But what to do?
Her clumsy gait answered the question for her as she bumped against the big tree. The monster barreled toward her. She scampered to one side, and when it was near enough, darted to the other side to snatch several dirty locks of hair in her mouth. She whirled and slammed it into the tree. A broken branch lanced it through the forehead and exited the other side with a wet burst of bone and ooze.
Saskia hung her head and emptied her stomach onto the ground. The twitching of the gigantic head only made her stomach seize further.
Footsteps drew her gaze to Petuwaq as he slowly approached her. She groaned and puked again.
“Are you all right?” He gripped his injured leg and stopped a good ten feet from her.
Did she look all right? Saskia shifted back to human form with a strangled shout. Her arm and back distended farther. She was going to swell up like a hot air balloon.
“You’re poisoned.” Petuwaq inched closer.
Boy, wasn’t he the observant one? Saskia stood as straight as she could. “Tell me there’s a cure for this.”
He held out one arm. “Let us lean on each other. The Salmon People can fix anything.”
Thank the gods for that. Her head spun, and she couldn’t shake it off. “Okay.” Summoning clothes, she leaned as much as she dared on him and let him balance with an arm around her waist. “What were those things?”
“Heads. Cannibals.” Petuwaq shrugged. “They wander at night, eating everything that moves. Anik told me they once roamed the land above, the spirits of dishonored warriors. They could break through the walls of igloos and favored the sweet meat of noisy children.”
One of those tales you tell kids to keep them quiet at night. Sometimes there was an inkling of truth to them.
Saskia’s stomach heaved again, and she swallowed back the bile. No more puking until she was inside. Her vision grew fuzzy around the edges. She just needed to stay conscious until they made it to someone’s house. There was no way Petuwaq could carry her.
“Thank you for saving me.” He panted as they hobbled down the hill.
They slipped and barely caught their balance. Petuwaq let out a small cry as she moaned. She could barely feel her legs. Just as long as they kept moving. One foot in front of the other.
Behind them, a mad screech chased after them. Saskia glanced over her shoulder to see the head she’d flung had returned. And there was no hiding the sounds of their descent into the village. It flew straight at them.
Saskia pushed Petuwaq out of the way and shifted. Standing on her hind legs, she seized the fiend and hurtled them downward. Her paws dragged along the ground, but none of their momentum was lost as she fought to keep the bastard from biting her. It didn’t matter it touched her with its tongue. She was poisoned already.
Snarling and howling, they twirled and smashed against a rock. Her whole body jolted. Pain beyond what a normal crash would cause seared through her. She raked the monster with her claws over and over.
Stupid, fucking head. Just die already!
Water closed over her head before Saskia realized they had fallen into the river. So cold and yet her blood burned within. She lost her grip on the creature and on consciousness.
The rush of water roared in Saskia’s ears. Or was that her blood zooming through her veins? Would Death pull her soul out of the river or would he meet her at the bottom?
No. She couldn’t die. Not now. Sedge waited for her. She had to get back.
Vicious heat made her writhe. He’d tell her to breathe though. Maybe picture deep snow and rolling around in it. Naked. With him. Pressed together like they had been in the sleeping bag.
She wanted it, wanted him. That ache sang louder than the other.
It didn’t matter if the cancer came back. Not if a stinking giant head killed her. She had to live.
“Saskia.”
His voice. She grasped onto it and pulled herself out of the darkness.
Saskia’s eyes snapped open to stare at a wood ceiling. Not water. She took in a desperate gulp of air. Oxygen to breathe. A fire crackled nearby and furs draped over her prone human form.
“Saskia, you’re awake.” A man, but not Sedge. Too young, too soft.
She turned her head to see Petuwaq with shimmering eyes. Ah hell, he wasn’t going to cry, was he? She had nothing in her to comfort a dude who was bawling. It would be a pat and a “there, there.”
Instead, Saskia tried to sit up, propping herself up on her elbows first. The world shimmied, but it steadied itself.
