As she had gotten older, she'd learned to temper her curiosity, or at least hold it in. But from the moment Alex had gotten off his bike at that picnic, Lila's filter had been nonexistent. He loved her, but it was exhausting.
Where had he been? What were the people like? The food? The weather? The fashion? Luckily she had been satisfied with one or two word answers and Alex hadn't objected, hoping she would wind down, and soon. However, the questions had started again that morning and this time they were a lot more personal. Dani understood why he had to keep his secrets, Lila not so much.
Alex understood. In a way, she was still reeling from the death of their parents. She had been living at home, attending college and working at one of the three family-owned flower shops. Friends had been a help, but no real substitute, and Alex had only been able to stay with her a short time. Once arrangements had been made to sell the shops and their childhood home, he had gotten on a plane, flying back to his life and professional obligations. Lila had been left financially secure, but money hadn't been much solace to a twenty-two-year-old who overnight had gone from the security of seeing her mother and father every day to having no one.
Yesterday had been the first time they'd seen each other since he'd brought their parent's ashes back to Baltimore. Emails, video chats, yes. Alex hadn't wanted to go back, even to see his sister, and until she moved here to Harper Falls, it had seemed that Lila was happy to stay in their hometown. Convincing her to move across the country and start over was just one more reason he was grateful to Jack Winston.
It had been a relief to see how much Lila had matured. She was a beautiful young woman, so heartbreakingly like their mother that his first glimpse of her had been bittersweet. He'd soon learned that his little sister was now her own strong, independent woman. She ran a business, dated, and when excited, reverted to a question machine. She was happy to have him home, safe and nearby. Alex figured she would get over the impulse in a day or two. Whether she did or not, by the end of the week he planned on being in his own place, in his own bed. He was trained to grab some sleep in God-awful conditions but given a choice he'd pick a big, California King every time.
Hearing a key in the lock, Alex glanced at his watch. He'd left Tom Tom's early, his conversation with Dani ending with no resolution. The ice had been more cracked than broken, but they had been able to share a couple of laughs. They had established that they were both unattached; the sexual attraction if anything, was stronger than ever. Getting naked with Dani Wilde would be no hardship, but, even though the circumstances had changed, he knew she needed more and he still couldn't give it to her.
"How did your date go?"
Alex didn't want to think of his sister as a sexually active person, but he didn't want to be the reason she'd cut her night short.
"It was nice," Lila said. She slipped out of her four inch heels and sighed with relief. They might have done amazing things for her legs, but they were murder on her feet.
"Nice being the reason it ended so early?"
"I thought I was the question asker," Lila said, all too aware of the habit she'd fallen back into.
"If you wanted to bring him back here you could have told me."
Alex watched as his sister turned on the kettle for her nightly cup of herbal tea. As far as he was concerned, if it wasn't black and loaded with caffeine, it wasn't tea.
"Want a cup?" Lila teased.
"Only if you have something that doesn't taste like watered down tree bark."
"I bought some oolong while I was at the grocery store this morning." Lila took another mug from the cupboard. "You know, in spite of the caffeine, oolong has a lot of health benefits."
"Silence," Alex ordered, joining her in the tiny kitchen. "Joining healthy with anything I put in my body is the fastest way to ruin it for me."
"Which is why Mom told you Fruit Loops contained ten essential vitamins. She never had to buy another box, and you have spectacular, but annoying cavity-free teeth."
It was true that when he was a boy Alex would have eaten sugar and only sugar for every meal. His mother's efforts to introduce a vegetable or two into his diet had only been mildly successful. But for some reason Alex had never had a cavity. He had been blessed with straight, white teeth covered in enamel an elephant couldn't have broken through. Lila had the same, but she resented the fact that Alex had saturated his with sugar and come away unscathed. Genetics, she supposed.
"Do you still eat like a ten-year-old, or has your pallet developed beyond Snickers and Ding Dongs?"
"I've been known to eat something green." Alex took the tea from this sister and went back to the sofa.
"Green as in vegetable, or green as in fuzzy and I hope it won't kill me."
"The Army doesn't believe in giving its soldiers ptomaine, Lila. Even field rations, disgusting as they tended to be, were hermetically sealed. Those babies could stay shelf stable for decades. In fact, I think the last ones I ate were from World War I."
"You never do that."
"What?"
"Talk about your time in the service."
"Never?" Alex frowned. That couldn't be right. He never went into detail, but surely he'd had general conversations about it.
"Never," Lila assured him. "Oh, when you first joined there was no shutting you up. But after the first year, nothing. Mom liked it that way, she could pretend you weren't in any danger if she didn't know any details."
This was news to Alex. He'd known his parents had wanted him to go to college, but every penny they had was tied up in their business and he hadn't ever been much of a student. The thought of four years trapped in one classroom after another and then facing massive student loans had been the deciding factor. He'd never dreamed of a career in the military, but it had seemed as good a choice as any. He'd found a home, a calling. However, he'd been blissfully unaware that his job had been a source of worry to his mother.
"I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you."
Lila put her cup on the coffee table before sitting next to her brother.
