Gwen couldn’t help it. She broke down sobbing as she spilled the entire story to Ruthie, leaving out the part about Amy’s guy being married and Amy being knocked up. If anyone would understand, it was Ruthie. Although Gwen felt guilty as hell for burdening her friend with her relatively petty problems.
After she finished, she heard Ruthie sigh sadly. “Want to come over for whine and wine?” she joked.
Gwen laughed as she grabbed a dishtowel from the kitchen counter to wipe her face with. “Whine and Wine” nights were one of their special things, had been since they were both old enough to drink. Ruthie hadn’t suggested one in years.
Maybe her friend was starting to heal.
“That sounds good,” Gwen said. “You don’t think I’m horrible?”
Ruthie snorted in amusement. “Honey, hell no I don’t think you’re horrible. I envy you. You got to live out one of your fantasies.” She paused, her voice growing somber. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you, hon. It sounds like they were great guys.”
Gwen’s turn to snort. “I thought they were. Tim was great. Jack was just an ass, it turns out. Tim’s a better man than I.” She realized what she said as Ruthie burst out laughing. “Well,” she said, laughing with her friend, “you know what I mean.”
* * * *
Despite their mother’s dire warnings that Liam should continue living with them, her passive-aggressive protestations that she didn’t mean to make him miserable, and resolve-weakening bouts of tears, Liam called in a few favors with friends since Bob was unavailable to help them move Liam’s stuff. Catching up with work from being gone for so long on his trip or some such nonsense.
Gwen guiltily pushed away her irritation. Bob was a good guy. He didn’t deserve for her to be ticked off at him.
The next afternoon, they got Liam’s stuff packed and relocated, some of it to Gwen’s house, some to a storage unit.
Their father didn’t weigh in on the topic, preferring to let his stony silence speak for him as he sat in the living room and read his newspaper without lifting a finger to help.
That night, as Gwen and Liam sat on what was now their couch and ate pizza, she unexpectedly broke down sobbing. The day’s events had kept her mind off Tim and Jack. She hadn’t checked her e-mail or her BlackBerry, preferring to let that issue remain undisturbed for a while.
Now, with another lonely night alone in bed ahead of her, she couldn’t help but think about them.
Or about the fact that Tim hadn’t e-mailed her. She’d hoped against hope that he might.
She thought about breaking down and e-mailing him and rescinding her request for him not to contact her, but her pride wouldn’t let her do that. What, beg a man I have no chance in hell with to e-mail me?
That would flat out be masochism of the bad kind.
Liam stroked her hair. “How about calling them?” he suggested. “Or at least call Tim.”
“No. Jack made his position perfectly clear. I was an idiot to get my hopes up.”
When her phone rang a little later, she felt her heart jump until she realized it was Amy.
“Gee, I’m sorry,” Amy said immediately.
Gwen didn’t want to fight with her anymore. She’d had enough recent loss in her life to last her a lifetime. Alienating her sister wouldn’t help things. “I’m sorry, too. When are you coming home?”
“That’s why I called. I’m flying home late tonight. Can you come meet me? And…can I spend the night there? I don’t want to go to Mom and Dad’s yet.”
“Yeah, but you have to sleep on the couch. Liam’s moved in with me. We got his stuff today.”
There was a moment of hesitation. “Oh. I didn’t realize it was going to happen that fast. How did Mom and Dad take it?”
“Mom, predictably. Dad’s pretty upset about all of this.”
Amy’s voice grew soft. “I’m sure he is. What did he say when you told him?”
“What? About the baby? Hell no. That’s your job, not mine. He’s already pissed off at me, and he’s blaming your disappearance and Liam’s moving out on me.”
“I’m sorry about that. Thank you for not telling them.”
“I hope this guy is worth it,” Gwen snarked before reining in her temper. “So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet. A friend of mine said I can stay with her for a while. But she needs a couple of days to empty out her spare room so I can stay there. Until I…get my own place. I can’t live with Mom and Dad anymore. If Liam’s with you, it means I don’t have to.”
