by Sarah Holman
“Maybe because they have planted doubts.”
“And we don’t have anything to refute them with.”
“So we…” Logan squinted, and her ball started making trips between the table and her palm.
“We sit here and find the answers. I’m going to nail down what stealing is and what isn’t.” Patrick picked up his phone and pulled up a dictionary app.
“I’ll look up and see if I can find some real data on what, if any, revenue is lost because people watch or listen to stuff on the internet occasionally.” Logan pulled out her phone.
Patrick used one hand to bring food to his mouth while he typed the word steal into the search box.
One definition caught his attention:
To take or appropriate without right or leave and with intent to keep or make use of wrongfully.
That seemed like a good working definition of stealing. He copied it into his note app and then decided it was best to look up some verses on stealing. He opened his Bible app and started scrolling through the list of verses. He read the commandment in Exodus saying you shall not steal. He read a few verses scattered through the Old Testament and then came to a verse in Romans:
You who preach against stealing, do you steal?
“I don’t,” Patrick muttered to himself and went back to his search. He found himself watching a sermon by a pastor Brian talked about often, Chip Ingram, called “Don’t Take It.” Patrick wanted to throw his phone across the room about halfway through, but that would have been ridiculous. It was also against one of the biblical commands he took seriously, the one on self-control.
He pulled his earbuds out of his ears and stared down at his iced tea, which the waiter had refilled a couple of times while he had sat there.
“It’s not looking good, is it?”
Patrick lifted his eyes to meet Logan’s. “Some of what I’ve read seems to agree with Kim and Brian, but I still don’t totally agree with them. The pastor I’m listening to makes it sound a little more black and white than I think it is.”
“I looked up a lot of data,” Logan said, rolling the ball between herself and the table. “I could easily dismiss the ridiculous figures that say fifteen billion is lost annually due to pirated material, but I kept stumbling across all these artists, authors, filmmakers, and musicians with personal stories about how it was hurting them. I started looking through my music. You know what I found? I haven’t paid for a single piece of music in almost three years. It used to be that I would listen to a song here and there online. Somewhere along the way, I started downloading a few that I didn’t really want to listen to often. How did I get to the point that I haven’t paid for any of it? You know what sickened me most? Reading a forum where people were debating this issue, and I saw my own argument stated by other people, and it sounded so foolish.”
Patrick’s hands fisted. He hated where this was going. He didn’t want to be wrong.
“What did you find?” Logan asked, then sucked on her straw, producing a slurping noise.
“I listened to a sermon called “Don’t Take It” by Chip Ingram. Brian talked about it, so I thought I would check it out. It made so much sense that I’m mad. If what these people are saying is true, I’m as guilty of stealing as the people we’re after. I don’t like that idea. I still feel like I should be able to watch some of the movies. How does it really hurt anyone?”
“It sounds like neither of us like the results of what we found.”
“You can say that again.”
“We’re convinced we are wrong and we still want to defend our sin.”
Patrick grimaced. “That is a bit harsh. It makes me want to be defensive all over again.”
They stood and started walking toward the door.
“So what do we do now?” Logan asked.
Patrick shook his head. “I don’t know, but I know I don’t want to think about it anymore today.”
You Don’t Know
Tuesday, June 16 7:30AM
Kate took a deep breath of the open air, enjoying the early morning freshness. Brian had planned to sleep in, so she had the morning to herself. She looked at Colonial Lake, an impressive name for the pond. She walked, the trees offering a little shade. Hearing footsteps, she looked up and found Patrick coming toward her. He lifted his gaze up at that moment and blinked.
Kate lifted a corner of her mouth. She found herself glad to see him.
“Mind if I join you?” Patrick asked.
Kate shook her head, and they fell into step with each other. They didn’t speak, but Kate felt herself relax. There was something soothing about having placid water on one side and Patrick on the other. It didn’t make any sense as his presence usually stirred up confusion.
“Beautiful morning,” Patrick said.
She nodded.
“Are you…” Patrick started and then drifted off, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.
Kate glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “What?”
He shook his head and remained silent.
“I’ll tell you what’s on my mind if you’ll tell me what’s on yours,” Kate said, her heart rate increasing at the thought. “You first.”
Patrick seemed to consider for a moment before speaking, slowing his pace. “I was going to ask if you were doing okay but… I’m trying to stay out of your life as you asked. My thoughts have been mostly on this case. I looked up some stuff on online piracy and stealing. I thought Brian and Kim were making a big deal out of nothing. I still feel that way, but I can’t ignore what they said either. You?”
Kate folded her arms across her chest. “Brian mentioned something to me, and it bugged me. He said I needed to examine and see if my ideas about people were correct. I’m not comfortable having all of you in my life, questioning me, wanting to know all about me. I don’t like it. I’m not sure if I can handle it. Brian feels it’s an unbiblical idea. I spent some time looking at the Bible. I see what he is saying, but I just don’t know if I can let people in.”
She looked at the pond, wishing her heart was as still as the water.
“Why is it hard for you to let us in?”
