I fully expected to Joey to turn and begin firing the Glock into the backseat. I had certainly seen him go off on people for much less. This is what made his response so astonishing.
“Sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean no harm. Like I said, I was just messin’ around.”
I heard the words but didn’t really believe I had heard them correctly. I figured when I turned to look at Joey he would give me a grin and a wink before turning to the backseat to unload his gun. I glanced over at Joey but could not believe it was him. He was sitting up straight and looking very serious. Well, not exactly serious, more like a child trying not to cry after being scolded. Of all the strange things I had seen over the last couple of days that may have been the strangest.
The silent tension rode with us a few miles before Louis said, “Aw, what the hell! No harm done, I sup-pose. Those local yokels didn’t know what to think.” He chuckled a little before continuing. “But I still don’t think it’s wise to call attention to ourselves when there is no need.”
Joey responded almost immediately. “Yer right, Lou! I shouldn’tuh done it.” I looked over to see Joey’s sheepish but hopeful smile.
A somewhat fatherly sounding voice came from the backseat. “Well, you know, we all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them.”
Given the situation in which murder and revenge were being proposed, I had to snicker a little at the folksy wisdom being offered.
I didn’t look in his direction, but I felt the glare from Joey on the side of my face.
As much to break Joey’s scowl as genuine interest, I asked, “So, Louis, why don’t you tell us all about this big payoff we’re gonna get for helping you out?”
“Certainly, Thomas!” The energy in Stoaffer’s voice sounded genuine and made me wonder at the sudden shift. “But the recompense is not solely for assisting me. It is for having faith in the story told by a broken-down old man and then the commitment to act solely upon faith. You would be surprised at how difficult it is to find such devotion these days. Brings to mind Jeremiah searching the streets of Jerusalem for one honest man.”
I immediately found myself in a small, cluttered room with posters of brightly-colorful Biblical scenes on the walls. It was the room used for Sunday school at the Tabernacle Baptist Church. It was the room I was forced into once a week until I was fifteen and old enough to stop being forced into that room once a week.
“Look at this picture.” I saw the small, emaciated, old woman in charge of the Sunday school and heard her high-pitched, condescending voice. She was standing at the front of the room holding a large picture book. It was open to a colorful drawing of a long-haired man in a whitish robe pushing through a crowd of people in an outdoor market. She stepped closer and moved the picture for Thomas and the faceless other children squirming on wooden chairs in the room.
“This man is Jeremiah.” She put a long, bony finger next to the man in the picture. “The Lord told him the city is going to be destroyed unless he can find an honest man in Jerusalem.” The old woman made a clucking sound. “Do you know why he appears so frightened?” She did not wait for a response and none was coming. “He is scared because not a single honest man can be found in the entire city!” Her shrill cackling pushed me out of that chair and out of that room and back behind the steering wheel of the old Chevy.
As luck would have it, no other cars appeared on the highway since the Chevy had drifted into the oncoming lane. I guided the car back to the right lane hoping the move went unnoticed. A glance into the rearview mirror showed Stoaffer’s smiling face.
“Is everything all right, Thomas?” He asked with what seemed like genuine concern.
“Just dandy, Louis.” I snapped.
“Well, as I was saying, there is going to be a big reward for having faith in me. Within the house in San Pietro are a number of caches containing valuable assets.” Stoaffer was glowing with pride.
“Whadda yuh mean?” Joey jumped in. “Say it in English, please.”
“Inside the house are stashes of cash and gold coins!” Louis answered with a big grin.
“Lou, yuh rascal!” Joey spun around to face the backseat. “Yuh pulled one over on all of ‘em!”
With a mischievous grin, Stoaffer said, “I prefer to think of it more as being cautious.”
“You’ve got my attention.” I looked at his happy face in the mirror. “Just out of curiosity, what is the value of these valuable assets?”
“It is difficult to say with complete confidence,” he answered. “It depends on the state of the gold market when dealing with old gold coins.”
“Say you were forced to give a ballpark amount. What would that ballpark be?” I asked.
“As I stated, it is difficult to say with accuracy, but I would have to say between six and six point five.”
“Six point five?” Joey asked. “English, Lou, English.”
“The cash and coins should be worth somewhere around six and a half million dollars.”
Joey let out a whistle. “Are you shittin’ me?”
I had to follow Joey’s lead on this one. “Yeah, Louis, are you shittin’ me?”
Stoaffer enjoyed the attention he was getting. He sat up straight and put a serious expression on his face. “I assure you both I am shitting no one. I intended to be prepared in the event of someday being required to make a rapid exit from the country and so kept the necessary funds at hand.”
“Six and a half million dollars would definitely work as necessary funds!” I glanced once again at Stoaffer’s beaming face in the mirror. “So, Louis, you never mentioned what sort of business you were in.”
“I was in the note-brokering business.”
“Hmmm, six and a half million dollars extra just to stash,” I commented. “This note-brokering business sure sounds like a good gig.”
“Yeah, Lou, how does somebody get to be in that biz?” Joey asked.
“Well, do you have any experience with notes?” Louis asked in a somewhat condescending tone.