“Here. Let me get you something to lie back on. You shouldn’t really be getting up. Though, I guess shifter bodies are made differently than humans.” Petuwaq reached behind her and pushed several more bundled furs under her upper body. She swatted his hand out of the way and arranged them to be more comfortable.
“What happened?” She had an idea, but more importantly, she asked, “How long was I out?”
Light peeked through the windows. Shit. Had she been out the whole night?
“You went into the river, and the salmon tossed you back out.” Petuwaq smiled and fetched a bowl of water. He held it up to her lips. “Here. Have a drink. Qaiyann says the antidote tends to make a person dehydrated.”
The fish threw her out of the river? Amusing as the thought was that salmon threw a polar bear, she repeated her question before taking a drink. “How long have I been out?”
Petuwaq put the clay dish down and sat back on his heels. He nipped at his lower lip and looked down at his hands. “I want to thank you again for saving me. Twice you gave your life for mine. You didn’t even think about it. You just… acted. Selflessly.” He twined his fingers together. “I’ve been thinking as you healed. You were right. Staying here and not wanting to see Estuuya, it’s selfish. I believed I wasn’t worthy of her, that she really didn’t care, and that the world would be fine no matter what I did.”
He lifted his head and gazed at her. “I’ll come with you. I’m just reliving the day I died over and over staying here. It’s time to live again. To help ensure all shifters live too.”
It was about fucking time. All it took was her nearly dying to get him to agree. She nodded before she asked, “How long have I been here?”
“A couple of days—”
“Fuck!” Saskia threw off the furs, not caring she was naked underneath. Days! Sedge better not still be waiting. He could be dead. She had to get to him. Her legs wobbled as she attempted to stand. “We need to go now! Someone’s waiting for me. I have to get to him.”
“I’m right here.”
Sedge’s voice toppled her over in the opposite direction. She twisted around and gaped at him. He sat with his back against the wall in a white t-shirt and pants. Damn, he looked good. And smug.
“What are you doing here?” To keep herself from jumping on him and holding him tight, Saskia slammed a fist against nothing in the air in front of her. Then the obvious possibility dawned on her. No, no, no. Her throat and chest constricted. “Did you… die?”
With a slow grace, Sedge moved to sit on her bed of furs. His dark eyes bored into her. “No. The salmon came to fetch me.” He pointed to the bucket near the door. “Petuwaq, go fetch some water and more wood.”
There was more than enough stacked by the stove, but Petuwaq nodded and hurried out with the bucket. The flap covering the entrance flopped back into place. Sedge had not taken his gaze from her.
Relief flooded through her, and her shoulders loosened. Again, she wanted to embrace him, to find comfort from his strength. But the likelihood of her getting cancer and all the devastating effects it could have on those who loved her kept her in place.
“You were poisoned and almost drowned,” Sedge stated.
Saskia curled her legs up to herself. No more swelling or pain in her arm or back. Just a lot of redness on her skin like she’d been out in the sun too long. “Yeah, well, giant flying heads tried to eat me. And even worse, I had to try to convince Petuwaq to live in
the moment and come with me. You can’t imagine—”
He snatched her by the upper arms and yanked her to him. “You almost died. You cannot die.”
Her breaths came fast and heavy. The ferocity of his expression shook her to her very core. She knew that look. The you-are-mine-and-I’ll-tear-apart-anything-that-tries-to-hurt-you look. A look she so wanted to revel in, and maybe she did revel in it a little.
“Do you know why the salmon came to fetch me?” Sedge dipped his face closer to hers. When she shook her head, he told her. “They came for me because of you.”
Saskia’s brows furrowed. It didn’t make any sense. The Salmon People helped her when she was unconscious. What could he do? Not that she wasn’t grateful they rescued him. The stubborn bear would’ve frozen while waiting for her.
“I held your hand while you were out and whispered your name.” His grip on her loosened slightly. “You said my name too. Several times.”
