The glint of amusement in Jared’s eyes sent Faith’s blood sprinting through her veins, reawakening needs she’d all but forgotten.
Fearful Jared would see the longing in her eyes, she turned back to Nicky. “You enjoyed your dancing lesson, didn’t you, darling?” she asked the baby, who smiled and gurgled in response.
Jared laughed. “Do you know, I’ve always wanted to learn to waltz. Maybe you’d like to teach me a step or two.”
Faith felt her mouth go dry at his suggestion. The thought of being held in Jared’s arms, their bodies touching, did strange things to her insides.
“Sorry, dance class is over for today,” she said, a faint huskiness in her voice. “Here...could you put Nicky in his cuddle seat while I get dinner on the table?”
A few minutes later Faith served up two steaming plates of spaghetti, together with a green salad and garlic bread.
“This sauce is delicious. I’m curious. Where did you learn to cook?”
“My mother taught us when we were growing up,”
“Your mother taught you and Paula to cook?”
“Well, that was the idea. But while Paula did make an effort, she wasn’t interested in anything unless it had to do with acting or performing.”
“Having twins must have been hard on your mother. I know how much work one baby is,” he added, flashing a smile at Nicky, who was waving a rattle.
“My father helped a lot. But my mother did complain now and then about us being a bit of a handful, especially Paula. She was much more adventurous, sometimes reckless....” Faith ground to a halt.
“Faith, I’m sorry.” Jared said.
“No, it’s all right” she assured him, summoning a smile. “It makes me feel sad that even though she was my sister, my twin, we weren’t as close as I’d have liked.
“She was always eager to try new things, and got rather impatient with me when I wouldn’t go along with her.
“I could never quite understand why she wanted to be an actress,” Faith continued. “After we graduated from high school we drifted apart. I guess I should have been more supportive, kept in closer touch with her, tried harder....” Her voice cracked.
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Jared said softly. “You weren’t responsible for what Paula chose to do with her life. She knew what she wanted and she went after it, and while her priorities might have been different than yours or mine, give her credit for having the courage and determination to follow her dream.”
Jared was being both kind and forgiving, and again she was left with the impression he’d been willing to take Paula back, to work out their differences, in order to keep their family intact.
Suddenly Nicky let out a frustrated cry and Jared, who’d finished eating, turned to his son.
“I think this little guy is trying to tell me it’s time for his bath,” Jared said as he bent to lift Nicky from the cuddle seat. “You want your bath, don’t you? Now, where did I put my snorkel?”
Nicky’s squeal in response to his father’s voice made Faith smile, but as she rose from her chair to gather up the dishes, she couldn’t ignore the ache throbbing in her heart.
“Nicky was one tired baby, tonight,” Jared commented when he joined Faith in the kitchen half an hour later. “Thanks for bringing his bottle upstairs,” he added as he moved to stand beside her at the sink.
“You’re welcome,” Faith responded as a ripple of awareness danced across her skin in reaction to his nearness.
“Thanks for dinner. It was delicious, by the way, and thanks, too, for cleaning up.” He rinsed Nicky’s bottle under the tap.
Intent on putting some distance between them, Faith grabbed the tea towel and took a step back. “A dishwasher makes things a lot easier,” she said, retreating a little farther.
Jared deftly snagged the loose end of the tea towel and began to dry his hands.
Faith let go her end as if it were on fire. Although he hadn’t actually touched her, Jared was much too close for comfort. Her heart started to race, and suddenly she felt an overwhelming longing to feel his body pressed solidly against hers.
“I fancy a glass of wine. Would you care to join me?” he asked. “There’s a bottle in the wine rack behind you.” He took a step closer.
Her intention was to duck under his arm and make her escape, but she misjudged how close Jared was and instead of avoiding him their bodies collided.
“Whoa!” Jared said at the contract
The impact sent Faith staggering backward, and she would have bumped against the counter but for Jared’s lightning reflexes. He grabbed her and hauled her back into the safety of his arms.
Crushed against his lean, muscular frame, Faith could neither move nor breathe. For several seconds they stood locked in a passionless embrace.
Only moments ago, she’d been longing to feel his body against hers. Her wish had been granted and it felt a little like heaven. Faith closed her eyes.
“Faith? Are you all right?” Jared asked, concern and something more in his voice.
She drew a deep breath. “I think so.” The collision had jarred her, but Jared’s nearness and the emotions he’d aroused were infinitely more disturbing.
The heady male scent of him swirled around her, playing havoc with her senses, stirring forgotten longings.
“Perhaps you’d better sit down,” he suggested, but when he began to ease her out of his arms, she swayed drunkenly.
All at once the room tipped crazily as her feet left the floor. To her astonishment she realized Jared, like a gallant knight of old, had lifted her into his arms.
Without a word, he carried her through to the living room, and with a tenderness that brought tears to her eyes, he lowered her onto the leather chesterfield.
“Is that better?” he asked, concern and something more in his voice.
“Yes, thank you,” Faith replied. “You just knocked the wind out of me, that’s all.”
