by L A Cotton
“Damn, Sharn. If you keep making those noises this isn’t going to last,” he said, against my skin, and I let out a breathy chuckle. “Sssh.”
His hand slipped off the other spaghetti strap and my dress pooled around my stomach revealing my bare chest. “Fuck. Do you know how beautiful you look right now?”
I melted into him, enjoying the feel of his breath against my nipple as his mouth closed around me. “Kee-Keefer, ah-”
He pulled back and crushed his lips to mine, and we became a tangle of skin, limbs, and moans as we frantically undressed each other. Keefer's shirt was first. I traced my hands over his tanned abs. He was lean, but every muscle was defined and begging to be touched. To be kissed. I dipped my head and peppered kisses across his warm skin. His body responded to my touch and he clamped his hand on waist.
“Fuck,” he hissed. “That feels so good.”
My dress came next and then his jeans. As he shifted us again, the friction of our skin caused sparks. I was sure he felt them, too. His hooded eyes darkened, and a hundred tiny jolts of electricity surged through us. Keefer's hands brushed over my back. “Are you sure? We can wait.”
I shook my head, before thrusting my hand into his hair as my lips found his, and his free hand fumbled to the side of us. I heard the rustle of foil, then he reached between us and I silently laughed at his preparedness.
More kissing. Touching. The sound of the wrapper being torn open. And then he was lowering me onto him.
“Keef-”
He swallowed my moans and started rocking into me, and my body matched his as we moved together in perfect symmetry.
“Damn, you feel so good. Why didn't we do this sooner?”
My moan came out mingled with a laugh, and Keefer's lips continued to worship my skin. My neck. My breasts. My lips. Every single inch.
We held onto one another like we were each other's air. Each stroke taking me higher and higher, until I crashed over the edge. The world shattered around me and my spent body collided with Keefer's as he found his own release.
We sat joined. It was hard to see where I ended and he began, and I nestled my head into his chest, pressing a gentle kiss to his slick skin. “I love you.”
Shit.
I froze. I hadn't meant for the words to spill out.
Keefer pulled me tighter and kissed the top of my head, but he didn't say anything. Not a damn word.
I'd just told Keefer I loved him—after we made love—and he didn't say it back. What did that mean? Had I expected him to say it back? I wanted him to. I tried to ignore the sick feeling pooling in my stomach and focused on the feeling of contentment that I'd felt minutes earlier before my stupid slip up.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Am I?
“Mmm. Just a little tired. We've been out here for hours.”
“Yeah, we'd better head back.” Keefer started pulling up his pants and handed me my dress and panties. We dressed in awkward silence. Why did things feel so awkward? That'd be my big stupid mouth.
He packed up the truck and helped me down. The tension between us was palpable and the mood of the night was deteriorating rapidly. Had I ruined things by saying that I loved him? But I was in love him. And we sparked. And he'd said things that implied that he felt the same. He had to feel the same.
Oh God, what if he doesn't really feel the same?
He gunned the engine and started reversing back up the dirt track. “What time is the moving truck coming in the morning?”
Really, you want to talk about the move? Now?
“Eight.”
“Shit, sorry. You're going to be wiped.”
“Why? What time is- Shit.” My eyes caught the truck clock in the console. Almost two. We'd been out here longer than I thought, and I leaned my head against the window while Keefer seemed focused on the road. In fact, he seemed focused on anything but me.
Twenty minutes later, we pulled into my driveway. After cutting the engine, Keefer nudged his cap up and rustled his hair. He was nervous. It was radiating off him in waves.
I tried to break the ice that had thawed out our earlier moment in the truck bed. “Thanks, for tonight. I had an amazing time.”
He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, and the pool in my stomach churned. “So, I, umm, I better get going. Busy day tomorrow.”
He leaned over and I held my breath, bracing myself for kiss. Except it never came. He pressed a chaste kiss to my forehead. “’Night. I'll call you.”
I'll fucking call you?
