by Eden Butler
“I was worried I’d ruined everything. You were…you are my best damn friend, Pinkie. I woke up naked and thought I’d treated you like a dozen other women. I was disgusted with myself, not with the idea of us together.”
He tried interrupting me when I shook my head, but now that the truth was out, I was going to spill it all.
“When I told you nothing happened, you were so relieved. You kept laughing and going on and on about how ridiculous it would be, you and me together like that.” A tension headache had begun to cluster and pinch at the base of my skull and I rubbed the aching spot, hoping Will would give me space to breathe a little before he started laying more excuses on me. “What else should I think, Will? Why wouldn’t I assume you found me repulsive?”
“Repul…shit, Rainey. No.” I closed my eyes and concentrated on the ache in my head, using that as a distraction to keep from having to look at him. It was only when he pulled my hand down, when my back touched against the cool glass of the bay window that I realized that Will was reaching out to me.
“What…what are you doing?” I asked when he moved my face between his hands, steadying my head with his long fingers.
“I don’t kiss repulsive women, Pinkie.” Will leaned against me so that his long limbs and thick, corded muscles fit against my body securely. I could make out the lean lines of his bones and the bundle of tight muscle that hovered over me as he inched closer. “The only thing I’m disgusted about is that I don’t remember what happened.” His breath smelled like mint, the familiar flavor of gum he’d been partial to for years. “I aim to remedy that, Rainey. Right now.”
He managed a kiss; slow, wet, something that shot fire and want through the core of my body; something that seemed both familiar and perfect all at the same time. Will’s kiss, his touch, felt like coming home, like being surrounded by sights and sounds that filled me up from the inside.
“Pinkie…” He was breathless, eager and as he exhaled, fanning the sweet scent of his breath over my skin, I decided that my name, even my stupid nickname from his lips was an addiction I didn’t want to recover from. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t…don’t be sorry, Will.” He’d inched away to look down at me and I decided right then that was far enough. “Be thorough.” A quick tug of my hands on his collar and those thick, full lips were back on my mouth.
Things never went the way they should for me. It was the luck of the draw. It was just life and how it happened. One minute you soar. One minute all is right and well and perfect in the world—for me it was Will kissing me back. It was the person I loved most in the world giving me what I had always wanted, kissing me, touching me, acting very much like he really wanted me. All of me.
The next moment something cold blew into the room. I didn’t hear the door as it opened, but I did smell a familiar, flowery, Farmer’s Market lotion, a thick, heady scent of wild flowers announcing her arrival. One minute Will was holding me, finally, and the next, he wasn’t in my arms at all and the BFW had invaded the moment.
“Well this is cozy.” Ellie didn’t have the decency to look embarrassed for interrupting us. She did what she had been doing for years—intruding, disturbing the peace when it didn’t suit her. “Finally wore him down, did you, Rainey?”
“What are you doing here?” Will asked, stepping away just enough that he blocked me from Ellie’s view. “How did you even know…”
“Jo’s new assistant lives in the same building as one of my PAs.” She shrugged, ignoring Will’s irritated attitude to flop into the large reading chair next to the fireplace. “You weren’t answering your phone and we had some news come up about the show that I needed to make sure you knew.”
Will glanced over his shoulder, frowning when he moved his gaze to my mouth. “Rainey, I need to…”
“Oh,” I said, a little confused what Will was asking me; I was still flustered by that kiss and shaken by his admission that he didn’t regret being with me. Then Ellie sat up in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees as she looked between me and Will with an amused, snarkily curious expression on her face. It was then that I realized there was still something between them. “Oh,” I repeated shaking my head. I’d let Will kiss me without having any idea what had been happening between him and Ellie. “I’ll just…” I hated the sound of my own voice. I hated that this small streak of weakness had birthed itself in my brain with Ellie’s arrival.
I was nearly to the door before I stopped, turning to look at Will. “You want me to leave? After…” I blinked, moving my shoulders back and my chin up a little. “I don’t think I’ll go.”
