by S. L. Viehl
Now there was no rage. I was responsible for the life that had been lost. I’d brought death to him. With my own blood, I had killed Kao Torin.
For a time I was frozen, immobile. A statue of Cherijo Grey Veil carved from ice.
Tears came later, when I was startled by the sound of a raw wail tearing from my throat. My burning eyes filled. I heard sobbing, felt racking shudders. Fists beat against the mattress, hair loosened, tangled. It didn’t touch me. I was simply an observer, watching a pathetic tantrum of grief.
At last I slipped into a quiet stupor. I stared at the soft-swirled pattern on the deck above me, trying to make sense of it. Kao was dead, and I had killed him. The brilliant surgeon. The daughter of Joseph Grey Veil. I was more like my father than I wanted to be.
I must have fallen asleep at some point. Someone must have looked in on me, for I woke up hours later under a soft, woven cover. My eyes felt swollen, my hair was a matted, hopeless snarl. I was a disaster, and I didn’t care. The dried tracks of tears streaked my face. I could taste their bitter salt on my bitten lips.
Enough of this, an inner voice said.
Pushing my weary body off the platform, I went to the room’s main terminal on slightly unsteady legs and checked the display. No messages, but I didn’t expect any. I requested a current ship’s status, and was informed the Sunlace was on standby flight status, whatever that meant.
When I looked out the room’s viewport, I saw we were in orbit above K-2. The planet, in all its green splendor, looked as beautiful as the first time I’d viewed it from Dhreen’s ship. It had scared me then—a strange, alien world. Now it was simply a planet. What I cared about I had been forced to leave behind. All my colleagues and friends. Alunthri and Jenner. Even Reever. No, I wouldn’t think about Duncan Reever. It seemed obscene now that Kao was gone.
A signal came from the door panel, and I answered it dully.
“Healer? I bring a friend.”
I opened the panel and Xonea came in carrying, of all things, my cat.
“Jenner!” I said, and my disgruntled pet leapt into my arms, meowing plaintively. I ran my hands over him. He was real. He didn’t even bother to torment me as usual. The silvery head snuggled against me, and a thick, heavy thrumming sound poured from his throat. He was purring, for God’s sake. Jenner hardly ever purred!
“This small one was impatient to see you,” Xonea said. “My HouseClan managed to retrieve him before we left the planet.”
“I don’t suppose you were able to retrieve anything else from my quarters?”
The big Jorenian appeared concerned. “Forgive me, no, but we can arrange—”
I shook my head. “That, Xonea, was a sad attempt at a joke. I’ve left nothing behind that could not be replaced,” I said, and hugged my cat gratefully.
“Even us?”
Dhreen limped into the room, followed by Alunthri.
I blinked several times, sure it was an illusion. “Dhreen? Alunthri?” I rushed over to them, to touch them, to make sure they were real, too. “How?”
Dhreen balanced himself on his supports as he made a slow, complete turn. I finally noticed he was wearing the same type of uniform as Xonea and the other Jorenians.
“You’re looking at the newest addition to the crew of the Sunlace.” He hiccuped at my expression. “Don’t look so surprised. I’m a terrific pilot.”
“Yes, I know you are.” I gazed at the Chakacat and sobered abruptly. “I’m so sorry I left you behind.”
“I know you would have helped me if you could.” Alunthri tried to put me at ease. “That is why I signaled the Jorenians and asked if I could join you.”
I turned to Xonea. “How can I thank you? What you’ve done for me—there just aren’t words to describe how grateful I am.”
“You can help us send my ClanBrother Kao on his final journey.” Xonea’s smile faltered as he read my expression. “Healer, I did not mean to bring you pain, only joy.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t—I—” I turned quickly to the viewer and stared out at the blackness. The stars only blurred a little. “I’d be honored to help you.”
“In four rotations, we will send Kao into the embrace of the stars. Until then, walk within beauty.” The Jorenian made a lovely gesture, bowed, and left me with Dhreen and the cats.