I climbed out of the cab and hurried up the driveway, unable to bring myself to look back, tears collecting behind my eyes. I fumbled in my bag for the key. Where is the stupid key? My hands brushed the keychain and I ripped it from the bag and jammed it into the lock. I waited for the click and turned the handle.
“Sharn?”
I froze and heard a door slam, followed by footsteps. “Sharn, wait,” Keefer called out into the night. “Please, wait.”
My hand released the handle, and I slowly turned. Keefer stood in front of me with an unrecognizable look on his face. “What is it? I need to get inside. I have an early start.” My voice cracked and I choked back the tears threatening to fall.
“I'm sorry...”
Here it comes. Be strong. Do not let him see you break.
“For not saying this sooner.”
I drew in a deep breath, preparing myself. He stepped forward and I recoiled. Like a hurt puppy. A flash of regret spread across his face, and I felt sorry for him just for a split second. Then I remembered that he was about to live up to my experiences and expectations of the male population.
His eyes questioned me and then widened. “Wait, oh shit, no, no, it's not what you think. Oh fuck, I'm going about this all the wrong way...”
My walls shattered. I couldn't do it. I couldn't let the person who I'd fallen head over heels in love with stand in front of me and tell me why this wouldn't work. Not again. My mother’s words chose that moment to surface. You'll never be good enough.
“I'll make this easy for you. Goodbye, Keefer.” I turned my back on him, clasped the handle, and pushed the door open.
“I love you.” His voice was calm. Unwavering. Unlike my insides, which were in emotional turmoil. He loves me?
I turned around. “I, I don't understand.” A steady flow of tears stained my face.
In a second, Keefer was surrounding me. His arms pulled me close and I sobbed into his chest. “Shh, don't cry. I'm sorry. I fucked up. You said it and I panicked. Not because I don't feel the same but because it's a first for me. And it fucking terrifies me.”
I relaxed a little at his omission, but he cursed under his breath. “You thought that I was going to backtrack, going to end things, didn't you?”
A sob ripped through me and I murmured, “Yes.”
“Sharn, I’m so fucking in love with you, I can’t see straight. I should’ve said that earlier. But I’m a guy, and we do dumb shit.” He wiped the river of tears from my cheek and watched me intently. “I’m not letting you go anywhere. I need you.”
~
“So what’s so important that I had to attend moving day?” Russ joked. “I was hoping to avoid any heavy lifting.”
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Russ, this is your home, too.”
His expression grew pensive. “I know. I’ll just be glad to see the back of it. Too many bittersweet memories.”
“I know what you mean, but I still feel angry that it’s happening. This is our home, Russ. We grew up here. Anyway, that’s part of the reason that I wanted to talk to you.” I pulled the envelope from my pocket and handed it to him. His eyes scanned the writing and grew wide. “Oh, hell no. I don’t want to know whatever bull she’s written in there.”
I heaved a sigh. “You’re not interested, just a little bit?”
He stared at the white rectangle, and before I could stop him, he tore it open. The contents folded out into a single sheet of paper. Mom’s handwriting filled
the page. I’d moved nearer to him without realizing as my eyes swept over the text. We sat silent, our eyes frozen to the page.
Sharn and Russ,
Where to start? This wasn’t my idea. It was Geary’s. He said I, no we, needed closure. Things have gotten a little out of control these last few months. I know that I’ve behaved in a way that I’m sure makes you both hate me. I deserve nothing less. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m not sure I even want it. Things have gotten so crazy; I’m not sure where to even start.
So I’m not going to. I’m not going to write a long letter begging for your forgiveness, asking for you to understand. It’s too late for that. I know that. Instead, I just want to say that despite our ups and downs, what’s happened between your father and me, you are both my children, now and always. I might not have showed you, or told you enough, but I love you. I will always love you and I’m so proud of you.
I’m not sure how we move forward, if we even can move forward. But please know that one day, if you find it in your hearts to let me in, I’d like that.
