by Sarah Holman
Kate’s Dilemma
Kate’s Case Files, Book 3
By Sarah Holman
Dedication
Before You Begin
Nightmare
She’s Not the Same
Assignment
The Sister
Arrival
Stay Away
Gus
You Can’t Save the World
You’re Just Afraid
No Petting the Tiger
Plantation Pillars
Do You Steal?
You Don’t Know
Broken Link
I Can’t
Stonewalled
What If
We’ll Look Into It
Warning
Rescue
The Past
A New Perspective
Team Project?
In the Car
All to Jesus
About Kate
Decision
Note from the Author
Kate’s Dilemma
Book 3 in the Kate’s Case Files Series
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Holman
www.thedestinyofone.com
Cover Design by Perry Elisabeth
www.perryelisabethdesign.com
Author Photo by Mikayla Holman
www.oridnarygirlextraordinaryfather.blogspot.com
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the permission of the publisher and the copyright holder.
This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual places, events, or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental or used fictitiously.
Dedication
To J. Grace Pennington:
You have been a friend to me in good times and bad
We share a passion for God, writing, and some of the topics in this book
I pray our friendship continues for many years
Before You Begin
I have stated my admiration for the FBI in the first two books of this series. I’ve enjoyed writing this series, trying to be true to what this organization stands for while knowing I’m taking some poetic license. If you want to learn about the real FBI, visit www.fbi.gov.
Charleston is a beautiful city. Many of the locations used in this story are real, but used in a fictitious manner. I owe many thanks to my Charleston consultant, Rachelle Rea Cobb. Any errors about this amazing city are entirely my own. To learn more about Charleston, visit www.charlestoncvb.com.
Nightmare
Monday, June 1 2:00 AM
The heat was overwhelming. It exaggerated the scent of blood and increased the suffering around her. Kate looked down at the bleeding woman in her arms and cried out for help.
“We have to help her!”
“Mayfield, it’s too late.”
“No, Charlie, we have to do something! She’s dying!” She pressed her fingers against the largest wound, but it did little to stop the flow of blood. There were a dozen lacerations where blood seeped and soaked into the sand.
The woman gave a cry of pain, and suddenly Kate was the one in pain: writhing, losing blood, unable to speak, and staring up at the merciless sun.
Kate jerked upright, struggling to breathe. Even though she was awake, the dream still felt real. She could feel the heat of the desert sun, smell the blood, and taste the salt of her own sweat on her lips. She covered her head with her hands and rested her forehead on her knees, willing the dream to dissolve—praying the panic would subside.
There was a gentle knock on the door.
“Kathrine, are you okay?” Logan asked softly through the closed door.
Kate swallowed hard and looked at the clock. It was two in the morning. She must have woken Logan, which meant she had cried out in her sleep. She looked down at her hands in the dull orange glow of the city coming through her thin curtains. She half expected to see blood. When she didn’t, she took a deep breath and pushed the tangled covers aside. Walking across the room, she opened the door. Logan stood in a pink nightgown that looked like something out of the Victorian era with its pleats on the front and ruffle that brushed the floor.
“What?” Kate heard the gruffness of her voice.
“You cried out.” It was Kim who spoke.
Kate opened the door wider. Kim stood in a pale-blue sleeveless top and matching pajama bottoms. Kate scanned both of them and shook herself when she realized she was looking for injuries and blood. She took a deep breath. She was in San Antonio, safe in an apartment, not in the Middle East.
“Kate?” Logan said, stepping forward, her hand outstretched.
Kate stiffened. She had the sudden urge to grab Logan and Kim and cry her heart out while holding them. She even felt like telling them about the dreams that had returned after a few months without them. She forced herself instead to take a step backward. She had to be strong. She had to maintain the walls she had built to protect herself and others.
“It was just a nightmare,” Kate said, affecting a dismissive tone she didn’t feel. She felt the sweat on her body and, for one millisecond, she thought it was from the heat of the desert sun. She shook herself. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”
She closed the door softly and walked back across the room to her bed. She didn’t want Logan or Kim to think there was anything wrong. She sank slowly to the floor and stared at the curtains, hugging her knees to herself. She took slow, deliberate breaths.
Tears threatened, but she forced herself to keep them from falling. Crying would only give her a headache. Nothing could be done about the past. She needed to let it go and move on. She closed her eyes, but the instant she did, the scene played out before her again. She stared down at the gray fabric of her knit pajamas and prayed dawn would come early.
“So I will run into the middle of it all,” Logan sang along with one of her favorite Christian artists.
