So, maybe he wasn’t supposed to have the life he had only gotten a glimpse of. He was destined to be the best damn hockey player alive and be alone doing it. Fine. Fate had sure played a cruel joke on him. Dangling Ally in front of him like that. Here is happiness and love, but you can’t have it. Ha. Ha.
He wouldn’t make that mistake twice. From now on, he would go back to how he was before he met Ally and be content with being alone.
What made him the angriest was the fact that he didn’t want to imagine a world without her. But now he was left with no other choice. How often could he say he came across a woman who he couldn’t imagine not waking up next to for the rest of his life?
Um, never.
With his house on the market and the ink on his new contract still wet, all that was left to do was to start packing. Besides his clothes, Ben didn’t really have all that much to pack. A few kitchen plates, utensils, toiletries and video games. That was it.
This was it? This was all his home life consisted of? Some paper plates, shampoo and a box of PlayStation games? It had never bothered him before but now he wanted more. Much more.
He wanted his bathroom littered with Ally’s lip balm, her girlie soaps and that wonderful strawberry scented shampoo she used everyday. He wanted pots and pans toppling over in the cupboard, ready for them to cook a meal together. He wanted her school books cluttered on the coffee table and one of Gram’s old fuzzy Afghans on the couch. Ally’s tee shirts belonged hanging neatly in a row next to his suits.
Instead, he was boxing up his meager belongings with no hope of them ever being merged with hers. He would ship everything to Denver and start over again.
Alone.
Suddenly, he noticed how quiet his house was. It was eerily quiet, which was what he used to love about it. A peaceful tranquil place to escape to in between games.
But now, he missed Ally’s laughter and how her voice used to carry down the hall. He missed her music. The mellow sounds of Travis, Keane and Death Cab for Cutie. They provided a balance compared to his favorite bands Nickelback and Breaking Benjamin and he had never bought in to the whole ‘yin and yang’ theory before. The teapot should be whistling because she was always making a mug of herbal tea. How would he live without these sounds? He didn’t know. But he did know that he had to literally pick up his ‘yang’ and move on. Alone. With no ‘yin’ in sight.
Ben turned on the stereo to the local hard rock station and cranked up the volume. He started cleaning out his kitchen cupboards when the phone rang. He looked at the caller ID. Not that he was expecting it to be her, but it had already been six days. Six long, drawn-out days. It had been the longest they had ever gone without speaking to each other.
It was Jerrold calling. Ben answered the phone and turned down the music. “Hey Jer.”
“Benny, did you see the headlines?”
“Nah, I had a little setback,” Ben said somberly.
Little enough to make me want to remain paralyzed with heartbreak and stay in bed for the next two-hundred years.
“Everything’s going your way, what could possibly be wrong?”
“Ally’s not coming to Colorado. Oh, and by the way, she also turned down my marriage proposal.”
No bitterness here.
“Ah, man, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?” Jerrold was always quick to start solving a problem. It was his most important job as Ben’s agent.
How about a jump start to my ego?
“Nah. I’m ready to start a new chapter,” Ben desperately tried to convince himself. “Denver is just what I need.”
“Now, that’s the right attitude. This is going to be a good thing, Benny. You’re going to have everything you ever wanted in Denver. Maybe even a Gordie Prince Cup by the end of the season if everything goes right.”
Everything except the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Unfortunately, The Cup didn’t seem as coveted to Ben lately.
“Yeah,” Ben said halfheartedly. “Hey, what were you saying about the headlines?”
“It’s all over the news. The Iceman Is Coming To The Blizzards. Denver’s Golden Boy Returns To Hometown. The networks want to set up some interview time with you.”
“Cool. I can make the rounds as soon as I’m done with everything here.”
“Are you packing yet?”
“I’m starting. I put the house on the market and made arrangements with an automobile transport service to ship my car and truck to Denver.”
“Good. Oh, before I forget, the real reason I called was to tell you the Blizzards organization is putting you up in an apartment until you can find a place of your own. It’s in a great area downtown, fully furnished with a spectacular view of the city.”
“Nice. That’ll help out a lot. Wait--you said view? This place has a yard for my dog, right?”
“Oh no!” Ben could almost hear Jerrold kicking himself. “How could I forget something the size of a freakin’ horse? I forgot about Moose, Benny. No yard. This place is a high-rise apartment building. I’m not sure if they allow pets. I promise you I’ll find out and if they don’t, I’ll personally scour the city for a place for you.”
“Thanks, Jerry. I gotta be able to bring my dog.” Particularly, as he was the only one coming with him. Old faithful Moose. It seemed like Moose was the only thing Ben could count on these days. Good ‘ole man’s best friend.
“All right. I’d better make some calls and see what I can come up with for you.”
“Talk to ya later, Jer.”
As soon as Ben hung up the phone, it rang again. So much for getting any packing done.
This time Ben was happy to see it was his Uncle Bobby calling. He answered the phone and sunk down into his leather recliner. “Howdy, Coach.”
Ben was glad it was already natural to call his Uncle Bobby “Coach” because now he was going to be his actual head coach. Joining the Blizzards, a team with one of the most respected coaches in the league, was the best opportunity Ben had ever had.
