‘Uh huh,’ I nodded and he smiled at me again. ‘O don’t do that, that does it as well, that sexy as hell smile.’
‘Well my smile and kissing prowess aside, you probably have low blood sugar again, you’ve hardly eaten or drunk anything today. You’re going to see a doctor about this if it happens again. That’s three times now since I met you, which is three times too many for my liking. Lexi’s downstairs in the lounge watching TV. If you feel up to it I’m going to carry you down and settle you in on the couch with a blanket and I’ll go and make us some dinner ok?’
‘You’re an amazing boyfriend have I ever told you that?’
‘Yes, but I won’t get tired of hearing it and don’t forget it when you’re having another wobble about us. I better put some clothes on, I just gave Lexi a shock pounding down the stairs in just my boxers.’
‘At least you were actually wearing some this time,’ I giggled and he smiled. He emerged from the dressing room with his navy joggers and a white and navy t-shirt, even casual he was hot. He had my favourite pair of black cut off shorts in his hands and my black leg warmers. I lifted my bottom up as he gently slid the shorts over my hips. Wow just doing that felt like a ten minute work out on my abs. He lifted up each foot and pulled on my leg warmers and planted a kiss on each big toe making me giggle again. ‘What?’ he smiled.
‘I’m really ticklish, especially on my feet.’
‘Really?’ he grinned wickedly.
‘No don’t, please don’t. DON’T,’ I screamed as he gently tinkled his fingers on the pads of my feet poking out of the wool. I writhed on the bed kicking and laughing as he grinned. ‘O stop, please stop,’ I groaned clutching my stomach as tears of laughter rolled down my cheeks. Writhing like that hurt.
‘Excellent, now I’ve got a new way to make you do whatever I tell you,’ he said as he kissed them again and put them back down on the bed.
‘That’d be just mean Gabe.’
‘Well if you do as I ask I’ll never have to resort to it will I?’ he asked with a raised eyebrow and I scowled at him. ‘Don’t look at me like that Mia, it’s hot and sexy and we can’t do anything about it. Ok arms around my neck.’
I rested my head on his shoulder and kissed his throat and smiled as he carried me out of the room and down into the lounge. Lexi was reclining facing the TV and grinned happily as he carried me in.
‘Hey stranger. Dizzy spell again hey?’
‘Yeah,’ I nodded as Gabe lay me on the sofa. He grabbed loads of cushions and put them behind my back and helped me shuffle up so I could lean back with my feet up and see Lexi in front of me. He covered me in the cosy cream fleece blank and kissed my forehead.
‘Right I need Mia to eat something reasonably healthy, so how do salmon fillets with new potatoes and fresh veg sound to you both?’
‘Great,’ grinned Lexi, I could tell she was still a bit in awe of her surroundings and being taken care of.
‘Fine with me,’ I smiled.
‘Ok well I’ll go and leave you in peace to continue your fascinating discussion about sanitary towels. Lexi you want a beer or something?’
‘God yes that sounds great.’
‘Mia?’
I decided not to push my luck. ‘Would you mind if I had more orange juice?’
‘Coming right up,’ he smiled as he left.
‘So how you doing now Mia?’
‘Ok Lex, my stomach doesn’t feel so sore, I just went a bit light headed again.’
‘So what was going on earlier? I heard shouting and the door slam.’
‘Sssshhhh, he’ll be back soon,’ I warned. ‘I’ll fill you in when he’s cooking. What about you?’
‘Ok, still getting cramps and bleeding but they said to expect that for up to ten days, hopefully it won’t last that long. You still bleeding?’
‘Barely, got pissed off with the towels and stuck a tampon in.’
‘Should you’ve done that?’
‘Don’t see why not, it didn’t really hurt. I reckon my next period’s going to be really bad though.’ I heard the door swing open behind me.
‘Ok freshly chilled beer for Lexi and a glass of orange juice for you baby and there’s a small bar of galaxy to keep you going.’
‘Thanks Gabe.’ I tilted my head back and pursed my lips and he hesitated for a second before kissing me again. ‘I’m not going to nearly faint every time we kiss you know,’ I smiled and he shook his head.