"I was pretty wrapped up in my own world," Alex admitted.
"And why shouldn't you have been? You were an adult with a job, an important job. I'm making it sound like we all sat around with nothing better to do than worry. I had school, Mom and Dad had the business. I just meant that when you could write or call home, you never shared any details, not even minor ones."
"It's easier not to say anything than try to skirt around what I can and can't say. I got excellent at small talk." He thought for a moment then asked,"Was I a huge bore?"
"No," Lila laughed. She'd never seen her brother anything but sure and confident. Worrying about his lack of interesting conversation was something new, and she liked how it humanized him. Hero worshiping someone when they were never around was one thing, but after Alex had joined the Army he had seemed larger that life. If they were going to have anything resembling a normal sibling relationship, she was going to have to stop thinking of him as superhuman.
"You were always funny and charming though you became a bit more serious as the years went by. I remember Dad commenting on it after one of your calls. He thought you seemed more grounded, Mom thought you looked sad."
"When was this?"
Lila thought about it. "About five years ago, I guess."
Right after he had left Dani. Alex had been ripped up inside and felt the need to reconnect with his family. He thought he'd done a good job of covering his feelings, but leave it his mother to know something had been wrong.
"They were proud of you, Alex. Never doubt it." Lila laid her head on his shoulder; it felt good to have her brother close by. "I was proud, too. I bragged all the time about my badass brother."
"Ya?"
"Ya. And Alex, I'm still proud of you."
"I'm proud of you, too." Alex gave her shoulder a squeeze. "It couldn't have been easy to start over, hundreds of miles away from your friends. Jack says your shop is doing banner business."
"It's been a lot of work, but Rose was the one that got the customers heading my way."
"Jack's Rose?"
Lila nodded. "I helped her out one night and she was so grateful she sent all her friends to buy flowers and plants, arrangements for parties, even weddings. Thanks to her, I've hired one full-time employee and two part-timers."
"So why don't you sound happier?"
"It's late, I'm tired. I save my cartwheels for earlier in the day." Lila knew she sounded defensive, but she resented Alex 's insinuation. She was happy—mostly.
"Are you writing?"
"Who has time," Lila said in an off-hand manner. She gathered up their mugs, almost full with tea neither of them had drunk and rinsed them out, leaving them to drain on the rack by the sink.
"You always made time. You always carried around a notebook, jotting down random thoughts."
"And now I keep my thoughts in my head. No big deal."
"Mom and Dad wouldn't have wanted you to give up your dream to keep their's alive."
Now that was hitting too close to home, Lila thought with a wince. She didn't want to get into this, not with Alex, not with anyone.
"I like flowers, I know flowers. Flowers make people happy, so selling them makes me happy. End of story." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "And if you insist on sleeping on the floor, at least get a couple more blankets from the hall closet. They can cushion you from the hardwood."
So much for keeping his sleeping arrangements secret. And so much for trying to get her to open up. Since pushing Lila to tell him her troubles would have been the pot calling the kettle black, Alex let it go. He would keep an eye on his sister, and if at some point he thought she was floundering, then he would step in, whether she wanted the help or not.
Alex settled down for the night, his back thanking Lila for the extra blankets. He willed his brain to relax, and his body soon followed. Tomorrow he would start his new job, his new life, whatever that entailed Well, there was plenty of time to figure it out. As he drifted off, Dani's face, as it had been most nights for the last five years, was the last thing he saw.
New life? Maybe. But some things never changed.
ALEX KNEW HE was going to die.
Sweat was pouring from his body, the desert heat making it almost impossible to travel for long periods of time without stopping to rest. They should be moving at night, but the urgency of the situation had them out at mid-day. He knew they were sitting ducks. Anyone who chose to take them out could do so with little effort. Unfortunately, the immediate danger was coming from within—from a man he had trusted with his life more times than he could count.
Alex checked over his shoulder, making sure the five other men under his command were still with him. They were soldiers, trained for these conditions, and this wasn't their first dance. It was, however, the first time they'd seen half of their number taken out by one of their own.
He couldn't let himself dwell on what had happened in the early morning hours—if he let his mind go back he might as well consign the rest of his men to the same fate. Right now, they were alive, and Alex planned on keeping them that way.
"Cap."
The call was whispered, but desperate. Alex turned just in time to see Paulson take a shot in the leg, his agonized cry ripping through the air.
There were three of them—shit, four. One of his men, one he thought still loyal, fell back, joining the other deserters. They'd been in the crosshairs the entire time, and now they were all going to die.
"Why, Anderson?"
The other man shrugged. Alex thought he saw a flicker of regret, but it didn't last long.
"Money, Cap. Isn't that what it's always about?"
A shadow fell over Alex's prone body, but it provided no relief from the blistering sun. Knowing that death was an everyday possibility was one thing, finding out it was coming from a fellow soldier—a friend—was almost too much to comprehend.
"You're talking to the wrong man, Anderson. The Cap here actually still believes in that duty, honor, country crap."
"When did you stop?" Alex knew the answer, but he needed time. He knew this man loved to talk. If he could keep him going for just a little longer, some of Alex's men still might walk away from this clusterfuck.