“Do we seem like guys who’ve had experience with notes, Lou?” Joey snapped. “What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
After a moment, Louis said, “Sorry for offending you. The notes to which I refer are financial notes. Financial notes are in effect formal promises to pay a set amount over time. A mortgage is a common example of a note. Rather than requiring a person to make a single payment in order to purchase a home, a financial or promissory note is created to allow the person to make payments over time. A court settlement or lottery winnings can also result in a note being created.”
“Okay, I can get my head around this.” I commented with a certain amount of satisfaction at understanding what Louis was talking about. “These notes are deals to make payments over time. But I don’t understand how you can make money off them.”
Joey broke in, “Hold on! This is like loan sharkin’! Were you a loan shark, Lou?”
The old man chuckled. “No, Joey, I wasn’t a loan shark. But, Thomas, you are correct. I’m talking about an arrangement to pay over time or to be paid over time. The way I made money was by relying on people’s inability to wait for the payments. Suppose you hit the lottery, carried the paper on a house you sold, or had some sort of court settlement. All of these events promise big returns. However, you aren’t going to receive your money as a single lump sum. The amount is going to be divided into smaller payments over five, ten, or twenty years. Many people, or perhaps I should say most people, are not willing to wait for these smaller payments. The reason may be the result of some financial emergency or simple greed, but most people want the money now even if they receive less.” Louis paused, and I glanced in the rearview mirror. He seemed to be waiting for any questions.
“Okay, let’s see if I’m following you, Louis. Say I won the lottery for ten million bucks. Of course, I’m thrilled and dreaming of spending my days on some beach and having every damn thing I’ve ever wanted. But the problem is I want to be on my dream b
each now not later so I agree to sell you the deal … the note … I have with the lottery people. Instead of ten million over twenty years you offer to pay me now, and you’re going to pay me about … six million?” I looked to Louis in the mirror for some input.
“On a note worth ten million? Yes, an offer of six or seven would be about right.” He answered with another huge smile. “However, if the noteholder had some pressing need for the money, we might offer less in return for making the funds available immediately.”
“So then I agree to sell my note to you for six mill, and I’m happy on my beach. Then you what? Wait around for twenty years to make four million? No… Wait. You turn around and sell it to some patient soul who wants the security of regular income for eight mill. The buyer gets security plus a two million dollar profit over twenty years! You get two million dollars right away all for shuffling some papers! You, sir, are a genius!”
“Well, thank you, Thomas. You show a keen grasp of financial dealings. However, as much as I would like to take credit for coming up with the idea, it has been around in one form or another for thousands of years.”
“So yer sayin’ you made millions by buyin’ and sellin’ IOUs?” Joey asked hesitantly.
“Exactly! It took me all this time to explain what you boiled down to one sentence!” Stoaffer was once again sounding like a very proud teacher. “You would be surprised by just how many of these impatient note-holders are out there.”
“So I guess with all those payments coming in and going out, it wouldn’t be tough to keep some of it off the books and tuck it away.” I smiled as if I had just solved some difficult riddle.
“Not difficult at all since I was overseeing the accounts. Gary seemed to be satisfied with this arrange-ment as long as we were both making a very nice income. Besides I was doing it to protect both of us.”
“So what changed?” I wondered out loud.
“Did Theresa know about it?” Joey yelled the ques- tion.
“Whoa, settle down there, Joey.” Louis laughed. “I think she may have had some suspicion but no definitive knowledge. Like Gary, she seemed happy not knowing too much as long as we enjoyed a healthy income.
Joey shook his head. “No, Lou! She musta known somethin’! She betrayed you!” The rage on my partner’s face was clear.
Joey’s reaction wasn’t missed by Louis. “Joey, I ap-preciate your sympathy for me and what happened to me. I do. And I can tell you honestly I spent many years being consumed by the fire of hatred for the woman. But the time for hatred has passed. It is now time to be focused on making things right. Putting the world back into balance.” Stoaffer’s words had a calming effect on Joey.
“Remember when I mentioned how I learned about meditation?” Louis didn’t bother for any response to the question. “Well, during my research, I also learned a bit about something called feng shui. It is a school of thought which involves creating harmony through a balance of energy and elements. Now, it may sound like a pretty far-fetched concept, but I have come to accept the idea that anger and hatred are symptoms of a world out of balance. Furthermore, I think settling matters in San Pietro will help to restore feng shui to the world.
A sort of respectful silence filled the car for a few sec-
onds before I broke it with a loud snicker. “Two ques-tions, Louis.” I said trying to sound as serious as possible. “First, are you on medication? Second, can I have some?”
I let loose a big laugh as I turned to look at Joey expecting he would be joining me in the fun. I was very wrong. All I got from him was silence and a look of strong irritation.
“Ah, c’mon, Joey! Don’t tell me you’re buying into this cosmic bat shit!” I was practically pleading with him not go for it.
“I realize how ludicrous the whole thing sounds, but nonetheless this is what I believe.” Stoaffer’s voice was calm and confident.
Joey was still glaring at me so I simply gave up on the whole subject of balance, harmony, peace, love, and understanding. Instead, I focused on the money.