Jared settled on the edge of the seat. “Are you sure that’s all it was?” His gaze was intense, sending a ripple of need pulsing through her.
Faith couldn’t breathe, much less find her voice. Locked in his heated gaze, she watched in fascination as an emotion she couldn’t decipher flickered in the depths of his blue eyes. Her mouth went dry and her heart shuddered to a halt as Jared slowly closed the gap between them.
Jared was drawn like the proverbial moth to a flame. The need to find out if the memory of their kiss was equal to the real thing was suddenly more than he could resist.
His memory had failed him badly. The difference between this and the dreams that had begun to haunt him recently was like night and day.
The explosion of heat and desire engulfing him rocked him to the core. She tasted of sweetness and innocence, mystery and mayhem, sensuality and sensitivity, and when her mouth opened under his in eager invitation, the temptation to lose himself completely almost overwhelmed him.
Faith responded to Jared’s kiss with all the love she had in her heart. She wanted him, needed him desperately, and as he deepened the kiss, compelling them closer to the edge of reason, she reveled in the knowledge he wanted her, too.
When his mouth left hers to forge a hot, wet path to her ear, she whimpered in protest
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” Jared’s voice was husky with desire.
“Yes! Because you’re doing the same to me. Jared, please...I need you.” Faith’s plea was barely audible as desire bubbled through her like molten lava.
Jared felt his control slipping away. He’d never known such an all-consuming desire, never felt the depth of emotion this woman managed to evoke.
Until now, he’d always kept a tight rein on his heart, priding himself in being able to keep his deepest emotions in check, never allowing anyone to get too close.
From a very early age he’d learned that emotional involvements only made a person vulnerable and ultimately brought nothing but pain and heartache.
The feelings he had for Faith were far stronger than anything he’d felt before. She was leading him into uncharted waters, into territory that was new and decidedly dangerous.
For the first time in his life, he was afraid. Afraid of how much he cared, afraid of what he might have found with Faith, afraid of what he might ultimately lose.
Jared drew a ragged breath. He wanted her, yes, but he was afraid to take the chance of revealing just how much he needed her...loved her.
He pulled free of Faith’s arms and stood up, silently telling himself he was doing the right thing, that he would only end up hurting her.
A chill ran through him at the look of surprise and bewilderment that appeared in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Faith, I can’t do this,” he said, a slight tremor in his voice. “It’s not you, it’s me—” He broke off and raked his hands through his hair. His thoughts were jumbled, his body aching with need, but he struggled to find the right words. “You’re so different. You’re not Paula, and I—”
Faith’s startled gasp brought him to a halt. The look of pain darkening her eyes tore at his heart and he knew he’d bungled it.
“Faith! No...that’s not what I meant.... You don’t understand—”
“You’re wrong, Jared,” Faith said as she quickly scrambled to her feet. Her heart was breaking, her body still throbbing with the need he’d aroused. “I understand perfectly,” she said, and without another word she turned and ran from the room.
Chapter Eleven
Faith stumbled up the stairs. She didn’t stop until she’d reached the sanctuary of her room. Closing the door, she leaned against it and slowly slid to the floor. Only then did she let the tears fall.
Lowering her head to her knees, she wept. There was little joy in knowing she’d been right. Jared had loved Paula, was still in love with Paula.
He’d kissed her only because she reminded him of her twin, and she was a fool to think he’d been attracted to her for any other reason.
Faith took several deep breaths. It didn’t help that being in Jared’s arms had felt so wonderful, so right. The passion his kiss had ignited still hummed through her system. She’d never experienced such an overpowering desire before, and she very much doubted she would again.
The thought of facing Jared after what had happened between them brought a moan to her lips. Only a few hours ago she’d wanted to stay in Grace Harbor forever. Now she couldn’t wait to leave. She told herself returning to San Francisco was best for everyone, and suddenly her upcoming project with Jake Jones looked like her salvation.
A knock on her bedroom door startled her.
“Faith! Please open the door. We need to talk.” The sound of Jared’s voice sent a quiver of remembered need through her. Hugging her knees to her chest, she held her breath.
“Faith! Please.”
She made no reply, sure he must hear the drumming of her heart. When at last she heard the soft tread of his footsteps moving down the hall, she sighed with relief.
Faith spent a miserable night, dozing fitfully. It was still dark when she glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It was almost seven. For the past hour she’d been staring at the ceiling.
She knew it was cowardly to run, and the thought of leaving Nicky tore at her heart, but after the disastrous encounter with Jared last night, she needed to get away and lick her wounds in private.
Besides, Jared was quite capable of looking after Nicky, and with the weekend approaching, he’d manage on his own for a few days.
Although he hadn’t said as much, she assumed he’d already interviewed all four candidates for the job of nanny. She was confident he’d have no trouble choosing one. She could only hope the new nanny would be available to start soon.
When Nicky started to cry, Faith automatically pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed, but as she reached the door she heard Jared’s heavy tread in the hallway.
Any other morning she would have gone downstairs and warmed Nicky’s bottle and brought it up to the nursery for him. She’d enjoyed those precious times they spent together, like a real family. But her fantasy was just that, a fantasy, and she’d been a fool to think it could be anything else.