“Ben. I heard the news and wanted to call and congratulate you.”
“Thanks. I planned on calling you myself, but I’ve been a little busy.”
“As you should be, son. I’m sure you have a lot to do.” Coach’s tone turned serious. “Look Ben, you’ve played around in California long enough,” Bobby said harshly. He made it sound like Ben spent every day surfing and hanging out around a bonfire for the last five years instead of what he was really doing. Busting his ass on the ice to bring his team closer to winning The Cup. “Now, it’s time to join the Big Boys’ team. We acquired Marc-Edouard Boulet from Montreal and a guy from a league in Moscow. And we’ve got some great prospects in the minor leagues. Have you been working with a trainer this summer? Training camp will come quickly and I want you to be ready.”
On opening day of training camp, players faced a battery of physical tests including strength, heart, blood and x-rays to gauge their fitness. Ben was familiar with the drill, but he hadn’t given it much thought lately.
“A little,” Ben exaggerated.
Every bit of his time during the summer had been spent with Ally. In any case, the off-season was a time to rest because of how grueling the season was. Coach thought differently.
“We can’t use training camp to get you in shape. You need to be working on that ahead of time. I want you prepared. I want you working on the fundamentals so you don’t tense up in important times on the ice. Do you have a trainer set up for when you get into in town?” Bobby was all business, as he always had been. He had a soft spot for Ben, but he still kept on him like a drill sergeant because he knew Ben had great talent and skill.
“Not yet, but I’m sure you can recommend someone.”
“I’ll get someone lined up for you to work with. Oh, your Aunt Nan wants to say something.” Coach passed the phone to his wife and her friendly voice was a welcomed sound to Ben.
“Oh, Ben. We can’t wait for you to move to Denve
r. It will be so nice having you living close by again. I’d love to take care of your little dog while you’re out of town.” Nan talked about Moose like he was a Pomeranian or something.
Ben smiled and laid his head back in the chair. “Aunt Nan, Moose tips the scales at two-hundred pounds now.”
“Oh, goodness. Well, it doesn’t matter, hon. We’re just glad you’re coming home.”
“About that. The team is putting me up in an apartment, but I’m not sure the place allows pets…”
“We’d be glad to take care of Moose for you, dear. There’s plenty of room for him to roam around here. I would offer up the guest room for you to stay in, but I’m having it remodeled along with the rest of the house. The bedroom set won’t be delivered for another six weeks and I already had the old one hauled away. I apologize for the bad timing. The thought of you in a little apartment all alone…”
“Nan, I’ll be fine. I’m more worried about Moose.”
Especially now that Ally wasn’t joining him, Ben thought living with family would have been a good temporary arrangement. It would have been nice to have them around as he adjusted to a new team. In any case, Bobby and Nan only lived a few minutes across town.
“We’ll do whatever we can to help.”
“Thank you, Aunt Nan, you‘re a lifesaver.”
Chapter Nineteen
Take This Job…
When Ally arrived at work in the morning, the office was eerily quiet. She saw packing boxes sitting on a waiting room chair and a roll of bubble wrap on the counter. Although there was a rock lodged in her stomach, Ally forced a smile on her face. “Mornin’ Lynn.”
Lynn looked up from the desk and her face looked gloomy. “Good morning, Ally. Can you come into the office for a minute?”
“Sure.”
Ally followed her into Dr. Kaufmann’s small office. It was cluttered wall to wall with medical journals and books. Lynn took a seat behind the old mahogany desk that took up most of the room. Ally felt a strange twinge in her stomach like she had been called into the principal’s office. Even though she thought of Lynn as a friend, she still had a bad feeling about this. The last time she had sat in this cramped office was when she interviewed for her job two years ago.
“I’m sure your wondering about the packing boxes.”
Ally nodded, afraid to speak.
“Ally, as you know, business has been really slow for us lately.”
That was an understatement and they both knew it.
Lynn continued, “Ever since the Red Valley Animal Clinic opened their doors, we’ve been struggling to make ends meet on the business side of things.
Ally shifted in her seat and fiddled with the hem of her ladybugs scrub top.
This is the part where I lose my job.
“Ally, Doctor and I are closing down the clinic.”
“Oh, Lynn. I’m so sorry.”
This was more than she had expected.
“It’s okay.” Lynn didn’t sound stressed about it, but almost relieved. It was sad after nearly three decades of business, but it was time to start doing all of the things with her husband that they had put off for so many years. “I’ve been trying to get Doctor to retire for years. Now, we can have the time to travel. The new clinic has taken most of our regulars anyway, so…” She clamped her lips together and thought of decades gone by. This place had been her and her husband’s life for so long. But it was time to move on. Lynn was tired of fighting for her dying business. It was all over now.
“Well, you two deserve some time for yourselves.” Ally reached over and patted Lynn’s hand.
“I’m not sure that’s what I’ll be getting. Doctor wants to fish.”
“Fish?”
“Yup. He said that after we travel the world, he wants to take his boat out on August Lake and fish. Everyday.”
Ally snickered at Lynn’s obvious lack of enthusiasm for Doctor’s retirement plans. “You never know, you might like it.”
