by Lea Coll
“Thank you.”
He sat next to me, his knees brushing mine. “What happened today?”
There was no censure in his gaze, no disappointment that I’d missed his game. Tears welled up in my eyes that he might be understanding as to why I was absent. “I haven’t talked much about my family.”
“You said you’re close to them.”
I took a deep breath. My parents wanted me to keep things a secret, but I couldn’t lie to Reid, not when he meant so much to me. “It’s more than that. My mom was diagnosed with MS when I was in high school. The diagnosis was a relief, but there’s a lot of uncertainty that came with it. She doesn’t handle it well. My father doesn’t either. I help out as much as I can.”
He cradled my hands in his, bringing them to rest in his lap. “She needed your help today?”
“She needed me to be there.” It was hard to talk about things I’d rarely mentioned to anyone. I told the girls a little, but not all of it.
“I came over to see if you were okay, to see if you need me. I want to know what’s going on with you. I want to help if I can.”
My spine straightened. The ache that had dissipated slightly with the shower returned. “There’s nothing you can do. She has MS. She was diagnosed when I was in high school. Her symptoms are unpredictable, coming and going.”
“What did you do today?” His voice was reasonable, not reacting to the edge in mine.
“I sat with her, made sure she was okay. Sometimes the mental health aspect is harder than the physical. Although the physical was pretty scary today. She woke up with double vision. She wasn’t able to see the water, the TV, or even read.” The shock from her pronouncement from this morning was still there.
He moved one hand from mine, rubbing my back. “That must have been hard for both of you.”
Reid’s comforting touch gave me the space to let out what I normally kept stored inside. “She’s the one who can’t see, who has to face it. My father was out of town.”
“Does she have anyone that cares for her when your father is gone?”
“We hired someone. Although, she’s more of a housekeeper. She keeps an eye on Mom but she’s not a nurse. I’d forgotten my dad was out of town this weekend. Darlene called to tell me what she was going through. I feel guilty for not being there yesterday.”
“Darlene handled it until you got there.”
“She did, but it’s my responsibility.” I’d called my dad this afternoon. He was livid that I hadn’t come over on Saturday.
Reid pressed his lips tightly together as if he was trying not to give his opinion.
“Anyway, that’s what happened. I’m really sorry about missing your game. I would have loved to have been there.”
“You didn’t miss anything. We lost.”
“I don’t care whether you win or not. I just want to be there to support you.”
“It’s okay. I love when you’re there, but family comes first.” His face was genuine, his words sincere.
Telling him was opening something inside of me. Instead of feeling guilty, I felt relieved. My limbs felt loose, the tension in my neck and back slowly released, the tears that threatened before came back to the surface. “Exactly. Family comes first.”
“Next time, please let me know what’s going on so I can help.” His tone was slightly chiding.
I tilted my head. If my parents allowed it, I’d love to have someone to share the burden with, even if it was someone to lean on or to be a support, like he was doing now. “How can you help?”
He leaned back on the couch, pulling me into his side. “Even if this is all I can do, it’s still something.”
I nuzzled into his chest, letting his warmth soothe me from the inside out. I couldn’t deny that him being here was nice.
After a few seconds of silence, he asked, “Do you have any other family in the area that helps?”
“No. My mom doesn’t like anyone to know.”
“She never told her friends?”
“No. When she eased back from those relationships, they didn’t inquire, as far as I know. It’s not like they’ve shown up at the house to make sure she’s okay. But I don’t know what she told them exactly.”
“She’s private.”
“Very. She’s embarrassed. She doesn’t want people to think less of her.” It was similar to how Reid felt about his speech impediment.
He tightened his hold on my shoulders. “That means you bear the brunt of it.”
I stiffened, feeling guilty talking about it being a burden even though it was how I felt. “My father helps.”
“Maybe you should talk to him about having a nurse come in.”
“I don’t think we’re at that point yet. Maybe when she has difficulty walking.”
“If she can’t see that would create mobility issues.”
I chewed my lip, thinking about his suggestion. “You’re right. I’ll talk to my dad.”
Silence fell between us. I thought back to the day, wondering if I could have handled things differently. “I shouldn’t have been thrown off by today. We know relapses are possible, but they are hard to accept, if that makes sense. I felt guilty for being happy when I should have been with her.”
“You feel guilty for what we have?” His words ghosted over the top of my head, sending tingles down my spine.
I nodded against his chest, the shame covering me like a blanket I wasn’t even sure he could penetrate.
“Why do you feel that way?”
“I forgot my dad was out of town. I should have been checking in on her more. I was distracted.” The words fell easily from my lips. This I understood. Guilt. Shame. Censure for not being more.
“You were distracted by me?” He seemed a little surprised by my insinuation.
I eased out of his arms. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. This is on me.”
He watched me carefully as if he was trying to figure something out. “There’s nothing wrong with being happy.”
“Of course not.” It wasn’t being happy that was the problem, it was letting things or people distract me.