‘Cheers for the beer Gabe.’
‘You’re welcome. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me, I’ll do some trays and we can eat in here. Do you want me to make a fire?’
‘I’m good with my blanket on thanks,’ I replied.
‘No I’m good too,’ confirmed Lexi.
‘See you in about half an hour then, have fun.’ He pulled the door closed behind him.
‘So?’
‘Lex, me later please. I want to know about you first. How are you doing?’ I opened the galaxy and popped a chunk in my mouth as she talked.
‘Mia I told you I’m fine. Once these cramps and bleeding stop I can forget it and get back to normal. It may sound heartless, but I’m relieved it’s all over and I can move on. Plus it’s so good to be able to drink again.’
‘I don’t think it’s heartless Lexi, you’d already decided it wasn’t a good time for you to have a baby, you were just confused over whether an abortion was the way to go, so maybe you’re right, this miscarriage was for the best. The choice has been taken away from you, so you have nothing to feel guilty about, or to regret and you don’t need to second guess yourself.’
‘Yeah I guess you’re right, adoption or abortion I wouldn’t have kept it and it would have been hard to go through with either so it was for the best,’ she nodded firmly. I knew her well enough by now to know that she meant it. She was going to be ok and she’d have me to give her a cuddle and pick her up if she needed it.
‘So fill me in on Doug, you’ve had a date and he found out your news.’
‘No,’ she said shaking her head. ‘Health shit first, then you’ll get your gossip.’
‘But Lex I really …’
‘Not yet,’ she scowled.
‘Fine,’ I sighed. ‘At least tell me about your smoking, that’s health shit.’
‘So far managing without, but I’m feeling a bit tense about it so best we don’t discuss it.’
‘O Lexi that’s amazing, well done, I’m so proud of you. What are you using to help?’
‘Bubble gum to keep my mouth occupied.’
‘You know what else would keep your mouth occupied?’
‘What?’
‘Doug’s tongue or cock,’ I giggled.
‘Mia Page,’ she laughed and grabbed a cushion and smacked it on my legs as she blushed.
‘You’re blushing again Lexi.’
‘And you’re not, when did we change places?’
‘About the time I started having loads of sex and you stopped. How cool would it be if we could really swap places for a while?’
‘So cool, with those tits I could get pissed without worrying about falling over and hurting my nose, they’re like inflatable air bags, plus they’d act as buoyancy aids if I fell off a yacht.’
‘Fell off a yacht?’ I laughed. ‘When do you ever go on a yacht?’
‘Well I got the ferry to Calais on that trip to France we had in year 11.’
‘A ferry’s a ship Lexi not a yacht,’ I laughed.
‘Well it goes on the water doesn’t it?’
‘That’s like saying an artic truck’s a car just because it drives on the roads.’
‘Fine if I went overboard on a bloody ferry then. The point being if I was on a form of water transport I wouldn’t have to worry as I’d float and in the event of a fall or car or plane crash my beautiful face would be protected.’
‘So what you’re saying is the best thing about being in my shoes for 24 hours would be using my tits as some form of life saving device in the
event of air, plane, train or automobile disaster? I really don’t do anything or have anything else that’s more exciting?’
‘Well on the theme of transport I’d definitely ride the Gabe Express and see how big that cock really is.’
‘You so need to fuck Doug, I’m starting to get worried about you and this obsession with Gabe’s penis Lexi. In fact I’m going to try and track down that American guy with the humungous penis for you to try out, then Gabe’s would seem totally insignificant to you.’
‘Which American guy?’
‘I can’t remember his name, but you’re not telling me you of all people haven’t heard of him?’
‘Not a clue,’ she replied with a shake of the head.
‘He apparently has the world’s largest erect penis at 13.5 inches.’
‘No shit,’ she uttered, her eyes wide and mouth ajar.
‘I know right?’ I nodded.
‘What was this show called? Monster Cocks?’
‘No,’ I giggled. ‘Though someone really ought to make that. It was actually a serious documentary.’
‘How do you know about this and not me?’
