by Joan Jonker
‘The same goes for me, Tom Phillips,’ Annie was stung into saying. ‘What the hell I ever saw in you I’ll never know. But I’ve lived to regret ever setting eyes on yer.’
From habit, Tom had a strong urge to get up and give her a good hiding. But just at that moment he felt a tremor down his spine, and in his head he brought up the feeling of Bella’s hands running over his body, gently rubbing in the right places. He closed his eyes, to enjoy the sensation, and forgot the woman he’d married some twenty years ago.
Annie looked on, perplexed by the change in her husband’s face. His eyes were closed, and there was a smile playing around his mouth. He’s been drinking, she thought. It’s either that, or he’s in for a cold. My best bet is to stay quiet and keep away from him. He’s not his normal self, unless he’s pretending, to lull me into a sense of false security. Whatever it was, she was going to keep out of his way. The children wouldn’t be out long, they’d only gone round to a mate of Ben’s, who had a few comics he was going to lend. Jenny had gone with her brother for the walk, so she’d be out of the house when her father came in.
Annie sat quietly at the table, not making a sound, just listening to the time tick away. Now and then Tom would half open an eye, stare at her for a second, then close it again. Ten minutes passed, then twenty, and the strange tension in the air was making Annie feel nervous and uncomfortable. In the end she couldn’t stand it any longer, and asked, ‘Are yer not going to the pub tonight? Ye’re usually out well before this.’
Tom opened his eyes. ‘It’s got nothing to do with you whether I go to the pub or not, yer nosy old cow. I might go, then again I might not.’ He was thinking that the money he spent in the pub would buy him another fifteen-minute session with Bella when he finished work the following night. Then the day after was Saturday. He’d be working overtime to get the ship loaded ready for sailing the next morning, but he’d get away in time to be in her yard at half six. The boss couldn’t expect the crew to work any later than that. If he did, then he was going to be disappointed. A shilling was a lot of money, and Tom intended to get every penny’s worth.
‘No, I won’t bother going to the pub tonight.’ Tom decided to play games with his wife. He loved nothing better than to see her squirm. ‘I think I’ll go to bed now, and I want yer to come with me. The kids are out, so we can make as much noise as we like. Yer can be good to me, make me happy.’ He saw the colour drain from her face, and it made him feel good. ‘Go on, up the stairs, and I’ll follow yer in a minute.’
Annie could feel her heart racing. But she wasn’t going to let him see she was afraid. ‘No, I am not sleeping in the same bed as you. Never again. I sleep with Jenny now.’
His laugh was pure evil. ‘I’ve got a really good idea. I don’t know why I’ve never thought of it before. You go to bed now, into Jenny’s bed, and get a good night’s sleep. And when me daughter comes in, she can come in my bed. She’s growing up, is Jenny, nicely rounded and ready for picking. How about that then? I wonder if I’d be the first for her, or whether she’s had a few before?’ He snorted and shook his head. ‘No, she’s probably as cold as her bleeding mother. Mind you, I could teach her a few tricks the young lads wouldn’t know. Wet behind the ears, most of them.’
Annie was off her chair like the shot out of a gun. She rounded the table and stood in front of him. ‘You wicked bugger. May God forgive me for swearing, but yer’d make a saint swear. You are wicked through and through. There is not one bit of you that is good. Yer’ll make a good mate for the devil, for hell is where yer’ll end up. Only someone wicked to the core would talk about his own daughter like that.’ Annie leaned forward and put a hand on each of the chair arms. ‘I wonder what yer workmates would say if they’d heard what yer’ve just said? Or the neighbours what yer hate so much? I know what would happen, yer filthy-minded, wicked, dirty devil. Yer’d be hounded out of yer job and out of this street. Yer wouldn’t be able to show yer face anywhere. Yer’d be a pariah, made to hide away from decent people. And so help me, I’ve a good mind to go down to the docks tomorrow and tell yer boss. And then I’d come back and tell everyone in this street. They all know ye’re a good-for-nothing, but never in a million years would they think yer were bad enough to talk about taking yer own daughter into bed with yer.’ She paused for breath. ‘I feel like scratching yer eyes out, but me flesh would crawl if I even touched yer.’
