by Nancy Rue
“Help her!” Lily said.
“I got him!” Reni said through clenched teeth. And for a minute it seemed like she did. The kid had her arms pinned down, but Reni gave a mighty heave and raised them both, surprising his hold loose. But just as she made a grab to pull his ski mask off, he gave her a push with the heels of his hands and caught her right in the face. Reni fell back, stunned, and the kid took off, yanking and pulling on his ski mask to get it back into place.
“Man, I almost had him!” Reni said.
Suzy and Kresha ran to her to pull her up, but Lily put her arm out to stop them.
“Don’t stand up yet, Reni,” Lily said. “Not till we see if anything’s broken.”
“Nothing’s broken,” Reni said. She hiked herself up and looked frantically around. “Which way did they go?”
“They’re gone,” Suzy said. “Thank goodness!”
“I want to go after them!” Reni said. “I almost had that one kid’s mask off! I almost saw who he was!”
Lily glanced at Kresha. “We know who he was,” she
said. And then as she looked back at Reni, she stopped. “Whoa,” she said. “Reni, you’re bleeding.”
“Where?” Reni said.
“You . . . um . . . here!” Kresha said. She put her hands up to her mouth.
Reni put her hand up to her face, but Lily pulled it away. “Don’t touch,” she said. “It’s your mouth. Your lip’s bleeding. I hope you didn’t lose any teeth. Can I look?”
Reni pulled away.
“Come on,” Lily said. “I know what to do this time. My mom talked to me. ”
“Don’t touch me, Lily, okay?” Reni said. She clapped her hand over her bleeding mouth and took a step backward from Lily. “My mom said if I ever got hurt,” she said through her fingers, “I wasn’t supposed to let you touch me.”
Lily was stung so hard, she took a step back too. It was a hurt she couldn’t stand. She had to turn it around before it went right through her. With a snap of her head, she turned to Kresha.
“Why is it,” Lily said to her, “that every time your brothers hurt one of us, I end up getting in trouble for it?”
Kresha’s frightened eyes suddenly took on a different gleam, a gleam that wasn’t scared at all. She drew herself up until she seemed as tall as Lily.
“I know my brodders,” she said. “I know how they . . .” She wiggled around a little. “I know how they . . . move. Those not my brodders.”
“But—”
“And those not my brodders other time needer.”
Lily folded her arms across her jacket front. “If it were my brothers who were doing it, I’d probably be, like, embarrassed too, but—”
“Oh, Lily, shut up!”
They all turned to stare at Reni. Her chin pointed straight out at Lily, and her eyes bored into Lily like lasers.
“Why don’t you just shut up?” Reni said again. “You think you know everything—and you don’t.”
Eleven
Then Reni took off at a run toward home, with Kresha trotting right beside her. Lily fought back the tears as she watched them go.
“Lily?” Suzy said beside her. “Are we still going to do the contest?”
Lily shook her head.
“I guess I’ll go home then,” she said. “You want me to walk with you?”
Again Lily shook her head, and finally Suzy whispered a good-bye and hurried off. To Lily, she looked pretty relieved.
But that wasn’t the thing that was splitting Lily’s chest in half. It was Kresha refusing to admit that her brothers were stalking them like little junior terrorists.
No, it wasn’t even that. It was Reni, her best friend, saying what she’d said: Why don’t you just shut up? You think you know everything—and you don’t.
All Lily could do all evening was put her hand on her chest and try to breathe. It feels like something’s wrong in there, she thought.
She even checked her first aid books for the section on heart attacks, but this didn’t feel like what they described. This felt like her heart was breaking. She had never felt worse in her life.
Until the next day. She walked to school without Joe so she could get there early and talk to Reni before the bell rang. Reni wasn’t there yet, so Lily sat down at her desk beside Reni’s and wrote her a note:
Can we talk? I feel so awful.
Lily told her heart that Reni would write back the way she would have a week ago: Are you kidding? I feel awful too.