‘I think you were off having actual sex, while I was scaring myself shitless with my fingers over my eyes watching it on TV.’
‘Jesus christ, sex with that could be like that scene from Alien where it burst out of John Hurts stomach. It would pop in one end and out the other, you’d open your mouth and it would be there, winking at you.’
‘Lex unless you have a vagina as wide as a toilet bowl I’m telling you that thing wouldn’t “pop” anywhere. Christ I can’t imagine anyone being able to take it.’
‘I wonder if he blows himself?’ she gasped.
‘Ewwww seriously? Would a guy do that if he could?’
‘I think most men would if they were flexible enough. You’re pretty bendy, you never been tempted?’
‘Lexi,’ I laughed. ‘You’re seriously asking if I’d perform oral on myself if I could reach? How the hell did the conversation wind up in this bizarre place?’
‘Your tits and Gabe’s penis if we body swapped. So would you?’
‘No I really don’t think I would Lex.’
‘Why not?’
‘Why do myself when I have Gabe to do it and I can lie back and enjoy it without putting any effort in? That’s like having a cleaner and tidying up before they come over.’
‘I guess,’ she shrugged. ‘So what would you enjoy about being in my shoes for 24 hours?’
‘It must be great to see over hedges and office cubicle partitions and I’d be the cool chick for once,’ I shrugged.
‘That’s all you can come up with?’
‘I’d miss Gabe too much Lex, but I think the body swap idea would be great for our next Tuesday night movie marathon.’
‘O god yes. “Y’know I could eat a peach for hours.”’
‘O Face Off, I love that film. “I want a fluffy pillow.”’
‘13 going on 30, loved Jennifer in that. Best work since Alias.’
‘God I loved Alias, Bradley Cooper looked super cute in that. We’re so lucky my mum’s so cool when it comes to TV shows and movies. Ok how about “You once took your vibrator into the bathtub. You then got electrocuted while using it and now you have a bald spot on your vagina.”’ I giggled.
‘Ha, The Changeup, that was the best line in that movie,’ Lexi laughed. ‘God how could you leave Ryan Reynolds off your top three? He’s another Gabe alike.’
‘He moved down the ranks after seeing him in Green Lantern. But o so hot in Blade Trinity, his body was b.u.f.f. with a capital B, just like Gabe’s and he was so adorable in The Proposal.’
‘God I’ve missed this,’ sighed Lexi suddenly looking serious.
‘Me too Lex, it’s going to be so nice spending time with you this week. Listen, I know you may feel ok about the miscarriage now, but promise you’ll talk to me if it suddenly hits you and it’s too much to deal with.’
‘Yeah I will, same goes for you with your dealio. I just felt really sorry for Gabe Mia. He was already pacing the floor when you went in and I thought he was going to rip his hair out he pushed his hands through it that many times while we were waiting. Then I go and … do that. The nurse was really good and when they said you were still in surgery, he offered to bring me back. He looked like he’d been run over by a truck Mia.’
‘O god,’ I sighed and rubbed my forehead, fun and movies forgotten for a moment as I came back down to earth and the here and now. No wonder he was feeling angry and stressed, he’d been through a lot this week, including relieving some very painful memories.
‘Mia?’ Lexi looked at me inquisitively. I looked at her and for a minute thought of telling her about his mum and the baby she’d lost, but then realised that would make Lexi feel awful too, to tell her that Gabe had to deal with her miscarriage after what he’d been through as a child, so I decided against it and chewed on another chunk of galaxy.
‘It’s just been a really hard week for him Lex, what with me crying all the time too, he’s just super stressed.’
‘So what was all the door slamming about?’
‘We had a big fight in the hospital when I suggested we go our separate ways and it spilled over here.’
‘You want to finish with him?’ Lexi asked looking stunned. I shook my head vigorously and bit my lip.
‘Lex it was awful. We had an argument on Sunday as he got really upset when I said I didn’t care if I was infertile. You know how I feel about it. It’s like just because you’re a woman, everyone expects you to want to get pregnant and settle down. It just brought up loads of bad associations with my dad.’
‘So how did that end?’