Tom had never seen such hatred in his wife’s eyes before. He was used to seeing fear. But now he was the one in fear. For he knew Annie would do anything to protect her children, and right now she was capable of carrying out her threats. And if she did, he could lose his job and his home. His brain became active, seeking a way out. In the end he resorted to bluff. ‘What’s the matter with yer, yer silly old cow? Can’t yer take a bleeding joke?’
Annie didn’t think it possible to hate someone as she now hated her husband. What a wicked, filthy mind he had. He was pretending it was a joke, but she didn’t believe him. He was bad enough to act out his evil thoughts. Look what he’d done to her over the years. Stripped her of her pride and dignity. Well, she wouldn’t let it happen to the two people in the world she loved most. He’d not get the chance. The only way he’d ever hurt either of the children again would be over her dead body. ‘Don’t try and bluff yer way out of it, Tom Phillips, ’cos it won’t work. I’ve lived with yer for twenty years, and found out the hard way exactly how twisted yer mind is. Twenty years living with a madman would be enough to drive most people insane. It’s the love I have for my two kids that’s kept me going over the years. Because of them I let you treat me like an animal. But those days are dead and gone now. They’re not forgotten, for I’ll never forget what you’ve put me through. But yer’ll not rule the roost in this house any more. I’m not going to jump when yer tell me to. And I’ll make ruddy sure the kids don’t jump to yer bidding, either.’
Tom couldn’t meet her eyes. ‘I don’t know what ye’re getting so het up over, I was only joking. As if I’d touch me own daughter. It’s you what’s twisted in yer mind, not me.’ He waved his arm towards the door. ‘I said I was going to have an early night, so will yer move away and let me get to bed?’
‘I’ll gladly move out of yer way. The further away, the better. But I’ll not forget what yer said tonight, Tom Phillips, so yer’d do well to keep yer nose clean in future. Leave me and the kids alone. I’ll feed yer and do yer washing and ironing, but that’s about it. Yer can come and go as yer please, as long as yer don’t get drunk and make a show of us. If yer get too drunk to walk, then doss down in an entry. Don’t bother coming home, ’cos yer’ll not get in.’
Annie moved to put a distance between them when he got out of the chair. ‘Perhaps yer’d be more comfortable dossing down in the gutter. More at home, like, for that’s where yer came from.’ And as he passed, she said softly, ‘And that’s where yer’ll end up.’
Tom Phillips had been in bed half an hour when Jenny and Ben came in, and Annie was sitting at the table waiting for them. ‘I thought yer’d be back before this. Yer did say yer were only going to pick up some comics.’
Ben’s eyes went to the kitchen before he took his coat off. ‘Where’s me dad?’ he asked in a whisper. ‘Is he in, or gone to the pub?’
‘There’s no need to whisper, sweetheart,’ Annie told him. ‘The days of being afraid to speak are gone, never to return. So hang yer coats up, and tell me why yer’ve been out longer than yer expected.’
But Jenny couldn’t wait. ‘We’ll tell yer our tale after yer’ve told us yours. Has me dad gone to the pub?’
Annie had spent the waiting time in getting a tale together that would be part truth and part lies. One that the children would believe. There was no way she would tell two young, innocent children that their father had mentioned taking his daughter into his bed. No one would ever hear that from her, for she’d be too ashamed to allow the words to leave her lips. So the story Ben and Jenny were told was a very watered down one. ‘I’ve had a rea
lly good talk to yer father, and I think this time the words have sunk in. I really lost me temper and went for him, so it wasn’t just a talk, more of a blazing row. I threatened to tell his workmates, and everyone in this street, what a devil he really is.’ Annie looked from one surprised face to the other. ‘I can’t repeat it word for word, sweethearts, but I do know that the way I carried on, it left yer father speechless. I told him he can come and go as he pleases, but if he comes home drunk he won’t be allowed in. He can sleep in an entry or the gutter. He’s to leave me and you two alone. I’ll feed him, do his washing and ironing, but more than that I won’t do.’ She gave a deep sigh. ‘Yer father didn’t have much to say for himself at all. After I’d finished, he took himself off to bed and I haven’t heard a sound since.’
‘That won’t last, Mam,’ Jenny said. ‘You’ll see, tomorrow he’ll be back to his horrible self. But yer weren’t half brave, and I’m proud of yer.’
‘Yer were taking a chance, Mam,’ Ben said. ‘I wish we hadn’t gone out now. I’d have loved to have seen me dad’s face. But I think our Jenny’s right, he’ll be back to normal tomorrow. What is it they say about a leopard never changing its spots? Well, that’s what I think about me dad. He’ll never change.’