“She’s a big lady, this Sunlace.” Dhreen whistled under his breath. “It takes more than a day to walk all twenty-eight levels.” He described his impromptu introduction to Kao’s HouseClan when he’d arrived to rescue me from the Allied forces. He was only mildly annoyed that he had been preempted by the Jorenians. “I asked if they needed a spare pilot on board.” He grinned and rubbed his almost-ears. “Lucky for me they did. Have you seen the women?”
I suppressed a smile while he hiccuped. Jenner jumped down and began to explore. “Be careful who you try to romance, Dhreen. These people bond for life.” The Oenrallian stopped in mid-hiccup and paled.
Alunthri chose that moment to diplomatically interrupt.
“Cherijo, I should tell you what has occurred since your departure. The Jorenians have been kind enough to allow me to monitor Colonial transmissions from the ship.” The Chakacat described the outraged response of the colony to the Council’s decision. Apparently the entire population was in uproar again. Allied forces had discovered most of their vehicles vandalized, their shuttles inoperable.
Just when the maintenance crews had cleaned everything up for the League, too. What a tragedy. “How did the League forces feel about my rescue?”
“Surface forces fired on the Sunlace as it launched. From what Xonea told me, there was only minimal damage to the stardrive. The League subsequently demanded the Jorenians turn you over to them. Xonea responded that as there were no non-sentient beings presently aboard the Sunlace, he could not comply.”
Clever Xonea. “That won’t stop them.”
Dhreen confirmed the League cruisers were now shadowing the Jorenian ship, but Kao’s HouseClan was apparently not concerned about a confrontation. Once repairs to the stardrive were completed, the Torins fully intended to leave Pmoc Quadrant space, and take me along with them.
“How are they going to do that, with fifteen League ships out there waiting to stop them?”
“Xonea referred to something called multidimensional flightshields,” Alunthri said.
“What’s that?”
Dhreen supplied the explanation. “It’s a form of space travel not used by the League, popular in other, distant systems. The Sunlace jaunts light speed the same way League ships do, but they can enter other dimensions as well.” The Oenrallian pretended to yawn, but I saw the excited gleam in his eyes. “I wouldn’t be too worried about the League pursuing us. You’re free, Doc.”
The hour was late, and both my friends showed increasing signs of weariness. I learned both Dhreen and Alunthri were happily situated in comfortable quarters close by, made an excuse about being tired, and waved them both out the door.
Nothing was farther from the truth. I wasn’t tired, I wanted time alone. Well, alone with my cat. Jenner and I spent a long time cuddling. When he settled down for an extended nap, I decided to take a walk around the big ship and get a good look at my new home. Thank some of these people, too.
Anything to keep from thinking about Kao.
I expected to see only Jorenians on board, and was surprised to pass several other alien species during my rambling. Humanoids, for the most part, and none that I recognized. Kao had explained his world was a distant one. Perhaps the crew were all from the Varallan Quadrant.
I ran into Xonea almost literally as he came rapidly around a corner I was turning into at the same time. He looked happy to see me, if a little surprised. I explained I was restless and had wanted to take a walk.
“Then, I shall escort you,” he said, and I didn’t have the heart to refuse him. He checked in with his duty station via a corridor console, then conducted a thorough tour of one small section of the giant vessel.
<
br /> “It would take days to see everything that encompasses the Sunlace,” he said as he showed me a large department devoted to charting the many systems and dimensions the ship traveled through. “But there is one more you may find particularly interesting.”
The Medical Bay was equivalent in size to K-2’s FreeClinic. There I was introduced to the Senior Healer, the oldest Jorenian I’d encountered so far. Her name was Tonetka Torin, and related herself to Kao as his ClanMother’s sister.
“My ClanNephew spoke of you with great warmth, Healer.”
“I’m flattered to hear that.” My reluctance to talk about Kao must have shown, for that was all she said about him. Tonetka spent the following half hour going over parts of their general operation. Finally, the Senior Healer surveyed me with her sharp eyes. “You look rather fragile. Xonea should take you back to your quarters.”