“You feel guilty though.” His words were carefully measured.
I shrugged. “Yeah, I can’t help it.”
“Come here.” I sank back into his arms, grateful for his presence after a long emotional day. I was filled with guilt over disappointing my family and Reid. I wanted to be there for both, even though I wasn’t sure it was possible.
With one hand on my back, the other played with the strands of my hair, it was soothing. “Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it.”
I didn’t even know what it was like to unburden myself on someone. It was a feeling I could get used to. I had to be careful not to rely on him too much. He could walk away, decide it was too much to deal with.
Chapter Thirty-One
DYLAN
Reid spent the night, comforting me with his understanding, his need to be there for me. I almost believed the illusion that I could have it all, family, my career, and Reid. There was still this nagging feeling that it could all go wrong.
We drove to Baltimore separately in the morning because Lena called me in for a meeting. The fact that Reid wasn’t included made me edgy. Lena gave me the freedom to get Kids Speak off the ground but it was time to officially announce our partnership.
Lena turned her attention from her computer, clasping her hands together on the desk. “Thank you for coming in this morning.”
“Of course.”
“Next week is Thanksgiving. As we previously discussed, we’re going to announce our partnership with Kids Speak. We’ll invite the kids on the field, make the announcement, provide them a feast to eat during the game.”
“That sounds amazing.” I’d be able to see Reid’s game, meet his family. Maybe I could convince my parents to come.
“Also, Hadley mentioned you’re having a holiday gala for Kids Speak in December. We’d like to host
that here at the Press Box. Invite the kids and their families, make it a big celebration.”
Excitement flowed through me that she was offering up the swanky lounge in the stadium. “I’ll need to talk to my partners about it, but it sounds like something they’d be fine with.”
Lena leaned in closer, her eyes filled with excitement. “I think we need a player to speak that night, to present him as the spokesman for the team.”
My mind whirred with possibilities, Reid’s teammates were already able and willing to do something like this. They’d be great. “Were you thinking of Jonah or Chase?”
Her smile widened. “Reid Everson.”
“I’m sorry?” My stomach dropped.
“Reid Everson. Coach Ackerman said he’s been volunteering consistently. He’s even bonded with one of the kids. The organization is clearly important to him. He needs the publicity. This is the perfect solution. It will allow the fans to get to know him better.”
“He won’t want to,” I said carefully.
“You seem to have a rapport with him. You got him to volunteer when he was reluctant. I’m confident you can convince him.”
Tension crept up my shoulders. It was because of our unique relationship I didn’t want to convince him to be the spokesman. The irony was I’d orchestrated our blind date with the sole purpose of asking him to be the Kids Speak’s spokesman. Now Lena wanted the same thing. I couldn’t do it.
“I thought you’d be happy. When you asked me to set you up with Reid Everson on the blind date, you said it was to ask him this same thing. We both want this.”
Shame filled me that she was right. I had orchestrated our first meeting for this very outcome. How could I possibly explain it was something I wanted, but he didn’t. Remembering how he drove to my house to ensure I was okay last night, there was no way I’d feel comfortable asking him now.
She tilted her head slightly. “Has something changed? Do you not think he’d be the perfect choice?”
He would be. She had no idea how perfect. “I do, but I don’t think he’ll change his mind.”
“I want him to speak at the holiday gala to describe what he’s been doing with the program. His contract is up at the end of the year. If Reid wants to show Lincoln this is where he belongs, this will help. This is the reason you wanted to partner with us, isn’t it?”
I nodded, the knot in my stomach twisting more at the mention of Reid’s contract being up at the end of the year. He could be traded to a different city. “Yes.”
“I was impressed when I met you, Dylan. I saw myself in you. You’re tenacious. You go after what you want.
I always thought I was good at getting what I wanted. To have her spell it out like this, calling me an opportunist, didn’t sit right with me. Did I take advantage of people to get what I wanted? The means justified the ends? I felt numb as if she was talking to me from the end of a long tunnel. I didn’t want to reach the end to hear what she had to say. I wanted to cover my head, hiding from her demands, her implications.
She made it seem like my relationship with Reid was a means to an end. When it was the realest thing in my life. “I don’t feel comfortable doing this.”
“The contract allows us to pick the spokesperson. If you can’t convince him, I’ll remind him it’s an obligation.”
The contract did say that. It wasn’t something I’d thought about before now. The organization had been hands-off since it began. The only demand was the move to Baltimore.
“You don’t have a choice in the matter. That should ease your conscience.”
Except it didn’t. Any respect I had for Lena dimmed. She was cutthroat. She was nothing like me. I didn’t trust her enough to tell her what was really going on with Reid. He wouldn’t want me to talk about him anyway.
I left her office, the unease twisted into a knot in my stomach, turning until tension crept up my back to my shoulders, my neck. My head throbbed with pain.
I’d be up front with him. I’d tell him the truth. It was the team’s ultimate choice. It was in his contract to cooperate.