Your Mom
X
Russ brushed the silent tears off my cheeks and pulled me into a bear hug. “Jeez, I did not see that coming. Who knew the witch had a heart.”
I nudged him in the ribs. “Russ.”
“I know, sis. I know.”
Neither of us spoke. There was no sigh of relief at her words or jumping for joy. Instead, we both sat, silent and numb. At one time, maybe, there was something left to fix… I wasn’t so sure anymore. But Mom had made a tiny step in the right direction and for now that was enough. It had to be enough.
Two hours later, my arms ached, my feet burned, and I had a bruised toe thanks to Russ and his clumsy coordination.
“Keefer, son, get over here and help me grab this, will you?” Dad nodded his head toward Keefer and then the couch and I smiled at the two of them trying to fit the oversized couch through the door. I still couldn’t believe how at ease Keefer seemed with Dad and Russ. It had only taken Dad agonizing over whether to keep or throw out his old baseball jersey for Keefer to strike to up conversation. They immediately hit it off.
“You could’ve helped instead of standing there looking all sexy and distracting.” Keefer wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back into him.
“I’m tired, my whole body aches, and I need a shower.”
He dipped his head and whispered in a husky voice, “I can help with that.”
My stomach clenched and pooled with desire. “Hmm, what have you got in mind?” I tilted my neck, and his lips grazed my skin. “Get your dad settled at the new house and then head to mine. Just you, me, and my very big bed.”
I turned in his arms to look up at him. “That sounds perfect.” I rose on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.
“Hey, cut it out. That’s my sister, dude. My sister. Not cool.”
We broke apart and turned to look at Russ, who was watching us while making fake gagging sounds. “Russ, I’m you older sister. Get used to it.”
“DAAAAD, Sharn and Keefer are making out,” he whined loudly, and Dad poked his head around the door and rolled his eyes. “Kids, I’m trying to get this truck loaded so we can get going. A little help?”
Keefer tapped me on the butt and grabbed my hand, yanking me outside. As Dad locked up the U-Haul, Russ climbed into the cab. I joined Keefer in his truck and we waited for Dad to pull out. I looked back at the house. I no longer felt sad about leaving. Dad was right; we needed a fresh start. I needed a fresh start.
Watching Keefer as he reversed the truck out of the driveway, my heart raced, and he reached out for my hand. “Hey, you okay?”
I smiled. “I’m good. Let’s go.”
He was my fresh start.
My future.
My spark.
Epilogue
~ Sharn ~
“Look how cute they are,” I said, watching Dad and Sherie as they talked to Keefer’s dad, Matthew, and his date for the evening.
“Sharn,” Keefer’s voice warned. “They’ve only been on a couple of dates, don’t get carried away.”
I poked his rib and laughed. “Hey, I’m not. I’m just happy for him. It’s about time he moved on. And look at your dad. He’s done so well.”
Keefer drew me nearer, leading me around our little space on the dance floor, as Emeli Sande serenaded the wedding guests. “He really has.” He smiled but was conflicted, full of joy and sadness. His dad might have been sober for two years, but the memories and his liver disease were still there.
My hands tightened around his shoulders, and I rested my head against his chest when Keefer whispered into the curls secured at the side of my neck. “We should totally do this.”
I pulled back from him and looked into his eyes, questioning him. “Do what?”
He spun around and pulled me closer to him. “Get married, have a big white wedding. Do. This.”
I laughed and tucked my head back into the space between his chin and chest.
He's joking. He has to be joking, right?
Sure, getting engaged was the logical step after living with someone, and we'd been doing that for over eighteen months. But marriage? An actual wedding? He had to be joking.
Girls plan their wedding when they’re in training bras, but guys? Guys weren't wired that way. Except maybe Ethan. But he and Livy had shared that weird connection since high school. Technically, they'd been in love a lot longer than the year that they'd officially been together. It had just taken Livy a while to realize. If you could call eight years a while.