“Once, maybe. But not everyday. Chloe is going to let me help out at the boutique.”
“That’ll be fun. Selling dresses to red carpet hopefuls.”
They smiled at each other from across the desk.
“Oh, Ally. I apologize if this puts you in a bind financially. We’ll provide you with whatever recommendations and references you need to get a new job. You’ve been a great help to us.”
“Thank you. I’ve loved every minute of working for you.”
“You really have been invaluable and I wish you the best of luck out there. Now,” Lynn stood up. “Give us a hug and then we need to start packing. It’s going to take us a week just to pack up Doctor’s office!”
Ally got up and gave Lynn the hug she looked like she needed. When Ally turned to leave she noticed the newspaper lying on Dr. Kaufmann’s desk.
“Heart Memorial Trophy Winner To Return To Denver,” the headline read. “On the opening day of the NHL’s free agent period, defenseman Benjamin Price signed a contract with the Denver Blizzards for an undisclosed amount.”
Ally skimmed the words below the headline, then walked out of the office behind Lynn.
* * *
Even though Ally felt like she was standing still in time, the next few days flew by. She continued to take care of Gram and help Lynn pack up the vet’s office but her heart wasn’t in it. She went through the motions of her life in a fog. Her only focus was filling the time and the huge void that Ben had left. Secretly, she watched UNHL coverage on the hockey network and looked forward to seeing him play once the season started. Maybe catching a glimpse of his number whizzing by on the ice would bring her comfort.
Ally’s enrollment deadline for the new fall semester of school came and went. She took the catalog of courses and buried it in the trash under some take-out containers. There was always time for school later. It was too hard to focus on now. It reminded her too much of the future (whatever it might be) when all she wanted to do was rewind to the past when everything wasn’t so complicated.
* * *
The next day, the movers picked up all of Ben’s furniture and boxes. Because the new apartment came fully furnished, everything would be taken to a storage building in Denver where it would sit until he found a new house to move it all back in to. Jerrold reported that the apartment building allowed pets after all and, as long as Moose did okay in the small space, Ben thought he might wait a while before jumping into a new place. He wanted to take his time and get something really nice in Denver.
Ben went out to the patio and leaned against the railing. The city spread out before him lit up like a Christmas tree. Too bad its sparkling beauty was lost on him tonight. He tried not to think of his first kiss with Ally. It felt like a trillion years ago that they were standing right here on this very spot. Kissing in the moonlight.
He missed Ally the most at night. For the past week and a half, his bed remained cold and empty.
I guess I’d better get used to it.
He rubbed his stubbly jaw. He hadn’t shaved since that fateful day at the dam and the scruffiness made him feel like shit. But, then again, he felt like shit all over. He hadn’t been able to sleep or eat or concentrate on anything. Damn it. She had done a number on him. He was well on his way to becoming The Grizzly Man of the Colorado Rockies.
What the hell, maybe I should just forget everything and move into a dark cave.
Nah.
That was what was so great about the sport of hockey. Ben would be able to immerse himself into it and try to forget about the past. But, in order for him to put the past behind him, he needed to stop thinking about it already.
He went back into the empty house and looked around one last time to make sure he didn’t forget anything. All of the closets and cupboards were empty. The furniture was gone. Even his vehicles were in transit. The only thing left to do was get on a plane in the morning.
But first, there was one last thing he needed to do.
August Lake welcomed Ben like shelte
r in a storm. He knew it would be painful, but their special place beckoned to him. He wanted to see it one last time before he got on the plane tomorrow.
Ben rolled down the windows of his rental car and took comfort in the hum of the engine as he made his way up the windy road. At the curve of a hairpin turn, a pair of deer stood frozen in his headlights. Their black eyes glittered in the light and he slowed the car and waited for them to move. Finally, they scampered back into the woods. He parked the car at the vista point and got out into the crisp night air. It looked different in the dark. The dam was lit up like a beacon in the night sky and the only sound came from a few crickets hidden in the nearby bushes.
Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. There was something he had to do. He couldn’t let it end. Not like this.
She answered on the first ring.
“Ally, it’s me.” His voice reached out to her in the night.
Silence answered him.
“I know it’s late, but I thought I’d take a chance on you being awake.” And changing your mind.
“I’m still awake.” Her voice sounded small and far away.
“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t want to leave things like this between us.” What if, when he came back into town to play the Razors, they ran into each other and things were weird between them? He couldn’t bare it. He had to make it right. Or at least try to. That, or end things altogether.
He could faintly hear her breathing on the other end. “Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” She was watching television in the dark. The TV was the only light on in the room and flickered each time Conan O’Brien jumped around on camera. She muted the zany talk show host as he was about to tell a joke about Kirstie Alley. She wanted to give Ben her full attention. Despite what had happened, she wanted to give all of herself to him.
“I called you,” she said into the darkness. She’d tried calling him at home and on his cell the day after their meeting at the dam but she only reached his voice mail. She’d been beating herself up for the past week. She still loved Ben and still wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t get passed the timing. She’d made her decision and her bed. And now she had to lie in it. Alone.
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