Lily folded the note in a Lily/Reni triangle and put it smack in the middle of Reni’s desk so she couldn’t miss it.
Reni didn’t show up before the first warning bell. Lily thought she heard her voice out in the hall once, and once she glanced up and thought she saw Reni’s head just disappearing from the doorway. But it couldn’t have been, because Reni would have seen Lily and the note on her desk and she would have come in and they would be all made up by now.
It was only seconds before the final bell when Reni finally slipped into the room. Lily let out a gasp.
Reni’s lip was swollen out to twice its size, and the skin around it was a painful-looking black and blue. Lily wanted to get out of her seat and run to her and hug her and take a really close look at that lip and ask her if she’d been putting ice on it and if she’d seen the doctor. One dimple from Reni—one glance that was even a degree warm—and Lily would have done it.
But Reni wouldn’t even meet Lily’s eyes as, head down, she hurried to her desk. Still, Lily turned around to give Shad Shifferdecker a warning stare. Making fun of people’s injuries was one of his specialties, especially if it happened to a girl.
“What’s wrong with you?” Shad said to Lily. “Dude, you creep me out when you do that.” He turned to Leo. “Doesn’t she creep you out when she does that?”
“Just leave her alone,” Lily said in her most professional voice.
“Who?” Shad said.
Lily nodded her head toward Reni and once again gave him the warning stare.
“I haven’t even done anything!” Shad said.
“Well, just don’t,” Lily said.
“He probably will now that you’ve made everybody look at me.”
Lily glanced quickly at Reni, who was now facing her.
“Dude! Who busted you?” Shad said.
Reni narrowed her eyes at Lily. “Thanks,” she said, and she got up and went to Ms. Gooch’s desk. The note lay next to Reni’s backpack, still in its triangle.
“All right,” Lily heard Ms. Gooch say. “But just for today.”
Reni came back to her desk, grabbed her backpack, and went up to the front of the room, where she planted herself at the desk Ms. Gooch usually reserved for Shad or Leo or Daniel or anyone else who was acting up and needed close supervision. Ms. Gooch called it “being under surveillance.”
“What did Reni do wrong?” Marcie said.
“Nothing, Marcie,” Ms. Gooch said.
“Then why is she sitting in the survey seat?”
“Surveillance,” Ms. Gooch said. “Because she wants to.”
Lily caught her breath.
“What did she do to her lip?” Marcie said.
“None of your business,” Reni said.
Ms. Gooch cocked an eyebrow. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, can we get the day started?”
The day started, and for Lily it seemed as if it would never end.
Reni wouldn’t talk to Lily or even look at her. She sat in the most embarrassing seat in the classroom, because she said she wanted to. She just doesn’t want to sit by me, Lily thought miserably.
At recess, when Lily and Suzy were standing in their sunny spot alone, Lily’s heart did start to mend a little when she saw Reni and Kresha coming toward them.
But it split apart again when Reni only stopped long enough to say, “We can’t have Girlz Only Group at my house anymore. My mama says it’s getting too rough.”
Lily could hardly get her mouth to move
. “Where can we meet then?”
Reni shrugged. “You decide. You always do.”
And then she walked away.
Suzy giggled nervously.
What’s so funny? Lily thought. My best friend hates me now!
“I have an idea, Lily,” Suzy said. “Since it’s Friday, why don’t we just wait until Monday to have our next meeting? Don’t you think Reni will be cooled off by then?”
It was Lily’s turn to shrug. “I don’t know,” she said. “She’s never been mad at me before.”
But since Suzy was the only one who had a suggestion, and Lily wasn’t about to make one and be called a know-it-all again, they did what Suzy said and didn’t meet that afternoon. It was the first time since last fall that they’d missed a day after school. Lily didn’t know what to do with herself. It only gave her more time to think about everything that was awful.
Reni hating her.
Kresha’s brothers stalking them.
Kresha hating her.
And still having to go to that stupid class at the health club when all she really wanted to do was mope in her room.
