“It’s over, Shauna. Pull out of it. Yael!”
Shauna’s body collapsed onto the frozen ashes. The snowflakes from above had since turned back to rain. Caleb picked up her head in his arms, but she lay there with her eyes closed. “Yael!”
CHAPTER 20
THE REFINING
The sun peeked into crevices between the polished shutters and rested on Caleb’s lap in the Broughtonhaven infirmary at the capitol city of Caldenholtz. Sleeping with his head against the wall in an all but comfortable chair, he peeled his eyes open, wiping away the crud that had formed overnight. The stubs of his beard were growing back since he hadn't shaved in nearly a week.
The stone walls enclosed him in, and a candle was placed at each of the four corners. Tables with medicines and herbs lined the walls. On the bed across from him, lay Shauna. Her violet emblem rested with her, and no pulses irradiated from it. Her chest inflated softly, and though Caleb was relieved that she had survived, she had been unconscious ever since the raid. He leaned forward, bracing his elbows onto his knees. His hair dangled across his face, and he massaged his forehead with his fingertips.
The door swung opened, and Sarai stepped inside, opening the shutters before she found her seat next to Caleb. “Still here, I see.” He nodded without looking at her. She put her arm around him and caressed his back. “You know you could stay at one of the inns if you needed to get some real rest.”
“I’m fine.”
“You should get some sleep. I can stay here and watch, if that’ll make you feel better.”
“It won’t. I don’t mind it.”
“Well, how about I sit with you for a while?”
“I can handle that.” He slid back in his chair and crossed his arms, keeping his eyes on the bed where Shauna lay.
“She could be out for months, you know?”
“Then I’ll be right here. We don’t leave our own.”
“If there ever was a mainlander who was a Pioneer in my eyes, I would certainly choose Shauna,” Sarai said. “Hey Caleb.” She squeezed his leg, bit her lip, and squinted at him sideways. “We made it.”
“We did, didn’t we?” A gentle smile crept onto his lips, and he turned towards her. “Sarai…I wish could say that I’ve been as good of a friend to you as you have to me, but…”
“Then say it,” she interrupted.
“What?”
“Stop dragging yourself through the mud for bad decisions that you’ve made. If everyone did that we’d all be covered in filth.” She leaned forward, letting her braid hang between her knees. “You know what I admire about you, Caleb?”
“What’s that?”
“You never quit. Even when you wanted to quit, you couldn't. I told you there was something inside of you that wouldn’t let you be average.” She poked him softly in his chest.
He leaned forward with her and ran his fingers through his hair. “If that’s true, then I have to try at least one last time.”
“Try what?”
“Sarai, I can’t deny my feelings for you. The more time that we spend together the more difficult it is to fight off my feelings for you. I mean, I fought Wex and the Voids and even those goliaths, and somehow I won. But I can’t fight this. Not anymore.” His scar throbbed and his blood tingled. He shook his hand quickly to get rid of the nervousness.
“Caleb…”
“I know what you would say, but just think about it, at least. I can’t go on like this, Sarai.”
Sarai closed her eyes, looking at him over her shoulder, her hazel eyes melting his heart. “Neither can I,” she said.
Caleb sat back again and slid his hand over his mouth. The sunlight seemed to light up the room more brilliantly now. “What do you mean?”
“I haven’t been completely fair to you. I’ve been thinking about what you said – when we were at Jensen’s place in Narwine.”
“I don’t remember.”
“You said that people just expect you to block out Anise like she wasn’t a part of you. That really got me thinking about how selfish I’d been. Too selfish,” she sighed. “I can’t pretend like you didn’t love her. And what I realized is that…” Sarai paused and fumbled over her words. The silence lasted longer than Caleb expected, but verbalizing what she was thinking seemed to be too challenging for her. Her shoulders hunched in a bit, and Caleb knew that her scar must have been throbbing.
“You realized what?” he asked.