Kate licked her lips, struggling for the right words. “Aren’t there things about yourself that you don’t want others to see?”
“Sure, don’t we all have those?”
“Well, I don’t want, or feel the need, to let people into my life like Kim is into Logan’s and Brian is into yours. Maybe there’re enough things that I would rather people not know or ask about. Maybe I can’t handle people getting in deep.”
Patrick chuckled softly. “Just like I would rather not think about or let Brian and Kim bug me about where I get my media from.”
Kate turned toward him. Patrick understood. She felt relieved to have found one ally.
“Brian can make me madder than anyone I know. He preaches at me, tells me when I’m wrong, and drives me up the wall with his interfering ways.” Patrick smiled, his dimples showing.
“Then why is he your best friend?”
Patrick lifted his serious gaze to meet hers. “For that very reason, I think. As believers, we are called to be in each other’s lives. We are supposed to be open for encouragement, teaching, and correction. There really isn’t an escape from that mandate.”
“Just like you aren’t finding the escape clause for the entertainment piracy in the Bible?”
Patrick nodded. “Which is sad, if you think about it. Shouldn’t we be looking for how closely we can walk with Jesus, not how close to the edge we can come without falling off?”
Kate had to smile. “Yes, that’s us: two sorry people.”
They both retreated into silence as they finished walking the length of the lake and entered a busy street once again. Together they crossed Rutledge Avenue and walked along Queen Street. Once they had passed a loud tourist group, Patrick spoke.
“It isn’t easy sometimes having a friend who knows my faults,” he continued. “Brian has the ability t
o make me feel at my best and my worst. Friends can hurt, but they can also bring joy.”
“I don’t think I can live like all of you want me to. I don’t know if I can stay.” Kate stopped, lifting her eyes to meet Patrick’s, begging him to understand.
Pain flickered in his eyes, and he gave her that look: the look she had seen on his face when he had held her during her panic attack. The look he had given her when he had found her on the side of the road in Tyler. “Don’t leave us, Ribs.”
Her throat constricted. She heard the emotion behind those words and it both thrilled and frightened her. She wanted to give him the answer he desired, but she shook her head. “I don’t know if I can stay.” Her voice came out hoarse, and she berated herself for how close she was to tears.
“You’re a part of this team. We need you,” Patrick begged.
Kate swallowed hard against the tears that wanted to surface. “I have to think about what I need.”
“Just because we ask questions you would rather not answer?”
Kate gritted her teeth and stiffened. “It isn’t just that. Haven’t you been listening to me?”
Patrick took a step forward, one hand raised. “I get it. This has been hard for you. You feel like we’re invading your space. But please don’t shut us out.”
Kate started walking again, wishing she could break into a run. She wanted to be back at the HarbourView Inn and avoid Patrick. He confused her, he messed her up, he was worse than Logan and Kim put together. The next moment, Patrick took hold of her shoulder and spun her around. She was breathing hard, her body rigid.
Patrick dropped his hands from her shoulders but didn’t back away. “I wish you wouldn’t do this, Kate.”
“Don’t!” Kate yelled before she could stop herself. “Don’t try to make me feel guilty for this! You have no idea what you’re asking me. You have no idea what I’ve been through. You cannot understand the pain—”
“Stop it,” Patrick said firmly. He closed his eyes and took a breath, seeming to struggle with control. When he spoke again, it was quiet enough that no one else could hear, yet with a passion that was unmistakable.
“You’re right. We don’t know what has happened in your past because you haven’t told us. We don’t know the pain you carry. But you don’t know ours. How could you? We haven’t known each other for long. How could you know that Brian was bounced from foster home to foster home after being taken from parents who starved him? How could you know that some of those foster homes were abusive to him? How could you know that Kim’s family rejected her when she became a Christian, and she lives with the pain of not being allowed to talk with her two other siblings? How could you know that Logan has a large family she loves dearly, but doesn’t get to see often? Or that her parents weren’t happy with the career she chose? How could you know that Thomas was raised in a Christian home and rejected everything his parents taught him after his sister committed suicide? How could you know that I grew up in a great home in a great neighborhood, but watched as my childhood idol was destroyed by drugs? Or that the person who was my training agent was shot during a case and I felt I should have been able to save him?”
Kate stared back at him, her mind trying to process everything he had said, but she was unable to.
Patrick sighed and looked down at the ground. “I don’t know what pain you carry, Kate. I know it must be something deep and consuming.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “I’m so, so sorry for whatever it is. It’s part of this broken, messed-up world that God hasn’t yet remade. Somewhere along the way, you must have forgotten that you’re not the only one with pain. I don’t know an adult alive that doesn’t carry some scars from the past.”
Kate was torn between anger and tears. She wasn’t even sure why she felt angry. All her emotions were a jumbled mess. Patrick could soothe her sometimes like no one on this team, but he could also confuse her like no one else she had ever met.
“I know it seems easier to hide from the pain—to put on a mask so that all people see is what you want them to see, but then you’re never truly known. You can neither be hated nor loved, helped nor hurt, because no one can touch you. It’s a very lonely place.”