“We have business to discuss,” Ellie said, standing in front of Will like she expected him to back her up. But his face was open, a little relieved, and I swore there was a smile twitching over his lips. Still, Ellie hadn’t noticed or didn’t care, stepping closer to me with that constant sneer tightening the muscles around her face. “It’s got nothing to do with you.”
Ellie had once cried on my shoulder when she discovered that her sister and Trevor had slept together. She’d made me swear never to tell anyone that she’d had a moment of weakness and let her guard down. I held her because even the strongest among us sometimes need to fall apart. It’s the only way to put yourself together again; to make sure the shattered pieces are stronger than they were before they were broken. I’d been the one to see her fall. Now there was nothing of that devastated girl left. She'd grown stronger, but she'd also gotten so much colder. But I was different from the girl I’d used to be, as well. I was no longer willing to settle for second best, or to hide in the shadows while someone else took home the prize. There was no way I’d let Ellie take what I wanted. Not anymore.
“I don’t care,” I told her, taking a step that put me right in front of her. “My business was here first.” I glanced at Will, nodding when he smiled at me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Your business?” Ellie asked, head shaking as she looked between me and Will. He moved slowly, not bothering to look at her as he stood next to me. There was a small movement on Ellie’s features, eyebrows moving up, eyes shifting down to spot Will’s touch at the small of my back before she looking back up at his face, her eyes blazing. “So Rainey has business with you now? The kind of business that makes old business pointless?”
“Ellie, now isn’t the time.” I didn’t like his tone or how he moved in front of me again, looking like he was eager to pounce on her if she came at me or stop her before she said something we’d both regret. “You need to go.”
“I don’t’ think so, Will.” She twisted her head to the side, watching him. “I came out here to tell you a few things about our show and what do I find? You and Rainey going at each other like teenagers.”
“How is that your business?” Will asked. He moved his shoulders back and curled his hands into fists; a defensive, cautious movement I’d seen him do a dozen times in the past ten years. Will wouldn’t lay a finger on Ellie, but he’d prepare himself should she try and attack.
“Maybe I’m just wondering that, if you and Rainey have finally decided to make things official, then you must have told her everything.”
“Ellie…”
Something thick and heavy grew in my stomach. It felt like dread. It felt like horror. Ellie was calculating. She was vindictive, but even at her worst, I’d always trusted her. Right up until the moment she stabbed me in the back. And Will, I knew, would never hurt me. Not on purpose. Even when I was blinded by jealousy at seeing them together, I’d known the connection between them was something dreamed up in a PR office. It was glam and glitter, all to boost ratings for their show. Since Ellie was a showrunner, and cunning as hell, she’d probably come up with the idea herself. Will was a good man. And he’d spent the better part of the past decade reminding me that Ellie had once been my friend. He’d always encouraged me not to hold grudges.
But this, the way Ellie looked at him just then, like a cat readying to pounce on a cornered mouse,
this made all my tightly-held beliefs disintegrate like tissue paper in a puddle.
Ellie’s expression didn’t change and she kept that pleased, smug smirk tweaking like a pulse over her mouth. That look alone made my stomach twist with dread. “Like how you and I had our little thing way back in the day? Even before your precious AURA was cancelled?” She glanced at me, smiling when I stepped back. “Bet he didn’t tell you about that one, did he, Pinkie?”
“Raine…” Will ignored Ellie’s amused snort and walked toward me, holding up his hands as though he wanted me calm.
But she wasn’t done yet. “Or how you encouraged me to lie about the Dixon audition. In fact, you were the one who told me to do it, weren’t you Will? You couldn’t have your precious Rainey working with the big, bad Dixon wolf, now could you?”
I had to give it to her—she didn’t back away when Will rounded on her. Ellie had learned her cutthroat lessons well in this cutthroat town, and she wasn’t scared of anyone. In fact, she seemed to be warming up to the chaos she was causing, as though it gave her a thrill to be driving home the nail in the coffin of Will’s and my friendship.