“So okay, Louis, you can have your balance and fong goo just tell me how we’re going to get to these stashes of yours.” I looked up at his smiling face in the rearview mirror. Joey’s glaring had now turned into sulking.
“Actually, I was hoping you might have some ideas about the best methods.” Stoaffer replied. “This might surprise you, but I have no experience with criminal enterprises such as burglary. However, I think burglary may very well be the best method for approaching this matter.”
“Hmm, yes, about this matter,” I started and was enjoying needling Louis a bit, but I also wanted to understand exactly what we were getting into. “Is this matter about retrieving around six and a half million in cash and coins? A little while back, you mentioned wanting to see the look of shock and fear in the eyes of your ex. So is it about money or is it about some revenge shit?”
Irritation flashed across the old man’s face and then was replaced by an amused expression. “Well, Thomas, I would be lying if I denied seeing a pained expression on Theresa’s face would give me extreme satisfaction. After all, I spent eight years in prison for a crime which I did not commit.” Stoaffer’s voice grew louder as he con-tinued. “I spent eight years in prison for a crime for which my wife framed me. Is it any wonder I spent eight years in prison dreaming about the moment I could see a flash of pain in her eyes?”
Joey seemed to have been shocked out his doze. “He’s gotta point, Thomas!”
Joey’s sudden, unquestioning support of our passenger was beginning to get on my nerves. “Joey, I don’t give a damn! He could have the best reason in the world for wanting to fuck up his ex. And I agree he’s got a helluva reason! But the thing is I don’t want to get caught in the middle of some shit that I don’t want to be caught in the middle of. Besides, when did you become the president of the Louis Stoaffer fan club?”
There was another tense silence for the next several seconds. A voice from the backseat scattered the quiet.
“Wait! I have a fan club?”
Stauffer’s question filled the car with roars of laughter from all of us. This laughter went on and off for over a minute. It is an undeniable fact that once an uncon-trollable fit of laughter has broken out it is difficult if not impossible to return to seriousness. I knew better than to even try.
“Okay, all I am saying is I’m not going to San Pietro just so Louis and Theresa can work on their marriage issues,” I commented. “I’m only here for a big score to set me up for the rest of my life. Sorry Louis.”
“No apology necessary.” Louis was leaning forward in the backseat to hear everything being said. “I never expected anything from you but assistance in getting to the assets hidden in my home. Any interactions between my dear ex-wife and I will be handled between Theresa and me.”
“I’d hafta say the bitch has gotta get what’s comin’ to her!” Joey added with enthusiasm.
I could hear Stauffer chuckling from behind me before he replied, “I can’t argue with you there.”
“Now I don’t want to be the turd in the punch bowl here.” I started out hesitantly. “I mean we had a big laugh and all. We’re getting along like old buddies. But I would still like to hear just how we’re planning on getting to the stuff stashed inside the house.”
Louis leaned forward and stuck his head over the front seat. “First of all, I need to find out if the code for the burglar alarm has been changed. If it has not, that would make it easy for you to simply go in when the place is empty and grab the items.”
“Uh, Louis, by make it easy for you, do you mean Joey and me and not you?” I asked.
“Well, to be honest, I am something of a bumbling old man. I just thought it might be easier for you to do the job without me getting in the way.” He answered. “I can join the two of you if you wish.”
“What do you think, Joey?” I was genuinely curious about Joey’s opinion on this. “Should we go in by ourselves and leave Louis safe outside some
where?”
He appeared to give the question very careful con-sideration. After a moment, he said, “Well, I guess, it uhd be better if alluh us went together. We’re s’posed to be like a team, right?”
“Go team!” The sarcasm in my voice seemed to go unnoticed.
“It’s settled. I will accompany you into the house.” Louis offered cheerfully. “Thanks for making me part of the team, Joey.”
“No problem, Lou.” Joey replied with a broad smile.
“Great, now we’re a team so maybe we can get uniforms and a clubhouse! How about a secret handshake.” I can be a total prick sometimes, but it sure seemed I was the only one with any grasp of reality. “Well, if we are going to be a team, don’t you think we should start making some sort of game plan?”
“Good idea, Thomas. As I mentioned, entry into the house should be rather simple provided that the alarm code has not been changed. If it has been changed… Well, I trust at least one of you has some experience with circumventing security systems.” I could almost feel Stoaffer’s grin coming from the back seat.
“If ‘circumventing’ means fuckin’ with, then yer talkin’ ‘bout Thomas,” Joey offered.
“Thanks for the recommendation, Joey, but it really depends on the system. Let’s hope the code hasn’t been changed. So, Louis, once we get inside the house, how tough is it going to be to get to your stashes?”
The old man was quiet for a moment. “Well, it is not an undertaking which can be completed quietly. Several of the caches are located within walls and a few are under the marble floor.”
“Damn, Louis! How many of these things are there?” I asked trying to make sense of what he was saying.
“There are seven total.” Louis answered with pride.
“Seven! What the fuck, Lou?” Joey exclaimed with typical energy and style.
Soul Hostage Page 8