I still couldn't believe my best friend was married. She looked stunning in her slim fit, ivory, fishtail gown. Happiness radiated off her in waves as Ethan swept her around the dance floor. I wanted that. With Keefer. But he was joking. He had to be joking. I wasn't that lucky. Besides, it was too soon.
His breath tickled my ear and I shivered. “What are you thinking about?”
“Just how stunning Liv looks.”
“She looks beautiful but nothing in comparison to you.” He gently nibbled my earlobe. “Although, I have a feeling you'll look just as good, if not better, out of that dress.”
I smiled against his chest. “You'll have to wait to find out. A bridesmaid can't abandon her duties.”
~ Keefer ~
“So, man, how does it feel?”
Ethan took a long pull on his beer. “I want to say something macho, but honestly, between best friends? It feels amazing. I’ve waited a long time for her. Too fucking long.”
I tipped my bottle in his direction. “Too fucking right. She looks beautiful, dude. You're a lucky guy. And I'm so happy for you. I always knew you’d both sort your shit one day.”
Ethan clinked his bottle with mine and said, “Sharn looks good, too. I still can't get my head around you two. Even after all this time. But she's good for you, bro. You're good for her.”
I stared out at the crowd dancing on the tiled floor. Sharn and the other bridesmaids were dancing around Livy, smiling and laughing. Ethan was right; we were lucky bastards. As I watched Sharn move, my patience shattered. I couldn’t wait any longer. I patted my friend on the shoulder and stalked toward Sharn, her big browns widened and she licked her lips. “Hi.” I dipped my head to kiss her.
“Hi,” she gasped.
I loved that. Loved that my touch affected her like that. My hand found hers and I started to pull her away from her friends. Liv smirked at me. She knew. She always knew when I needed some time alone with Sharn. Her and Ethan were the same, always sneaking off like a couple of horny teenagers.
“Keef-”
I turned and pressed a finger to her soft lips. “I need you. Now.”
She gulped and nodded, her cheeks blushing that sexy-as-fuck blush.
The walk to back to our room in the over-expensive hotel was too damn long. By the time I punched the key code in, Sharn’s legs were wrapped around my waist and the only sound was her breathy moan as I kissed her.
Her lips. Her neck. The curve of her tits in the ridiculously sexy dress that Liv had all the bridesmaids wear.
I kicked the door shut and walked us back to the bed, dropping onto it so that Sharn straddled me, and my hands started to unzip her dress as she kicked off her shoes somewhere behind her. The soft material slipped down her body and Sharn let out a squeal when I flipped us over so that her back was pressed into the bed. She looked up at me through glassy eyes and smiled. “In a rush, Coach?”
My pulse increased. Just that one word did things to me—her saying that word, and a slow smirk spread over my face. “Sharn, I’ve warned you about that before. It’ll get you into trouble.”
She kicked her foot up, pressing it straight into my zipper. “Maybe you should put me in my place.” Her foot pressed harder, and I groaned.
I wasted no time before yanking off my pants and the stiff shirt and jacket all the groomsmen were wearing. I crawled over Sharn, covering my body with hers. Her hands wound into my hair and she tried to kiss me but I held back and looked at her. Really looked at her. “Sharn, I love you. So fucking much.”
~ Sharn ~
“I’m so tired, but didn’t Keylon do a great job? You really think that he’ll get a full ride to college?” I said¸ dropping my bag onto the counter. We’d just got home after watching Keylon in his first game of the season.
“Yeah. Scouts are already interested, and he’s only a junior. That kid will go all the way.”
I sunk into the couch and my eyes fluttered shut. The wedding had been a crazy day, Keefer kept me up most of the night, and today we’d driven to Newberry for the game.
“Get some sleep. I have a surprise for you later.” Keefer’s voice drifted into my consciousness as I felt him cover me in a blanket.
Three hours later, I was seated at our small kitchen table. Except, it no longer resembled the whitewash, vintage table Dad gave us as a housewarming gift. It was covered in a satin runner, complete with matching place mats. The flicker of the candelabra bounced off the beige walls, creating a romantic glow. And the smell… The smell was divine.