He’d only care that I was betraying him. That I was advocating for someone who wasn’t him.
I wanted to be there for him like he’d been for me last night. I wanted to be the person he could count on, but I wasn’t sure that was the case.
Lena hadn’t demanded I tell him immediately, so I could wait until after Thanksgiving. I could meet his family, see how the announcement on the field went, maybe Lena would change her mind or Reid would be more open to the idea.
I’d focus on Thanksgiving, push the task for another day. I wanted to bask in the illusion of Reid and me for a little longer.
On the drive to work, I called my dad. I couldn’t put off telling him about my Thanksgiving plans.
“You calling for an update on Mom?” he immediately asked
“Yes. I had something else I need to talk to you about too.”
“She’s hanging in there. She has an appointment with an eye doctor. I know there’s not much they can do…”
“It’s tough. Hopefully, this episode doesn’t last long. I know she won’t want to miss all of the holiday celebrations.” If she couldn’t see the ornaments on the tree it was going to be a depressing Christmas for all of us.
She wouldn’t want to decorate, attend church, or possibly celebrate at all.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“The team is announcing its partnership with Kids Speak at the football game on Thanksgiving Day. It’s during your dinner.”
“Do you need to attend?”
My stomach tightened at his implication. “I’m the one organizing it.”
He was quiet for a few seconds. “I’d never tell you to choose family over work or even a nonprofit.”
I’d hoped he wouldn’t but I wasn’t sure. “Is it possible we could have dinner another day?”
“I don’t know. You’re mother’s pretty set in her ways.” His words drifted off by the end.
I racked my brain trying to think of an alternative. “Would she want to come to the game?”
He sighed. “What’s the point? She won’t be able to see it.”
“That’s true.” The line was quiet for a few seconds. “I’m sorry, Dad. I feel terrible about missing it, but I can’t get out of it.”
“I know. I’ll talk to her.” His tone was defeated.
Between her vision issues and me not being there for the holiday she was going to have a tough time. “We can celebrate it on Friday. Make it extra special.”
I infused as much brightness as I could into my voice.
“We’ll see.”
I said goodbye, promising to stop by soon.
The next week, the knot in my stomach never went away. It only grew larger, collecting more concerns, until my stomach was tight with it. I touched my stomach as I drove to the stadium for the Thanksgiving game, pressing as if I could break it up, make it go away, but it was no use. I needed to talk to Reid soon or it would eat me up.
Mom refused to come to the game, her vision issues making it impossible for her to enjoy it. She didn’t want to meet Reid’s family when they’d be blurry.
Reid understood. He said there would be plenty of time for our families to meet, but I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t positive he would want to see me after I talked to him about Lena’s plans for him. I was nervous about meeting his family especially on a day I was already preoccupied with Kids Speak. I’d never taken that step with anyone else.
I pulled into a spot Lena reserved for me so I could arrive early to make sure things were set up. Reid was so excited to see Quinton and all the kids, but the players couldn’t join them for the ceremony at halftime. Instead, Reid asked if the kids could visit with them before the game outside the locker room.
It would be easier to let Lena break the news to Reid. She could be the bad guy but she didn’t know about his speech issues. I figured he’d feel more comfortable discussing the logistics with
me versus her. I had his best interests at heart. She didn’t.
Callie took me through the side-by-side boxes where the kids would watch the game with their parents. Each room was identical with plush executive-looking seating inside, stadium-seating on the balcony, a kitchenette along one wall, a table where the caterers were setting up the food on the other side. A large screen TV hung above the table, a smaller one in the corner so you wouldn’t miss any of the action. They’d been decorated with purple and black balloons and streamers to make the room more kid friendly. It looked exactly how I hoped it would.
I stepped closer to the window looking out on the field where I’d thrown a football with Reid. It seemed so much bigger up here. Like Reid, it was larger than life, making me feel small, almost insignificant.
I turned to Callie. “Everything looks great.”
Lena opened the door. “Oh good. You’re here. I wanted to talk to you about the timeline.”
I’d been avoiding her as much as possible during preparations. “Sure.”
“The players will meet the kids when they leave the locker room. They’ve allotted ten minutes to greet them, get pictures, then run out the tunnel. It’s not a lot of time, but we thought it would have the most impact on the kids. The players are open to having a day where the kids come to the field after the season is over. They can throw the ball, run some drills.”
My heart soared that the guys were offering their free time to meet with them. “That would be amazing.”
“Have you spoken with Reid about what we discussed?” Her expression was expectant.
I kept my focus on Lena, not wanting to see the questions I’d see in Callie’s eyes.
“Not yet. I’ll talk to him after today. I don’t want to distract him from the game.”
“Make sure it’s soon. I need to speak with him about my expectations.”
“Of course.” I offered her a tight smile before she left. My stomach rolled with dread about what her expectations would entail.
Callie folded her arms across her chest, raising her brow. “What’s she talking about? What do you need to discuss with Reid?”