Kate slammed her fists against her pillow and turned to look at the time. It was seven o’clock, only an hour since she had fallen back asleep after the dream. It was not enough time, but there would be no going back to sleep now.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and pushed her hair from her face. It was getting longer. She hadn’t cut it in months. She had noticed that she could now pull it into a ponytail, which she did before putting on her jogging suit. What she needed was a jog to clear her head. It felt as if tendrils of the nightmare were wrapped around her brain, preventing her from alertness.
She opened her door, remembering the worried looks on Kim’s and Logan’s faces. She had been silly to accept their offer to stay at their apartment until she found her own place. She had known the emotional strain of the last couple of cases would trigger her nightmares again, but she had ignored it. Now, she would have to put up with their well-intentioned questions.
She walked through the living area, the morning light spilling into the room from the almost floor-to-ceiling windows. Logan sat on the couch, her Bible in her lap, her eyes closed as she continued to sing along with the song on her MP3 player.
It didn’t take Kate long to leave the apartment building behind and start her jog along San Antonio’s famous Riverwalk. She loved the Venice feel of the area and wished she could afford an apartment like Kim and Logan’s that was right on the river. She pushed herself to run harder, not even taking the time to notice the beautiful scenery. She kept running until there was no other thought in her brain except for the burning lungs and legs.
She would have
run all day if she could. However, she had a job to do—one that wouldn’t allow her to be late. She returned to the apartment sweaty and ready for a shower. Summer in Texas was hot. It reminded her too much of her time in the Middle East. She closed her eyes against the memories that threatened to spill out. She couldn’t deal with this. Not now. She had to find a way to shake the dream and the oppressiveness.
“I have fresh-squeezed orange juice and freshly baked scones,” Logan called out as Kate reentered the apartment. She smiled from the kitchen area, pushing a lock of her long red hair away from her flushed face. Her white skirt swirled around her as she turned and set off the dark-blue top nicely. She looked like a homemaker, not an FBI agent—unless you looked at her hip where her gun was holstered.
“I’m not hungry.” Kate’s tone sounded rude even to herself, but the thought of food made her feel sick. She opened her mouth to apologize but decided that she would be incapable of making it sound sincere. She instead went to collect her clothes from her room and take a shower.
When she emerged Kim and Logan stood in the kitchen consuming orange juice and scones.
“How many songs do you have on this?” Kim asked, scrolling through Logan’s MP3 player.
Logan smiled. “I think about five thousand last time I checked. I just put twenty new songs on it last night. I found another website that had music you can download for free.”
Kim shook her head and sighed.
Red hair spilled around Logan as her head tilted downward, her shoulders sagged, and she let out a sigh. “Don’t do that.”
Kim lifted her slanted eyes to meet Logan’s. “I’m sorry.”
Logan turned to Kate. “Kim thinks it’s wrong for me to be downloading music from the internet. She thinks it’s stealing.”
Kate looked between them. She couldn’t handle this—not today. She was trying to convince herself that her dream wouldn’t affect her day. She wasn’t capable of handling one of Kim and Logan’s moral discussions. She pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water from the tap, trying to show her disinterest.
“I don’t think it’s the big deal that Kim thinks it is. I’m not stealing the music. Someone put it up on the internet and the artist wants people to listen to the songs. Besides, I probably would only own about five hundred songs if I had to buy them.”
Kate looked at Kim, wondering if Kim would speak or stay silent. It was a mistake. Kim took her glance as a question. She straightened, her professional black pantsuit and white shirt making her look like an attorney.
“I simply feel all our actions should be weighed against what the Bible says. As our last case showed us, the lack of moral absolutes is a slippery slope.”
Logan laughed, a light, bubbly laugh that somehow showed she was merely happy, not laughing at Kim. Yet the sound grated on Kate’s nerves.
“I promise you, Kim,” Logan said brightly, “I’m not moving on to other crimes, like stealing music CDs from the store.”
Kim shook her head, her voice dropping in volume. “How is downloading music you haven’t paid for online any different than stealing a CD?”
Logan turned to Kate. Kate leaned against the sink, trying to stay out of this fray.
“What do you think, Kathrine?”
Kate chewed on her lip and looked down in her glass. The team had taken to calling her Kathrine, her witness protection name. Somehow, that fed the disconcerted feeling left from her nightmare. She didn’t want to be brought into this conversation or called by a name she had only possessed for a few months. She swallowed, knowing she had to give a response of some kind.
“I think it’s too early to have this conversation, and I don’t care. I’m not into music, and I’m not interested in a conversation about the ethical use of online entertainment.”
She spun around and entered the bathroom. She was tired of this. Kim and Logan never seemed to get weary of having conversations. She, on the other hand, just wanted peace.
The apartment was quiet by the time she finished her shower. She thought that maybe Kim and Logan had left already for work. Perhaps she would be able to go in her own car in peace.
No such luck.