“I realized…” she inhaled through her lips, and Caleb could hear her gentle breath flowing past her teeth. “I realized that if you could love Anise like you do, maybe you could love me even more.”
Caleb didn’t say anything. Comparing Anise to Sarai was something that he had tried not to do, but everything that he did seemed like a comparison. He had to move on, and in his heart, he knew that he had. Just taking the step forward meant that he was letting Anise go forever. “I would certainly like to try,” he said.
“Me too.”
Caleb softly grabbed her hand and cradled it in his own. “I wondered if I even loved Anise at all, being that I was a Naturalist, you know. And I did. But it was different. I never got the chance to learn to love her, because the emblem just didn’t allow it. Either I loved her or I didn’t.” He turned to Sarai, gazing into her eyes that glimmered in the sunlight. “I can’t wait to learn to love you.”
“Caleb…are you trying to be sweet?” she asked, biting her lip.
“If you have to ask….”
The corners of her lips lifted up with a flirtatious grin. “I didn’t have to, but I just wanted to hear you say it.”
“Did I really have to wake up to this?” moaned a groggy voice from the bed. “I think death would have been better.”
Caleb jumped up and hurried to the bedside, grabbing her hand. “Shauna, you’re awake!”
“I wish I wasn’t,” she forced out through strained breaths. Her eyes had returned to their grayish-blue, and only streaks of black were left. Her hands were as frail as her voice.
“He’s been here waiting for you to wake-up,” said Sarai. “You could be a little more appreciative, you know?”
“That was me being appreciative.”
Not letting go of her hand, Caleb smiled down at her. “I’m glad you’re awake.”
“Me too.”
“What happened to you?” asked Sarai.
Shauna pushed back against the headboard as she propped herself up. Her tangled hair was unkempt, and her lips were chapped to soreness. Caleb offered her some water from a cup by her bed, but she waved him off.
“The Hellstate pulled me away. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of voices called to me, and I couldn’t find my way out.”
“Like you were trapped?” Sarai asked.
“Just like that.” Shauna nodded slowly. “I can still hear their voices demanding me to return.”
“Well, I’m glad you got untrapped,” Caleb said.
Shauna tossed a glance up to him as she repositioned herself. “I feel like I’ve been running nonstop for months. How long was I out?”
“A week or so,” Caleb said.
Shauna massaged her forehead. “Feels longer. And the Polarists?”
“Back in Valenheid. The council has scheduled Raylen for a public extraction.”
Shauna reached towards Caleb and beckoned to him with four fingers. “Give me some of that water so I can get my strength back. I can't miss that.”
The door edged open, and Yael walked in. “You’re awake I see.” Her voice was well-tuned, and her pronunciations were exact.
“I am.”
“Well, it’s been far too long,” said Yael as she brushed herself off, trying not to show her concern. But the tears that came to the surface would not lie for her.
“This is a no-cry room,” Shauna said as she sipped her water. But her eyes showed that she was breaking her own rules as a few rebellious tears paraded down her cheeks.
“I’m just glad you’re alive, is all,” sa
id Yael.
Shauna set the cup back on the table and let her head rest against the headboard limply. “I can say the same.”
“Once again we have you to thank for our success in Broughtonhaven, and since you’re awake, I won’t hesitate to tell you what’s been on my mind for months.”
“And what might that be?” Shauna asked.
“Working as a member of the council as well as the governor of our province, well I’d quite not like to perform both occupations any longer. So as a courtesy, I’d like to offer the governor position to you. You’d be known as Alpha Shauna Faresbee.”
Shauna slouched down in the bed as she thought of what to say. “I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I could hope for at this juncture, considering your current condition and all.” With that, Yael exited as swiftly as she had arrived.
“Now that you’re awake, I feel like I can rest a little easier,” said Caleb.
“So you’re leaving?” Shauna pouted, crossing her arms.
“Sarai and I need to speak with Rian and then head to Juten.”
“Good. Guess I can finally get some sleep without you watching over me like some kinda’ lunatic.”