‘Let’s wait and see, sweetheart,’ Annie told him. ‘I’ve put the fear of God into yer father, and I’m prepared to guarantee yer’ll have no more trouble from him. I know him a bit better than you do, and I know he’s a coward. Once I mentioned telling his workmates, and all the neighbours, what he’s like, that was enough for him. However, while I doubt very much I’m wrong, I’ll be willing to eat me words if it turns out I am.’
‘I can’t get over him being in bed this time of night, when the pubs are still open,’ Jenny said. ‘It’s never been known before.’
‘Well, just forget about yer father for now, I’ve had enough of him. Tell me why it took the pair of yer so long to pick a couple of comics up.’
‘Don’t blame me,’ Ben said. ‘I’d have been there and back in half an hour. It was Danny Fenwick who kept us talking.’
‘He was waiting at the tram stop when we were passing,’ Jenny explained. ‘He was on his way to the dance. We stopped to talk to him, that’s all. We couldn’t very well just walk past him, that would have been rude.’
‘Yeah, I know we had to say hello to him,’ Ben said, ‘but we didn’t have to stand talking for an hour.’
‘Ooh, yer don’t half exaggerate, our kid,’ Jenny told him. ‘We didn’t stay that long.’
‘He let two trams go.’ Ben winked at his mother. ‘He did, yer know. Twice he let one go, saying he’d take the next. I think he’s got his eye on our Jenny, ’cos he asked her if she’d like to go to the dance with him.’
Annie sat forward. ‘That was nice of him. Why didn’t yer go, Jenny? Yer’d have enjoyed yerself.’
Jenny huffed. ‘Oh, yeah, I’d have gone to a dance in me working clothes. Besides, he was only asking because he thought he should. I bet his face would have dropped if I’d said I’d go with him.’
‘Oh, that’s not a nice thing to say, sweetheart. Danny’s a lovely lad, and he wouldn’t have asked yer to go to the dance if he hadn’t meant it. Why would he do that?’
Ben added to his sister’s discomfort by telling his mother, ‘He’s asked her to go on Saturday, Mam. He wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t got his eye on her, would he?’
‘Oh, shut up, will yer, Ben.’ Jenny was annoyed with herself for blushing. ‘I’m not going to the dance on Saturday, so don’t keep harping on it.’
‘Why not, sweetheart?’ Annie asked. ‘Yer really should get out more, and Danny’s a nice boy. From what Ada’s told me, he’s got three regular partners at the dance, so yer wouldn’t have to stay with him.’
‘Oh, it’s not that, Mam. I know he’s got partners, I’ve seen them. That doesn’t worry me, ’cos I’d get asked up meself. The reason I don’t want to go with Danny is because he wants to pay for me, and I don’t think that’s fair. I mean, why should he pay for me? All he knows about me is that I’ve got a drunken father who makes a holy show of us. He’s helped bring me dad in a couple of times, and I don’t want him to get the impression we’re always expecting other people to help us. I’ve got pride, Mam, and I don’t want to lose it.’
Ben was sorry he’d pulled his sister’s leg now, because she seemed really upset. ‘Wait a couple of years, Jenny, until I’m grown up enough to go dancing. We’ll go out jazzing every night, and I’ll pay for yer.’
His sister smiled at him. ‘That’s a lovely thought, our kid, and I appreciate yer thinking of me. But what am I to do with meself for the next few years, while I’m waiting for yer to grow up? I can’t stay at home and twiddle me thumbs every night. Mind you, I could take up knitting, and knit meself a man who fulfils all the requirements I’d like in a boyfriend.’
Annie clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth. ‘Surely that’s doing things the hard way, sweetheart. Why not go to a dance where there’ll be lots to choose from? Yer could do a deal with Danny that would suit you and also put my mind at rest.’
‘Ah, ay, Mam. It’ll have to be some deal that’ll suit me and Danny, and also put your mind at rest. What are yer thinking of?’
Annie chuckled. ‘We’ll do me first, eh? Yer see, I always worry when you and Ben are out on these dark nights. Ben I don’t have to worry about so much, him being a lad and big for his age. And he’s always in at a respectable time. It’s you I worry about more. But if yer went to the dance with Danny, I wouldn’t have to ’cos yer wouldn’t be coming home on yer own in the dark. And to keep yer independence, which seems to be important to yer, well, yer could buy yer own tram and dance ticket. That way yer’ll not be under any obligation.’