Faith headed for the shower. She wasn’t looking forward to facing Jared. Standing under the hot spray, she wished she could wave her hand and somehow magically whisk herself back to San Francisco.
After pulling on her jeans and sweater, she plugged in the hair dryer. A few minutes later she heard a loud knock on her bedroom door.
Ignoring Jared would be rude and juvenile, she told herself, and so she switched off the hair dryer, and crossed to the door.
Jared stood in the hall dressed in a double-breasted slate gray suit, white shirt and striped tie. His hair glistened with moisture, his jaw looked smooth and inviting, and the scent of lime and leather tickled her nostrils, sending her pulse into overdrive.
“Sorry to bother you.” Jared said. “I’ve already changed Nicky and given him his bottle. I’m driving to Newport this morning to meet with a client. But I couldn’t leave without making sure you were all right and to say I’m sorry about last night.”
“Don’t be...” Faith quickly responded, the pain of his rejection returning full force. “We’ve both been under stress lately,” she said, wishing he would go.
“That’s true, but we still need to talk,” he insisted. “I’d like to explain—”
“There’s nothing to explain.”
“I disagree.” Jared countered, frustration edging his voice. “I wish I could stay and sort this out now, but I have to go. Can we talk later?”
Faith could only nod in response. The ball of emotion lodged in her throat made it impossible for her to speak. Besides, he didn’t have to explain. She already knew the reason he’d rejected her. He couldn’t love her because he was still in love with her twin sister, the mother of his child.
After Jared left, Faith finished blow-drying her hair before checking on Nicky. He lay in his crib kicking his legs and waving his arms, intrigued as always by the mobile circling above his head.
Faith spent the next hour tending to him. She sang to him as she bathed him, she made him smile, delighting in the child who had given her back her peace of mind and melted the ice around her heart.
When Nicky dozed off. Faith headed downstairs, noticing through the kitchen window that it had started snowing.
She located the phone book and dialed the number for Grace Harbor’s bus depot. She voiced her question, and was politely told buses for Portland left at eleven, one and three every day, while buses to Seattle left at noon, two and four.
Faith hung up and glanced at the clock. It was almost ten. Portland was out, she decided, but she could easily catch the bus to Seattle at noon.
With two hours to get organized, she picked up the phone, dialed Maggie’s number and asked her friend if she could look after Nicky for a few hours.
After packing the items she’d brought with her, Faith saw that Nicky had awakened from his nap. She dressed him and played with him, prolonging these last precious moments, not knowing when she would see him again.
Outside it was still snowing. Faith was surprised to see there was already an accumulation of about an inch on the ground, but she decided to walk the short distance with Nicky to Maggie and Dylan’s house anyway.
Even though Maggie invited her to stay, Faith politely declined, knowing she had to get going. “Just let me give Nicky a goodbye kiss,” Faith said, reaching for the baby.
As she lifted Nicky into her arms she felt tears prick her eyes. Burying her face in the folds of his jacket, she hugged and kissed the baby she’d come to love like her own son. “Goodbye, my darling,” she whispered against his cheek.
“Faith? Are you all right?” Maggie asked.
“I’m fine,” Faith replied, blinking back tears.
“You’d think you were leaving him here forever,” Maggie teased, taking Nicky once more.
Faith
summoned a smile. “I’d better go.”
“See you a little later. Mind how you go.”
“I will,” Faith replied, managing to smile again. Slipping outside, she closed the door behind her.
Faith stood on the doorstep for several seconds, struggling to suppress the sob rising in her throat, telling herself over and over she would have all the time in the world to cry once she was back in San Francisco.
When she reached the end of the driveway, she picked up her knapsack from where she’d left it and hurried down Indigo Street, oblivious to the snow falling like confetti around her. By the time she reached the bus station she was wet and cold. After buying her ticket to Seattle, she glanced at the clock. The bus was scheduled to leave in ten minutes.
Crossing to the small bank of phones, she dropped in a quarter and dialed Jared’s number. She waited for the answering machine to pick up, and at the sound of Jared’s voice a fresh wave of pain washed over her. Gripping the receiver tightly in her hand, she took a deep breath.
“Jared, it’s Faith. Nicky’s with Maggie. By the time you get this message I’ll be on my way to San Francisco. We both know it’s for the best. Goodbye.”
She hung up and walked outside to board the bus.
“Any messages?” Jared asked as he swept into the office, brushing snow from his coat.
“They’re on your desk,” Sally said.
Jared slid off his coat and tossed it on the chair in his office. Picking up the pile of message slips, he thumbed through them.
He’d just arrived back from Newport. The meeting hadn’t gone at all well, due to the fact he’d been distracted by thoughts of Faith and the kiss they’d shared the night before.
He wished he hadn’t had an appointment, wished he’d had a chance to talk to her. He’d seen the redness in her eyes, a sure sign she’d spent the night crying.
Jared smiled ruefully. He still couldn’t get Faith out of his mind, nor her wild response to his kiss, a response that had sent his world spinning out of control.
The Baby Arrangement Page 12
