asked some of the other boys playing basketball if it was okay if I could take a three point shot. Sure. They gave me weird looks and I completely missed the ring, but the fact that my arms were now strong enough to slam the back board felt amazing.
I tried on adult clothing like a tux and some cool sunglasses and expensive leather jackets. I looked at wallets and shaving cream and mobile phones. One would think I had gotten lost inside the Games Store as I refuse to leave without trying every demo game they had to offer. I even tried to sneak into an X-Rated club to see what the big fuss was about, but I couldn’t get past the front door bouncer. It smelled like smoke and beer anyway, so I wasn’t too upset. Eventually, I reached the gates of Rachael’s school by around 2 o’clock. The tall wired fence surrounding the building was padlocked closed. There was one man inside the barrier with a leaf blower and when I called him over, asking where everyone was, he laughed at me.
Turns out, its Sunday today. No school.
I checked back at the old studio down the block from Rachael’s apartment, but wasn’t too surprised to find that empty, also. I was saddened when I noticed the time was reaching on 6 o’clock, and I was starting to get desperate to find her.
I realised how much I took for granted the Banished chains that kept me connected with Rachael; how they kept me close to her even when I didn’t ask for it. I would’ve given my right arm for that ability right now, though.
I tried the apartment again as a last resort, but there was still no answer to my continuous knocks. I must’ve upset the neighbours, as one of them stuck their head out into the hallway and barked at me.
“What on earth are you doing?”
“Ah, sorry. I’m looking for the Hasting family.”
“Boy, they are down at Garden of Hurstwood. They’re down there every Sunday.” I didn’t have time to thank him as I spun around on my heel and sprinted down the hallway. I still had some time left.
I reached the park a little exhausted and could feel a shivering sweat running down my neck. I leaned myself up against a tree, trying to keep myself from toppling over. It was Rachael’s mum who I saw first. She still had short blonde hair which was set loose across her shoulders. She sat on a bright red picnic rug with a woven wheat basket set out in front and a display of finger food arranged in the centre. Next to her was George, but when I glanced at him, it caused a sharp pain to tighten in my chest.
I guess it was guilt I was feeling. He looked so much happier now. His sleek blond hair was combed back and his bright face broke under his smile. I can remember every day that I had with him and how I pushed him further and further into his early grave.
I felt a little cowardly, worried that he would remember my face and come charging at me with an accusing finger.
Then, suddenly, I saw her.
Rachael walked right past me with her honey colour hair bouncing freely behind her shoulders. She carried a jacket folded over her arm and her soft pink face was smiling against the fading sun set.
My heart jumped at the sight of her and I couldn’t stop my fingers from reaching out to touch her clothes. She turned and smiled past me with the same blues eyes that I had watched for so long. My heart started pounding. I started to sweat. I could feel my nerves bottle up inside my throat and my cheeks burn under my blush. She held her hand out behind her shoulder and took hold of another boy who jogged in from behind. I recognised him from her school.
“Sorry, excuse me.” He nudged past as Rachael glanced up, caught my eyes and politely smiled. Then she turned and walked away, down the hill and towards her waiting family without so much as a second glance.
I felt my chest fall. Maybe she couldn’t recognise me. I was taller than her now and I’ve aged at least three years since she saw me last.
I felt my lips open to call out to her, but I couldn’t. I wanted to run down the hill and capture her into my arms, but my legs refused to move. Something was tugging at my chest and no matter how hard I tried to ignore it; it just wouldn’t leave me alone.
The sun was almost gone now. I could see its dying pink glow reflecting off the Lake’s surface. It bothered me that she couldn’t remember who I was.
“This is what you wanted... remember,” the Blue Spirit’s voice suddenly spoke up from behind me in her ghostly whisper. “You gave her back her life... by never meeting her in the first place.”
I paused for a moment as I allowed the words to sink in. To Rachael.... I don’t exist. I clenched my fists in a sudden surge of anger. I wanted her to have her life back… But I also wanted to be a part of it still.
I felt like I had been betrayed by her, until I noticed her laughing face, which let my anger drain away. She ran into her dad’s arms, then turned and kissed James’ cheek. My fingers softened as I released my grip.
“I feel like you’ve robbed me, you know,” I scoffed at the Blue Spirit.
“If you’
d rather, you can go and speak to her,” she suggested back coolly. I thought about it for a moment but shook my head. In a gentle sigh, I leaned my shoulder against the tree and crossed my arms. The sun was nearly gone, but even, so I felt like there was nothing left for me to do. I tilted my head back and just enjoyed the warm summer’s afternoon breeze.
“It’s okay; I guess that old saying has some truth to it after all. If you love her, let her go.” I tilted my head back and grinned as the Spirit smiled back at me. She held her hand out and without any hesitation I took it.
Yeah… I may not have gotten to say my last good bye to Rachael but I’m not upset. I may not have gotten to live my life with her, but maybe that wasn’t for me to have. I loved my Rachael when she was with me, so that will do for now.
I’m not accepting defeat. I’ll get her back once she’s ready, but for now I’ll let her have her life.
She will celebrate all of her birthdays like she was meant to and live until she’s old and has achieved all of her dreams. And I’ll wait for her until the day she’s too tired to go on, when she’s finally ready to come back to me.
But until that day, I have to venture out alone for a little while. There are still so many other things that I have left to do; I have to find Sabotage and Betrayal and make sure they’re safe. I have my own spirit family that I have to look after first. The worst feeling is being forgotten by someone you could never forget... but I will wait until her heart loves only me again.
My Demonic Ghost: Book two
The Reapers
&
My Demonic Ghost: Book three
Hunters and Creators
Available as paperback and ebook.
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Xoxo
Jacinta Maree.
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My Demonic Ghost: Banished Spirits Page 29