‘We agreed it was best not to carry on the discussion, but I could feel an undercurrent of tension with him about it on Monday and Tuesday, then today it just all came out with Dr Wells telling me that she doesn’t see the possibility of me ever conceiving naturally.’
‘God Mia, I’m so sorry about that.’
‘I’m fine about it Lex, you know I’ve never wanted children.’
‘But Gabe’s not fine with it?’
‘No,’ I shook my head and I felt my eyes sting as I was hit with the emotion of it all again. ‘No, no he’s not,’ I sniffed. ‘Lex it’s been weeks, not even a month yet and he wants to talk about marriage and families? It’s just too much. I’ve only just had sex and fallen in love for the first time, I’m not ready to talk about all this shit.’
‘Mia I get that. I know how you feel about marriage and kids. It’s your dads fault, it’s because of the way he treated your mum and treated you, but there are a lot of happily married people out there, with happy bloody kids. We just got the shit end of the stick.’ I smiled at her through my tears as she rubbed my ankle.
‘I know that Lexi, but you didn’t see his face, he was heartbroken. That’s why I tried to end it. How can I love him the way I do and deny him something that’s so important to him, it’s wrong, it’s just so wrong.’
‘So you decided to end it to save him getting hurt?’
‘Yes,’ I nodded.
‘What about you?’
‘What about me?’
‘Mia you’re so in love with him. You didn’t think how painful it’d be for you to walk away?’
‘No,’ I shrugged. ‘All I could think was I was I’m hurting him and if I go now it’ll be easier. I don’t want him feeling like he’s stuck with me further down the line, resenting me for it.’
‘I don’t think he’s every going to feel stuck with you Mia. He adores you. So how did you sort it out?’
‘He said he may want marriage and children with me, but I was more important. He’d rather have me in his life than not.’
‘God he’s so whipped Mia, he’d do anything for you.’
‘That’s the problem Lexi. How can I let a guy love me, knowing it’s at the sacrifice of his own dreams? It’s selfish. I’m being selfish by agreeing to stay on thos
e terms.’
‘Mia he’s a grown man, well he’s 19, but if he says he’ll give that up to be with you then that’s what he’ll do. It’s his choice and why shouldn’t you be selfish? It’s your happiness too and you deserve some of that. You love him.’
‘What if he changes his mind?’ I looked at her as I fiddled with my hair, this was a big deal to me, I needed some advice, desperately.
‘What if you do?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You say now you don’t want marriage or kids Mia, but we’re 18 years old and emotionally fucked up. You shunned the idea of ever being in love and happy until you met him and look how quickly you changed your mind on that. I’m just saying you’ve made it clear how you feel right now about it and he’s accepted that. Just be open to the possibility that you could feel differently in the future.’
‘You really think I’d change my mind?’ I shoved a third chunk of chocolate in and savoured it as it melted.
‘Mia I’ve seen it happen. You’ve done a huge bloody u turn on loving a guy.’
‘I have haven’t I?’ I nodded, she was right, I had to stop worrying about what might be and just be in the here and now and enjoy it.
‘Yes. If you can’t conceive naturally then just listen to the options open to you, do whatever you can to keep the door open in case you change your mind on that some way down the line.’
‘O Lex, this is serious adult stuff that I just didn’t expect to deal with at 18.’ I wiped my eyes on my shirt sleeve.
‘Mia, you can walk away from him now and it’s over, done. You can stop torturing yourself and him while you’re at it. Then what? You’re miserable, he’s miserable and I’ll be bloody miserable listening to you crying about how he was the love of your life and you miss him. Then you could suddenly wake up one morning and think you know what I’d like to settle down and have a kid with him and he’s gone and moved on. He’s with someone else and you’ve lost him all for the sake of keeping your bloody options open.’
‘But Lex …’
‘Jesus Mia, you’re so fucking stubborn,’ she interrupted. ‘You’re going to find out about the fertility options even if I have to drag you and ask the questions myself. You find out, then you forget until the time comes that you change your mind, if you do. Mia, I really think he’s good for you. I really think he’s your one.’
Forever & an Engine (The Austin Series) Page 23