“We’ll miss you too,” Caleb said with a smile.
“You can’t leave fast enough for me,” Shauna replied as she rolled over, turning her back towards the two of them.
Several days had passed when Caleb and Sarai finally arrived at Glygen of Kyhelm where Rian lived. The afternoon beamed on them as they approached the house, and Caleb kept wiping the sweat from his forehead. He reached out and grabbed Sarai’s hand as they walked, and she jerked it away.
“I'm going to have to get used to this,” she said, offering her hand back to him again.
“Whoa!” Rian called as he opened the door before they had crossed the grassy plain. “Did I miss something! When did this happen?”
“I didn’t expect you to be watching us all the way out here!” Caleb called back as he let Sarai’s hand dangle beside him.
“I’m always watching!” Rian said, tapping the side of his head with his finger. “I’m happy for you! Come inside. I was just having some Pine Needle Tea with Jensen. Would you two like any?”
“Is it anything like Dena’s?” Sarai asked.
“It’s close.”
“Then, no thanks,” Sarai chuckled.
“Hey. It’s good…just not perfect,” Rian said.
Sarai walked over to the table and plopped down in the chair next to Jensen who was fumbling around the edges of his mug. “I only drink perfection,” she said.
“You sure you picked the right one, Caleb?”
“Couldn’t have chosen anyone better,” Caleb replied.
“Well, there’s hot water in the kitchen if you change your mind,” said Rian
Caleb took the seat next to Sarai, and she pulled her braid over her shoulder. “I won’t,” Sarai replied.
“What brings you here, other than the plight to badger me?” Rian asked.
“We just wanted to thank you,” Caleb said, looking across the small table at Rian.
“You haven’t been a Wanderer that long. Gratitude would never have been enough to bring you this far. Now curiosity,” Rian exclaimed, pointing the ceiling, “that’s something of interest to you. I’ll bet you want to know what made me change my mind. Am I right?”
Caleb nodded slowly, wishing that he had chosen to grab a cup of tea so that he could hide his embarrassment behind the rim of the mug. “I’d say so.”
“So would I,” Rian replied. But he exhaled and became more serious. “What made me change my mind, huh? I can’t say what as much as who. After you came here the first time asking me to help with the Spiritualists, I knew I needed to stay away from war. And even when you left, I had determined that I wasn’t going to do anything about it. The Spiritualists had their own problems, and we Naturalists had ours.”
“Who changed your mind then?” Caleb asked.
Rian rubbed his chin and looked past Jensen and out the window. “You remember that little girl who was covered in dirt that I told you about.”
Caleb squinted, unsure. “Which one?”
“The Naturalist girl in the market who kept saying how badly she wanted to die.”
“I remember her now. You said that no child should have to ever go through that.”
“Yeah, that’s the one. Well I ran into her again a few days after you left my place. One of the tailors had taken her in to live with him and his family. I tried to read the little girl’s thoughts, and I couldn’t.”
“Why are you telling us this?” Sarai asked.
“Because. That girl was torn apart when I saw her the first time. She was broken and hopeless, and there was nothing to her. The second time I barely even recognized her, but I asked a few people if she was the same girl, and they said she was. I had read her thoughts so easily before, when she didn’t have a home and when she was missing her parents. But when she was working for that tailor, I couldn’t even pull her name from her thoughts.”
“Was there something wrong with her?” Jensen asked, orange emblem pulsing.
“No,” Sarai said. “The girl had gotten her will back.”
“Exactly,” Rian replied, pointing quickly to Sarai. “It got me thinking about the Spiritualists. They can’t be too different from us, even though they have their violet stones and all. But if that little seven-year old girl could build up that much resistance to someone like me in such a little time, I didn’t want to deny my Spiritualist neighbors that same kind of hope. That’s when your words came alive to me, Caleb.”
“Well, you haven’t failed me yet, Rian. You told me that if I needed anything you’d be there, and even though it took you some time, I certainly appreciate it.”