She swallowed too noisily. Could her heart beat any faster? And, shit, she had no clothes on. The desire for him to be just as naked coursed through her.
His mouth hovered an inch from hers. “Say it again.”
“Huh?” Did she even know what he was talking about? All she could think about were those sexy eyes, hard chest, demanding mouth…
“My name.” The tip of his nose touched hers. “Say it.”
Saskia wetted her lips, and his name came out like a long lost secret. “Sedge.”
“Yes, just like that.”
His mouth mashed to hers, never tender or shy. She gripped his shoulders as his fingers tangled in her hair. Always he produced such an immediate reaction in her body. Heat infused every pore and every inch of flesh suddenly became thrice as sensitive.
Maybe she could’ve blamed it on their bears. Many times she had, but he couldn’t touch his animal. He was all man. A man she respected and admired, who made her insides twist with a single look. The only man she’d ever loved.
To her right, the flap rustled opened and closed just as swiftly.
Saskia eased back from him. “We have to go. Petuwaq agreed to come with us. We can’t wait any longer. The sea hag could be tearing up the sea looking for us.”
Sedge groaned and nipped at her shoulder before nodding. “Yes. Let’s deal with the witch.” As she started to rise, he pulled her back to him. “But after we break her curse and get the totem, we’re dealing with us.”
“Right.” It was all she could muster at the moment.
Dressed with a thought, Saskia managed to stand on her own. She was far from full strength. Estuuya better not go back on their agreement. There was no way she could fight the sea hag in her weakened state.
“Anything to eat?” She neatened the furs before scanning the small cabin.
“Not in here.” Sedge rolled his shoulders after standing and smirked. “I feel like a good smoked salmon right now.”
A snort escaped her before she could stop herself from laughing. “The fish are going to smack you right out of their sea.”
She put her hands in her pockets and found the tracking device. Didn’t she lose that when she shifted to save Petuwaq? Maybe it was one of the strange things that happened in this realm. She shrugged and stuck it into one of Sedge’s pockets. “Here. Best return the equipment to the guy in Kotzebue you borrowed it from.”
Petuwaq sat on a rock not too far from the cabin when they went outside. After saying goodbye to Qaiyann and thanking her profusely, Saskia turned to the field she first arrived in.
“They brought me in through the river. That is the way we leave again.” Sedge led the way. Not once did she question him. Qaiyann had released the reborn fish to return to the land of the living this way. It made sense.
Sedge stepped into the river first, and Petuwaq hopped down beside him. The smaller man looked back once at the village and nodded to himself before wading farther into the water. Several salmon leaped up around him, and a glittering bubble circled him just before they took him under.
Saskia hoped they’d take her that way too and save her the swim.
Sedge offered his hand to her, and when she stretched out her arm so she could take it, her hand stopped a few inches away. She frowned and pushed her hand forward. Again. An invisible barrier.
This was not happening.
She’d saved Petuwaq from the demonic heads and convinced him to live in the moment. There had never been a moment she’d wondered why she was in the Salmon People’s realm.
“What’s the matter?” Sedge frowned.
Saskia threw her whole body against the barrier. It didn’t hurt, but it was rock hard. “I can’t fucking leave!”
“No!” Saskia hammered at the invisible barrier. She could not be stuck in the Salmon People’s realm.
Sedge stepped toward her and nabbed her wrist. He tugged her forward, and she met the same resistance. He pulled harder until she protested with a growl. Letting her go, he exited the river. “Did you anger the salmon?”
“What? No.” She snapped, crossing her arms.
“Then what did you do?”
Saskia shot him a glare. “I did chores for them, shared a meal and their fire, and killed the flying heads to save Petuwaq. Are they pissed I didn’t listen and went outside at night? I mean, what else could it be? I didn’t do anything. I’ve been perfectly behaved.”
His lips thinned as he looked back to the river. “There is something you must learn before you leave here then.”
She ran her hands into her hair and pulled at it. “Dammit. I don’t have time for this shit.”