Jenny’s shoulders started to shake with a low titter behind her hand. Then the sound grew into full scale laughter as she rocked back and forth on the chair. ‘Oh, Mam, ye’re priceless! Yer’ve got it all worked out, haven’t yer?’ She wiped away the tears of laughter. ‘But has it never entered yer head that Danny might take one of the girls home when the dance is over? Or that he’d be embarrassed if I sat next to him on the tram and insisted I paid me own fare? And when we get to the dance hall, I’ll let him hold the door open while I rush in and buy me own ticket? I’m sure he’d love that.’
Annie frowned. ‘But I’m sure Danny would understand if yer explained to him that yer’d feel better paying yer own way. He’s very easy-going, and he’s not the kind to take the huff over a little thing like that.’
Across the table, Ben shook his head. ‘No, Mam, our Jenny’s right. When I’m a bit older and take a girl out, I wouldn’t want her to pay for herself. I mean, it’s the feller’s place to look after his girlfriend, and pay to take her out.’
‘I know that, lad, ’cos I had a couple of dates before I met yer dad, and the lads always paid. But it’s different with Danny. He wouldn’t be courting Jenny, only travelling there and back to the dance with her. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.’
‘Poor Danny,’ Jenny said, ‘I’m beginning to feel sorry for him. Here’s us, sitting here planning his life for him. And while I can see the funny side, I’m blowed if I can see Danny thinking it funny and laughing his head off. So, if yer don’t mind, Mam, we’ll leave Danny to lead his own life, eh? He seems happy enough as he is, so why should we, who are almost strangers to him, come along and spoil things?’
‘If that’s the way yer want it, sweetheart, then we’ll say no more about it.’ Annie was disappointed but not defeated. She was determined her daughter wasn’t going to marry a rotter, like she had. And Danny Fenwick was certainly no rotter. And as the saying goes, ‘Hope springs eternal.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘Yer never did get yer living room decorated in time for Christmas, did yer?’ Ada looked past Hetty, to where Annie was walking on the outside. ‘Even if yer got the paper yer wouldn’t have it done in time now.’
‘I
haven’t got quite enough money for it, sweetheart,’ Annie told her. ‘I’ve enough to buy the paper, I think, but as yer know, yer can’t put paper up without doing the ceiling and the woodwork.’
‘It’s a pity that,’ Ada sympathised, ‘’cos if we all got stuck in to help yer, we could still have it done in time.’ She chuckled. ‘We’d be at it until midnight on Christmas Eve, like, but it would be nice for Father Christmas to see when he comes down the chimney.’
‘If Annie hasn’t got the money, girl, then there’s no use talking about it,’ Hetty said. ‘We could give her a hand after the holiday’s over and she’s got the money to buy what she needs.’
‘Yeah, I know that, sunshine, but I was only saying it would have been nice for her. Put a bit of colour in the room and cheer it up a bit.’ Ada nipped in front of her friend and placed herself between Hetty and Annie. ‘That’s better, I can see what I’m saying now.’
Hetty tutted. ‘Don’t mind me, girl, you just look after yerself. It’s about time I put me foot down with yer, and thought of meself for a change.’
Ada put an arm across her mate’s shoulder and squeezed. ‘That’s right, sunshine, you start sticking up for yerself. I would if I were you, and it would liven things up a bit.’
‘What Hetty said about putting her foot down,’ Annie said, ‘well, I did that last night, good and proper. I had a real go at my feller and got everything off me chest.’
Ada pulled the trio to a halt. ‘And yer got away with it? Go ’way, yer couldn’t have told him off that much, or yer wouldn’t be here to tell the tale.’
‘I did though, and I am.’ Annie still couldn’t believe she’d found the courage to stand up to Tom Phillips. She probably wouldn’t have had the nerve to say half she did if he hadn’t said what he did about Jenny. That was the straw that broke the donkey’s back. Something she couldn’t stand there and listen to without retaliating. But no one else would be told what he’d said in case it got back to Jenny. ‘He had everything flung in his face that he’s done to me and the kids over the years. He tried to be cocky at first, but I’d got meself so riled up I pushed him down in the chair and made him listen to everything I’ve wanted to say for so long.’