Liam motioned for the phone, and Gwen gladly handed it over. She didn’t want to talk to Amy anymore. She didn’t want to think for the rest of the evening. All she wanted to do was curl up into a ball in Liam’s lap and forget about the world.
To try to forget about what she’d lost.
* * * *
Liam insisted on going with her to the airport despite Gwen trying to talk him into staying home. He’d had more than enough excitement for a while, in her opinion, but she refused to smother him like their mother had.
All the way there, Liam rested his hand on Gwen’s thigh. They didn’t talk, but his comforting presence helped ground her. When they pulled up to the baggage claim area, Amy was already sitting on a bench by the curb, waiting on them. She looked exhausted. No makeup, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail.
That wasn’t like Amy. Amy never left the house without makeup. Once again, Gwen felt sorry for her sister despite her irritation at her sister’s irresponsible behavior.
At least I’m not pregnant, she thought and not for the first time. She knew her own period was due to start any day from the fact that she’d felt the first twinges of cramping. Of course, a raging case of PMS didn’t help with her hair-trigger temper any, either.
Gwen got out and hugged her without talking before they loaded her bags into the back of the SUV. Amy climbed into the backseat.
“Hiya,” Liam said. “What’s new?”
With that, all three of them started laughing. Gwen shook her head as she shifted into drive and they headed back to her home.
“Thanks for coming to get me,” Amy softly said. “I really appreciate it.”
Gwen glanced in the rearview mirror. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” Amy said. She took a deep breath. “I owe you both a huge apology. I’m really sorry. I just didn’t want to tell you what was going on. Then after I found out about…” Her voice broke up. She cleared her throat and stated again. “I’m sorry.”
Liam twisted in his seat to look at her. “Why didn’t you think you could talk to us? Haven’t the past couple of months shown you could trust us?”
Amy stared at her hands. “I was pretty ashamed of myself.”
Gwen didn’t say anything. Liam let it go, and they rode the rest of the way to Gwen’s house in silence.
* * * *
The next morning, Amy was already sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and talking with Liam when Gwen wandered downstairs. Gwen had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t get upset with her sister, no matter what. She’d be mature and calm and understanding, if not in agreement, of her sister’s motives for putting them through hell.
Liam got up when Gwen walked in and fixed her a cup of coffee. She didn’t try to stop him. Another of her promises to herself, that she wouldn’t baby Liam, would let him decide what he could and couldn’t do.
“Thanks, bro,” she gratefully said upon accepting the proffered cup of steaming morning goodness.
“You’re welcome. Sit with us. We’re talking.”
She took up the seat between them, Liam on her left. Amy looked even more haggard this morning, her limp hair pulled back into an untidy ponytail. Gwen wondered if she’d even brushed her hair upon awakening, or if she’d slept with it like that. As disheveled as her older sister looked, Gwen suspected the latter.
“So, what’s new?” Gwen tried in a light tone.
The ghost of a s
mile crossed Amy’s face. “It’s okay, Gee. I know I screwed up. I don’t expect a free pass.”
Gwen sighed and ignored Liam, who bumped her leg with his foot under the table in warning. Gwen tucked her legs under her chair, out of kicking reach. “Amy, we love you, but honestly? This was really whacked.”
Amy nodded. “I know.”
“Mom and Dad were crawling up my ass over this. I got blamed.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s bad enough that Dad chews me out every chance he gets for total bullshit, but I don’t need you throwing me under the bus, too.”
“Gee,” Liam warned.
Aaannnd, we’re off. “No, bro, I need to say this. I’ve held it in long enough.” No, it wasn’t Amy’s fault, but she was tired of being the whipping boy for her parents. “Look, they hold you up as the golden child, the perfect one. I’m sorry this has happened to you, and I’m not trying to lord this over you. But honestly? Couldn’t you have stood up for me once in a while to them?”