“No, please.” I gazed at a chart display with naked longing. The older woman burst into laughter and handed it to me.
“Come, Healer.” She shooed Xonea out. “Leave her here, she needs work.”
I made rounds with the Senior Healer and reviewed each patient’s case history. Like most doctors, we found we didn’t agree on every point of testing, diagnosis, or treatment. Still, I liked her. She didn’t hand me a lot of ego along with her opinion.
Once we had seen all of the thirteen cases presently in the ward for treatment, the Jorenian left one of the nurses in charge and took me to her office for tea.
Jorenian teas were floral, and tasted the way a flower smells. Tonetka described some of the long journeys the Sunlace had made during her tenure. As she spoke, she fingered a lock of her hair, its rich ebony sheen reflecting a deep purple cast. An indicator of her advanced age, I was surprised to learn.
“I should have retired to the homeworld a dozen revolutions ago, but it is hard to give up the life. My mate and I are lucky that we have always shared the same love of travel, but I am no longer young enough to continue.” Her white eyes narrowed as she considered me thoughtfully. “The Sunlace will need a new Senior Healer after we return to our homeworld.”
I smiled. “You must have a dozen residents waiting for that position.”
“None as qualified as you are.”
“I find that hard to believe.” I was startled. “I’ve yet to complete one revolution here on K-2 as a Trauma position. A very junior position, I assure you.”
“Modesty is not something most Healers have in large quantity,” Tonetka said. “Neither should you. On your homeworld, I am told, you were a seasoned practitioner. That, combined with your FreeClinic experience, far exceeds the capabilities of my residents. Including your unique genetic enhancements—”
“For which I’m being persecuted,” I said. “Think about that for a minute, Senior Healer. Just how would the Sunlace’s crew feel about me taking over, someone declared to be nothing more than a sophisticated test animal?”
Tonetka thumped her tea server on her desk in disgust. “Here, Healer Grey Veil, you are one of us. My nephew Chose you. That makes you part of this HouseClan, whether you wish it or not.”
Maggie couldn’t have done better. I apologized.
Tonetka waved her hand impatiently. “Enough of that. You have an opportunity to use your skills, Healer. For people who will protect and honor you. Not like those on that planet, who used your abilities to serve their purposes and turned their backs on you when it was convenient.”
“I feel as though I’m running away,” I said. “Hiding from the truth.”
“Whose version of what truth? On that planet down there you are seen as a beast of burden, automated machinery. Here you are honored as the woman Chosen by a Torin. Here you do not have to fear or pretend. You can thrive.”
Tonetka took me from her office on a short walk to another section, where I saw dozens of Jorenian children playing in a modified chamber. They romped in an artificial environment that simulated the natural landscapes of their homeworld. Lots of kids, having a great time. Tonetka tapped on the clear viewer.
“There are some reasons to consider my proposal. More than thirty percent of those on board are children.” She smiled as she watched them. “They need strong protectors. You could be one of those who watch over them.”
“It would be a challenge,” I said, peering in. “Seeing as most of them are taller than me.”
Tonetka laughed.
I stood and watched the children after Tonetka returned to the Medical Bay. So many eager, happy faces. It didn’t matter that they weren’t Terran. That their eyes were white and their skins were blue. If Kao had lived, our offspring would have looked something like these. Just a bit shorter.
I made my way back to my quarters. It was good to have a reason to go on, I thought. Even if it was for the children I would never have.
I requested and was given official permission to work in the Medical Bay alongside Healer Tonetka. The Senior Healer never brought up the subject of my serving as her replacement during those rotations. We did, however, discover we worked well together. We shared concerns, ideas, even a few moments of humor when we argued over treatments. Tonetka liked a friendly fight. So did I.
The League made repeated requests to board the Jorenian ship in order to search for an “unrecognized” non-sentient life-form. The Jorenians politely continued to turn down their requests.