“Hey! Ready to go to work?” Logan sat on the couch with a book in her lap and a ball making trips between her palm and the floor.
“I have a car now. I can make it to the office on my own.”
Logan smiled. “Aww, where is the fun in that?” She stood up, leaving the book on the couch, never stopping the ball’s motion. “What are friends for?”
Kate stepped forward and grabbed the ball. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t care to hear your opinions, or want you to wait for me?”
Logan took a step back, bumping into the couch. “Kathrine, all I want to do is be your friend.”
“Blasting your music and pulling me into philosophical conversations first thing in the morning isn’t my idea of a good friend! You and Kim are always around. I never get any time alone. I don’t feel like I’m your friend—I’m being smothered. I’m just not as into touchy-feely-thinky stuff as the two of you are. I like being on my own and alone.”
Logan glanced down. When she looked up again, tears were in her grey eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
Kate felt her eyes roll before she could stop them. “Yeah, I can see that going well. You’d probably have smiled and pushed food toward me. If Kim had said anything, it would have been something deep meant to be helpful, but it would have been irritating.”
It seemed as if the tears in Logan’s eyes dried up instantly and a dark, smoldering look took their place. Her fingers tightened around her purse strap and keys, turning white at the knuckles.
“You might have tried to tell us instead of blowing up at me. As it is, I think you’re out of line. We’ve offered you a place to stay, free of charge, while you look for an apartment. We haven’t asked you to do anything other than clean up after yourself. You’re in our space.”
“I didn’t realize that being in your space would mean I’d be lectured and pulled into every disagreement you have with Kim. What do I care about what version of the Bible is best, if it’s okay to watch pirated movies, or if Calvin was right or not?”
Logan crossed her arms and shook her head. “You know what I think your problem is? For the first time in your life, you’re sharing space with people who challenge you in your faith.”
Kate ground her teeth as she felt her pulse beat faster. Emotions and memories of her time in the military wove together to form a wall. “You have no idea what I’ve been through and how I’ve been challenged. My faith has survived things you can’t possibly understand.”
Logan shook her head again and walked past Kate. “You forget who you’re talking to. I don’t know what has happened in your past, but you also don’t know what has happened in mine. I think you’re being challenged in a whole new way having strong Christians around you all the time. Living with non-Christians, you couldn’t help but look, and feel, superior to them, but you don’t feel that way here. You can move out anytime you wish, but don’t blame Kim and me for your own selfishness.” She spun around and stomped out of the apartment, slamming the door on her way out.
Kate flinched at the sound. Pieces of her nightmare threatened to come back to her. She wanted to collapse on the floor and cry over Logan’s hurtful words. She started repeating scriptures and praying to herself, a new habit she was trying to form when the nightmares of the past threatened to overwhelm her. She muttered it all the way to the car. Once behind the steering wheel, she slammed her hands against it. Why had she ever allowed herself to be fooled into thinking this could work? These people weren’t any different. They didn’t understand her, and they would never be her friends.
She’s Not the Same
Monday, June 1 9:00AM
Logan had entered the office the minute before. Patrick wondered if he should say anything. A large coffee and Logan usually equaled something wrong. Logan liked her c
offee, and liked it loaded with sugar, but she normally limited herself to small or medium.
Brian entered and grabbed a green ball from her bowl and tossed it to her. “It’s going to be a wonderful day.”
“That it is,” Logan said, but her voice was subdued. She returned the green ball to the bowl and picked up a black one.
Patrick looked at Brian. Brian returned his questioning gaze and shook his head. Patrick knew he couldn’t stay quiet any longer. “Logan? What’s wrong?”
Logan shrugged and sipped her coffee, smashing the ball between her hand and the desk. Whatever was bothering her had to be bad.
“Logan?” Brian prompted.
She sighed and looked up, her gaze moving between the two of them. “Kathrine was really angry at me this morning.”
“Angry? About what?” Patrick stood and put his hands in his pockets.
Logan set her coffee down and squeezed the ball between her hands. “She went on about us dragging her into our discussions and something about me blasting music in the morning.”
“That doesn’t sound like Kate,” Patrick said.
Logan closed her eyes and sighed. “She’s different lately. She hasn’t been sleeping well, that much I know. She’s cried out in her sleep a few times, both last night and the night before. Besides, being someone’s friend and living with them can be very different.”
Patrick couldn’t argue with her. He hadn’t shared a house or apartment with anyone in years. After having a horrible college roommate, he had lived in his own apartment. He thought of his two siblings. He got along better with his sister now that they weren’t under the same roof.
“It can be a huge adjustment,” Brian said. “Jamie was an only child. Her parents had paid for her to live in an apartment on her own while she was at college. It was hard for her to share a room with me at first. While fun, the first few months of marriage were also challenging at times.”