"Wrong question, Cap." The man raised his gun and pointed directly at Alex. "The question is, did I ever start?"
"I'm guessing no." One more step, Alex urged silently. One more and we can go out of the world together.
"No need to guess, not when the answer is an obvious one."
He leaned down, close enough for his breath to wash over Alex's face. He smelled of stale whiskey and peppermint. Alex knew his old friend had been overindulging, but lately the odor of alcohol was starting to seep out of his pores.
His bloodshot eyes held a hatred Alex had never seen, never guessed existed. Why? Where had it come from and why hadn't any hint of it been evident before now?
He knew he would never have the answers, not when the gun aimed at him was about to go off at any moment. He was expected to accept his fate, go down without a fight. It seemed his old friend didn't know him as well as he thought.
Alex jerked upright, his body bathed in sweat, his heart racing. Fuck. Same old dream. He rubbed his side. The scar was fully healed, but it felt tight and throbbed with a phantom pain that never seemed to completely go away.
Seeing that Lila's door was still closed, he had to assume that this had been a silent dream. The severity of his outward reaction varied. Sometimes he yelled out, sometimes it was more physical. He'd made the mistake of falling asleep next to a prostitute in Amsterdam, and they were both damn lucky that all he had succeeded in doing was scaring the crap out of her. Waking up to find a man leaning over you, murder in his eyes, will do that. Six months ago he had never paid for sex in his life. Now, if he wanted the release, that was all he did, as though the exchange of money made it all right for him to expose a woman to his potentially dangerous outbursts.
He left the floor needing some water. He knew he'd had all the sleep he was going to get tonight.
The dreams were becoming less frequent, but the fact that they existed at all was reason enough to find his own place. Alex didn't want Lila to worry; she'd done enough of that during his time in the Army. He shuddered to think what would happen if she tried to wake him while he was reliving that nightmare. So far, no one had been hurt—if you didn't count the black eye he'd given an orderly back while he was recovering in Germany. The Army appointed psychiatrist had told him it was natural, his mind was trying to make sense of a senseless situation. Alex didn't think there was anything normal about waking up, ready to kill.
Maybe the woman had been right, and maybe he should take her advice—seek out professional help. But he wasn't ready—he might never be. Talking hadn't helped before, he didn't see it helping now.
So, he settled into a chair and waited for dawn. He had a job waiting for him, one that with any luck would keep both his mind and his body too busy to worry about a past he couldn't change. And then there was Dani. He wanted her, and she'd made it pretty clear with everything but words, that he could have her. They could see if what they'd had in Portugal was enough of a building block for the future. As good as that sounded, he wouldn't put her at risk—he didn't trust himself not to hurt her.
For now, Dani was off limits. Alex shifted, adjusting his increasingly uncomfortable erection. He was just going to have to keep reminding his body because it remembered only too well what she felt like, how she tasted. He'd been trained to withstand torture, but resisting his need for Dani just might kill him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
"YOU'RE SURE YOU don't mind? I can make it another day."
Dani wanted to spend the day taking pictures on Crossfire Hill, and since most of it was now owned by Jack and Drew, she'd asked Rose to run the idea by Jack. She had planned on getting an early start, in and out by noon, thus avoiding the afternoon heat. But best laid plans, and all tha
t.
First, her car wouldn't start. Dead battery according to Monty down at You Brake It, We'll Fix It. Something about sitting in the garage too long without being used. She liked to walk, but she still expected her rather pricey hunk of machinery to run properly when she did need it.
It had seemed like a minor fix, but, of course, no one in town had the right battery to fit her car. By that time, the morning was gone and Dani would have called it a day. Luckily, Rose came to her rescue insisting on picking her up and driving her up to the old access road behind H&W Security.
"You planned on today," Rose said as she pulled to a stop. "The weather is perfect, and they're calling for rain the rest of the week."
The view from this spot just above where Jack and Drew had built their company headquarters was breathtaking. At one time, back when Dani and her friends were still in high school, this had been a prime makeout spot. They had all given it a try, with varying degrees of success. She and Corey Blake had spent one memorable Saturday evening up here, though not memorable for the reason Corey would have liked.
They had started dating around the middle of their senior year. Dani liked Corey— he was cute, funny and treated her well. But she never considered having sex with him. She was still a virgin, not because of any strong moral or religious reasons, but because she thought sex should mean something. Yes, she was curious. And yes, she wanted to know what all the fuss was about. But none of the boys she'd dated made her feel anything. She wasn't waiting for the love of her life, but she was waiting for a man who knew how to get her motor running. Corey hadn't even come close.
"Do you think Corey ever found his tighty whities?"
Dani laughed. "Who knew he'd have such a fit over a lost pair of underwear. He was just lucky he got his pants back on because I wasn't letting his bare ass back in my Dad's car."
"I always wondered how he got everything off so fast." Rose thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "I guess you can't underestimate the speed of a teenage boy when he thinks he has a shot at sex."
If Tomorrow Never Comes (Harper Falls Book 2) Page 8