Xonea and Dhreen were inseparable friends now, and each day the pair arrived at my quarters during my off hours to “liberate” me. Usually for a game of whump-ball, which I invariably lost to one or the other. We also shared several meal intervals, during which the two pilots tried to top each other’s outrageous adventure stories.
Alunthri had been to visit me as well. It was becoming very involved in its new study of Jorenian art forms. According to it, they were mostly utilitarian objects, created from woven grasses and used for ceremonial gatherings. Alunthri gave me a morning bread basket, with a weave that showed a complex, lovely pattern of bird shapes.
I explored more of the ship, and quickly discovered that the Jorenian crew members were very open and friendly. They also seemed to have an inordinate amount of interest in me personally. I constantly got stopped while walking down the main corridor, and invited to join them for some activity or another. The console in my quarters always had a minimum of a dozen signals to be returned. If I dined in the galley, I never sat alone for very long.
I couldn’t get used to my sudden popularity. At first I suspected Xonea or Tonetka had put their HouseClan up to it. After the first rotation, I saw it was simply their natural behavior. The Torins were just as gregarious with each other. I didn’t know quite how to handle it, either. My life had always been so wrapped up in work that I hadn’t had time for a social life. Now it didn’t look like I could avoid one.
Jenner, who was as popular with the crew as I was, had the run of the corridors, spoiled and adored by hundreds. He always turned up at my quarters at the end of the day, however, to be fed and attended to by his most devoted admirer. He slept with me as well, and when the nightmares woke me up, soothed me back to sleep.
I received many, many personal messages from the colonists on K-2, among them, carefully worded recordings from Dr. Mayer and Charge Nurse Ecla. Xonea showed me that when both were played simultaneously, a coded third message was revealed.
“See thus?” He pointed to the terminal and eradicated every third word or syllable. “As we arranged with your friends. Watch now.”
Ecla and Dr. Mayer’s messages blended together to reveal: Mercenary incentive offer being discussed between JGV and League. Do not attempt to return or leave ship. Have your belongings, will forward.
“What’s this about mercenaries?”
“They think to contract them to pursue you.”
Anger gave a particularly spine-tingling cast to Jorenian features. No wonder they hardly ever got mad. Anyone could have easily imagined the man crossing the galaxy to hunt down his enemies. I was scared just looki
ng at him.
“Maybe they’ll change their minds,” I said.
“Let the League send hired thugs to challenge the Sunlace. They will learn how HouseClan Torin deals with those who threaten our own.” Xonea separated the discs and handed them to me. “I must speak with you about tomorrow’s ceremony.”
I gripped the discs tightly. “To honor Kao.”
He smiled. “To honor you both.” He held up a third disc. “We have always celebrated life in death, Healer. Please view this today; it will help you to understand the ritual. Your presence will grace our House.”
Later I reviewed the disc in my quarters. For Kao’s sake, I made myself study the ceremony carefully.
Jorenians believed death was the beginning of another journey. A return to an original, primordial life, when the physical body was discarded. They believed the soul “embraced the stars” after death. In symbolic commemoration, Kao’s remains would be ejected from the ship and sent directly into the heart of one of K-2’s twin suns.
Select members of the HouseClan participated in the actual ritual. HouseClan Brothers and Sisters prepared the body and the receptacle in a traditional manner. The bondmate—or in my case, the Chosen—offered a blessing for the soul’s journey. At last someone called the Speaker delivered the last message from the deceased.
I wondered about that part. Kao had not confided any final message to me. I thought of Dhreen. Had he received Kao’s last wishes, while they were both on the ward?
One of the Jorenian residents I worked with, a young woman with a depressingly cheerful manner, delivered what she called the “journey robe” to my quarters. It was a lovely, flowing river of iridescent cerulean material that seemed almost too fragile to handle. She showed me how to wear it and even talked me into unbraiding my hair.
“Kao would want you to appear as he saw you in his heart.”
I didn’t sleep that night. I didn’t want to give the ritual blessing. Kao had died because of what I had given him. I wasn’t his mate. I was his killer.