Kate felt her heart pound against her chest. She swallowed but couldn’t find any words to either argue or agree with him.
“Kate, please,” Patrick said and took another step toward her, his hand reaching for her.
“I have to get back to the hotel. Brian is waiting to take me to lunch.” She turned and ran. She only wished she could run far from Charleston—far from these people.
Her one thought repeated over and over with the rhythm of her jogging. I can’t stay. I can’t stay. I can’t stay.
Broken Link
Wednesday, June 17 8:30AM
Patrick had overslept. That didn’t often happen, especially when he was on a case. He had slept through his alarm, no doubt due to how late he was up thinking about Kate. As he walked down the hall of the College of Charleston, he rubbed a hand over his face. He had so desperately wanted to run after Kate when she had turned away from him. He had wanted to shout at her to come back. Instead, he had stood there and let her go. She wanted space, she had asked for it, and he had finally accepted that fact. As much as he wanted to be there for her, he had to let her go.
He entered the psychology class and found a seat and took a sip of the coffee he had grabbed on his way here. After he swallowed, he looked around the room. All the other students were talking in clusters, a couple of them crying. Rachelle had her hand on one of the other female students and was saying something in a comforting tone.
He looked around and took stock. Sharleen wasn’t there again, and there wasn’t a student that didn’t seem sober. He rose from his seat and moved toward Rachelle.
“I just can’t understand! Why did this happen?” the girl who was crying wailed and then dashed out of the classroom.
“What’s going on?” Patrick asked.
Rachelle turned to him. “Didn’t you hear?”
“Obviously not,” Patrick said, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Sharleen and another student, Krista Potts, died of a drug overdose last night. Two other students are in the hospital.”
The news slammed against Patrick. Sharleen had died? He moved back toward the desk and sat down. Not only had this young woman died from drugs, ending his link to the case here, but she had died an angry, bitter woman, without faith in Christ. He rested his elbows on the table and then dropped his face into his hands. He felt as if he couldn’t do anything right. Kate wouldn’t let him be her friend, he had failed to get on Sharleen’s good side before she had died, and he felt as if he had failed as a Christian by not at least sharing the gospel.
“Patrick Connor cannot save the world.”
Kim’s words repeated in his head. She was right, he couldn’t save the world. He couldn’t save a soul, only Jesus could. Yet, had he even thought about sharing his faith with Sharleen? He had been caught up in the case. Shouldn’t his faith always come first? Had he failed Sharleen? Had he failed his Savior?
“Patrick?”
Patrick lifted his eyes to meet Rachelle’s gaze.
“Are you okay?”
Patrick folded his arms across his chest. “I feel guilty. Sharleen needed friends who wouldn’t just be there and let her know that she wasn’t alone. She needed people to tell her about the hope for life after death. She needed Jesus. I never even tried to give that to her.”
Rachelle sank into the chair next to him. “Patrick, I’ve known Sharleen for three semesters. She had a lot of problems before her brother died. You weren’t the first Christian who had reached out to her. A couple of girls and I prayed for her in our morning Bible study and invited her to church events all the time. I even had the privilege of sharing the gospel one time with her.”
Some of the tension within him eased, but it didn’t all go away. He remembered how she flirted with him at University Pub and her
anger and frustration the last time they had spoken. He shuddered to think where she was now, without hope. Could there have been something he could have done?
A gentle hand rested on his shoulder. Rachelle looked into his eyes. “I know this is a hard truth to accept for those of us who care about the souls of those around us. But we can’t force anyone to listen or accept the message we offer. Just as God gave Adam and Eve a choice, in the beginning, He gives us each a choice now. He doesn’t want any to perish, but He will not force anyone to come to Him.”
“I know that.”
Rachelle gave a sad smile. “But do you think you could have saved her?”
Someone called for Rachelle, and she moved toward them. Patrick opened his textbook as the teacher called the class to order.
“Patrick Connor cannot save the world.”
Kim may have been off on some of the things she said, but she probably was right on this. Perhaps, in some way, he had thought he would be able to keep people from going to hell in his own strength. He knew it in his head, but he needed to remind his heart that Patrick Connor could save no one, only Jesus could.
He covertly pulled out his phone and sent a text through the team’s communication app to let them know what had happened while he repeated scriptures in his mind. Not too long before the end of the class, Kim messaged him that she would be setting up a team meeting.
I Can’t
Wednesday, June 17 8:40AM
Was there anything more awkward than trying to pretend you were really excited to be with someone when you wanted to be as far away as possible? Kate liked Brian well enough, but she found it difficult to be around him at the moment. While he seemed comfortable, their conversation at Fort Sumter had made her want to get away. If she could get on a flight and never see any of the team members again, she would be happy.
Okay, maybe not happy.
While she was angry with all of them, she had to admit that she had enjoyed being around them much of the time. She would miss them when she left, but she couldn’t be around them anymore. As soon as this case was over…