“Perhaps it is patience you must learn.”
Saskia narrowed her eyes at him. “I might be feeling weak, but I will still hit you.” She huffed. “Besides, patience can only be learned by being in situations that require patience. Here, you have nothing but time.”
Sedge grunted. “True.”
Why was she being prevented from leaving? She surveyed the village. Not a soul in sight. How convenient.
She tore through her mind, looking for anything that might give a clue as to why she couldn’t leave. Pacing beside the river, she shook her head. “There’s nothing. I’m not wise. I know there is plenty for me to learn by living. And that I must do on my own.”
Another grunt from the articulate one.
“I don’t know.” Saskia wanted to smash something, but it was taking enough strength to think.
Sedge scratched at his whiskers. “Think about everything they’ve said here. Did you hear any tales or did they teach you to do something?”
“I chopped wood, carried water, and patched a roof. Nothing I didn’t already know except that I’m taller than everyone here.” She kicked a stone into the river. Sure, the rock gets to go into the water, but she didn’t. “I helped Qaiyann with her fish skeletons. She put them in the river, and they were reborn and swam back out to sea.”
“That is a sacred duty.” His hand darted out to stop her from pacing. “Did you put a fish into the water?”
“No. I carried the bucket here for her and listened to her talk about the currents. Fish stuff. My dad would’ve loved it.” She pushed his arm away, but didn’t let anxiety take her walking again.
“The currents. The one on top and the one underneath.”
“Yep. That’s the chat. You probably know as well as my dad.” Saskia shrugged and started when he grabbed her by the shoulders.
Sedge held her solidly in place with an intense expression. “She told you about the currents because you must seek yours. The one that runs deep and strong. That is your essence, and you are swimming against it.”
“It wasn’t a psychological or philosophical or whatever thing. It was about fish—”
“Nothing here is what it seems. The Salmon People are not people nor are they salmon. And they do not waste words.” He emphasized the final sentence with a rumbling in his throat.
She clenched her jaw. “My true essence is that of a bear. You know I’ve never denie
d that side of me. Or it could mean that I’m a carpenter. I’ve not denied that either. I’ve been a Black Shaman, but it didn’t work out, and I feel that was the right decision. As much as you’d hate to admit it, you have to agree.”
Sedge huffed an assent he didn’t seem to want to voice with words. He looked down and then back up with a renewed fervor in his eyes. “There is one thing you’ve denied. Me.”
Saskia let out a wordless shout. Every single curse word she knew flew through her head. “No. We’re not discussing us. That isn’t it.”
“It’s totally it.”
“No. You’re wrong. Let me go find Qaiyann or someone else. They’ll tell you. It has to be something else.” Anything else. She wasn’t going to go there. She couldn’t.
Saskia turned to head to the village, but he blocked her way. He folded his arms across his wide chest. “I don’t have to be one of the Salmon People to know. You’ve been running away from this for years, swimming against the current.”
“What?” She yelled in his face. Heat flushed her face. “You want me to stand here and admit I was wrong in my decision to leave you? I won’t do it. You just want me back in your bed, as your mate… as… as…”
“You don’t know what I want because you are denying what you want.” It infuriated her all the more he didn’t raise his voice.
She pushed him. Maybe the river would take him and leave her there so this conversation would end. “I’m not—”
Sedge didn’t budge. “You have denied yourself.”
Screw him. Screw the Salmon People. Screw the whole fucking world. Saskia cringed from the power of her emotions. They assaulted her, screaming noiselessly, until she had to cry out with them. She clutched her hands at her sides and hoped she didn’t implode. “I love you. Is that what you want to hear? I’ve loved you for a long time, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change my mind.”
“Why?”
How one little world could carry so much weight, she didn’t know. Maybe if she told him, he’d see her as faulty, tainted. It would end everything if she gave him reason to push her away instead of her doing all the pushing. Saying it now would save much more heartache in the long run.
Deep Current (Totem Book 6) Page 6