Vaguely, I heard Will yell at her, telling her to shut up. I knew that there was shouting, that they both seemed to forget for a second that I was in the room, but I couldn’t really make out the words because I was overcome with the feeling of having been pushed off a cliff. The room felt small and unsteady under my feet, and my eyes became unfocused, unconsciously wet as I watched Will and Ellie fight. I had no idea what to do with myself or how to feel when Will flashed looks over his shoulder at me, as though he was certain one glance would keep me rooted to the fine wide-planked floors.
But I couldn’t look at him. At least, I couldn’t see him. Ellie and Will were in front of me, arguing, bickering, but it was like watching them from a distance, like someone had placed a film over my eyes and I could only see half of what went on in front of me.
Ellie continued her rant, grabbing Will’s arm when he stepped toward me, to keep him from me. “What was it you said to me, Will? ‘It’s better if Raine not know.’ My God, I thought you were just scared she’d find out we’d slept together. It was like winning the lotto when you called in that favor to Millie Avery to get me that audition.”
Suddenly, the world crystallized into sharp, hard focus. The realization that I’d been manipulated, not just by Ellie, but by Will as well, that he had instigated the whole thing, and had handed her the means to betray me, to destroy me, was more than I could bear. Yet still he stood in front of me, touching my shoulders, holding my chin up, and as I watched him from what felt like a place far away from all that was unfolding in front of me, a small bubble of anger began to warm my stomach and work its way into my chest. Yet even now his touch centered me, kept me clinging to the last shred of hope that he hadn’t betrayed me, that Ellie was just spewing lies.
“Will?”
“I…sweetie, I just wanted to protect you.” He pulled me close, leaning forward to kiss my forehead, but suddenly, I didn’t want his kiss. I didn’t want anything from him. In that moment, I only wanted to be free of him. Completely. And this time, for real.
I’d had two great friends in my life. One had died on me, the height of selfish rudeness in my opinion. The other I’d loved from the day I’d met him and he’d hurt me worse than my sworn enemy. How was I going to deal with this?
When I pushed on his chest, Will seemed too surprised to keep himself steady, then too worried to care that he’d nearly fallen. He followed me when I stepped away, walking backward with my hand up to block him. I’d never seen fear like that in Will’s eyes before. I’d never seen him look that desperate. “I swear…I didn’t mean…wait! Please, Rainey, don’t go!”
I shot out the door and through the hallway at a run, not caring that Cooper and JoJo would likely be woken by Will’s shouting or the pounding of his feet behind me as I fled the mansion. I didn’t care. Not about the film or even honoring J.J.’s memory. Not just then. The only thought in my mind was calling Lynn and booking a flight to England. There was a job waiting for me there and it would give me what I desperately wanted: distance from the heartbreak that filled my life in L.A.
INTERVAL
Raine: CALL ME! CALL ME RIGHT NOW!!
Will: What is it? I’m in a meeting.
Raine: My God, Will…check the news. There is an ambulance outside of Paisley Park. The rumor is…they’ve found a body.
Will: No. No that can’t be right. It just can’t be.
Raine: Oh God. CNN just confirmed it. He’s gone, Will. Prince is dead.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Nine months ago
Los Angeles
Superheroes aren’t supposed to die. If they do, then they almost always return to the land of the living. You know…all alive and such.
“I think we shouldn’t be afraid to do it.” Will spoke softly, but there was no hesitation in his voice. He meant what he said.
Captain Picard escaped the Borg collective and got back to the business of leading the Enterprise crew. Then, later, when he was Professor X, some funky movie magic voodoo brought him back into the fold—every particle that Jean Grey had managed to turn into Old British Dude glitter. Internal musings were one of my lesser-known talents that did nothing to advance my clout as an actress or champion my reasons for not letting Will have his way.
Didn’t stop me from having them.
Will could be obnoxious when he wanted something. But nudging me, elbow at my bicep, like he did just then, wasn’t going to work. Neither was the constant finger scraping through his hair or how many times he managed to exhale dramatically.
“I don't think this is the right time.” I meant that too. The timing was off. One of our superheroes was dead and I was about eighty-five percent sure there’d be no return for him.