“And my people do too,” said Rian. “Seems like I was not speaking for them when you and I talked before. These Naturalists would gladly go to war if it meant preserving the lives of others. I guess that’s what being a Naturalist is all about.”
“The good parts anyway,” said Caleb. “Jensen, I’m sorry that we couldn’t use the toxin to win like we thought. Looks like we put all that pressure on you to make something that we didn’t even use. And worse, it looks like it’s given the Pioneers a way to become infused.”
Jensen took a few more sips of his tea, and then he put it down. “First. I can’t keep pretending like this tea is any good. Where’s Dena when you need her? Second. The toxin wasn’t a failure. At least not to me it wasn’t.”
“We used it, and we failed,” said Caleb.
“Hear him out,” Sarai said, touching Caleb on his leg.
“If you hadn’t pushed me to do the research, I would have never gotten the closure that I needed with my wife Vanessa. Does it hurt to know that she was under such a heavy burden? Of course. But now it’s easier to sympathize with her, and maybe someday, I can move on like you have, Caleb.”
Caleb pushed his mug aside also. “We still couldn’t use it for what we needed though.”
“The toxin was just another reason for you to depend on yourself, the things that you thought you were good at. Arthur told me what happened. The toxin didn’t fail, Caleb.” Jensen stared at Caleb in the eyes. “You did. Your success came when you relied on the Pioneers instead of yourself or the toxin.”
“Aren't you upset that the toxin is being used for infusions in Juten?”
“That does bother me, yes. But people are going to do what they want to do, and in the end, you can’t stop them.”
Caleb sighed, running his fingers through his hair, and he stood to his feet. “I can’t take these infusions as lightly as you can.”
“Are we leaving?” Sarai asked.
“We probably should if we expect to get back to the mainland in time for the extraction.”
“This will be our last talk for at least a month or so,” Rian said. He stood and wrapped his arms around his old friend. “With this whole Raylen debacle, I know
the council is going to have me in a sack until the details are hashed out.”
“Won’t you be at the extraction?” Sarai asked.
“Of course I will, but you know how these things go. I can’t really be seen with Wanderers at public events like that.”
Caleb shook his head. “When is this going to ever change? What do we have to do before we get recognized?”
“Who knows? I’ll let you figure that out, but I have a province to run.” Caleb turned to walk out the door, and Rian grabbed his wrist. “I have something that you need to hear,” Rian said, staring at him.
Caleb stood, speechless, not able to pull away from Rian's grip. His heart thudded in his chest, and he felt sick, unsure of what his old friend would say to him. “Nothing bad, I hope,” Caleb said uneasily, cutting a nervous glance to the fireplace so that he would not have to keep his eyes on Rian.
Rian released his arm, reaching in the pocket of his cloak. He pulled out a tan envelope that was dirty and worn. The edges were a light red like they had been tainted with blood. “I thought you should have this.”
Caleb took the letter and opened it, not taking his eyes off of Rian. He pulled out the note from the envelope and read over it quickly. When he finished he glanced up to Rian and then to Sarai, tears welling up in his eyes. His scar throbbed, and he was having trouble focusing. The tears blurred his vision, and he pressed the back of his hand against his lips.
Without hesitation, he read through the letter again, just to make sure that it was true, and the tears spilled from his eyes in fat drops, getting caught over the crest of his lips.
“What does it say, Caleb?” Sarai asked, holding her fingertips against her mouth, waiting.
Caleb's eyes scurried over the note one last time, and a graceful grin came over his lips. He looked up and Rian and swung his arms around his old friend who was chuckling, nearly laughing. “How did you get this?” Caleb asked, sniffing into Rian's shoulders.
Rian patted Caleb's back, not letting him go. “I told you that I keep my eyes on you.”
Caleb released Rian, stuffing the note quickly back into the envelope. Jensen watched him cautiously.
Infused (Book 2 of The Pioneers Saga) Page 33