Liam sighed and sat back in his chair to wait her out.
Amy nodded. “You’re right,” she softly said. “I should have.” She looked at Liam, then Gwen. “I was always jealous of you.”
That shocked Gwen into momentary silence. “What?”
“Yeah. You had the tenacity to go out and get what you wanted. You got married. I know Dickweed wasn’t a happy ending for you, but you got out of there and away from our parents. You went after the career you dreamed of. You’re making a living at what you love to do. You escaped Mom and Dad.”
Did her sister really think that? Had Gwen been so wrong about her all those years? “But you’re their favorite. What do you have to be jealous over?”
Amy shrugged as she looked into her coffee cup. “You and Liam were always so close. I never fit in with you two.”
Gwen and Liam exchanged a glance. Liam raised a hand to still Gwen’s comments. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
Amy briefly glanced up at Gwen. “When she arrived, suddenly I didn’t matter anymore. You were always all over her. You and I used to play all the time and then little sister arrived and I didn’t matter anymore. I had to be the good child in their eyes because you two always banded together against them.”
“Are you shitting me?” Gwen said, unable to hold back. “You’re trying to blame all this on me?”
“No!” Amy vigorously shook her head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying.” She took a deep breath. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just that for so many years I was trying to keep my head down and be the good kid that I forgot who I was.” She played with her coffee mug. “I didn’t mean to get involved with…him.” Gwen suspected Amy almost slipped and mentioned his name. “I definitely didn’t mean to get pregnant. But I love him, and he loves me.” She looked up at them, defiance splashed across her face. “He makes me feel special. He says that I make him feel special.”
“You’re both special, all right,” Gwen snarked. “I’ll get you both hockey helmets and load you on the short bus to the special school. What were you two thinking? What about the guy’s wife? Do they have any kids?”
Amy shook her head. “No. But he’s always wanted them.” She shrugged. “This isn’t the way we wanted things to happen, but we don’t regret the fact that we want to be together.”
“Did either of you think about the guy’s poor wife!” She’d held back her feelings on this aspect of the fiasco long enough.
“Yes,” Amy said quietly. “That’s why we were trying to keep this hidden until after he’d left her. Then we were going to pretend that we started seeing each other after he was separated.”
Gwen sat back, disgusted with her sister. “Does she know yet, or has the chickenshit even told her? And how do you know he’s even telling you the truth?”
“Because he is,” Amy said defiantly. “There are special circumstances that I can’t tell you about.”
Gwen shook her head. “The only circumstances I need to know is that he’s a liar and a cheat, and if he cheated on his wife, he’ll damn sure cheat on you. Didn’t you learn anything from my experience with Dickweed?”
Liam tried to intervene. “Gee—”
Gwen waved him off. “No, fuck that, Li. I’m sick of Miss Holier-Than-Thou-I-Go-To-Church-And-Show-Off-For-Mom-And-Dad being held up as some stellar example of perfection!” She turned on Amy. “Let me tell you something. That poor woman, if the shit weasel even goes through with leaving her and doesn’t leave you hanging out to dry by yourself, is in for a lot of heartache and pain. Loss of trust. Wondering what was wrong with her that she wasn’t good enough for him.” She felt her own pain and anger from her divorce well up, mix with her fresh pain over losing Tim and Jack, and explode with a force that would make Mt. St. Helens look like a soggy, waterlogged firecracker.
Gwen felt her misery grow in proportion to her rage. “She’s going to go through a lot of anger and pain. She’s going to look at every man she meets in the future and wonder not if, but when, he’s going to lie to her and break her heart. She’s going to date guys who might be great, but hold them to a higher, possibly impossible standard of perfection. She’s going to doubt everything they tell her and look at herself in the mirror every morning and wonder what the fuck is so wrong with her that she can’t keep a guy.” She felt the tears rolling down her face and was vaguely aware that Liam had stood and grabbed her arm.