It’ll just be boring again, she told herself. And Natalie will be mean and Katie will be silly.
But I have to. Mom says. It’ll be over in an hour, and then I can come home and mope.
She even dawdled at the water fountain the next morning so that Missy, Katie, and Natalie were all in the room before she went in. Anything to cut off some of the time she’d have to spend in there. But when she finally did walk in, Lily wasn’t so sure she was going to be able to stand it at all.
On the counter was a box of maxi pads, and the drawings of the ovaries full of eggs and all that other stuff were back. The day had come. Lily froze in the doorway.
Why couldn’t they learn CPR and the Heimlich maneuver? Blooming where she was planted had done nothing so far except make her feel like a weed.
“Hi, Lillian,” Missy said cheerfully. A pair of miniature Slinkies dangled from her earlobes. “Yeah, would you mind closing the door? We’re going to get personal in here today.”
Wishing she were on the other side of it, Lily closed the door behind her and sank into her seat.
“Not that getting your period is anything to be embarrassed about,” Missy was saying. “But, like anything else new, it’s just a little awkward at first. What we’re going to do today is get you so comfortable with the idea, you won’t worry about it for a second longer.”
Still smiling like it was Christmas morning, Missy picked up the box of maxi pads. Katie began to whimper. Natalie flat out threw her face down into her arms on the desktop.
“Lillian, since you seem to be the most awake today,” Missy said, “would you pass this around so you can all have a close look at it?”
Then she put her hand into the box, pulled out a pink pad, and handed it to Lily. Lily stood there looking at it in horror.
“It isn’t gonna bite ya,” a gravelly voice said. Natalie had perked up and was giving Lily a sideways grin.
“Here,” Lily said to Katie. But Katie shrank back as if it were going to sprout teeth and take a leg off. Natalie snatched it out of Lily’s hand and inspected it with narrowed eyes.
“I’m supposed to wear this thing?” she said. “No way!”
“Yes, you are,” Missy said. “When that uterine lining starts degenerating, you’re going to be glad you have it.”
“I’m gonna degenerate?” Natalie said.
Lily was a little concerned about that herself. She stood next to Natalie and watched as Missy whipped the drawing of the reproductive organs onto the overhead projector and snapped it on.
“Get those lights,” Natalie said to Lily. “You can see better when the room’s dark.”
Yes, ma’am, Lily wanted to say to her. She flipped off the lights and settled uncomfortably into her seat. It was bad enough to have to hear about all this stuff, let alone have to do it next to Lady Wrestler.
“Let me explain again how this works,” Missy was saying. “What are these yellow organs here?”
“Ovaries,” Lily said.
Natalie grunted.
“Right. And what’s stored in these?”
“Eggs,” Lily said.
Katie gave an embarrassed whimper.
“Excellent. Now, every month, one of these gets ready to make a baby, and your uterus gets ready to take care of that baby for nine months.”
“Not in this body,” Natalie said.
“Sure! You’ll make a neat mom someday,” Missy said.
Lily looked at Natalie, who looked back at her with the same look Lily knew she had on her own face. Natalie grunted, but it was almost a laugh.
“If a baby isn’t made that month,” Missy went on, “all that good baby stuff that’s now lining your uterus has to be flushed out of your body, so it starts to degenerate and then comes out in the form of what looks like blood. It really isn’t all blood, and you only lose about a half a cup during your entire period.”
“Gross,” Natalie said.
Lily had to agree, but when she turned on the light, Missy was shaking her head at them, Slinkies wiggling.
“It isn’t gross, girls,” she said. “Sure, it’s an inconvenience, but it’s part of being a woman.”
“At times like this I wish I was a guy,” Natalie said to Lily.
“I hear you,” Lily said.
She also heard somebody sniffling and looked past Natalie to see that Katie was now crying. Fingering a Slinkie, Missy perched on the edge of an empty desk. Her eyes got soft.
“Girls, I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know you were so scared about getting your periods.”
“I’m not scared,” Natalie said. “I just don’t want to.”