Harry got to return when Voldemort Avada Kedavraed his ass into that Great Clean Train Station in the Sky. And Buffy, God bless her pointy little stake, could probably give master classes on how to adjust to life post-resurrection.
Even a real-life hero, one not susceptible to Kryptonite or crazy mutants with supersonic brain power—could not shake the inevitable clutches of death. No matter how much of a baller he was. No matter how he towered over the rest of us. All five foot two inches of him.
“It’ll make us feel better.” This time Will looked right at me, tilted his head in a way he knew made him look irresistible. It was the eyes, those odd gold flecks dotted around the light brown, and the All-American straight edged jaw. Oh and the dimples. Only my best friend and his irresistible sad pout didn’t have the same impact now that it had on me ten years ago when we first met.
“You think everything juvenile will make you feel better.”
Will held his lips apart and narrowed his right eye as though thinking of a way to reasonably deny my accusation before he shrugged, silently agreeing with me.
“Everything juvenile usually does…”
Wordless, he shot out of my living room and I flicked up the volume on my iPhone dock and started the music. Then, I joined my best friend in the bedroom. He was shirtless and his jeans hung on his hips with the half-secured button at his waist.
“Ready?” He didn’t wait for me before he faced my oversized full length mirror. Every woman’s fantasy right there in front of me: Captain Dash Thorn, Squadron Leader of the AURA Resistance, defunct fictional TV serial, grinding his hips, pelvis moving slow and seductive, as if his moves were irresistibly sexy. Except they weren’t, and I did my best not to laugh at him. “Come on…do it," he crooned, reaching out to beckon me towards him. "You know you wanna…”
Prince’s voice, sultry, gravely, pumped out through my Spanish Revival two story, as the funky bass line of Darling Nicky moved against my plastered walls. And right there, standing elbow to elbow with my best damn friend, we mimed every word. It was stupid really for two barely-thirty-somethings to pantomime and gyrate and prostrate themselves in front of
a mirror. But we were ridiculous and silly sometimes, anyway, and especially tonight when we were hurting and bereft and had no idea how to deal with it.
It had started years before when Coop and Jojo took pity on me and Will and let us crash at their modest four bedrooms up in the Hills. To keep in fighting shape—well, acting shape—I would work out in the evenings in the small gym they kept, utilizing the weights and the treadmill, trying to build up an endurance for the endless rounds of auditions and casting calls that were a part of my life then.
One of the gym’s walls was entirely covered by mirrors, and I could watch myself on the treadmill, bobbing my head as one great song after another boomed through the room’s speakers. NWA, Lil’ Wayne, Drake and then Prince, my favorite, the man of my dreams, my first kid crush started wailing and singing and promising about getting off.
The mirror was my audience. I glowed from excellence, not sweat, and I moved my body like a sinewy dancer, like an exotic pole dancer, like a…shit. Someone was behind me, laughing.
“Sorry!”
“Dammit!”
Will and I shouted at the same time, my face flaming, his lit with amusement and then, he did the strangest thing. The bridge started up, the bass cranked and Will and I looked at each, slow-growing twin smiles spreading across our faces. Then Will Callahan—Captain Thorn and all around manly man guy person—stood next to me in the mirror and we both finished our air-concert, moving and shaking while Prince sang and whaled on his guitar and made the most beautiful music known to man. We’d been air-performing to Prince ever since.
Now we mourned the man, taken from this world far too soon. We acted out, together, half drunk and hurting, trying to find a way to distance ourselves as far as possible from our grief. We knew it was ridiculous, pathetic, even. But we did it anyway, because it made us feel better. We did it because we were both complete dorks, and by being complete dorks together, we could be our truest, most honest selves. Back to back we moved, trying like hell to out-ham each other. Will was better than me at most things. But this? I had this in the bag and I guessed he knew it. The pauses he made to tug on the half-empty bottle of tequila were telling. The liquid sloshed over his hands and he slipped on that wasted tequila as he tried to keep up with me.