She shook him off and towered over her sister. “She’s going to wonder why you get to have what she wanted, what’s so special about you that wasn’t special about her. She’s going to feel like shit about herself all because you two couldn’t wait to do the decent thing and he couldn’t keep his pants zipped!”
Amy’s face grew red, but she didn’t say anything in her defense. She didn’t look up at Gwen.
For some reason, that infuriated Gwen even more. “Now you’re going to have a baby with this guy? A guy you can’t even trust not to go running around on you later?”
“He’s not like that,” Amy firmly said.
“No, I’m sure he’s not.” Gwen’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “I’m sure he’s Mr. Perfect, and his wife’s a total whackjob, right? He would neeever cheat on you because you’re so speeeecial,” Gwen said. In full attack mode, she wasn’t about to back down until she’d had her say. Or run out of steam. “Well, let me tell you something. I don’t envy you. I really don’t. Because you’re in for a world of pain and misery. Maybe right now everything with him seems rosy and beautiful, but once a cheat, always a fucking cheat. And I’m going to be the first to say I told you so when he tosses you aside!”
“Gwen!” Liam barked. “Enough, sweetie.”
Gwen swiped at her tears. Amy still wouldn’t look up, but she spoke. “I’ll be out of here this morning after I change clothes. Thank you for picking me up last night, and thank you for loving me enough to be worried about me when I was gone. I’m sorry I put you both through that.” She pushed back from the table and left the kitchen.
Gwen took a few deep breaths before she started sobbing and crumpled into Liam’s arms.
“It’s okay, Gee,” he softly said as he held her. “Richard can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I loved them,” she sobbed. “I loved them both. What am I supposed to do now?”
He knew who she meant. “I don’t have any easy answers for you, sis. But taking your pain out over Tim and Jack on Amy isn’t going to help you or her. Her guy isn’t Richard.”
“He’s going to use her like he’s used his wife.”
“Maybe, but you don’t know that for sure.”
She cried for a few more minutes before retreating to her room. She didn’t come out until after Amy had left in a cab less than an hour later. She regretted blowing up at her sister and knew she shouldn’t have done it.
But why did it feel so good to finally get that old crap out of her system?
Chapter Twelve
Gwen looked over Liam�
�s shoulder as he hacked into Amy’s online calendar. He pointed. “There.”
“Can you e-mail that to me?” Gwen felt a little bad about the invasion of privacy, but only a little. She’d tried calling Amy several times over the past three days, reaching her voice mail every time.
All she’d received in return was a brief e-mail from Amy telling her the apology was accepted.
Gwen felt bad. She deserved the silent treatment from Amy after the things she’d said to her, but she wanted to say them to her in more than just a recorded voice mail. She wanted to try to rebuild a bridge that apparently was never really there in the first place.
Amy wouldn’t talk to Liam, either. He’d received a frantic call from their mother a day earlier, telling them Amy had arrived with a couple of friends and a moving truck while their father was at work.
Apparently Amy didn’t drop the bomb about the baby or her secret guy on the side. She only told their mother that with Liam gone, she’d received an offer to be roommates with a friend of hers who needed the financial help to keep her house from going into foreclosure.
Gwen didn’t approve of the lie, but she did admire Amy’s ingenuity. It was a story their mother might not like, but she couldn’t guilt-trip Amy too terribly much, considering the supposed circumstances.
In a way, Gwen felt sorry for her mom. She was now stuck at home, alone, with their father.
Gwen wanted to have a relationship with her sister. She’d eat crow, apologize like hell, and bite her tongue clean in two if she had to. And if this was the only way she could get Amy to sit still for a few minutes to talk to her, so be it. She wanted to apologize to her sister and try to make amends. This was no time to be petty.
This was a time for her to man up, so to speak, put the past behind her, and be there for her sister.
Liam nodded, brought up another window, and a second later Gwen’s BlackBerry buzzed. “There you go,” he said.
“That’s this afternoon?”
“Yep.”
“Am I doing the right thing?”
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