“How come?” Missy said.
Natalie scowled at the desktop, then looked at Lily and gave her the lopsided grin. “’Cause I’m scared.”
Lily couldn’t help laughing. Missy laughed too, but it didn’t come out so-cheerful-it-made-you-gag. It sounded real.
“Partly it’s scary because you don’t know exactly what it’s going to feel like and whether you’re going to know what to do, right?”
Lily nodded. Natalie looked at her as if she were waiting for a cue, and then she nodded too. Katie was still crying.
“And partly it’s scary because when you get together with your girlfriends, you all talk about the period horror stories, right?”
“My friends and I don’t even talk about it,” Natalie said, as if she’d prefer to talk about maggots.
But Lily nodded. “They say everybody’ll be able to tell and you won’t be able to go swimming and your breath will smell.”
“That’s a new one on me,” Missy said. “We have a lot to talk about.” She glanced at her watch. “But some of it can wait until next time. Let me just tell you this: If you think of this as your first step toward being an adult—when you can make your own decisions and be who you want to be and do what you want to do—then it isn’t just something to dread. It’s cause for celebration.”
“You mean, when I get my period I can do whatever I want?” Katie said.
Lily and Natalie exchanged glances that said, Were we ever that naïve?
“Not quite,” Missy said, “but it’s a step toward maturity and independence and all those things you’re trying to learn. I’ll let you in on a little secret.” She leaned forward, and all three of the girls leaned toward her. “Being a woman is a beautiful thing. You’re going to love it. I think you ought to start planning your celebration now.”
“I’m not gonna throw a party,” Natalie said. “Then everybody and their brother’ll know.”
“Throw a private party,” Missy said. “Just you and your mom. Or you and your sister or some friends. Just another woman or two you want to share this with.”
I’m gonna invite the Girlz, of course, Lily thought. And then she was hit with another pang, one that brought the tears back to her eyes.
The G
irlz Only Group might be over forever, now that both Reni and Kresha hate me.
Lily could feel her heart cracking open again. Even when class was over and Natalie punched Lily on the arm and said, “You’re pretty cool, you know that?” Lily still hurt.
When it got dark that night, Lily thought about how if Reni were spending the night they would be making popcorn in the microwave and trying to hide from Joe and get Mom to let them keep the light on as late as they wanted. It was too much. If she didn’t do something else besides think about Reni, she knew her chest was going to split right open.
She looked at her first aid books, but they just made it hurt more. All she could see on the pages were Zooey’s broken ankle and Reni’s swollen lip.
Finally she reached for her notebook, the one she had been taking notes in from Emergency Trauma, and began to write. Pretty soon, she had a plan for what she was going to do the first day she started her period.
Missy was right, she decided. When you looked at it her way, it was kind of something to look forward to. She even hunted around in her sock drawer for a quilted thing her grandmother had made her for putting socks and tights in when she traveled—which she had never used—and filled it with the pads her mother had bought for her a couple of months before (“For when it happens, Lil”) and a pair of clean underwear. She tucked the whole thing into the bottom of her backpack.
Now I’m ready if it starts when I’m at school, she thought. I’m not gonna be caught like Ashley Adamson!
But even with that done, Lily still felt empty and lonely and achy.
So, long before she and Reni would have been ready to give up for the night, Lily dragged China into bed with her and turned out the light.
God, I guess I did something wrong, she prayed. I hope You forgive me. I hope it’s over soon. I won’t ever do it again, whatever it was. I miss my friends.
She fell asleep with a tear trickling into her ear.
When she woke up, it was still dark, and it was sleeping-quiet in the house. At first Lily couldn’t figure out what had caused her to sit straight up in bed.
Then she heard it. That scratching at the window was like something she’d heard before.
Throwing off the covers, Lily stomped to the window and yanked on her shade to send it spinning to the top. She was ready for the ski masks. But it wasn’t a trio of ski masks that faced her. It wasn’t even a pair of silly Halloween faces.
